Non-yuck doctor...

I had a physical this morning.

I’ve been to the yuck doctor for pregnancies and normal womanly stuff, but other than being in for surgery last fall, I haven’t had an actual physical in many years.

We talked weight, and my need to continue working on it. We talked nutrition. We talked about my family history (only lung cancer in pops, and that's because he smoked!).

Love my Doc, she’s awesome. And tomorrow I’ll go back for labwork (after fasting, I forgot today ~ oops) to check thyroid and cholesterol. I’m half hoping it’s not in the danger zone, but somewhat high so that I have a health reason to keep losing weight.

How sick and twisted is that? But in my sick and twisted mind, I really feel like I’m doing ok on WW, but not as good as I should be. We’ll see. I better be careful what I wish for.

Oh, and I got a tetanus shot, so I’m now free to roam about the country.

Finally, a real live reason to drink wine!

As Ben Franklin said: "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. "

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information; I'm doing it as a public service.

Sassy...

I got my hair cut yesterday.

As a matter of fact, I got all of my hairs cut. 8 ½ inches.

Gone.

And after the first snip, my girl tells me that if I cut off 10, I would have been able to donate it. Had I known that, I’d have waited a little bit to chop it all off!

I so needed a change.

I really feel like a different person. I’m one of 6 kids – 4 boys in that mix and my mom used to line me up w/ the boys and cut my hair short. As soon as she let me grow it, as soon as I was in control, control I did! Step away from the scissors!

At 9, I had the cutest little blonde pig tails. At 12 I had a mullet (don’t hate, it was 1986) and at 16 I had high school "big hair." I think I used a can of aqua net every 2 days for those bangs and wings. It seems like I’ve always identified a piece of myself with my hair. Like, All American Blonde & Blue, that’s me. But I’m so much more, and I just need to remind myself of that at times.

Anyway, it’s short & sassy and although I feel a little nekked, I really like it.

Make that LOVE it!

Time to breathe...

I’m taking the day off.

Sure, nobody knows it, but I’m doing NOTHING even resembling work.

I’m sitting here, at my desk – with certain windows open in case I need to toggle for “boss alert” but I fully intend to catch up on MY LIFE today!

I got home at 10.30 last night and Mr. Kiss was so preoccupied with the fact that his basket ball team blew a huge game (in the NIT, not even the Big Dance) he wasn’t even phased that I “missed” his birthday. So we had some wine and shared the heart shaped mini-cake I made him [feel free to gag on that cheesy tidbit] and then went to bed.

Little Kiss was up around 2, snorky as all get out. I took him into bed w/ me, which I don’t do very often – he just doesn’t sleep well – but he must have missed his Momma and snuggled right in to the crook of my arm and we slept for a couple of hours. He was tossin around at 4 so I gave him a bottle and he slept the rest of the night in his crib.

Both boyzz were up around 7, I helped pack everyone up (while still in my jammies) and then promptly sat my ass down on the couch w/ some coffee and the today show. It’s been ages since I’ve done that! Then did a couple of loads of laundry, had a leisurely shower and packed up Otto (Kiss family mascot) for doggie day care. He goes once a week – we’re not above paying someone to run our dog for a day – and trust me, everyone involved is happier for it.

I went to Four-Bucks, had a super large drink (decaff!) and read for an hour. A whole hour! I also stopped in to DSW shoes – just to look. I’m now sportin real live grown up shoes, no fun trendy (but painful) targhay or payless shoes. It was much overdue. Walked in to work only an hour and a half late and no body said a thing. Didn’t expect it. We’re all fizzle fried from the past couple of months.

Mr. Kiss called – we’re finally booking our flights to Vegas. I have a conference to attend next month and he’s coming along for the free ride. Can not wait!

Ahhh, it’s lunch time – perfect!

Happy B-Day Mr. Kiss!

Ah, Mr. Kiss. Today is your birthday. We’ve been together for lots of them now, 8 of them if I’m counting right. But we’re old – so maybe I’m off a little bit.

Birthdays are always fun for us. When it’s my turn, you’re so good at going all out and getting me the best cards. Especially the year I turned 30 and was newly pregnant and putting in incredibly long hours at work (back when I thrived on that challenge). You had planned to help me celebrate on the weekend but after a hormonal bitch meltdown, you took me out that very night and through my bitchy tears you presented me with the most beautiful cross pendant. And this past year, when I turned 33 – you made me dinner, bought the perfect little cake and gave me a gorgeous watch. This, just a couple of weeks after I got sparkly sapphire earrings in honor or having Little Kiss.

You’re good to me, Mr. Kiss. And I don’t tell you often enough.

And it’s times like this that I feel like I fail you. Here I am, at work waiting on a proof, past 8pm. On your birthday. I almost cried after you called so that Big Kiss could tell me that he was having a cupcake – the same cupcakes we made for you last night. It was so fun to help him sing happy birthday to you. But do you think he’ll remember that I wasn’t there? Will he remember that Momma was working late on Daddy’s birthday? I hope to God not.

I know, my busy time is almost over.

I know, we can do cupcakes and wine when I get home.

But it’s times like these that the whole “work life balance” is absolute bunk.

I just want to be great at it all. I want to be the perfect wife. The perfect mom. The perfect friend. The perfect worker. But nobody’s getting 100%. I’m handling all these balls and some are bound to drop and sadly, the birthday ball dropped tonight.

I’m sorry, Mr. Kiss.

I love you more than you know.

And I promise to help you blow out your candles tonight.

Yours!

Mr. Kiss works in the energy industry.

No, not natural gas – that would be my specialty.

He just sort of happened upon this career after majoring in Psych (i.e. Fraternity parties and Beer) and working for a few other industries. He’s a project manager, a newish role to him, and he actually likes what he does (most days). To be quite honest, I have no fucking clue what he does all day. Or even how he gets to go on amazing trips to “work.” Um, Napa recently? What – are they bottling up the fumes from the winery?

What I do know is that he works closely with the traders in the company, they buy gas and sell electricity (or vice versa, who cares). And their office has an open floor plan, which would totally give me aggida! Imagine no walls around you – just a bunch of big conference tables, computer monitors back to back and side by side. In my mind, it’s kind of like those little hyper dudes in the yellow jackets on the NYSE trading floor, albeit not as chaotic, but these guys are on the horn all day buying and selling and making deals. And all other employees can hear the rukus.

One of Mr. Kiss’ work terms has made its way into our home and I have to say, it’s hilarious! In my dumbass explanation – if there’s a deal out there, and it’s a good one, the trader will call “Mine.” Alternatively, if the deal sucks and the trader wants no part of it, he says “Yours!” And picture the little hyper dude using an arm gesture, pointing like, while saying “yours!”

We use it at home, say when a movie trailer comes on for a fun movie (read: chick flick) and I suggest we see it. Mr. Kiss’ reply: “Yours.” Or when I’m all excited to make a new dish, but tell Mr. Kiss its weight watchers healthy. “Yours!”

Wouldn’t you know it, Big Kiss has picked it up. (of course, little sponge). Dude was busting me up yesterday. I had a day from hell at work but was on kid duty, so while I cruise home on auto pilot thinking about all that I still have to do – I’m treated to “The Big Show” in the back seat of Dora our Explorer…

Big Kiss’ carseat is on the right and Little Kiss is in the middle so they face each other (b/c Little Kiss is rear-facing). Big Kiss loves to entertain Little Kiss – the more laughs the better.

I melts my heart, I could listen to that brother-fun All. Day. Long.

And then he just comes out with “Yours!” Hand gestures and all! And I’m laughing so hard I’m almost crying. I wanted to call someone, but I also just wanted to be in the moment. The more Big Kiss said it, the more Little Kiss laughed.

And I’d have to call “Mine!” All mine.

Stop THIEF!

Mr. Kiss and I had a much needed date nite on Friday. We planned to go out on Saturday to celebrate his birthday (which is tomorrow), but then made a game time decision to go home (to his ‘rents) for Easter instead. So we switched the babysitter to Friday and WOO, Parents out on the town, LOOK OUT!

Mr. Kiss chose the venue, a steak place that we’d been dying to try. It’s actually only like 15 minutes away, but it is in the midst of this absolute eyesore of a stretch. I swear, in 2 miles you can find any chain you’ve got in mind. Need a tattoo? It’s there. Need a honey baked ham? Yep. Need your leather boots (or chaps?) fixed? You got it! It’s disgusting, to be honest, but we found our place and didn’t feel too old eating at 6.30 p.m. Mr. Kiss called me to confirm the reservation and said “I had to pick between 8 and 6.30 – I chose the earlier one so that I wouldn’t have to put up w/ you yawning through the meal.” He knows me well, that Mr. Kiss!

We had the nicest time. And real conversation. It’s been a long time since we’ve been able to chat. Too long, we realized! We finally talked about his trip to Napa and how much he learned about wine (we love wine – and there’s this amazing set up from wine.com that ships it to us! Booze by mail, who knew?) And we talked about our jobs – the ones that have turned us so bitchy these days – but also talked about how we know it’s slowing down and about the trips we’re taking soon. We laughed about my people watching and how it’s a science to me. We drank wine and ate way too much food and just enjoyed being grown ups.

After dinner (at only 8pm. What are we, blue hairs?) we headed for a drink at the local hole, a place we fully intend to become regulars at. We’ve always liked it – just don’t make the effort to go. But we intend for that to change – they will know our names!

So we belly up, order some beers, watch some NCAA basketball (my upset won!) and felt like we were on a real live date. Then the mommy juice started kicking in and we were outright buzzed. Cheeks hurting we were smiling so much.

And then I noticed this couple at the end of the bar looking like they were in hell. (I’m serious, it’s a science!) They were talking, sort of. But not looking at each other. And they were prolly in their mid 30’s, maybe 40’s – she w/ the mousy blah hair and turtleneck on and he w/ his button up and side sweep partial comb over. Drinking beers, but slurping water (with lemon) out of straws between sips. Just looking miserable.

As I’m thinking “they either don’t have children so can’t appreciate being out of the house” or “he shit himself but she’s just gonna sit there and pretend she didn’t notice” Mr. Kiss says “I bet they’re the type who go home and bust out the whips and chains!” OMFG, so true! I could totally picture it. But then I stopped – ew.

We had a couple of Guinnesses (again, Guinni?) and I got this grand master plan that I needed to steal the Guinness glass. We had a set of 4 at home. But I broke one. Not sure how, maybe I had one too many, maybe it was the dishwasher – I ain’t sayin. Anyway, here I am, a 33 year old woman, plotting drunkenly how I’m to steal this thing. I tell Mr. Kiss my plan – and – My Heart – he’s as giddy as I am! So I do that drunk whisper “I’ll take it in the bathroom, wash it out (b/c my jacket is nice, dammit!) and put it in my inside pocket! You get ready to leave so that when I give you the signal, we’re OUT! OK? OK!? OK.”

Wouldn’t you know it, we run into a couple we know on the way out. I want to chat. Really. She’s newly pregnant and he’s so happy (they tried for a while)…but I don’t want to get caught w/ my stolen property! I’m all “oh, that’s great, how are you feeling? So exciting, great, catch ya later!” and we bolt. I just about skip to the car, I’m so proud of myself and my sneakiness. Mr. Kiss gave me big smooches. So in luuuurrrrve.

We got home to parole the babysitter around 11 (party animals) and she was telling me how the boyzz were (perfect, of course) and I look around and my house is spotless – dishes done, floors cleaned, living room picked up. She’s amazing. She is one of the infant room teachers (watches Little Kiss) – and we love having her babysit. If we’re going to pay someone, it’s her. She’s so deserving. She’s from Senegal (Africa) and came to the US like 5 yrs ago to pursue a better life. Well she just about broke my heart when she told me that her papers were about to expire. She’s a very religious person, but mentioned she’d marry someone right now just to stay here. I wanted to cry, I felt so bad for her. She’s done all the right things, is here legally and if the daycare doesn’t sponsor her she may have to go back and I’m just sick about it. I’ve been racking my brain to try to figure out if we can afford her and sponsor her. She only makes like 2 grand more than we currently pay the center. We can’t do live-in, but I’m trying to think of a way to help out. I just can’t imagine her having to go back to such poor conditions and a family who she’s not close with after experiencing what she has here.

Irony of all ironies, her name is Angele – isn’t that fitting? She’s been our angel on so many occasions. Watching the boyz when I had to go to the ER for the MO FO gall bladder attacks. And not accepting payment when I returned (I slipped the bills in her jacket pocket - I'm crafty). Arranging a 1st birthday party for Big Kiss, and bringing said party to our house with balloons, a cake and gifts, all because she didn’t want to spoil him in school. And then attending his big 1st birthday party and bringing more gifts. My kids love her (and Big Kiss tells her so every day at school) and I’m so happy she’s part of our lives. I’m praying for a solution to her situation.

Good lawd, how time flies! It’s the next day already. Mr. Kiss’ birthday. Maybe I’ll go give him is present, a lil early…

Inappropriate?

Big Kiss' favorite song (other than the fucking theme to Go Diego Go) is "Low."

It is a rap song.

And my not-even-3-year-old loves it.

Now, it's partially my fault b/c I turn it up for him! Oh, and we let him listen to the ipod once in a while. He puts the ear bud in - smiles this huge grin, takes the ear bud out, looks at it suspiciously, puts it back in, smiles, repeat. It's like - What the fuck? How am I hearing music in this thing?

Anyhoodle...Come on, how can I not laugh OUT LOUD at his little whitey ass dancing around to it. But seriously? Check the lyrics below.

I am waiting for the call from school telling me that he did his little dance and "smacked his booty" and that it is not appropriate behavior.

Until then, we're turning it UP!

I should also mention that I've got a video, but in the interest protecting the innocent (i.e. I don't want no pervs looking at my kid online) it's for my eyes only. Unless he pisses me off when he's 13 and then I will post it on youtube.

Flo-Rida Low feat. T-Pain
[Chorus:]

Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans]
Boots with the fur [With the fur]
The whole club was lookin at her
She hit the flo [She hit the flo]
Next thing you know Shawty got low low low low low low low low
Them baggy sweat pants And the Reeboks with the straps [With the straps]
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack [Ayy]
She hit the flo [She hit the flo]
Next thing you know
Shawty got low low low low low low low low

[Verse 1:] I ain't never seen nuthin that'll make me go,
this crazy all night spendin my dough
Had a million dollar vibe and a bottle
to go Dem birthday cakes, they stole the show
So sexual, she was flexible Professional, drinkin X and ooo
Hold up wait a minute, do i see what I think
I Whoa Did I think I seen shorty get low
Ain't the same when it's up that close
Make it rain, I'm makin it snow Work the pole,
I got the bank roll
Imma say that I prefer them no clothes
I'm into that, I love women exposed
She threw it back at me, I gave her more Cash ain't a problem,
I know where it goes
She had them

[Chorus:]

[Verse 2:] Hey Shawty what I gotta do to get you home
My jeans full of gwap And they ready for Shones
Cadillacs Maybachs for the sexy grown
Patrone on the rocks that'll make you moan
One stack (come on) Two stacks (come on) Three stacks (come on, now that's three grand)
What you think I'm playin baby girl
I'm the man, I'll bend the rubber bands
That's what I told her, her legs on my shoulder
I knew it was ova, that Henny and Cola
Got me like a Soldier
She ready for Rover, I couldn't control her
So lucky oo me, I was just like a clover Shorty was hot like a toaster
Sorry but I had to fold her, Like a pornography poster
She showed her

[Chorus:]

[Verse 3:] Whoa Shawty
Yea she was worth the money
Lil mama took my cash, and I ain't want it back,
The way she bit that rag, got her them paper stacks,
Tattoo of above 'er crack, I had to handle that,
I was on it, sexy woman, let me shownin
They be want it two in the mornin
I'm zonin in them rosay bottles foamin
She wouldn't stop, made it drop Shorty did that pop and lock,
Had to break her off that gwap
Gah it was fly just like my glock

[Chorus:]

This is just not right.

How can all of this DELISH-ish-NESS be on one webpage.

http://www.cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com/

I'm literally drooling.

Here's just a sample.


"The cake is so moist and surprisingly not as dense as you would think. It is definitely from the sour cream. The Guinness Stout adds such depth of flavor that does not make the "chocolate" part of the cupcake taste too sweet. I would be remiss if I did not tell you how luscious the Guinness and butter simmering before adding the Dutch-process cocoa smelled. I could almost swear a loaf of fresh baked bread was in the oven (it was that good)! I have made this recipe with and with out mini-morsel chocolate chips; It's entirely up to you - but if you really like chocolate... the more, the merrier! The ganache is a perfect complement to the robust flavors of the cake and then I added a swirl of Bailey's Buttercream frosting on top of all this deliciousness. This, if I may say, was a really unexpected surprise for the tastebuds each time I make this recipe."

Still a loser.

I weighed in this morning. It’s such a terrifying experience. I wake up and know it’s weigh in day. I do not eat. I do not even sip fluids. I brush my teeth and spit every last drop of water out.

I get to the meeting site – palms a sweaty - and take my jacket off. And my shoes. Sign in. Oh, and my belt. My belt should come off.

Like any of this will effect (or affect?) the scale. It might, right? And I do the same thing every week – so consistency is key ;)

I am down another 1.5lbs.

I am so stoked. This – a week with a loss – even when Mr. Kiss was away and I didn’t go to the gym more than once and had a lot of mommy juice. Dammit, I also had about a half a bag of hershey’s miniatures. (Fuck you – boss’ admin, put those things away!) Imagine if I had been really good???

And so today goes on...I took this from the Biggest Loser show (but have sort of been doing it on my own – so I’ll share credit). I count my weigh in day as my cheat day. I’m done with the scale for another week – and I have 6 days to be “good.” But I don’t go all hog wild, either.

Usually.

Today, tho, I had curly fries. They were so freakin fantastic, it was worth it. It’s been months, since I’ve enjoyed some delectable fried curly rings of fat. And I topped lunch off with a bag of Flips. I prefer the white ones, but the Caf only had plain milk chocolate. Meh. They did the trick.

Off to plan tonight’s “cheat” dinner…

Buddies...

just a fly by because I'm out of energy.

forwarded by a friend (who made this HERSELF!)

"why adults should not be allowed to play with legos"

my cocoon

Oh my garage, if you could see me right now.

I’m sitting on one end of the couch. My feet are on the ottoman. Laptop on my lap (huh..Lap. Top.)

To my left, the remote (The Bachelor London Calling is on DVR – oh, that girl is D-RUNK, putting her skanky underwear in Matty’s pocket), my calculator and my VPN sign in key toggle.

To my right, the end stand (or whatever you call it, a small table).

On that table: about 7 magazines that I need to read. And the home phone. And the cell phone. And an open bottle of pinot noir. And a glass half filled w/ said pinot…but not a wine glass, mind you – I was lazy and hadn’t washed any of the wine glasses so it’s just a regular ol glass. Old school, baby.

On the ottoman, a work binder, 2 pens, a highlighter and like 4 documents.

I’m a mess. But I should take a picture of the crap on every side of me.

Speaking of the work crap, tho, got to hit it. Fucking job.

How's your ass?

Women's Ass Size Study

There is a new study just released by the Canadian Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses.

The results are pretty shocking:

1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.

3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.

Mr. Kiss has been gone for 2 days, 12 hours and, oh, 30 minutes. He’ll be back in 1 day and 6 hours. I so need him to come home, I am beyond tired!

As such, here is my plea…

Dear God,

Please help me get through this day.

Please let me remember (again and again) that Big Kiss is a little dude and, as little dudes do, he whines. He will whine tonight. Please help me be patient when the whining ensues.

Please help me have even more patience when we pull into the drive way and he sees the “chalks” we made yesterday when Little Kiss was napping and wants to do more chalk. Please guide me through that conversation, that "no, it’s a school night and we need to get inside, have dinner and get ready for bed." And please help me understand his heartbreak when he has to come inside, head hanging, lip pouting.

Please grant me even more patience to get through dinner with both kids, bathtime with both kids (because I’ve put it off way too long) and bedtime with both kids.

Please make me see that reading to Big Kiss is a gift. Especially when he “reads” back to me. Help me not to rush through “just one more book” and “one more song.” Let me cherish the “I love you all the time, Mommy” instead of thinking about my laundry and dishes and work to be done.

Please reinforce to me at 3.30am that Little Kiss’ brand new teeth are coming in and it must hurt him like crazy and that this too shall pass. And when I’m ssshhhhh-ing him and rocking him, please remind that a day will come when my “baby” does not want to be snuggled.

Please let me remember that work is work – and it helps me provide for my family. It’s a busy time right now and thankfully my job allows me to work at home, so my amazing ability to spend the evenings with the boys should be cherished. My job will get done, even if I am tired – I will catch up on sleep, someday.

Please God, make the weather nice tomorrow so that Mr. Kiss has a safe easy flight across the country to get home to us.

And please God, remind me that he is my husband and I missed him – do not let me rush into how crazy it was when he was gone, let me tell him first that I love him and ask how his trip was. But after that, can I tell him? Let me know, thanks.

Please God – let me get through this day. Let me get through this day!

Amen,
Mommakiss

New sign!!

This needs to be framed and hung in my kitchen!

It is a 3 year old's J.O.B. to whine!

Mommy juice

No Nap Ned was nucking futs for the afternoon so at precisely 7pm he was in jammies an ready for books!

7.24? He's ASLEEP!

And Little Kiss went to bed at like 6.15.

WOOT!

Time for some mommy juice and a date with my DVR. Lost is on the ticker. Who the frick am I kidding, I'm sure I'll be in bed w/in an hour.

I'm such a party animal.

Nice coke nail

Someone pump some Diet Dr. Pepp into my veins. Straight line it, baby. I’m tired. I have not been able to catch up! And the one day I really would love some rest, my kids are fighting sleep. It sucks donkey dong.

Mr. Kiss is away till Wednesday. Got up at the ass crack o’ not-even-dawn this morning (3.30am) to head out to the airport. Of course, I heard him rummaging around and then couldn’t get back to sleep till like 4.30. And Lil Kiss needed some drugs and a clean diaper at 5. I was just back asleep when Big Kiss came into my room around 6. His favorite trick is to poke me in the eye. Repeatedly. And when I finally open them, he’s all smiley: “Mommy, you wake up?” No shit Sherlock. “Yes honey, I’m awake.”

So begins this day…

By 9 I had gotten Little Kiss down for his morning nap and viewed 3 (3 too many) Go Diego Go episodes. I was going out of my mind. So as soon as Little Kiss got up, we decided it was field trip time! Forget the fact that it was snowing / raining and I looked like death warmed over…we needed out! I decided the mall was the best place to burn some energy and I needed some essentials, anyway. Sephora? Check. Aveda? Check. Stride Right? Check. Little Kiss needed some new Robeez. I spend more on shoes for a 6 month old than I do for myself We were crusing thru, Little Kiss in the Bjorn and Big Kiss marching around me and next to me and in front of me and behind me.

Burn, energy, burn!

Too bad this oh so well contrived plan backfired on me, he fell asleep on the 20 minute ride back home and never recovered.

I should go parole him, but I think I’ll just let him hang in his room for another twenty.

Oh, I booked our babysitter for tomorrow afternoon. She’ll come hang w/ the boyzz for a couple of hours so that I can go get some crap done. I need a mani / pedi like you read about. For some reason, my right hand pinky nail grows faster than the rest (am I a freak?)…one of my friends actually said “nice coke nail.” WTF - al-co-hol is the one & only drug i've ever done! But it is long. And the piggy toes are just in need of some love. No explanation necessary.
I think I’ll even head to Tar-ghay and Four-Bucks – just because I can!

I love guinness.

I’ve had 3 Guinness' (guinni?) tonight. So much for my “loser” path. But hey, I need ONE cheat day, no?

Diet is not the point.

I’ll repeat. I’ve had 3 dark, milky “meal in a can” beers and I’m WORKING! WTF. I need to present to the CFO and HIS BOSS tomorrow. I’m an ass.

Oh please – I pray I kept spell check on. I pray I kept grammar check on. And I pray that sleep Gods sprinkle me as I slumber tonight…do not let my kid wake up.

Do not let my teething kid wake up.

Do not let my teething kid wake up.

Do not let my teething kid wake up.

I think I’ll have just one more beer so that I can “sleep.” And if my teething kid wakes up? Mr. Kiss better get his ASS OUT OF BED to administer the love.

Nigh nigh.

Loser

Happy Friday Eve.

Stole that from a friend – Friday Eve…love it!

I went to weight watchers today. Yeah, I’m on weight watchers. Program works, if you stick to it (thank you, Captain Obvious). So I started in November to help lose the “baby weight” from Little Kiss. Those 40 lbs are gone, WOOT! *\o/* Unfortunately, I have 10 more to be pre-Big Kiss…and another 10 to be Honeymoon Hottie. I wore a bikini on my honeymoon. A black one. From Vicky’s Secret. I had a nice lil body (I’m 5’2 ¼, lil is relevant) nothing fantastic, but the bikini showed my curves and big ta-tas. The ta-tas are still big, but I’ve nursed 2 kids – you don’t even want to know what kind of shape they’re in these days.

And to be completely honest, I look pretty good – to me. I’m a confident person. I’m not out to impress, I do not aim to be a MILF (although someone called me that once and I totally blushed and wished he’d say it again!) but I do want to be a healthy mom and active w/ my kids. I also want to set good examples for the boyzz, so this whole WW thing is the “lifestyle change” that they tout it to be.

My lifestyle change had been stalled for a few months: holidays, long working hours, etc. but I’m back and I mean bizness! I’ve been making my meals, which – who knew? It’s healthier than eating out? And trying to get to the gym during the day – thank God my company offers a nice one. I also do the ellip at home while I watch John & Kate on DVR.

I guess it’s working b/c I lost 2 lbs since last week. That’s a good start. And I clearly know that 2 lbs can be gained easily (eat a bagle w/ schmear) or lost easily (take a big dump)…but I’m on a mission to keep going in the “loss” direction.

Crap, now what am I going to do w/ that last piece of cake??

Peep show.

Pimpin Peeps!

And the slutbunnies w/ the dollars hanging out.

Good stuff.

Caffeine much?

When I was in college, I drank so much caffeine, I’m surprised my heart didn’t just pump itself right out of my chest. But it was never coffee. I used to think “Ick” (I’ve since seen the light, looooves me some coffee).

…Anyway, it was Pepsi or Mt. Dew. Full on sugar flow w/ those gut rotters. Move on down the road into my 20’s and I went camping or something where we didn’t have pop and I had serious withdrawal symptoms. Headache, stomach pains, nausea. I could not believe how addicted I was and that my body was so dependant! I decided to detox and went on for a few years drinking half-caf coffee or a couple of soda pop’s a week. And then at like 27 I just quit all together. I really didn’t want to be dependant on it. But I still needed my morning cup o’ joe (or 3)…so I fully switched to decaf. I know there’s some caffeine in decaf, but it’s really about the process for me. I love the taste of coffee (Fat Free Coffee mate, no sugar, please). And it wakes me up.

Fast forward again to working full time with 2 small children. I’m still on decaf (or unleaded, as my mom calls it) coffee – a couple of cups in the morning. But almost every single day I have a diet dr. pepper.

Hi, my name is MommaKiss and I am addicted to Diet Dr. Pepper.

I keep it at work, at home, buy it when I'm out shopping. I realized that this needs to stop after seeing this sight today: (in my office…)

We’ll see how things go. I love the taste of that shit, too – just like coffee – and it’s sorta like a treat. And better than the snickers bar calling to me at the vending machine. But I’m going to work on cutting back again. After this case is gone. I swear.

Mommy Farted!

Now that Monday’s almost over, here's my weekend in a nut shell. Big Kiss NEEDED to get his hair cut, so we decided to take on that task on Saturday morning. I left Little Kiss snoozing while Mr. Kiss “babysat” (whole separate issue) and headed out. On the way, I had to explain our “ervands” to Big Kiss. Get mommy a coffee, get Big Kiss a hair cut and then go to the toy store. Repeat. He was all tough, “I’m a big boy, I don’t cry.” From your lips to God’s ears, little man.

I’m quite sure they run and hide when they see us coming at Snip Its because this kid hates getting his hair cut. He even hates getting his hair washed. It’s a scream fest. We started out OK, but had to wait for 45 minutes (that’s like 3 hours in kid time) and I have to say Big Kiss did great. We were playing w/ the toys, the computers, the mirrors. And he kept watching the other kids get their hair cut. All good. Until they said “hop up.” Ensue screaming. Consistent with every other trip to Snip Its, I had to hold him (wrestle him) so that the process could begin. She asked if I wanted a cape on me. Nah, just bring it on, lady. I’m a pro now. I know how to hold him, esp those kicking feet! She’s actually really good at it, just keeps cutting and buzzing. The last time we went was New Year’s Eve, so the kid needed more than a trim…but we got thru it and now he’s handsome as ever ;) The best part? As soon as he was done and we were cleaning up, he gave the lady a hug and said thank you.

Afterward, we did go to the toy store to get a gift for a b-day party we’re headed to soon…and because he toughed it out, I got him a Diego toy. Go Diego Go is kiddie crack for Big Kiss. So we got him Click the Camera and he was in heh-VEN.

That afternoon, the rain was pouring down and we had to get ready for a visit to a friend’s house. Hadn’t seen them in months and it was a pretty big gathering. The host and Mr. Kiss used to be room mates and it was great to catch up w/ everyone. I swear, there were 20 kids there! Many babies, many being introduced for the first time. Big Kiss had a blast, he’s so well behaved around others, it makes my heart swell w/ pride. I was sorta in charge, tho, as Mr. Kiss was enjoying his Bud Lites.

Most memorable moment…Little Kiss was trying to nap in his infant car seat (love that thing!) and just couldn’t get comfy. So I pull him out and realize we have a Code Brown. Shit everywhere. And it’s the one fucking time I don’t have an extra outfit. Just a spare onsie. So I’m over in a corner going thru wipes like there’s no tomorrow and Big Kiss comes over to survey the sitch. I told him “Go get Daddy, tell him I need help.” I couldn’t leave Little Kiss laying there b/c there were a zillion balls and dolls being tossed around God’s creation. I’m waiting. And waiting. And waaaaaiiiitttting. I finally asked another mom to watch him so I could clean up a little. Got some more wipes, borrowed some pants from another mom (said pants were pink and size 6mos) and went to find Mr. Kiss. He’s like, “What’s w/ the pink pants?” I said, “dude, didn’t Big Kiss tell you that I needed help?” He said “No, he came over, yelled Mommy Farted and then left.” MO FO 3 yr old throwing me under the bus, and I din’t even fart. (that time). I said, “Um, no, we had a Code Brown, but the situation is under control, no thanks to you.” And I had to walk around knowing everyone thought I ripped one in the corner and blamed my infant son. Good times.

What else? Oh, Little Kiss loves to smooch me. Like grab my cheeks and mush my face w/ his. This weekend I we were playing and he actually bit my lip. Little monster! He doesn’t have teeth yet, but it still hurt like a bitch! But I didn’t think much of it, I mean – I’m the one letting him do it. Then this morning I’m getting ready and realize my lip is bruised! I'm walking around work today and wondering if some are thinking I’m into some crazy shit w/ Mr. Kiss, but – sadly – it’s just my 6 month old biting me…

Sunday we survived the DST and just vegged all day. Big Kiss and I went exploring in our ‘hood. Marching up the street. Tromping thru the woods. Finding stray golf balls and baseballs near the stream. It was fantastic!

OOH, and I dropped him off this morning, completely nervous that we’d have another tantrum throw down…but kid did great. I hope last week was just a phase.

DVR update: I'm watching The Bachelor "where are they now" - total train wreck of show and I can not wait for the new season to start. I'm a sucker for reality t.v.

Is your heart happy?

Friday morning I had the worst case of working mom's guilt. It's a constant battle.

I work because I enjoy it (most of the time) and we're used to living on a double income. Where I live (Boston area) is wicked expensive...salaries are high, but the cost of living is higher. Anyway, I am a professional and usually enjoy what I do. I also don't think I'm cut out to be a stay at home mom. I seriously don't. It's the hardest job in the world and I believe those that do stay home w/ their kids are severely underpaid. But for my own situation, I feel like I would cheat my kids out of the experience they're getting at daycare. Big Kiss is so social and learns so much every single day. And Little Kiss is going to be the same, I can just see it.

Aaaaannnnyyyyyway, Friday morning I was dropping off Big Kiss and he didn't even want to go into his room. He fell to the floor and was kicking and screaming. I'm talking picture-perfect straight-from-the-dictionary tantrum. Usually it's a quick episode and he figures it out. But this one had no end in sight. So I went about putting his stuff away, watching the other kids plug their ears while they looked at him like he's a complete nutter. After about 20 minutes he calmed down, we got his breakfast out and he started eating. I gave him a kiss and said I'd pick him up after work and then it started all over again. And I just had to leave. And felt like a complete asshole. All I wanted to do was take my kid home and be with him. He just wanted his mommy. Even tho I knew he'd be over it like 2 minutes after I left, it just broke my heart. So I said good bye and heard him crying as I walked out the door.

I walked straight to the car and started sobbing myself. I could have stayed with him longer. I could have taken the day off to be with him. But neither of those would have solve anything other than my guilts. I cried all the way to work.

Got thru my day and then on the way to pick up the kids, I got stuck in traffic (because of an accident, fucking rubber neckers). So I was bawling again. I just wanted to see them. When I got there, Big Kiss just looked at me asked what was wrong. Such a sensitive boy! I said nothing, let's head home. And at home I bent down to ask him why he was crying in the morning and he said he just wanted his mommy. (gulp). I said I was sad to leave him but I had to go to work and that I was very happy to see him. He asked how my day was and I told him it was much better now that I was home with him and Little Kiss. He said "you're heart's not sad anymore?" (another gulp). I said no, my heart was happy and he said he wanted to see and yanked my shirt down.

Ahhhh, kids.

Namesakes...

Big Kiss is named after one of my brothers. I’m 5th in line of 6 kids, 4 being much older (6, 8, 10 and 12 yrs older). I was clearly a whoops and I think my mom had my little brother to keep me company. He and I were the “2nd” family, the little kids. On January 17, 1994 he was a Senior in high school. He left school with his girlfriend to get some lunch.

He never came back.

Their car hit a patch of ice, and slid so that he (in the passenger side) was hit by an oncoming vehicle. They physically kept him alive until my mom could make the 1 hour trip to the hospital (imagine that drive!)…and she was with him when they turned off the machines. He was 17 and much too young to leave this world.

I was 19 and away at college. It’s been 14 years and the sting has dulled, but there are days that I just ache for him. And days I rejoice in the short time that I was graced with his presence. I mean, come on, we fought! As all siblings do! But he was my constant. My constant in fights against Mom. My constant in many childhood moves. My constant when Mom was in college and we were latch key kids.

His death left an emptiness that no one will ever be able to fill, but recently I’ve seen parts of him in Big Kiss. And it sure does make me believe in angels…

Just recently I’ve noticed that Big Kiss loves to build puzzles. I know all kids build puzzles. But Big Kiss has a passion for them. And this is totally from his Uncle, his Namesake. I hope he gets some of his other traits, like being kind and smart! Man, my brother was smart! He was in my math class (when he was in 6th grade, me 8th). I also hope he’s athletic and genuine.

And when he scores his first basket or throws his first pass, I’ll be looking to the sky and winking at my brother…

Johnny...

So I heard on the radio tonight that Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer. It makes me so sad. Dirty Dancing is one of my all time favorite movies. It also brought back a super old memory from High School…I was actually invited to a slumber party (me? Yeah, me!) and we stayed up watching it. So one of the best parts is when Johnny rolls over and you see his ASS! Just one cheek, really, but we hit rewind on the VCR like 10 times. Oh my heart.

“Oh Syliva?
Yes Mickey?
How do you call your lover boy?
C’mere lover boy!
And if he doesn’t answer?
Oh lover boy!
And if he STILL doesn’t answer?
Ba-by, o-oh baby…"

(that’s pure memory, man – I didn’t even need to google that shit!) Totally 80’s baby.

Here goes...

I’m going to try my hand at this here bloggin shit. We’ll see if I can keep it up, but a lil thing called my job and the other lil nuance called my family may get in the way…but I’m giving it a shot.

Today is my baby’s half birthday. Little man (Little Kiss) was born on September 5th 2007 at 10am. Well, I should say he was scooped out of me, I had him via c-section. Highly recommend, I loved every moment of it. Of course, it was my second time around in that department, so I sorta knew what to expect. Anyway – he came out a whopping 9lbs 7oz and is currently 18lbs. A tank!

So much has happened in the past 6 months. Little Kiss was in the hospital when he was only 6 days old. He got a mega fever, we hustled to the ER and he underwent blood draws, chest x-rays and a spinal tap. At 6 days old! Ended up being admitted for a week to treat pneumonia. I stayed with there while the in-laws and Mr. Kiss took care of things on the home front.

Then when Little Kiss was 6 weeks old (what’s w/ the number 6 to us??) I was in the ER myself with gall bladder complications. An incompetent ass who called himself a doc sent me home, only for the shit to get worse and so it was my turn to be admitted. Apparently a gall stone escaped, grazed the pancreas and gave me a full blown case of pancreatitits. Which can be fatal. And hurts like a mutha fucka. I couldn’t eat or drink anything while this was repairing. And I was hopped up on pain meds that I can’t even describe. I was in for 5 days before they decided I was healthy enough to undergo the knife and get the gall bladder out. Oh, and for good measure, they took my appendix, too. Why do we have these things if we don’t even need them? Anyway – the best part of my story is that I continued to pump breast milk while admitted – even though Little Kiss couldn’t drink it because it was toxic, I didn’t want to lose my supply. I’m still awaiting delivery of my medal for that one ;).

Since then, all has been going really well. Little Kiss is the happiest baby ever. And a rock star sleeper and eater. Unlike his big brother, we did sleep training early on him, although he never really needed it. Big Kiss was a monster in the “bed time routine department” until we went all Super Nanny on his ass at 18mos old and now bedtime isn’t a horror show, but he likes to get up at 5.30 or 6am. Lucky us.

Firstborn (Big Kiss) has become a full blown toddler. He’ll be 3 in June and sure does know how to throw down “tantrum style.” But he’s also the most charismatic almost-3-year-old I know. To his credit, he’s never ever been jealous of Little Kiss, he’s an amazing brother.

And today while I rejoice in the fact that it’s my baby’s half birthday I also curse out Mother Nature (bitch) because my period is back (I nursed Little Kiss for 4 mos) and it’s awful. And I’m irritable to say the least. And some jackass pulled out in front of me on the way to work – causing me to slam on my breaks, which in turn caused my oh so nicely prepared lunch of pesto chicken pasta to go all over my back seat. I was thisclose to just ramming into him but decided I didn’t really want to get out in the rain to deal w/ the aftermath. So – to you – A Hole – you received a gift today, you’re welcome.

Jeez, re-reading, I totally left out Mr. Kiss. We’ve been married for over 5 years now. The first 2 were pretty fun. Then Big Kiss came along and we had an adjustment period to say the least. We were nervous about adding Little Kiss to the mix, but that has been remarkably easy. Only problem? We rarely have real conversation anymore. Mornings are staggering our showers and getting everyone out the door. Evenings it’s dinner time and soaking up as much of the kids as we can before they go to bed (at 7 and 7.30). Then it’s clean up, prep for the next day, catch up on DVR and crash. Sometimes we kiss each other good night ;) So the real conversations occur during the day via phone or in the rare occasion we go away w/out the monkeys. Again, lucky us.