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Momma Kiss: December 2008

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


I got a surprise call from the Mr. to meet for lunch today. How sweet!

We met at Fresh City, then got Fourbucks and had a nice lil smooch.

I had to stop at Target for some essentials for Moms and was in horror as I saw their display of bikinis.

BIKINIS people! In December!

I immediately turned and decided - in an effort to get the thought of me in a bikini out of my mind - I needed this.

The Hostess Cupcake Pack. It's highly underrated

Carry on.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Monday Schmonday

I'm in my office today. I'd say I'm at "work" but I highly doubt any of THAT will be done today. We shall see.

I had all of last week off, only here Mon / Tues this week and then not back in till the 6th. Who the EFF needs to dig in to a big project for only 2 days? Not me. I'm conserving my brain till 2009.

My mommy's been w/ me for a week and I love it. She is fantastic w/ my kids - reprimands them, but not in a crazy "not Momma Kiss" way - it's perfect. She reads to them and gets them out of tantrums way better than me. She cooks for me. She cleans. She sits content on the couch w/ me and we read or watch t.v. or she rubs my feet :)

The Mr. is benefiting, too - as he's been basically living in Manland "to give us our time together." Ahem. He got himself a new game system after Christmas, he's in heaven.

So she's here for another week and I'm happy to have her and don't even wanna think about her going back home.

I'm not gonna :(

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Matthew Ethan

I had a dream last night that I had a baby. A boy.

I was in the hospital, getting ready for a c-section, and then the little guy just came out the vag.

THAT was weird, my 2 kids were lifted out of my belly!

The baby was not cute at first, you know - how they look all wrinkly and icky?

We named him Matthew Ethan. He was 6lbs 19oz (yes, 19 ounces), 21 inches long. My whole family was there - including my little brother, and so I was passing the kid around, taking pictures of everyone holding the baby. Running around like I didn't actually just have a child - and kept announcing "aren't I moving well for just having a baby?"

A friend of mine, who I haven't met in real life yet (MoFo) was there with her sister who worked for GWBush - and they drove up in an old school caddie JUST to see my baby!

The hospital gave me a blue ribbon w/ his name and stats printed on it, like embossed on it. My oldest brother - who has 3 of his own kids - asked what a birth certificate was.

I can't believe I remembered so much detail - and woke up praying my BC AND the Mr's big V don't fail me!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Houska Joulua

Houska Joulua!

That's Merry Christmas in Finnish and it's like "HOUSEka YO-lou-wa."

Mom made it in - at 2.30am Monday morning. 10am Monday morning we headed out to NYC, stopping every half hour or so to toss snow on my windshield because even though I had a full tank of cleaner, the lines were frozen, so a-ghett0-we-will-go with the snow tossing!

Whirlwind trip in the frozen Concrete Jungle and today we sat around most of the day.

Nothing better.

My children are asleep, I exchanged gifts w/ my husband (he screwed the budget and got me diamonds!) and now Mom & I plan to finish watching a movie.

Happy Christmas to all!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Let it SNOW - but stop on Sunday, K?

Just saying.

Today we're due to get about a foot, heavy crazy snow - and then Sunday, more snow and a "wintery mix" which is fun and all, but MY Momma is due in on Sunday.

Mother Nature best not be a bitch - just let her GET HERE!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Opportunity Knocking?

Was stuck in traffic on the way to work today (idiots don't know how to drive - it's just FUCKING SNOW!)...and saw this lovely sight.

Some beer delivery guys waiting for the store to open.

I was seriously contemplating how I could sweet talk them into tossing a few cases into my trunk...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Woke up to snow this morning. And then freezing rain on TOP of that snow. Driving around in my all-weather-Honda-Accord was a really good time.

Anyway - I went to the mall yesterday to get a gift cert for my 18 year old nephew. He asked for Abercrombie, AE or Hollister. For the love of all that is good and holy - I avoid those stores at all costs - even switch sides of the mall when I know they're approaching. "Hollister on the right, let's move!" The smell, the music, the tiny children working there with scuffed hair and ass cracks showing. It's not my vision of joy At. All.

However, because I love my nephew, I found Hollister first and went in. I had to YELL to request my gift card, and YELL harder that "no, I didn't need a bag, just let me get the eff out of here" and I basically ran to the safety of the hallway.

That was the last gift I needed to purchase! SCHWEW!

Now the holiday baking must be done.

Let the games begin....

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

the 12 days of Christmas

I probably should have posted this earlier, as we're already in the middle - but I'm doing the 12 days of Christmas for my man. Not the kids - my MAN!

Nothing major, like I'll get him an 8 pack of Guinness and 3 pack of gum and 4 pack of socks.

So I made some tags to go on each gift...Cute huh?

I had a hard time deciding on starting w/ 1 or w/ 12?? Like is it a count down or a count up?

anyway - I went w/ 12 because it's more fun - and here's some of the gifts all wrapped & tagged.

Fun, huh?

Saturday, December 13, 2008

A PSA for anyone who will give a gift to a kid this year...

Bought a toy recently? Ever seen the way toys are packaged these days? Christ, it's like fort knox trying to get in!

SO - tonight, as I wrapped one of Big Kiss' Santa gifts, I prepared. I untied all the crazy shit holding this sucker in. Put it nicely back in the box - and whala - he'll open it and get to play right away!


We should probably discuss why I'm inviting this NOISE MACHINE into my home?????


I'm having deviled eggs, tater tots and a Diet Dr. Pepper for lunch.

Raise your hand if you're jealous!

Friday, December 12, 2008


I'm snug'd in on the couch, enjoying the Christmas Tree and a warm fire.

Life is good.

I need to remember that.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I'm a paper chaser.

I've been evaluating my career. I work for a huge company - fortune 500, amazing for families, a woman CEO. I work 9(ish) to 4.45(ish) most of the year. The busy times - they're busy - and I thrive on that, deadlines, etc.

But the off times - the non-busy times...that's projects related - I hate that. I'm not keen on my department - at all. I don't have direct reports - so no staff development (miss that). I don't associate w/ work people at all - I punch in and punch out. I'm not challenged. I'm not motivated.

But I make a shit load of money. And I have options (even tho they're worthless right now). I get a bonus (when they pay out). My boss is so flexible it's crazy. I have great hours. But I'm not happy. I'm a paper-chaser [sing it, Rhianna!]. I work because we're accustomed to our way of life which includes my paycheck. I find no joy in it, no development at all.

It's a dilemma. I'm not happy, yet this recession makes me thankful beyond reality for my job. My really really good job. AND - to make that money, Big City Money, 10 miles from home in the burbs - well fuck, people would die to be in my position.

And so I struggle with the daily grind and try to right my mind - accept my situation and just deal. Just carry on and maybe look for something that makes me happy when the boyz are in school.

going nuts

My son, the lil one, has a peanut allergy.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

O the Weather outside is frightful!

On Monday, we left the house and it was 8 degrees. Fahrenheit. Frigid ass cold.

Yesterday, morning was in the 20's, but evening? I walked up to my 'hood rat friend's house and it was eerily humid and probably like 45 degrees. Odd.

This morning? It's windy as hell, with some pissing rain tossed in and like 60 degrees.


So the lovely wind totally destroyed my 'do, why I even bother some times is beyond me. I would, however, like to share that I was stylin in a new coat. I gots me a puffy coat. It's white. It fits like a glove (a lil ace ventura? anyone?). And it was only $10. TEN BUCKS!

I'm not gonna lie, I look fabulous in it.

I am a little bit shocked that me, a sort of clumsy mother of 2 young messy angelic boys, purchased it in white. My ongoing challenge will be to keep that puppy pristine, just like my virtue...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Since When?

Since When does a Wendy's Caesar side salad come with bacon bits?

That shit was delicious - but please - not what I expected.

And, my order request for mayo on the side of my spicy chicken was in fact adhered to...but the over zealous employee 3 packets on the side.


Holy tubs of lard.

Kicker is, they also put the flucking mayo ON the sandwich, too.


So here I sit with an over-mayo'd sammie and bacon on my salad.

At least the Dr. Pepper was good. Can't really fuck that up, can ya?

Monday, December 8, 2008

It's no wonder.

It's no wonder I'm not losing weight.

I'm not gaining.

But for the love of all this is good and holy, if I don't make myself go to the gym like every day and twice on Sunday, I'm just going to have to live with this "wine, martini, pasta, punkin pie, wine, cupcake, vanilla latte" belly.


Saturday, December 6, 2008


I got nothing witty in me right now.

So I'm going to babble for a spell.

Our day started at 5.30am. Good times right there. No one cranky - just awake and having a party. We got our tree last night (where Lil Kiss was thoroughly spooked by the helper dude) and so at 5.32am, Big started asking to decorate. Repeat - every 15 seconds or so. Jeez, kid, I need some coffee first.

OH - and this is where Chink the Elf was when we awoke. Nice, daddy - tree hadn't been decorated yet - and you're not supposed to touch the elf or he loses his magic. So we had to ask him if we could move him - and Momma said from behind the tree "O.K. just this once!"

Decorating was, well, not what I'm used to. Lil wanted to clang the "baWWWs" together - you know - the GLASS balls? He couldn't do that so he was pissed. Big wanted to hang every.damn.thing and got frustrated when it would fall off. Where was Mr. Kiss you ask? Your guess is as good as mine. F'r.
I put this on our front door. It's the scraps from the bottom of the tree and a jingly bell wreath. Crafty AND cheap ;)

I took great joy in going to the post office and grocery store all by my lonesome. Ahhhhh, it's like a day at the beach - even in 33 degree weather! The lines, the cost to ship (for real?) even my crazy grocery bagger - none of it mattered. I was alone and whining offspring free.

Lil woke up from his nap with a fever, didn't fade - and was wheezy so he's on the neb again. At least it's a weekend - crossing fingers he gets over this one soon. And hey, he's been healthy for almost 2 weeks, can't be having that for too long now can we? He's our "sickly one." He's 15 months old today (little tear falling...) and has been sick more than healthy, I swear.

Big has successfully crapped on the pot 4x today. And peed on me 4x today. I guess next we'll be working on that whole bladder/sphincter control. And wiping. Oh Mah GAWD! If I weren't so damn happy he's out of dipes, I'd almost wish for them over wiping his ass after a potty poop. He hops off, bends over so he's in an upside down V and says "ready."


I signed up for this Momma thing why??? Oh, because they're cute and will take care of me when I'm old.

And tonite the Mr. is out at one of our holiday parties. He's alone - not because Lil is sickly - but becuse this is not a big one and we didn't want to waste a sitter on the night. Alas, I've finally showered and am parked on the sof in my sock monkey jams, pinot noir next to me and Grey's on the horizon...

Life is good.

p.s. this was delicious! an ornament cupcake!

Friday, December 5, 2008

A bit much?


THIS is what I saw when I walked to my office this morning.

The Corporate Accounting group had a decorating "party" last night and apparently someone threw up.

Tossed their cookies and all this shit came out!

A singing reindeer (or moose?) next to an old fashioned caroler.
Oh - and love those "archive boxes" that are propping up the other singers on the right.

The stockings were hung with care...

Yes, those are "candies" hanging from the ceiling.

The candy canes? Cut from cardboard. And colored. By a bunch of employees in their 40's! No joke. And 2 are men.

The Pièce de résistance ...a waving Gingerbread Man.
Again, cut from cardboard. And colored.

The total IRONY here???

This whole group is a bunch of Negative Ned's and Bitchy Betty's. Someone must have been up their ass to "perk up" or something.

And I seriously am going to try to avoid this area at all costs for the next 20 days. It's ruining my love of all things Christmastime!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

No Mo HOLEYs!!!!

That's right.

Kid shat on the pot tonight. I "took too long" to cut the dipe in half and he just had to sit without his "belt".

I got peed on. Natch. We'll work on him pointing the pisser down next time.

Hey, babysteps.

Over Achievers

Yesterday was December 3rd.

I received not 1, not 2, not even 3 but 6 Christmas cards.


Blast you over achievers!

They're wicked cute photo cards which I love but frankencenceandmihr - it's the first week of December!

**FTR, Mr. Kiss says I'm just jealous that mine aren't distributed yet. ProbablyAlwaysRightAsshat.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Day 2. Still Holey.

I was out after work, and the Mr. was nervous of an "incident" while he was alone w/ the kids - so I told him where the holey dipes were and hung up.

Got home to the report that Big Kiss did in fact "shoot my poop to the water! AND I got 2 cookies and a lobbypop!" (Much to Mr. Kiss' dismay, that was supposed to be "their secret.")

Then the Mr. told me how it went down.

He actually ripped the dipe in HALF. So the kid was wearing like only a belt! Bare bum on the pot!

I have a feeling this is gonna work...

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

So. This is about potty training. #2. You've been warned.

Last night we spent 20 glorious minutes with Big Kiss, screaming his head off, naked tushy on the potty.

He hated me, wanted daddy and did not "want to poop on the potty" (thru clenched teeth).

He got off, sweaty and snotty and said he didn't have to go.

Until the "poop's comin out" and he starts dancing and whining again.

I caved - and tried a gimmick I read about. I had some dipes that I'd cut the ass out of. He put that on, sat on the pot and immediately pushed.


When he heard the turd hit the water, his saucer eyes said "did you hear that?" I said I did and asked if he was done.

We took off the dipe and when I held it up, he said "My poop broke the diaper!"

Uh, "no kid - Momma cut a hole in there, you don't need a diaper, your poop went right in the water!"

Kid: "Momma, did you trick me?"

He's 3 and a half. Trick me. Damn. I can't get nothin past him.

So now we're doing holey ass diapers. I hope this isn't just another monster that I've created, but a step in the right (diaper free) direction. We shall see.