What I'd tell my 13 year old self

You know the company Dove? They make that creamy soap that isn’t soap? It’s the first “big girl” thing I remember my mom letting me use. Her Dove Bar. I think I was 8.

I’ve seen Dove’s most recent campaign called “Dove Movement for Self-Esteem” and I wondered how I could help. You see, when I was 13 – I could have used some help in the self-esteem department. My body was changing. My role-models were changing. I was in a single parent home. We didn’t have a lot of money. 13 is a HARD age.

Turns out, helping was easy. All I had to do was answer the following question:

“What do you wish you’d known at 13?”

How loaded is this question? Jeesh. At 13, I was going through a lot. Like I mentioned, I was in a single parent home. My mom took college classes during the day and worked most nights. Or vice-versa. She was divorced, and my father had recently passed away. When alive, he lived pretty far away, so she didn’t have help in parenting even before he passed away. I’m the 5th of 6 kids, and when I was 13 – it was just myself and my 11 year old brother at home. My 3 older brothers and older sister had moved on long ago.

I had to maneuver Jr. High and High School without my big sibs around to give me advice. I had to instead offer it to my kid brother, who was so freakin’ smart, he was in some of MY classes. Talk about an ego slammer. Well, I should clarify, I wasn’t dumb, at all, he was just THAT smart.

At 13, I was looking to get a job to help my mom support our family. I was wearing hand me downs from friends. I was cooking and cleaning. I was dabbling in ‘boys.’ I was NOT smart about that. Fortunately, unlike many of my friends, I did NOT touch alcohol, thank God. I waited til I was 17 for that ;) And didn’t enjoy it one bit.

So to answer the question, what do I wish I had known at 13 – I wish I had known that all of the responsibilities I thought were ‘torturous’ for a newly minted Teenager would actually prepare me to be a good mother.

Instead of resenting my own mother for “making” me do chores and hang out with my brother, I wish I had known she was actually teaching me life skills. Not to mention, that time with my brother? Well, it was cut short. Since he died when he was 17 – that hanging out time we had, I’ll never get that back. I wish I spent MORE time with him.

I wish I had known that the boys who teased me were just awkward teens themselves. They couldn’t help but be intimidated by my beauty. [sarcasm]

I wish I had known that my mother’s sacrifices for her children ran deep, and if she could have given me the moon, she would have.

I wish I had known that being 13 and being picked on by girls with 10 cabbage patch kids and 4 pair of Madonna Lace gloves – well – those were not the worst memories of my life. And swinging on the tire swing with my best friend? Those weren’t the best memories, either.

The best and worst were yet to come. My world did go on after my best friend dumped me for the Rich Girl who just transferred in. My world did go on after my ‘boyfriend’ told his friends our secrets.

Yes, at 13, I wish I had known that life would only carry on. It would get better, at times worse, but it would go on.


Anyone want to answer the same question? Try Dove’s site here: Dove Movement

And the next time you see a 13 year old girl, who may be struggling, tell her she’s beautiful, inside and out.

FTC Disclaimer: “Dove sent me a sample of product to answer this question. But I’d have written the post anyway. Self-esteem issues, especially in girls, is ongoing and I hope people keep talking about it.”