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Momma Kiss: May 2009

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Momma's Momma

I've been away from the blog for a few days haven't I?

My momma has been visiting me. She arrived on May 16th. It's been total heaven. She lives all the way on the other side of the country and I only see her once or twice a year. We're close. Not at all the "call me every 5 seconds" close - not even talk every day close - but she's my rock and I am who I am because of my mother.

Anyway - it's just natural when she visits. The "getting along" part. My kids love her to pieces. My husband even doesn't mind her being around.

This visit, tho - she's been like my personal live in maid/nanny/chef. Every single window in my home has been taken out and cleaned. Every single piece of dirty laundry has been cleaned, including bedding and towels. She's sewed me new kitchen curtains, and is working on recovering the couch cushions that the dog has scratched up. She has had dinner ready for us almost every single night (spare last night, when I took her out to "The City!"). She cleans up after the boys. She reads to the boys. She tickles the boys. She watches lame t.v. with me. She brushes my hair and rubs my feet. She let's me get wasted drunk and doesn't judge.

She is the perfect house guest and I don't want her to leave.

She has to leave on Saturday and I feel the impending depression coming. I do. I can't ignore it, but want to just enjoy the next few days.

Thursday, May 21, 2009


I had a rough night with my soon-to-be 4 year old. His birthday is in a couple of weeks and he is really growing so fast. He speaks well when he wants to. He is super sweet when he needs to be. But he's also learning what really gets to me and his daddy. Like, he's a pro at it.

Last night, he was being a total turd. Not listening. Blowing his tongue at me. Kicking his brother. Kicking the dog (which in turn, taught his brother to kick the dog). Calling me names (poopy, stinky, buddah, stupid). Whining. Pushing buttons.

So we had a rough bedtime, and when all was calm I asked my momma what I'm doing wrong. She's been w/ us since Saturday, so from an outsider's POV, tell me what to fix. :(

She didn't even hesitate when she said he doesn't respect me. And I give too many "ifs" and don't follow thru. That didn't feel good. But she's right. She also said if he's disrespectful at 4, what will he be like at 8? And what will Lil Kiss learn from him?

It's such a fine line. I work. Mr. Kiss works. Sometimes a lot. And we each travel for work or fun. So on those days when we're working or traveling, there's not much "quantity" of time w/ the boys. But I try to make it quality time.

So - the fine line - am I too soft? I didn't think I was. I don't yell at him (too much). I ask him to use strong words. But I say "if you do this, we're doing that" and give him a few chances before following thru.


I need to get tougher, don't I? I need him to know he can't interrupt all the time. It's not OK to hit. It's not OK to call names.

The next few weeks are going to suck. But I hope it's worth it in the end. I just want both of my kids to grow up strong and confident and respectful and empathetic.

Anyone have the magic recipe? When you find it, share that shit, will ya? This momma needs some help.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


This just in.

I've made a life changing decision.

I've decided to start wearing 'boy shorts' undies. That's right! Love those badboys!

Lil Kiss has pneumonia. Fucking awesome.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I need a vacation from Mondays.

I'm sofaking tired. It's insane. Had to stay up till like 1am picking up the Mr. after his 'dude' weekend in Vegas. Then Lil Kiss was squirmin when we got home, and such a hotbox! Fever, I didn't take his temp but he was on fire. Motrin did the trick, but I seriously slept from like 3 to 5.30. AND, the Mr. banged in sick today, but you think he got up to help me out this morning? Nope. Grrrr. Thank GAWD my mommy is here.

That's right.

She came in on Saturday eve - and is staying for TWO WEEKS! It's been almost 6mos since I've seen her and I'm way excited. The boys ran right to her, too, which was sweet.

We planned menu for the week (she's cooking us dinner - my husband may divorce me after she leaves), shopped, walked, played outside, she rubbed my feet, made me giggle and brushed my hair.


I love my mommy.

Tonight is a late night at work so she'll help hold down the fort and then hopefully tomorrow I can take her out for ice cream after our home-cooked meal!

Friday, May 15, 2009


I just ordered major shit from Target. yes. I did. Free shipping. Nevermind the fact that I was just there yesterday and spent $60 bucks. Or the Cool Hundy I dropped last weekend. I love TARGET!

Sock Monkey Bermuda Jams (for moi)

Also this outfit, in 2T and 4T. I dress my kids alike. Easier to search for one outfit when out in public.

(there's lil crabs on those shorts, way cute).

And all from TARGET people! Bargain on a stick!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

PSA re: women's health


Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Vodka.

Vodka is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Vodka can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Vodka almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live! Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Vodka may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Vodka. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister!


* The consumption of Vodka may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
* The consumption of Vodka may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them...
* The consumption of Vodka may cause you to think you can sing...
* The consumption of Vodka may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
* The consumption of Vodka may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

(an e-mail from a friend, I changed it from chardonnay, because, well, I don't like chardonnay. ew.)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Limp Wrisket

My kid loves bandaids. For bruises, a sliver, a stubbed toe.

He doesn't keep them on long, unless it's really for something gory bloody, but I humor the kid and like to buy fun bandaids.

I also like to watch him after we slap one on because he acts like his hand is broken and walks around all limp like, and God Forbid a shirt sleeve touch it or anything! Hence, this picture.

Limpy and shirtless.

So manly...

Monday, May 11, 2009

In a Nutshell, V2.0

On Friday, I did enjoy some pinot noir with my bf A.

I did laugh and laugh and laugh with my bf A.

I may or may not have had a conjugal visit with my husband after said pinot.

I did wake up too early on Saturday.

I did not like being up so early w/ a headache, but was excited to be goin’ on a trip.

I did fall asleep on the quick flight to B’more.

I did not feel rested after that drooly nap.

I did give a HUGE squeeze tight to my Bobo when she picked us up at the airport!

I did not yell at her when she took a wrong turn out of the airport and turned a 15 min ride into a 55 min ride.

I did thoroughly enjoy the ‘bottomless mimosa’ special at lunch.

I did not thoroughly enjoy the ouchie tongue from all the orange juice.

I did continue to drink champagne thru out the next few hours.

I did take a pseudo nap w/ Bobo.

I did not sleep during planned nap, but giggled and giggled and spooned and giggled.

I did about crap my pants when Bobo’s husband popped the cork on the Magnum of champagne.

I did enjoy some cham cham w/ Bobo and her husband.

I did also enjoy wearing comfy clothes out for the evening instead of my cute outfit.

I did not in the least bit worry about our ‘cham to go’ water bottle as we walked the Inner Harbor.

I did enjoy meeting up w/ my husband at the bar.

I did not enjoy walking the miles to Camden Yard.

I did enjoy watching the steward pouring the full bottle of wine into 2 large plastic cups for Bobo and I.

I did NOT have more than a few sips of said wine.

Neither did Bobo.

I did or did not puke in the bathroom at Camden Yard.

I did not enjoy the fact that our team lost.

I did not enjoy the fact that my hangover started to set in on the miles walk back from the game.

I did NOT enjoy waiting for my snack at the Cheesecake Factory.

I did, however, GREATLY enjoy motorboating that snicker’s cheesecake. At 11pm.

I did not enjoy being sick in my hotel room at midnight.

I did enjoy sleeping till 8 on Sunday.

I did enjoy hearing and unprompted Happy Mother’s Day from Mr. Kiss!

I did not enjoy the bitter muddy coffee at breakfast.

I did not enjoy the flight home. At. All.

I did enjoy Big Kiss totally bypassing daddee when we got home and racing into my arms so hard we fell over on the grass.

I did also enjoy the fact that Lil Kiss was asleep when we got home (my heart needed small doses yesterday).

I did really really enjoy spending the afternoon w/ my family and my in-laws.

I did also really really enjoy the bath I took, in such silence, I could hear my heart beat when my ears where under water.

I did not enjoy the fact that it was beating wicked fast and sort of hurt.

I did love putting Lil Kiss to bed.

I did feel like I was about to fall asleep at 6pm.

I did, therefore, fall asleep putting Big Kiss to bed at 7.30pm.

Which calls for the shit-show hot mess I am today. I’m tired (over rested tired?). I’m sore. From laughing and giggling and coughing and walking. I’m having major sinus pain. I’m in day 2 of a hangover (those bottomless mimosas, not such a good idea). My ears are popping. And I’ve had night sweats. Major. I’m only 34. A doc visit is in order. Stat.

Friday, May 8, 2009



How many times have I said it??


Now go enjoy yourselves - and remember to show your own momma some love on Sunday...

Thursday, May 7, 2009

A Lil Catch UP

Some things going on in the past few days.

First - I am so glad it's Thursday! GAWD this has been a long ass week.

Mr. Kiss was gone. Monday to last night. Tuesday morning I took a whore bath before work, yesterday? packed up the kiddums and dropped them at daycare when they were unlocking the doors. In my jammies. And then I returned home to shower in silence. Bliss.

I decided to get those wrap things on my nails. Not tips, or long fakey nails, but just the stuff that goes over my natural short, square nails. They feel funny. But I sort of like them. And it's all in the nature of attempting to curb my texting addiction. It appears to be working.

I've been sick. Like lost my voice, sinus headaches, tired. It's not the swine flu, altho that's been spotted in our teeny tiny town. So I took some Mucinex and let me say - I love that stuff! DAMN. Can't believe I waited so long.

I'm working on some reporting stuff at work and it's time to just ask for help. I'm under the gun, it's not reconciling and I need to just be humble and admit I'm not there. This is gonna suck.

I am going to see my bff this weekend. Well, the Mr. and I are going to a baseball game - but we're meeting up w/ her and her husband so it's really all about us.

While we're gone, we had to split child care. My friend A is staying over Friday nite so the kids get comfy w/ her and she'll watch them till Saturday afternoon when the 'rents arrive. I'm going to bet my bottom dollar she'll be needing some wine on Saturday evening. Those kids are a handful.

Mother's day on Sunday will be nice - I can't wait to get my gift and we'll spend the day lounging w/ the 'rents (i.e. perchance I can nap?). Sweet.

That's about all. Time to go eat crow...

Monday, May 4, 2009


I went out on Friday night. My friend has 6 week old twins (as well as a 4 yr old and 2 yr old) and she needed some WINE TIME! Who am I to pass that up? We went to a japanese steak house, were totally skeeved out by the drunk rednecks next to us, but managed to laugh and laugh till our stomachs hurt. I'm pretty sure I even snorted a few times. Lovely.

Anyway, get home, and Mr. Kiss said he did laundry. Pause. What, are you waiting for a compliment? A cracker? I just said - awesome, and continued on upstairs.

Where I saw this:

(um, this picture was scoured for any shots of skivs, we don't need that on the internetz).

So what laundry did he do? Some couch blankets from Manland. That's all. If I had given him a cracker, I'd have punched him so he threw it up and demanded he give it back.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Gifts and Ladybugs

Guess what came in the mail yesterday?! The necklace I "subtly requested" for mother's day.

I quickly shut the mail box and when the Mr. came home, I pretended I didn't have time to check the mail. SCORE for me, and - ahem - score for him for listening!

I also got another prezzie, from my momma. In the form of a compliment. She sent an e-mail, here's a part of it:

Oh, I picked up the May 4th issue of Woman's World today. On the page of Personality Insight, the question asked was "What does your favorite spring critter say about you?" It listed honeybees, ladybugs, dragonflies, fireflies, and butterflies. Well, I thought of you as I read the one of ladybugs, and here it what is says:

"You're a fierce nurturer!! Don't judge a bug by its exoskeleton. Although ladybugs are undeniably pretty, they're also surprisingly competitive. Voracious predators, they're able to zero in quickly on harmful insects. It's a duality you can identify with, because as polite and polished as you are, you're also a force to be reckoned with when it comes to protecting your loved ones. Your weapon of choice? Why, a disarming combination of tact and grace!"

AND, did it ever bring back memories of your trip to here to help me with my troubles with D (my sister - who was screwin over my momma.) I actually cried when I read it!!! I love you!!!

How cool is that? And - for the record, it's a dead on description of me. Who knew?