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Momma Kiss: January 2009

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Saturday, January 31, 2009

i like to drink.

I'm well on my way to a really good drunk.

Let me first share that my engagement ring? My gorgeous sparkly engagement ring that my man gave me when he was on bended knee and asked me to marry him? The same one that I haven't been able to wear since knocked up w/ Lil Kiss? It fits.

And even SPINS!


Anyway, it's good motivation - I want to keep doing well on my good health/exercise kick - and that is just what I needed, something really tangible to see results.

So the drunk part.

In-laws were here today. God bless their lil souls, I love them to pieces. My chicklets, do, too. I "ran errands" and got a pedicure this afternoon. Then I started to get my drink on. Fourbucks Fraps + vodka = deliciousness. In a glass. There's no better way to describe it.

I'm going to attempt to watch a movie w/ my man tonight. A drunken one. Hope I stay up!


Friday, January 30, 2009


So an update to the sick kid?

He's got pneumonia! WTF???? So glad we took him in. He spent yesterday morning w/ Daddee and then came to work w/ me for the afternoon (god damn work/life balance shit is hard).

In order to celebrate my sick child, last night I went out w/ my momma friends, diamond hunting! Wheee! We returned to the scene of the Drunken Baby Shower to have a few cocktails and try to win a diamond. The bartender came around often w/ his huge martini glass filled w/ stones. All CZ's except 1 real half-carat diamond.

The first pass? We each took one. Clearly novices.

The second pass, I thumbed like 6 (the positive of having fat ass thumbs).

In all, I used my charming ways to connive more passes of the glass and ended up w/ 54 stones.

My friends got lots, too - like 30+ and 20+.

No we take them to the jeweler (hello, free advertising for them!) to see if we win!

Think there's a real one in there???

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


It's Wednesday. Hump Day. The hump of this week blows.

Sick kids suck.

Big Kiss is coughing up shit, sore throat, not eating much - and had a "slight" fever at daycare today. Kicked him out. At 4pm. Amazingly, by the time I picked him up - he's fever free, so we'll see how tomorrow goes.

I understand if he's not feeling well and all - but it's the germ-infested place, they share colds and worse all the live long day.

I was home today. And I shoveled today. Twice. And then went out to scrape the coat of ice off the drive way. My husband best be appreciatin that!

Of course he's out tonight - drove 45 miles away for a basket ball game. In the storm. That will turn to sheets of ice.

As long as he returns home OK, it's all good (like that qualifier?).

Tomorrow night I'm off w/ my momma friends to drink wine and try to win a diamond! YEAH DAWG!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Living Will

MY LIVING WILL..................

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her,

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine & fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.


Monday, January 26, 2009


I'm sofaking tired!


I'm watching The Bachelor and the frikkin bunny boiler Shannon. She's a HEAD CASE! Gives me the heebs.

Hopefully I can stay up to see the end - Jillian's my girl. Canadians ROCK.


Reason #357 to ask myself WHY I do the things I do sometimes.

I went to a baby shower yesterday afternoon. For one of my dear close momma friends, she's got a 4 yr old, a 2 yr old and is pregnant.


So her sisters planned a kick ass dinner out for her - girls only, no kids.

She was so surprised and happy and large :p (In a good way, she's cookin 2 kids in that belly!)

Well the other 3 of the 'momma club' arrived first to decorate - and quickly after realizing it only took like 4 minutes to hang some balloons, we bellied up to the bar and proceeded to get shitfaced drunk.


We did.




We had a dangerously good time, tho - and I secretly think we were each counting our blessings it wasn't US knocked up again ;)

Oh - and to top it off, I got home an the house was pretty much spotless - much different from the way I left it.

Damn that man o' mine out-doing me when he's in charge.

Kids fed, in bed, AND the house clean?

I think I'll keep him.

Friday, January 23, 2009


My son?

My 3 yr old son?

When he pees on the potty, he not only LIFTS the seat, he also...

wait for it..


CLOSES THE TOILET LID when he's done!!!!

HOLY HELL, I done good with this one, haven't I?

His wife (er, or husband, I guess?) will thank me one day, don't you think?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I was 'interviewed'

One of my 2 blog followers, Denise, posted this and I decided to play along.

She asked the questions, I get to answer and share w/ you! Aren’t you excited?

1. What has been your biggest accomplishment in your life thus far?

I’d have to say going to – and graduating from – college.

We grew up pretty poor, my mom was a single mom since I was very young, and then went to college when I was in elementary school. She’s my hero. While she was in college, we were on welfare for a while, government cheese and foodstamps. Some Christmases we only had a few gifts – but there were ALWAYS gifts. Even if it was just a wrapped candy bar – she always made sure we had something to open. Sacrifice – she sacrificed for her children, more than I ever knew till I was a mom myself.

Anyway – after high school, I took a year off, moved to Montana to live w/ my sister and worked 3 jobs. At a travel agency, a Dairy Queen, and a Gas Station. I was young, graduated when I was 17, so the year off was great in many ways – I needed to grow up a bit. I also realized I didn’t want to work 3 jobs my entire life, so college was my next goal. I had to retake the SAT test, move in w/ Mom while I waited and get all of my loan apps in. I did it on my own, financially. Loans and jobs. And I think it made me appreciate my education more – I didn’t skip as many classes, because I knew it was my money I was losing. I was always pretty smart in school, when I applied myself, so after a failed attempt to pursue a Pharmacist career (Chemistry and I did NOT mix) I switched to business.

An accounting degree was very attractive, promising a job and so I went with it! I was so happy when I graduated, loans and all, I had a really good, well paying job before my last semester even began – what a relief!

2. What made you choose the career you are in?

So I guess that answers why I chose the career I’m in. My degree is in accounting, and I’m a CPA. I was an auditor in a public accounting firm when there were “The Big Six” auditing firms. Taking the CPA was a bitch, can’t lie about that – but I’m so glad I have the letters behind my name. Working as an auditor was also a bitch, too - long LONG hours, busy season seemed to go on forever, travel sucked. But I knew that going in – and I knew it was an amazing stepping stone to other jobs.

So I paid my dues, worked my ass off when I was young & unattached. I have no idea how people do that job w/ kids – it’s relentless.

And I never really enjoyed it – I loved the people I worked with and the contacts I made, but auditing? Come on. No fucking way. And, this was before all the Enron / Sarbanes Oxley crap the world is now dealing with. Anyway – after auditing, I switched to Financial Reporting and now do Accounting Policy, also. An accounting career is pretty smart, I wouldn’t mind if my kids chose it. I figure you always need accountants. Even if the company is doing shitty, the accountants are needed to tell you HOW shitty, right?

I also like that my career provides for my family. My husband is not, never has been, ‘threatened’ by my success. I used to make a shitload more than him (paycheck wise) but he’s catching up ;) I always wanted children, but know that I’m not cut out to be a stay-home mom, full time, anyway, so I’m lucky to have a great job at a great company.

3. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?

One? Only One??

Ha. Hmmm. Well, I’ve always been pretty motivated, and confident. That’s taken a hit lately – the motivation part. There are many a day that I’d rather sit on my ass then get up & clean or exercise or chase kids. But if I want to set a good example for those kids, to do just that (the getting up & moving part), I need help in the motivation department. I want them to be active and healthy and smart – and I believe that the best way is to set the trend, right? So motivate me, people!

4. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

In 10 years, I’ll be 44. Wow – 44 is my husband’s all time favorite number. 4 is my favorite. Interesting.

Anyway – I’ll have a teenager (GASP) and an 11 year old. So I’m pretty sure I’ll still be working, trying to balance that ‘after school activity,’ growing boy / adolescence, being a middle aged woman thing. I don’t know when, but I’m guessing we’ll live closer to my in-laws sometime in the next 10 years. Being away from family is very hard.

And skinny. I see myself as a skinny bitch that the other moms will envy.

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

5. Will there be any more children in your future?

This one’s easy – no frikkin way! Even if, God Forbid, something were to happen to my husband…I’m a mother to 2 amazing boys. Momma’s boys. They’re all I need. We’re done.

Oh, unless you count grand kids – I hope to have a few of those someday! But not for a VERY long time.

Whew – that was actually cathartic, thanks Denise!

Anyone else wanna play?

Just comment “interview me” and I’ll send you some questions for you to blog about.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Danger and PMS

And now, a forward. Let me share:

Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

Dangerous: What's for dinner?
Safer: Can I help you with dinner?
Safest: Where would you like to go for dinner?
Ultra Safe: Here, have some wine.

Dangerous: Are you wearing that?
Safer: Wow, you sure look good in brown!
Safest: Wow, look at you!
Ultra Safe: Here, have some wine.

Dangerous: What are you so worked up about?
Safer: Could we be overreacting?
Safest: Here's my paycheck.
Ultra Safe: Here, have some wine.

Dangerous: Should you be eating that?
Safer: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
Safest: Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
Ultra Safe: Here, have some wine.

Dangerous: What did you DO all day?
Safer: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
Safest: I've always loved you in that robe!
Ultra Safe: Here, have some wine.

And 13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite:

13. Potential Murder Suspect

My new fave snack!

I'm pretty sure these are like the Second Coming of Christ.

Oaty Carmely Loaded with Fiber cereal bars.

The chocolate oat ones are pretty good, too.

Fair warning, tho - smelly ass may ensue.

Hey - a little "silent but deadly" never really killed anyone, and it's a small price to pay for getting healthy ;)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Tuesdays Suck.

That's all.

Monday, January 19, 2009

My time

My chitluns have been w/ my in-laws since Saturday.

To say that I've been in heaven is an understatement. We went to breakfast, shoveled the drive, shopped (got me a new laptop, thanks to Circuit City's demise...), napped, lounged, slept, watched t.v., lounged, slept, cleaned, and 100% enjoyed being irresponsible!

Is that so wrong?

So back to work tomorrow - and when I get home, the house will be full with in-laws and kids and food, fo sho.


Can't this night last forEVAH????

and p.s. - thanks a mil for the kind words about my brother. I'll see him again, I know I will. But till then - I'll miss him from earth.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Carpe Diem

- Carpe Diem -

He had a way about him, no one could deny
He always had a caring smile, a twinkle in his eye.
He was a gifted athlete,
with sportsmanship he played.
He was a brilliant scholar,
endless accomplishments he made.
He was a faithful friend,
filled somber lives with joy.
He was still so young,
still mother's innocent boy.
He'll never watch the sun again,
nor wish upon a star,
He'll never feel embrace again,
nor dream of lands afar.
We'll never hear his voice again,
for good bye we had to say.
We'll never see our friend again,
who before us lay so still today.
We stand together, motionless,
watch the casket taken away.
We listen as his mother prays,
"My boy taught us to Seize the Day!"

Written and read at his funeral by his high school friend. If she finds this, I'll give her full credit. She knows we love her.

January 17th marked 15 years since my little brother and best friend passed away. Some days he's with me, so fully it hurts. Others, he's just a memory, but never far from my mind. I grieve on Mondays and on Fridays and whenever I have needed to over the years.

But the date.

The actual date holds so much horror to me.

I miss him. He was the best of our family. I feel like my kids were cheated out of a kick ass Uncle. And I miss my brother.

I love you, Bro. Now and always.

Friday, January 16, 2009

What did I do to deserve this?

My In-laws have offered to take my children from me for 4 days.

That's 3 nights of non-responsibility in my home.

I am OVER THE MOON giddy happy, not even the slightest bit guilty.

Is that wrong?

Thursday, January 15, 2009


The radio is currently playing Achey Breaky Heart.

I think I'm going to throw it across the room!!!

I other news, my kid's 'bloody nose' appears to have been a one shot deal. Thankyoubabyjesus. He was up hollerin' last night, tho - growth spurt, maybe? I haven't had a full night's sleep in - how old is Big Kiss? 3 and a half years? Well before that, even, damn pregnancy wouldn't let me sleep, either.

I did decide to get my drink on last night. Had me some champagne & chambord. Mmmmm. Took my 2 prenatals - and I was pretty set this morning. Not tip top shape, but not hanging like a dawg, either.

I need to stop doing that, tho - the mid-week cocktail hour. I should save my calories for other things, like, oh? Food? Yah. So hopefully next week I can save up & party on the weekend.

Happy Friday Eve!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


It's Wednesday.

My manicure is peeling.

I had a totally non-satisfying lunch.

I inhaled my Diet Dr. Pepper after my non-satisfying lunch.

I'm exhausted.


I was up w/ Lil Kiss and his first nose bleed at 2am last night. WTF? Was he boxing w/ monsters in his crib?

Top that off w/ a visit from the DPW this morning - before 7am - to do a "water survey" on our shit colored water. It's been 2+ weeks, assholes. FIX MY GOD DAMN WATER ALREADY!

So yes, I'm exhausted and not witty and irritable. And my manicure looks like shit.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Sign me UP!

I'm polishing up my resume for THIS JOB! Holy Hell! Can you freakin imagine???

SYDNEY (AFP) – An Australian state is offering internationally what it calls "the best job in the world" -- earning a top salary for lazing around a beautiful tropical island for six months.

The job pays 150,000 Australian dollars (105,000 US dollars) and includes free airfares from the winner's home country to Hamilton Island on the Great Barrier Reef, Queensland's state government announced on Tuesday.

In return, the "island caretaker" will be expected to stroll the white sands, snorkel the reef, take care of "a few minor tasks" -- and report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates.

The successful applicant, who will stay rent-free in a three-bedroom beach home complete with plunge pool and golf buggy, must be a good swimmer, excellent communicator and be able to speak and write English.

"They'll also have to talk to media from time to time about what they're doing so they can't be too shy and they'll have to love the sea, the sun, the outdoors," said acting state Premier Paul Lucas.

"The fact that they will be paid to explore the islands of the Great Barrier Reef, swim, snorkel and generally live the Queensland lifestyle makes this undoubtedly the best job in the world."

Lucas said the campaign was part of a drive to protect the state's 18 billion Australian dollar a year tourism industry during the tough economic climate caused by the global financial meltdown.

"Traditional tourism advertising just doesn't cut it sometimes and we are thinking outside the box by launching this campaign."

Queensland Tourism Minister Desley Boyle said some people might question whether it was risky to let an unknown person become an unofficial tourism spokesperson for the state.

"I think the biggest risk will be that the successful candidate won't want to go home at the end of the six months," she said.

"This is a legitimate job which is open to anyone and everyone."

Applications are open until February 22. Eleven shortlisted candidates will be flown to Hamilton Island in early May for the final selection process and the six month contract will commence on July 1.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Bachelor and his HOs

Really. Hos. Bitches. UnREAL!

Do these girls realize they're on NATIONAL television, acting drunk and moronic?


Bee Boots

Another reason to question my age.

I am in LOVE w/ these boots! How frikkin cute are they??

Sleepy Boys

We had lost of snow to clean up on Sunday. And when I say "we" I mean the Mr. was out w/ the snow blower while me & the boys played. Lil Kiss was totally the "picture" of a puffalump in his gear: boots, snow pants, snow jacket, hat, hood, mittens. He wanted to do everything Big Brother was doing - like shoveling and brushing - but in the end he settled for just being pulled around in the sled.

Our neighbor and Big Kiss' BFF - the PuertoRicanJew - came out to play, too - so once we were effectively "played out" - we all went inside for some lunch.

Lil Kiss took a 3 hour nap. THREE HOURS! So Big Kiss and the PRJ watched a movie and played cars while I read.*

We did some more Sunday stuff, tubby time at 6.15, books at 6.30 and both kids in bed - in the same room - before 7. WOWZA!

I think the fresh air wiped them out - YAY!

Of course, that meant I was in bed early, too - and my house is a fucking pig stye. Oh well. I'm rested, that's all that matters.

*I'm finally done w/ the Twilight Saga. I'm very sad about this. I loved the story, happy w/ the ending, but I want MORE! I felt the same w/ Harry Potter. Yes. I'm 34 years old. I read that shit - and re-read it, too.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Oh the Joy

Tonight is the Mr.'s holiday party. In the big City.

We booked the babysitter and will be heading out around 6 - after I get my hair did and my fancy party clothes on.

The joyous part?

Well, part 1 is that it's supposed to snow, big time - around 9pm. Cripes. We won't leave till 11 or 12, so I'm sure that will be fun.

Part 2 is that I get to be the designated driver. Not only do I have to put up w/ the Mr.'s co-workers - I have to do it sober.

See the JOY!?!?!?

SIDE NOTE here - Big Kiss is singing to me: "I love my mom, my mom is cool"


Friday, January 9, 2009

A resolution

Of sorts.

I've decided I need to stop swearing.

At home - not here.

Wish me some fucking luck.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Do they make a Body Bandaid?


I'm alllll kinds of hurt today.





ABS! Who knew?

All kinds of hurt.

Top it off, I'm fucking working.


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Mutha Nature strikes again

So last night it snowed. And then early this morning it started to rain. Fine. Layer of ice on the cars, that come off w/ heat and scraping. The driveway? Yeah. Also takes scraping.

Which is what I just did for over an hour.

Frikkin home sick w/ my Big Kiss – he got kicked out of daycare yesterday for puking…been fine since around 7 last night, but still – they won’t let him back in till tomorrow.

So he was inside watching Noggin while I decided I’d do the Mr. a favor and clear the driveway. It wasn’t even remotely shoveling, it was literally scraping.

Scrape Scrape Push. Scrape Scrape Push Toss. Scrape Scrape Push...repeat. Back & Forth, Forth & Back.

And of course my shovel had a stroke or something, so only one side worked at the scraping thing.

Big Kiss & had a system, he’d come to the window and yell if he needed something (pee, more juice, etc.).

Needless to say, I got my exercise on and I’m going to be all kinds of hurt tomorrow. I'm sweating in places I didn't know could sweat. Like not just the pits, my whole back (nice visual, sorry).

I guess this on top of all the shitting and puking this week is a good time to start a diet, no?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Sick & alone.

My mom left yesterday after an amazing 2 week visit.

I'm sad she left. Very sad.

Unfortunately, I was too sick to express my sadness. I caught some stomach bug, been shuking and laying around way too long.

So I sent her off between bouts of sickness and then headed back to bed. My Mr. Man was a huge help last night, getting the kids fed and bathed and in bed while letting me moan & groan on my own time.

This is all gobbledygook because I'm so weak, but wanted to check in.

Back to the bed for me!

Sunday, January 4, 2009


My mom's been here for 2 weeks.

She goes home tomorrow and I'm very very sad about it.

That's all.