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Boys. They don't get it.

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Momma Kiss: Boys. They don't get it.

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Boys. They don't get it.

Today I wore a dress.

It's a pretty snazzy dress, one that I have only recently been able to wear again. Finally losing my gunt has been fabulous for the wardrobe. It's a deep red and fits the season. Since it's chilly up in these parts, I also had to wear nylons.

Fine, I haven't shaved my legs. Details.

For whatever reason, I was up early enough to be fully dressed and ready to go before the boys even stumbled out of bed. I know! Shut Up! My 5 year old saunters in to pee and when he's done, looks up at me with his head cocked and says "Why you look like that today? This uniform?"

It's not a fucking uni, kid.

Of course, I didn't say that (out loud). I said "It's just a dress dude, I wanted to wear it to wear to work today." He doesn't need to know that all of my work pants are in the laundry.

His reply: "You look gorgeous."

And he still had those warm-from-sleep cheeks.


We go downstairs for breakfast and it's time for Little Kiss to whine his way to the table. That kid wakes like his Momma-there ain't nothing easy about it.

They eat, I finish my coffee. Little Kiss finally takes a gander and says "You look pretty, Momma - what's deese?" And he comes over to feel my legs. The ones covered in the pantyhose.

I say "They're called nylons. They're like socks, that Mommas wear with dresses."

Then each kid comes over to touch my leg, one puts his head on my shin and says "They soft."

And then? Lil Kiss says "How far they go? How tall them socks?" as he's trying to get to 3rd base with his hands.

Mentally calc'ing the therapy bill, I lift one side of my dress and show them "They go all the way up to my belly, see?" Not quick enough - I remember that Momma goes commando in nylons and quickly put the hem of the dress back in place.

Didn't phase them.

They got their sneakers on, smooch me good bye, Mr. Kiss gave me a wink and off they all go. Down the sidewalk, leaving me to ponder my long socks and if I'm going to get a note from Big Kiss' teacher this evening.

All because I forgot to shave my damn legs.

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Blogger Cheryl said...

You go commando in nylons? I think I might need therapy after reading that. ;)

11/10/10, 5:05 PM  
Blogger The Girl with the Curl said...

wow when ever my mom forgets to shave her legs she weres her tall work socks and long jeans!

ps dont forget to shave your legs please.

11/10/10, 5:19 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

this is too perfect!!

11/10/10, 5:21 PM  
Blogger Trina said...

lol Hilarious. You always entertain the socks off me ;)

11/10/10, 5:39 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

LOL - I remember last Christmas at Church my 3 yr old trying to get up my skirt because of my stockings! Too funny!!

11/10/10, 5:39 PM  
Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

Okay, now that I've recovered from the visual...woah, no I haven't.

Okay, the flashbacks may just send me to therapy: I was maybe 9, 10? Shopping w/ my mom and her two best friends. They were midwest hippies: no shaving below the armpits but still wore nylons. I went into the dressing room to look for Mom and stuck my head under the doors until I found her. Found the hairiest friend first. Yeah, full on HUGE nylon encased bush! Oh gawd, I just got another visual.
I think I'm going to be sick.

11/10/10, 5:40 PM  
Blogger The Blogging Goddess said...

How sweet those kids are. Nylons...I just let my hairy legs be my nylons.

11/10/10, 5:40 PM  
Blogger Moooooog35 said...

I go commando in my nylons, too.

Perhaps I've said too much.

11/10/10, 5:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My leg stubble is so scratchy it causes runs in my nylons. It's also an excellent weapon in the bed to fend off a randy husband.

11/10/10, 6:09 PM  
Blogger Shell said...

Oh, hilarious!

I HATE nylons. What sold me most on moving here: NO ONE WEARS THEM. Ever. I love it.

11/10/10, 6:12 PM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

I love that they all made you feel all purdy! However I have never gone commando in nylons. Was that for Mr. Kiss later? You sneaky rascal you!

11/10/10, 6:27 PM  
Blogger Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

My daughter pets my legs on the rare occasions I pull out the pantyhose. It's such a novelty!

11/10/10, 6:46 PM  
Anonymous Yuliya said...

Really no undies? Doncha get I dunno...itchy?

11/10/10, 7:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

alright spill it, how did you loose your gunt?

11/10/10, 7:28 PM  
Blogger sherri said...

blogger and my computer just ate my long, witty comment. short version - i need to shave more too. glad your kids made you feel pretty, a son's admiration is great. when my sons tell me I need to shave, not so great.

11/10/10, 7:38 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

warm, sleepy cheeks are the best thing ever. Next to flashing your kids, anyway. :)

11/10/10, 7:58 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

That's alright, I did shave my legs the other day and my kids couldn't keep their hands off of them.


11/10/10, 8:11 PM  
Blogger tulpen said...

I can't remember the last time I wore NYLONS. Years anyway.

But going commando? All the time.

11/10/10, 8:23 PM  
Blogger KLZ said...

I totally still shower with Alex sometimes and feel no shame about it. I mean, I don't remember anything from when I was one - why would he?

11/10/10, 8:55 PM  
Anonymous Making It Work Mom said...

Too Cute! I love how little kids love nylons. If they only knew how awful they are!

11/10/10, 9:41 PM  
Blogger Diane said...

I loathe wearing nylons but when you must, you must. And I go commando in them too! ;)

11/10/10, 11:37 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

Awww, even I don't have a smart-ass comment for that warm, fuzzy scene! That's was be-u-ti-ful!

11/11/10, 12:26 AM  
Blogger Booyah's Momma said...

Love this. My kids always get a kick out of seeing my wear nylons to work. They come over and pet my legs like I'm some exotic animal.

But I must know: how in the world did you get out of the house without one snag?

11/11/10, 2:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the Little Kisses - they are adorable. But for some reason, I imagined how terrible it must've smelled when Big Kiss said that to you, with his dog sh*t morning breath and all.

Also? Commando in nylons? I can't imagine that being very comfortable for the hairs.

11/11/10, 8:44 AM  
Blogger The Sharp's said...

Those boys are the sweetest. I don't know how you pull it off sometimes... such a wide range of emotions in such a little post : )!

11/11/10, 8:55 AM  
Blogger Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

awe must have made your day for your kids to say that. Kids are so honest!

11/11/10, 9:26 AM  
Blogger Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points said...

ooh! I mentally calculate therapy bills ALL THE TIME!

Forcing my children to use plastic grocery bags for their lunch: $300

Refusing to be a volunteer at reading circle because I HAD TO EARN MONEY: $1000

Teaching them that the best way to do laundry is with febreeze...ummm...that may not result in therapy but may result in them living with me for WAY longer than I want.

Which result in ME having a therapy bill of a good $4-5k

11/11/10, 11:13 AM  
Anonymous Jennie @ Modern Mamaz said...

Too funny! That's about how shocked and confused my kids are when I pull the vacuum out.

11/11/10, 11:13 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

I second what Cheryl said about the commando thing.

Also, is it really "forgetting" or more of "it's cold and my legs will be covered so i'm not going to bother shaving?"

11/11/10, 11:52 AM  
Anonymous annabelle said...

Too funny. I love it when the Little Mister tells me I'm pretty. And oh - sleepy cheeks - precious.

And if nudity = therapy I am in big time trouble. We are a naked kinda family. It's the price they pay for insisting on sitting in the bathroom and talking while I shower. Enter at your own risk is my motto.

11/11/10, 3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't call them nylons, but I totally go commando under mine. Shhh... don't tell anyone.

11/11/10, 6:38 PM  
Anonymous Kerrie said...

In my house they are stocking...Which now that I think about it may be confusing come Christmas time since we hang stocking on the mantle. But Santa don't go Commando

11/11/10, 8:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too funny!

I cant even remember the last time I wore nylons!

11/11/10, 11:43 PM  
Blogger Frugal Vicki said...

I loved going through the comments and seeing who does and does not go commandos in nylons. Which I still call pantyhose for some reason. Which, if you call them that, the word panty is in there and,well, then you are justified not to wear them.
I hope you didn't get a note from the teacher

11/12/10, 1:18 PM  
Blogger K Pugliano said...

Oh. SNAP! You are hilarious!
I don't think I could go commando in hose...although, I think my hubby would rather enjoy that!

Funny how boys want to know why your "dressed up so fancy", but they always melt your heart with "you look gorgeous!"

11/13/10, 6:06 AM  
Blogger Jackie said...

Ok... how do you do that? The hair on my leg pokes through the damn nylons and you can see it!!

On a side note... I dislike nylons/pantyhose or whatever you want to call them. They are sort of annoying. They make my legs itchy!

11/13/10, 6:17 PM  
Blogger Carol And Stacy said...

That's great! Your pretty funny. Sweet kids, they love their mama.
New follower. Stop over and say hello when you get a chance.

11/14/10, 9:44 PM  
Blogger WTH am I Doing? said...

Heh. I always love it when Boo tells me I look nice. It makes me all lovey & squishy...I mean, no one else can see that, so it's ok...right?


For the record, I sometimes go commando. It depends on the nylons. If they're tights? No commando. Most nylons? Probably. They slide around too much on underwear. Plus also? Makes it really hard to "reorient" my wayward underwear throughout the day...

11/15/10, 10:33 AM  
Blogger Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

I hate nylons. And going commando. Makes me feel...sticky. Wait. Did I say that out loud? Anyway, I'm sending you some underwear for Christmas. Just as a preventative measure.

11/16/10, 3:13 AM  

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