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Momma Kiss: November 2010

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Mega Monday Update. Oof.

Holy Balls, I feel like November just flew by. All of 2010 actually.

Just here to share some thingies.

The Friday after Thanksgiving, we decided to start a new tradition with the boys. Indoor Water Park. Yes, this is a tad insane - considering I had consumed approximately 23948729 calories the day before. I'll just say I had Nothing to worry about - I was lookin' good. And sportin' the pigs, obvs.

The boys totally loved it and slept really well after - Win!

Lookie here! I got a few gifts:

I was lucky enough to be asked to take part in a Mug Swap for the holidays. The lovely and charming KLZ at Taming Insanity drew my name - stoked! My hot mug has her blog button and says "Battling Beavers since 2010," Beavers are funny.

While we're at it, she's in this contest to go to the Blissdom conference. Help a sista out and vote. Please?? Just do that shit. Send KLZ to Blissdom!

I also got a Mug O' Boobs from that Mad Woman. Not for the swap, just cuz she loves me and knows I like boobs. Boobs. Say it. It feels good.

I sent a mug to The Truth about Motherhood. Poor thing, I wasn't as creative as these ladies. She has a white mug with the back of my head on it. Because who wouldn't want to have coffee out of that?

Moving right along, Liz at a belle a bean and a chicago dog honored me with the Chicago Dog award. She wrote the funniest post about how she thinks of certain bloggers as buddies. My buddy? Kimberly who blogs here. She's hilare, and really does 'talk' like me.

Little does Kimberly know, I already ate the best part of the dog...

Ok. Tired yet? Sorry, and fyi? I'm actually awake right now. Yes. At almost 2am on Monday morning.

But don't go yet! There's MORE!

I was able to take part in Gigi's "Thanksgiving Table" and I'm pretty sure my day is today. Or tomorrow. Monday. I think. Anyway, go read, please? It's a MK memory of a childhood Thanksgiving.

Last, but definitely not least, my girl A? She had her first dose of chemo on November 18th. She waited and waited to feel sick. Never came. She's taken to calling her cancer her "mess," and the next part of this mess is losing her hair. That hot shit is taking charge and she wants NO part of the hair 'clumping' out. So on Wednesday, she's going to shave her head. Just a few of us will be there, and if she needs me to, I'll be sitting next to her in the chair. A? Has a wig picked out and paid for. Me? Not so much. But I hear the halloween stores are having a wicked sale, so, you know, I'll figure something out. Thursday she'll have her next dose of chemo and continue fighting this mess.

Let's sum this up.

The only "shower" I had in a matter of 3+ days was at a water park, I have new coffee mugs, I'm so cool I don't need ketchup, I have a thanksgiving post up after thanksgiving and A is a fucking inspiration.

Any questions?

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The Calendar for Papa

Let’s talk about Shutterfly.

I have been sick and tired and working and sick and being a mom and HOLY CRAP, I’ve realized I haven’t made The Calendar for Papa. The Shutterfly Calendar. Every year since having Big Kiss I’ve made him a calendar and it’s by far his favorite gift. One year, I was lazy, I MEAN, it was shipped late and I forgot to tell him that it was in fact on the way and that he would have it before January 1st. He literally wiped his brow and said “Whew.” I sort of look forward to making it too, not gonna lie.

Today? While I’ve been home trying to breathe properly? I’m also working on the calendar. It’s not December 1 yet, I’m not that far behind. Oh - why does it take me so long? Because I make the photo collage in photoshop and then upload my images. One of kind, people.

I’ve stored my pics on shutterfly for years. I’m talking like 10 years. They have the cutest photo cards and birthday invitations. Check ‘em out – free photo storage is one thing, but I also love their customer service.

You want free cards this year? Check it out. I'm not above free sh!t. "Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly "


Saturday, November 27, 2010

Six Word Saturday

I haven't showered since Wednesday morning.


Monday, November 22, 2010

A few of my favorite things - MK Memory

Thought I'd share this from last year - a tour of my Christmas stuff!

Anyone want to join in? I'll do this again for my 2010 decorations and add a linky. How's the second week of December.

I'm totes in the Christmas spirit this year. It's hit me like a mack truck and I am just going with it.

Sing along with me, will you? "Raindrops on Roses and whiskers on kittens..." - Oh hell to the NO - I'm NOT a cat person. But, the whole "favorite things" are making me smile.

I give you...

Momma Kiss' favorite Christmas Decorations!

This is taken from my front entry way. Actually Big Kiss took it, just this evening. Our living room has this huge open ceiling that provides for a lot of light and living. We LIVE in our living room. No plastic on the Kiss Hizza couches. So the ornaments hanging from the upstairs ceiling and the lights on the banister up and around the look-over make me mega happy. Also? Do ya see that little mistle toe? Do ya? It's actually a kissing ball - and gets a lot of action if I do say so myself.

My very first 'ornament' received upon moving to Boston. It was some decor for my cubicle, as I was part of the zoo called Public Accounting...and tho we were rarely in the office, when I was - it was nice to see this lil plush poinsettia at my desk.

This lil' beauty was given to me by my mother in law. The first Christmas "out East" was my first in 26 years that I wasn't with my mom. By the way, I was 26. So yah, my first EVER. And my future in-laws really made me feel welcome. They had all sorts of presents for me and even a stocking. Hello loved! Plus? She sorta looks like me - so yah, it's a keeper.

Moving right along, yes, this is a New York Yankee's ornament. Get over it. I met Mr. Kiss at a Yankee game. So it's a treasure.

I now present the crystal tree that hangs on my real tree! Given to me by a dear dear friend about 8 years ago. It's sparkly and catches every single little light.

It was Christmas of 2006. I had an 18 month old cherub. We dumped him off with Gram & Gramps and went to NYC for the weekend. Mr. Kiss surprised me with tickets to see A Christmas at Rockefeller Center (or whatever the Eff it's called - the Rockette's danced). Naturally, I had to buy this totally overpriced ornament, you know, for posterity's sake.

Got this the first year we owned a home. Not a 450 sq foot condo...a HOME!

My children made this last week. A paper chain. From post-it notes. Lovely.

Can you see how cute that little shit is? That's Big Kiss. When he was 5 mos old. Dressed as Santa. He couldn't even sit up, such a weeble. My hands were behind the curtain holding his fat ass up. I guess he was meant to be Santa that year.

Well Eff Me, you can't really see it. I may need to find another version of the picture.

Know what is NOT one of my favorite things?

One string of lights went out on my tree. ONE. In the fucking middle. Well actually near the bottom. I'm so pissed, I'm tempted to just leave it as is - you know - and we shall say it was The Christmas of the Retarded Half-Lit Tree.*

*At least we know Momma was lit when she tried to post this goddam thing.

p.s. Did you know how bad Egg Nog is for you? Especially the Sugar Cookie Egg Nog type? Really bad. Lots of calories and fat and sugar and all that yummy delicious goodness. Especially bad for you when you spike it. Because who Doesn't spike their egg nog?

p.p.s. If you can't tell where the lights are out, then you're clearly not as Christmas Tree Light Decorating obsessed as I am and we could never ever be best friends. The End.

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Saturday, November 20, 2010


Last night I went to a club called Jacques in Boston. "Ladies" night. Except the ladies were drag queens.

It was fabulous.

I was on stage because my "friends" told someone it was my birthday. Where I shared my age and won the title Old Bitch. (I was the hottest, natch). Also, I kissed the upper boobage of the MC.

I got a lap dance by a Queen pushin' 350. With visible back fat. Wearing a glitter pants suit.

A chick next to us was wearing black boy shorts, black bra and a fishnet thingy over it. I'm sure she was a girl because I made her show me that she wasn't tucking peen.

I may or may not have bit her tush. I also may or may not have kissed her. With tongue. Someone got a picture and let me share? She was a Butter Face.


Beer Goggles. Not for the light of heart.

(Fyi you friday flippers rock! I'll be by once I can see straight again.)

*everything was hot but her face

Picture update:

Holy Hell.

[my 'entrance' stamp. everyone else had a green dot.]

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Friday, November 19, 2010

Friday Flips 11-19

Friday Flip Off, Kids!

Flip off the things that got to you this week and have happy weekend.

Unlike me, I'll be working this weekend. Awesome.

I'll be quick, then Ima Let You Finish...

Flip off hacking coughs.

Flip you changing work schedules.

Fuck you, chemo therapy. By the way, Therapy? What. The. Fuck.

p.s. I saw this blog yesterday: "So I had Cancer..." Breast Cancer Survivor. Rock the Fuck On.

B) did you know Thanksgiving is like less than a week away? The Hell???

3) I won't do a Flip off next week. We all know you'll be out shopping or nursing a turkey hangover. Enjoy that.

Link up fools. It feels good.

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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

For A.

My girl A starts chemo on Thursday.

That is all.

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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Tough Love is Tough

I got home to smiling faces and hugs. After a long day at work, it was just what the doctor ordered.

Until my husband gave me the stink eye for 'distracting' the kids during dinner.



frustration level: 4

So I went to sit at the table with them.

Mr. Kiss left for the gym, haircut and grocery store. Boys and I are reading, then we play checkers and they ask me to turn on The Fresh Beat Band.

frustration level: 7 [but they love that show]

Big Kiss, who is 5, starts whining for more to eat. Like we starve him. We don't. He eats plenty. I said no, he whines more that he "used his manners." I said [in my still croaky voice] "thank you, but the answer is still no."

Everyone calms down - upstairs for bed.

frustration level: back to maybe a 3

While I'm getting Lil Kiss' medication, screaming ensues upstairs. Big jumped and scared Lil, they smacked heads - Crying. Fits. "I'm Sorry's"

frustration level: 8

"Ok, jammies on, no books. In bed."

5 year old? Chucks a stage 6 tantrum. Kicking his legs, cries for daddy (nice try), says he's not my friend, whatthefuckever, can you see where I'm going here?

frustration level: 92384729138173

I lose my shit, which Mommas are never supposed to do [I lie].

Lights out. Momma feels like a total asshole. Babies are crying in their beds.

Follow through, Tough love. Better in the morning.

Little squeaky voice "I need a tissue, please, momma. "

I give each kid a big hug. Whisper to them to please go back to bed. "Let's all have a better night tomorrow."

Think they'll forgive me? Think they'll hear me when I go and lay next to their sleepy bodies and tell their sleepy heads that I'm sorry? Think I'm the worst mom ever? Think my husband will be getting the stink eye upon his return?

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Monday, November 15, 2010

I'm mute

I have lost my voice.

No, I don't mean figuratively, as in "GAH, I don't know what to blog about! Poor ME!" 

I mean as in I have no sound coming out of my mouth when I try to speak.

Unless you count the dragon-like husky, hack-ridden sounds...well, let's not go there. So I'm whispering. Or making that universal "point to throat and shake head" sign that everyone should know means "I'm mute."

I think that this "whisper" thing brings great joy to my husband (can't nag); my children (can't yell); and my co-workers (can't complain).

As for all y'all? Well, most of y'all? Have never heard my voice anyway, so just pretend it's like angels singing. Angels singing after eating cotton candy and riding a unicorn. So beautiful. So poetic. So lovely.

And today the world does not get to experience it.

Poor world. Poor poor world. 

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Thursday, November 11, 2010

FFO 11.12.10


Flip Off Time! What kind of stuff pissed you off this week? Give it a flip-off and forget about it!

I'm just going to jump right in. My birthday was 2 weeks ago. Two whole weeks already. And I received the most thoughtful gifts and words. From SO MANY. But wanna know who didn't wish me a Happy Birthday? My family. I'm talkin' bout my brothers, sister, that family. My Momma, she sent a card. She had an infusion that day, though, and didn't call me. First year, in, I don't know, EVER that I didn't talk to my Momma on my birthday. I had a really really great day. But I'm giving a double flip off to my family for forgetting.

People who don't know how to handle themselves professionally at work - Flip The Fuck Off. 'Nuff Said.

Count downs to Christmas, Aye YyeEye - FUCKING AYE - Flip Off because I'm soooooo not ready!

Speaking of Christmas - I wrote a MommaKissMemory for Mad's Blogging Mom yesterday. Thanks for coming by y'all. [After I begged.] If you haven't seen it, stop by. It's a touchy feely sort of post. Rare for me. I. Know.

Didja want to know if you won the my inspired gift basket thingy? Again, ladies and gents, you entertained me.

Guess What? John - you win! WOOT! E-mail me your address, mmkay?

fyi? good thing the number was small - because I had to count by hand. The things I do for you kids.

Now link up, will ya? It's Friday Flip Offs, people!

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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Boys. They don't get it.

Today I wore a dress.

It's a pretty snazzy dress, one that I have only recently been able to wear again. Finally losing my gunt has been fabulous for the wardrobe. It's a deep red and fits the season. Since it's chilly up in these parts, I also had to wear nylons.

Fine, I haven't shaved my legs. Details.

For whatever reason, I was up early enough to be fully dressed and ready to go before the boys even stumbled out of bed. I know! Shut Up! My 5 year old saunters in to pee and when he's done, looks up at me with his head cocked and says "Why you look like that today? This uniform?"

It's not a fucking uni, kid.

Of course, I didn't say that (out loud). I said "It's just a dress dude, I wanted to wear it to wear to work today." He doesn't need to know that all of my work pants are in the laundry.

His reply: "You look gorgeous."

And he still had those warm-from-sleep cheeks.


We go downstairs for breakfast and it's time for Little Kiss to whine his way to the table. That kid wakes like his Momma-there ain't nothing easy about it.

They eat, I finish my coffee. Little Kiss finally takes a gander and says "You look pretty, Momma - what's deese?" And he comes over to feel my legs. The ones covered in the pantyhose.

I say "They're called nylons. They're like socks, that Mommas wear with dresses."

Then each kid comes over to touch my leg, one puts his head on my shin and says "They soft."

And then? Lil Kiss says "How far they go? How tall them socks?" as he's trying to get to 3rd base with his hands.

Mentally calc'ing the therapy bill, I lift one side of my dress and show them "They go all the way up to my belly, see?" Not quick enough - I remember that Momma goes commando in nylons and quickly put the hem of the dress back in place.

Didn't phase them.

They got their sneakers on, smooch me good bye, Mr. Kiss gave me a wink and off they all go. Down the sidewalk, leaving me to ponder my long socks and if I'm going to get a note from Big Kiss' teacher this evening.

All because I forgot to shave my damn legs.

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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I Was Inspired

This morning I was inspired.

Yes, me!

I was invited by our auditors to attend a breakfast, including free coffee. I mean really –

Free Coffee?? I’m. So. In. I was pleasantly surprised to see that this wasn’t some small kvetchy klub, though. Nope, I was a guest at their table for the 19th Annual Leading Women Award Breakfast hosted by the Girl Scouts of Eastern Massachusetts.

The overall message that these girls learn is how important it is to respect themselves and others. To be involved. To serve. Young brave girls took the stage to introduce incredible women who themselves were girl scouts as wee lasses. Today, they are CEOs and Law Partners and Presidents of colleges and basically kicking ass, one day at a time.

They shared this video, which almost made me cry. And made me wish I had a girl to mentor.

So I thought I’d share with you – those of you with girls in your family or girls around you.

Swear to God, I’m not a sponsor of the organization or anything, I was just truly moved today and couldn’t keep it in.

Also? I won the centerpiece thingy. All Au Bon Pain products. There’s ground coffee, a reusable coffee mug, chocolate covered pretzels, cookie thingies, chocolate candies and a bag with nuts and stuff.

Since I’m on a diet, I can’t have it near me much longer. And since I don’t want to just put it out for my ungracious co-workers, I want to give it to one of you. How Nice Am I???? I’m nice. I know, you can stop saying it already. *

So comment away – no rules, other than you MUST leave an e-mail address. I’ll pick a winner on Friday. No wait, Thursday night, and I’ll post the winner on Friday. There.

*thin mints not included. Those bitches are MINE.

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Sunday, November 7, 2010

There are things...

There are things.

Things that need to be done. Like cleaning the spare room. And printing pictures, from 2009. And making the collages for the 2010 Christmas gifts. And exercise more. And dry cleaning to be picked up. And schedules to be managed, so that I can get to A's doc appointment tomorrow and skate with my hockey-loving 5 year old. And work-busy-time to be figured out. Things...

There are words.

Words that need to be said. By phone. By thank you note. By seeing a face. Words...

There are prayers.

Prayers for my girl A. Prayers for my momma. Prayers for a friend, who's co-worker almost died in a car accident. Prayers for a friend dealing with depression. Prayers.


I've said the prayers. That's the easy part. Me & God, we're tight. But the rest. Well, here I sit, typing online. It's like I wake up and am thankful I'm alive for one more day and then it's bedtime and I'm thinking "where the hell did that day just go?"

Anyone? Can you motivate me? No?

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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Friday Flip Offs 11.5

It's FRIDAY!!!

Yabba Dabba DOOOOO!

Don't you think of Fred Flinstone flying down that dino tail? I do. I'm *that* old, I guess.

Let's clear our minds and blogs of the angst that got to us this week and sail on into the glorious weekend Free From Angst! It's Friday Flip Off Time!

Where should we start. Let's see. How about the ass-scope? The Katie Couric Special. Remember when she did that on air? Yes, I think I shall flip that off. I'm 36 years old. A FRESH 36. Way too young for a colonoscopy, right? Without letting you in on the FABULOUS details, things happened and my doc said I should get one. I did the prep, which entailed a liquid diet all day and then FOUR dulcolax and THEN a 14 dose bottle of Miralax. FOURTEEN people.

Let's just say nothing about that was "gentle."

Also? I have NO idea how anorexics do it. The not eating thing. I was exhausted, delirious, weak. I just couldn't do that like every day. Whatever. So on Wednesday, I showed up and got mah drugs...ahhhh, yeah....

Results are fine, but still? Fuck You ass scope. You violated my exit only philosophy.

Next up? Flip the Eff Off "Invite the whole class to your party rule." This shit happened in daycare, and we just got our first invite to a kindy party. An e-vite. Go Green! YAY! But I'm not at all looking forward to more parties coming up. Because Big Kiss is gonna talk about it, and gonna want to go and the presents and snot-nosed kids and parents who want to be friends and I HAVE ENOUGH FRIENDS!


Anyway, flip off to the invite the whole class birthday party thing.

Last? Flip OFF to The Old Navy Commercials with the stupid mannequins.


Just stop.

Please link up! I'll be by when I can, work's a lil busy so give me the weekend, would ya? And stop writing so damn well, all y'all. I can't keep up. Smooch!


Monday, November 1, 2010


My birthday was Friday, October 29th.  I planned the day off to pamper myself, I attended the kindy Pumpkin Palooza and then stopped at home before getting the boys and heading out to see my friend A for dinner. 


When I was home inbetween errands, I received an e-mail stating that some friends got me a birthday gift, but it wasn't delivered, and to check the attached e-mail address to see the present.


I was puzzled at first, reading loving wishes and then seeing all of these confirmations of donations.  To the National Breast Cancer Foundation, Inc. And then I started to cry. So hard I couldn't see straight. And it was the ugly cry, people.


I haven't really found the right words, other than to say I'm humbled. And Thank You. 


I've chosen to write about my friend A and her breast cancer, not to seek money or recognition, but because I don't know what else to do.


I can't cure her.


I'm not sick.


But I can write and share my feelings.


Your support has been unbelievable.  I won't name everyone who donated (you know who you are, and collectively sent almost $900 to the foundation), but I also wanted to thank those of you who have given constant encouragement.  The e-mails and texts to check in on how things are going.  Asking not only about A, but also about me. Honest to goodness support that I never would have imagined.


When I saw A for dinner that night, I showed her the donation confirmations.  She was overwhelmed with gratitude.  She said "I'm uncomfortably overwhelmed, but in a 'good' uncomfortable way."   Especially at this sentiment from one of the birthday organizers:  "I know the best present we can give you right now is to honor A and help save other best friend's out there from the same fate."  Yah. Like I said, Ugly Cry.


The attached picture is of a little ceramic sign A gave me for my birthday.  It says "Good friends are like stars – the darker the night the brighter they shine." 


I'm trying to be her star.


And you all are mine.

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