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Momma Kiss: April 2009

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Auntie Em, Auntie Em!

THIS, my friends, is one reason I don't have a tiny dog. Some love ankle biters. I - for one - need a dog that a cat cannot squish.

WATERFORD TOWNSHIP, Mich. – Tinker Bell has been reunited with her owners after a 70-mph gust of wind picked up the six-pound Chihuahua and tossed her out of sight.*

Dorothy** and Lavern Utley credit a pet psychic for guiding them on Monday to a wooded area nearly a mile from where 8-month-old Tinker Bell had been last seen. The brown long-haired dog was dirty and hungry but otherwise OK.

The Utleys, of Rochester, had set up an outdoor display Saturday at a flea market in Waterford Township, 25 miles northwest of Detroit. Tinker Bell was standing on their platform trailer when she was swept away.

Dorothy Utley tells The Detroit News that her cherished pet "just went wild" upon seeing her.

*Tossed her out of sight?! LMAO!

**AND???? Her name is DOROTHY? As in like The Wizard of Oz??? It's just too much!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Oopma Loompa

Anyone ever tried Spray Tanning?

I just did, on Thursday, as I had a wedding on Friday and my pasty white ass needed some color. Quick.

So I went, it was all of 3 minutes. I did the lotion on the hands like they said, get out, pat dry and off I go.

Well I didn't shower till the next morning, and when I woke up I was HORRIFIED! I had like specks of color on my face. GAH! Thankfully, that shit came off in the shower.

What didn't come off??

Here take a peek:

My PSA for the day - lotion up the soles of your feet before you enter a spray tan booth.

I Love the Red Sox

This weekend the Boston Red Sox swept the New York Yankees. I’m a NY fan. By marriage. Actually grew up a Tigers fan, but we now watch NY often so I follow them.

I lost a bet with GOK and so here I am to profess my love for the Boston Red Sox.

The Red Sox. A beloved team in New England with the worlds “Greatest Fans.” This team is so wonderful. Founded in 1901, they won a few championships until they endured the longest championship drought in baseball history – not winning a World Series for 86 years, That’s a looooong time for a fan. (Of course, this compares to the 26 titles held by NY – but I digress.)

The Red Sox display the ultimate in sportsmanship. Class. To be sure. Take this game, for example, on April 12th vs. the LA Angels. The Angels had just lost a young superstar player in a car crash and were paying tribute to him at their stadium. I'm impressed with how classy the Red Sox were when they initiated a benches clearing brawl during this game. I bet Nick Adenhart's family is so happy to have such a great memory during this "memorial" game.

Oh, and this game in 2003, when Pedro Martinez tossed 72 year old Yankee Bench Coach Don Zimmer. What fan wouldn't be proud of a young pitcher who feels the need to defend himself by throwing down an old man? It's grace at it's finest.

I would be amiss if I didn't praise the Red Sox fans. They are incredible. My favorite fan story is this one about a man leaving Cape Cod and while stuck in traffic was beaten with a baseball bat. Because his car had NY license plates. Red Sox Fans, they are the BEST!

Oh - and these are my favorite fans, those who put their very young children in Yankee's Suck t-shirts. At games when the Red Sox aren't even playing the Yankees. I love it! So classy.

So there you have it, just a few examples of why I love the Boston Red Sox. Don't you want to jump on the band wagon, too??

(p.s., I'm not some super fan of either team, if any of my facts are off, it's because I suck at research...AND - full disclosure, I met Mr. Kiss at Fenway Park in a Yankee's / Sox game. So I have SOME respect for the franchise...well, the Park, anyway).

Thursday, April 23, 2009

So Subtle

THIS is gorgeous.

I subtly mentioned to Mr. Kiss that I wanted it for Mother's Day.

And by subtle, I mean, I e-mailed him the link, the price and mentioned that it would take 10 - 14 business days to produce as it'd be custom made.

Really, some men need instructions. I'm not above that ;)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

T-T-T-Tuesday. Blech.

Oh Low. Tuesday. We ALL know how much I really despise Tuesdays. It's just the zit on the butt of the week, I swear.

We had a busy weekend. Took the boyz on the train to the city for the first time. Found out the super fun way that Lil Kiss hates it. YAY! He screamed for, oh, 42 of the 45 minute ride? Yah, good times. We tooled around the city for a couple of hours and then braced ourselves for the ride back. Thankfully I bought a pack of pacifiers, ripped them open and shoved one in his mouth...he was asleep w/in seconds. Which was needed, because Big Kiss LOVED the ride. They see the train often during their school day - so to actually be on it was cool for him.

Sunday we met friends at the dog park and when on a huge hike. Much needed for all! And then went to a Memorial gathering for one of my Momma friends. Her husband was killed 3 years ago. They have a 4 year old :( Sad. Glad I could support her, tho.

Sunday we also went to the grocery store. I love going w/ just Big Kiss...he helps, loves the mono-y-mono attention and it's a good time. However, we got home to Daddy staring at Lil Kiss screaming. Another YAY! I tried many a solution, and finally drugs and the crib were the answer. He was in bed, for the night, at 5pm. D'OH!

Mr. Kiss took off on a trip Monday morning, and we decided to go watch the Marathon racers for a while. We're close to the race path, and it was awesome. That afternoon, I shopped for something to wear to a wedding this Friday (last minute? Anyone?) and a swim suit. I also scored a kick ass spring jacket. LOVE when I find a bargain!

how cute is THAT?! 3/4 length sleeves, super springy color. LOVE IT

Today? Had to get both kids ready for school, I had a dentist appointment bright & early - and huge meeting at work at 9.30. UGH! Pack it all in or what?? The morning was nuts, but the kids let me shower (while banging on the shower door) and get them dressed (while squirming all over creation) and then - I got to fireman carry Lil Kiss in to daycare. I was a sight, to be sure. Can't wait to pick them up later :)

Friday, April 17, 2009

Go Girly or Go Home

Guess it's a Friday up in here. Jeez. I've worked today! I have! I promise!

Check this shit out. HILARE!!!!!

Go Girly or Go Home

And this little t-shirt? It may HAVE to be mine!!!!


could I use more !!! Or have more caffeine today????!!!?



Hello time waster?!
Just did THIS, and my results:

You are a person who approaches their finances aggressively and with purpose. You make sure you have covered every angle by consulting the best professionals, then move in for the attack.
not really

Fashion is marketing vice that only the weak fall victim to. You like to rise above it all, dressing in a way that is your own unique style.

Oh, I'm unique. Some call it 'trendy' - my husband calls it dorky

Variety is the spice of life! You are comfortable in any crowd or situation, and always come away with new friends.
100% true

In your mind, the image your friends have of you is very important. You like to have the latest brands and are prepared to invest a lot of your money in quality and expensive possessions.
not really - I'm a Target, Payless and Marshall's girl. And we drive a frikkin ford and honda.

You are very sociable! You are the center of attention and have great stories to tell. But this often prevents from establishing deep relationships.
Hmmmm, interesting. It's true, I have very few deep relationships - but I sort of like it that way.

You are a no-nonsense, practical person. You make sure that you are there when your friends need you, and like to solve their problems for them.

Yep, agree.

Candy Me!

I'm on a quest to cut calories. And control portion size. And not drink like a GD Fish every single night.

I'm doing pretty good so far. Not even going by the scale, but by my overall feeling. Less swollen...less sausage fingers...less hungover ;)

Anyway - during my busy time at work, I was snacking (and drinking) a lot. Since then, I've reverted back to the old stand by of Diet Dr. Pepper - a freakin GODSEND! And recently re-found these little gems:

They're hard candies, and I loooooooove them can have 3 of them w/out feeling like I'm failing at the "eat good" campaign.

Then today whilst enjoying a Nooner with my Lovah (Target) - I found this little snack pack of Sugar Free mini Werther's - and By George, they're GOOD! So I can keep those bad boys in my pocket when I need a fix.

Isn't this scintillating??? I know it is. I know it's what the WORLD was wondering: how is MommaKiss curbing her appetite.

Well now you know.

(sarcasm much?) :p

Thursday, April 16, 2009

When you thought I wasn't looking

Well shit. This is just about the best thing I've read in a long time. Lead by example, right?


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a
stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of
your time and money to help people who had nothing,
and I learned that those who have something should
give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of
life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and
wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn't looking.'

Desserts or Stressed?

Stressed is Desserts spelled backward

It is. So, why then, when you're stressed do you want to eat? And Eat? And EAT? Especially dessert!

I'm not major stressed, but a little miffed.

I've got some more IT crap to do at work. Like a lot of it actually. Not looking forward to it. At. All.

We're trying to book a vacation. It's not easy. We have the time, we have the money, we have no coverage for the kids. That sucks. And no - we are not taking those little monsters with us. A vacation = kid free in the Kiss Hizza.

I'm struggling w/ keeping up at home. Laundry. Dishes. I have shit out - like still on the counter - from Christmas. CHRISTMAS! Sad. And I need to get that crap put away because my Mommy's coming to visit in a month. Half the crap we "push aside" is in our guest room.


Anyway. Today - will I choose Stressed? Or Desserts? It's early, I've got time to ponder...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I wanna be a PerpetualKid

Whilst I enlighten myself with some online training *ahem - I need the CPE credits* I thought I'd surf for some things I'm totally buying soon:

(and I'm not even ass kissing to this site, I really totally love it).

I wanna work THERE!

Easter on my Keester

Sigh. I could spend a lot of time sitting on my ass if only I weren't a mom, wife, worker, friend...

I had a super nice relaxing weekend. Well - the road trip to and from Grandmama's? Both legs pretty much sucked. I sit in the back w/ the kids - it's Me, lil Kiss and Big Kiss in their car seats. And the dog, in the way back, breathing his nasty shitty dog breath on my neck. Mr. Kiss drives - and believe me, he's got it easy. Slaps on the ipod and just tunes out the chaos. At one point, Lil Kiss was sucking on his toe. Like a lot. Like he was sucking his thumb. Big Kiss' movie was over, so he decided to throw a fit. While strapped in the carseat. We had JUST passed a rest area when he announced he had to pee. And once the announcement hits, stream of piss is not far behind.

AND - then he needed his shoes off. This is actually kind of funny in retrospect...I tried to reach over Lil Kiss, undo the velcro and flip the shoe off and, well, it just didn't go very well and it flew into the front and jacked daddy right in the face. (I'm literally shaking I'm laughing so hard right now). But at the time - he was PISSED. He pulled over. We were on the interstate.

So yeah - the ride sucks, but once we arrive, Gram & Gramps take over. I headed on upstairs and napped my lil self away for like 2 hours. Sweet. Woke to a nice easter egg hunt arranged by Gram & Gramps - lots of candy and animal crackers. And super balls! GAH! Who would have thunk the joy those hard little suckers would bring! Fantastic. Even the kids liked them.

No Nap Neds went to bed early and we had steak and baked potatoes for dinner. Mmmmm. I lounged. It was heavenly.

Easter, we did church, in the crying room (God forbid the kids make a peep)...and lasted for an hour before Lil Kiss had enough. Gram cooked the ham, I ate more than necessary and - whala - napped again! Wheee!

Car ride home? Big Kiss passed out (thankyouGOD)...but I had to entertain the little one for the entire damn trip. Like full on entertainment. And that dog's breath just never got better. I swear he eats his own shit, it was so bad.

All in all - a good weekend. And I am currently on a kick to eat well and not drink alkiehawl for a couple of weeks. I'm a lazy ass and need to make some changes.

AND? I'm walking myself to the bank today. That's all.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Holy Weekend

As in Holy Shit, I plan to get D-RUNK!


We're going to the in-laws for the weekend, which means *crossing fingers* I am off duty for a while. And? Grandmama's doing their baskets and an egg hunt & stuff, no work for me!

Happy Easter, Passover, What-the-heck-ever you may celebrate. Or if you're an athiest, hell, have a good weekend anyway! I'm an equal opportunity well wisher.

can not get enough of that card. I've shared it with many many many people.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Real men can wear Pink.

Big Kiss is almost 4. A couple of months away. For the most part, he lets me put silly clothes on him - esp if I bribe him with munchkins.

Today, he was sportin the CUTEST pink polo. Damn cute. I got it on sale, and a little big so he could wear it all summer.

I truly believe that boys look awesome in pink.

Now, he's given me the line before that "pink is for girls" but I don't think he put that together w/ his clothes.

Well, that may be changing :(

As Mr. Kiss dropped him off, his pals came over and one boy - who shall remain nameless Sergio says right to him "Why do you have your sister's shirt on?"


Per Mr. Kiss, he sort of just brushed it off - but really? Do I need to worry about this shit in PRESCHOOL?????

It's fine if he expresses that he doesn't want to wear it or be teased or whatever, but damn, he looks FINE in that shirt and the little mr. nameless is now on my shitlist!

Wedgie anyone?

I have 2 wedge stories to share.

Today - I'm wearing my new wedge shoes. And I've already had a few compliments on them. I get the most compliments on the shoes I spend the least on. And since I love trendy shoes, especially those w/ height to combat the vertically challenged thing, I shop at places like Payless or Target for fun, cheap shoes. Often blisters result, but hey - all in the name of fashion, right?

I would like to share a pic of my wedges:

Pardon the pasty white leg, it's been a looooooong frikkin winter up in here!

And yesterday I went to the gym. Afterward I realized I didn't have clean undies and so I just turned them inside out. Well, since I wear thongs (i.e. butt floss, i.e. perma wedge) - is there really a right or wrong side?

Most likely not, but it set my mind at ease. No pictures included on this one.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I publicly pledge to stop cell use while driving.


I'm wasting time while I wait on something to review, and read this.

Texting while driving - it's deadly

The thing is? I do this. Sometimes. And Big Kiss, who's just under 4, has seen me do this. I need to stop. So he'll know it's wrong. And Mr. Kiss MUST stop. I can't believe I've done it at all, w/ my gifts of LIFE in my car.


Adam Lambert is so going to win.

Anyone watch Idol - and your DVR cut off like mine?!?

Here's Adam's performance. It's just not fair - he's like Varsity and everyone else (except maybe Allison) is the JV team!

(am I a total tool for watching AI? I don't care, it's good t.v.)

Monday, April 6, 2009

Pass me the wine, please.

So, I was on a friend's site, and noticed my 'last updated' on her site said 4 days ago.

Wha Wha WHAT?! (SB, I know you'll get that one - we say it all the time).

Friday. My day of bliss. I couldn't get my family out of the house fast enough. Had a nice relaxing cup of coffee and watched the Today Show before my massage at nine. I totally fell asleep during it. Like so hard I drooled and "snorted" when I woke up. I guess that's a sign of a good massage. She did kick my ass, tho - or I should say the knots in my back. I was bruised! Mmmm. Good pain.

After the massage, I shipped some stuff off at the post office then got my hairs cut. Another pampering session - I wish I could have her wash and dry my hair every. single. day.

Lunch w/ 2 of my mama friends, including Presecco. Shopping, then home to nap away my worries before the monsters arrived.

Pizza for dinner - kids tossed in bed - and some DVR w/ the Mr. AND? Because I'm trying hard to not eat the house down, instead of having a startini (or four), I had me a lil Diet Dr. Pepper w/ Vodka. Surprisingly delicious.

Also surprisingly STRONG.

Holy shit, the drunk kicked in right quick and I went to bed sort of early.

Good thing, because at the ungodly hour of 10am I had our first of the teeny kiddie parties to go to on Saturday morning. I didn't even negotiate the fact that I needed to sleep till 9. But I did, got up, tossed a hat on, threw the gift in a bag and took the Kiss Kids to the party.

It's a good thing there were many parents about, because the sheer noise level could have floored me - but I had lots of help. This place was actually really cool:

Like a giant rubber room for toddlers. Sweet.

After the running around, tho - it was 'party' time and all they had was Cake. The party was 10 to noon. And so my kids had cake for lunch. Grand.

At home, Lil Kiss napped, Mr. Kiss was out so I let The Grinch babysit Big Kiss and napped on the couch.

Apparently, I fell asleep quite hard because when I woke up Mr. Kiss was home and said "you OK?" I said yeah, why?

He said when he got home, Big Kiss was dressed in his t-shirt and undies and announced "Momma didn't feed me lunch!"

Me: "Erm, ah, well, he said he wasn't hungry after the cake, and as for the lack of pants, I can't comment."

Mr. Kiss: "I come home to mayhem, it's like The Lord of the Flies!"

I told him to go away and went back to sleep.

We did whatever the rest of the day, had some Sushi / Flied Lice for dinner and I hit the sack. Hangovers SUCK at 34!

Sunday, yet another birthday party at 10am. This time I knew I'd be saved - she was serving Mimosas! And, actual food so that my kids could nosh all morning, then have cake.

Again, Lil Kiss and I napped (under the ruse of watching a movie in my room) and when naptime was over, off we go to the last party of the weekend. 3 yr old lil sweetie pie had 15 of her dearest closest friends to Build A Bear - pure joy! Really! Esp for my super shy big boy and perpetual motion little boy.

Neither kid wanted to participate in building the damn bear, so I had to do all the work. Of course, I looked fantastic doing it, in my new black wedges and tit-enhancing shirt, but that's beside the point.

After the joy was over, off to the food court for more Cake. Really? YAY! Cake 3x in one weekend!

Good lord, it was a long weekend and fully reinforced the decision Mr. Kiss and I have made to NOT have toddler birthday parties until the munchkin can ask for it. We did "huge" for each kid's first birthday party - but for Big Kiss' 2 and 3, just had some family together. And I mean minimal, family is way spread out, so it was a nice relaxing time. I'm guessing when he's 5 and really will appreciate the celebration of it, we may have to revisit. Anyway - and as we sipped our wine after the kids were in bed last night, we talked about that joint decision and clinked glasses to our smartness. :p

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Today is Thursday. But it's my Friday

My crazy 'busy' season is just about over. Tuesday was a stressful day. But yesterday was pure torture - cleaning up some shit while I popped in & out of a training.

Anyway. Last night the exhaustion started to sink in. I was wiped out beyond belief. Watched some DVR w/ the Mr.

And I just want to report that it was the first night in - oh - 3 weeks? that I didn't have a drink before bed. Be it one glass of wine or half a bottle of vodka (damn Startinis!).

I had some Pomegranate Seltzer water w/ my cheese & crackers. That's it.

We'll see how long this banishment lasts. I mean, come on, it's almost the weekend and we have not one, not two, but THREE toddler birthday parties to attend. I'm quite sure some drinks will be had this weekend. And I'm talkin DURING one or two of the parties. Oy.

So I told my boss I'm taking tomorrow off. I am getting a massage, my wig busted and a late lunch w/ my friend. I can't wait. Which means I fully intend to treat today like my 'Friday' and waste a lot of time.

Just for shits & grins, I so want this:

I know I've said it before, but it's such a grand idea.

Just one glass...