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Momma Kiss: Mean Kids - bullying

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Mean Kids - bullying

I’ve seen a lot of articles and news stories about bullying lately. I bought the People Magazine with the feature on bullying, and suicidal results from being bullied. I just read this on the site Ooph, which was written by The Empress.

Talk about heart-breaking. Her son was bullied daily. Daily. He was physically and emotionally impacted. The hard-hitting point for me, though, is that she didn’t fully clue into the problem until seeing her son’s doctor for his physical issues. Vomiting, losing weight, not sleeping. Those kinds of things…who would assume they were because the lil man was afraid to go to school? Who would assume it was because he was being tormented DAILY?

It’s awful. It’s unbelievable that it happens. But it does. It happened to me. I was bullied. We moved around a lot as kids, we were poor and never had new clothes. I ate on the “free lunch” program. I was an easy target. I fought back, sometimes. Others, I just ran away and hid. Words can never be unspoken. A kicked shin or pulled hair will heal or grow back, but the action may never be forgotten.

So yes, I went through it. Now that I’m a parent, it’s one of my biggest fears for my kids. I’ve wondered how to make them “good.” How do I raise them to be empathetic and NOT be the bully? At the same time, how do I raise them to be strong enough so that they aren’t the target of a bully?

My son who is 5 started kindergarten this year. He’s my ‘soft one.’ Don’t get me wrong, he’s ALL boy, but he has such empathy and emotion, that I do fear he’ll be seen as vulnerable to some prick who needs someone to validate his assholery. You’re aware that kids can be total assholes, right? Even at 5? Hell, I’ve met some 3 year old assholes. Anyway, since I can’t (nor have I ever had the chance to) watch him all day long – I have to rely on what he tells me. The stories of his day.

In the second week of kindy, he told me that his friend Christopher* punched him. In the stomach. I asked why, he said “Don’t know, because he wanted to.” Then he showed me his school folder and a note that Christopher had to write to Big Kiss saying he was sorry that he was “unkind.” Sorry that he had hurt him, on the inside and on the outside [he literally had to circle those options, he circled both]. And he signed it. We talked to Big Kiss about it, asked who he told when he was hurt [the teacher’s aid]. If he cried [yes]. If he felt scared of Christopher [no]. He seemed OK about it, but how can I be sure?

One day, his bus was late, so the 5 and 6 year olds were asked to take a bus with some older kids. That night at dinner, he told us that some “big” kid was unzipping his back pack and then took it and was about to throw it out the window until the bus driver “blew her mouth whistle” and told the kid to stop it.

So this week (wait, I need a little back story): Since kindy started last month, our routine is to drop both kids at daycare in the mornings before work. I leave Big Kiss’ backpack by the window and he plays in the gym until the bus comes to take him to school. I then bring Lil Kiss to his room, unpack his lunch, give sloppy kisses and all that mothering jazz. As I walk back through the front, I typically peek into the gym ‘til Big Kiss sees me and we give each other a thumbs up. Well on this day, before he saw me for the thumbs up, I noticed he was in the middle of 2 kids. One – our neighbor, who is a total spaz and some bigger kid I didn’t know. The bigger kid was pulling my kid around by his hood. All standing, but physically moving him. While The Spaz cheered him on.

My child had a half-laugh; half-I’m going to break down look on his face and I just stood there. I was cemented in the door way. I almost yelled out, but the sound didn’t come. I don’t even know what I would have yelled and before I could think it through, one of the teachers was there to break it up. She took the bigger kid’s hands off my kid’s hood and said something to him that I couldn’t hear and my guy just sorta straightened his hood and moved away a little bit.

I didn’t go in. I didn’t move for a second. Then the daycare director saw me and asked if I was OK and I said yes and then? I left. I sat in the parking lot and cried and wondered what the fuck was wrong with me. Why did I just leave? But more, what was happening to my baby boy? Is this going on more often than I’m aware? At the daycare in the mornings or afternoons? On the playground? In the lunch room? How would I know? How do I talk to him? He’s only FIVE. I don’t want to scare the shit out of him, but want him to know he’s got a right to be treated properly. And to also make it known that he should never treat another kid that way.

I’m sorta lost on this one. Any opinions welcome.

*Name totally NOT changed, little turd.

hell yes, i'm pouring my heart out. You mess with my kid, you mess with my heart. God help you if you break either one.

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Blogger Dazee Dreamer said...

You probably did the right thing. I think the older you get, old like me, I probably would have runned right in there and dragged the kid off of him. Then I would have been arrested for punching the crap out of him. I'm so sorry.

10/13/10, 9:11 AM  
Blogger Shell said...

You already know how I feel about this. But, I comment anyway. Just because.

Why can't we be neighbors b/c our kindergarteners would so be friends. And having a good friend can help so much with all of this. Then maybe we could be less worried about them.

Leave it to me to come up with such a practical solution.

10/13/10, 9:37 AM  
Blogger Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) said...

Breaks my heart, it really does. My son is like how you describe yours. I worry about him and he just started Kinder too. He and his "friends" play roughly and part of me doesn't know if it's just a boy thing or if my son is just tolerating it. SUCKS!

All I can say is trust your gut, no matter what. Your son should know what it's like to be treated with kindness and vice versa. Easier said than done, I know. All we can do is keep asking and observing and intervene when necessary. Wishing us both luck!!

10/13/10, 9:50 AM  
Blogger The Empress said...

Thank you for posting this, Mommakiss.

I think the bigger question is why aren't bully's parents more involved? Why aren't the bullies pulled out of school? Why don't parents ask their kids, "are YOU bullying?"

Too much is piled on the one who is already suffering. It's up to the one being bullied to say, "stop it" and "what can I do to stop this." The one being bullied is the one who has to go to therapy and remove himself from the situation.

Hello? Let's pull the bully in on this and ask, 'how can we get YOU to stop this?' and "let's get you in some therapy and remove YOU from the situation."

Excellent post, and yes, "you mess with my kid, you mess with me." That's the mommy custon.

10/13/10, 10:03 AM  
Blogger The Empress said...

dang...meant to say "custom." xo

10/13/10, 10:04 AM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

This is so hard and I wish I could tell you what to do. My sister was a victim of bullying and as the big sister, I handed out punches daily to them. Kids are so mean. Is there a way to have te teacher address this in class? Learning from an early age that bullying is not ok and there is a ZERO tolerance for is so vital.
Again, I am sorry this is happening.

10/13/10, 10:10 AM  
Blogger Mommy Lisa said...

My child right now is in a pretty protected envrionment. Daycare is in-home and SMALL - and pre-K is VERY SMALL and Lutheran with very strict rules AND they read a book on bullying - Howard B. Wigglebottom Learns About Bullies.

It is a very good book for kids that age - Pre-K to 1st or 2nd grade.

We read it at home and talk about what to do with bullies - the book has a phrase, "Be Brave! Be Bold! A teacher MUST be Told!

You could start there....

10/13/10, 10:22 AM  
Blogger By Word of Mouth said...

My daughter was bullied at school, even by a 4th grade teacher ... you know the one's that you trust to take care of your child. She didn't like that 'Wiki' had corrected her twice in class, called her that 'rude little girl' (in a small private Christian school no less) I didn't find out til a friends child asked 'did she leave school because Mrs Henry was so mean to her?' Nearly broke my heart, I missed it somewhere btw being Room Mom, on the PTa and running their damn fundraisers! We are happy at home in our pj's now. And my daughter even has a blog you should check out ... her blogpost before the one she has up now talks about bullying- I am very proud of her - and she is 12!

10/13/10, 10:32 AM  
Blogger KLZ said...

Oh, I read an article on this that I thought was helpful...but maybe not at 5? Let me see if I stumbled it.

10/13/10, 10:44 AM  
Blogger Susan said...

This scares the living crap out of me, too. I don't have any solid advice, but I would most certainly find out what is proactively being done by the school to watch for and stop bullying.

10/13/10, 10:49 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

You know I can relate. My son got bullied a little last year at age 5 in kindergarten on the playground. I complained to the teacher. I heard "But (the other kid) is such a good kid!" and "I have 34 kids to watch, I can't watch them all every minute." After the third day, I went in and told her that we'd given permission for Sawyer to defend himself and that he would NOT be getting in trouble. Miraculously, it stopped. But it shouldn't have come to that. Unfortunately it IS up to us to advocate for our kids. You could talk to the daycare instructors. You can talk to teachers. You can talk to your son about not letting anyone push him around, and if someone does, what he can do about it.

10/13/10, 11:03 AM  
Blogger Sass said...

I can so relate.

My son came home the other day (He's 9, and so very sweet) and told me that a boy had come up behind him, grabbed him by the hood, and then pulled him down backwards so that the boy could "knee" him in the back.

It left a mark.

I asked if he told anyone, and my son said, "No, I don't like to see people get in trouble."

And my heart broke.

I don't have the answers. But I do have a great big virtual hug for you.

Does that help? :)

10/13/10, 11:48 AM  
Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

Oh God, Momma. That just made me cry.
For you, for Big Kiss, for the asshole b/c his life is going to so small.

I fear that my daughter will be like me and want so bad to be cool that she'll put up with bullies.

I can only be as vigilant and supportive and loving as I can. (a funny aside, this little spawn of mine is a TOTAL story teller "he hit me!" so I'm pretty sure either she'll be the boy who cried wolf or the teacher's ear to what's happening.)

Is there an answer? I'll follow the comments to see if there is some wisdom to be found!

10/13/10, 12:10 PM  
Blogger Renegades said...

We had this happen to our Jazzy. On school property another child had her by the hair. I talked to the teacher and then the principal. I then went home and armed myself with information. I read the school handbook and ours has a zero tolerance. Yet all the principal did was say to stay away from our Jazzy. Are you kidding me?

What did I do. Documented. Made sure the teacher documented. Another occurance the staight to the superintendant I've went up the ladder. Also a letter to the state deparment of education also sent to the teacher, principal, superintendent, school board members. Then possibly they will take it more seriously.

Parents have to advocate for their children. If we don't who will?

10/13/10, 12:24 PM  
Anonymous Erin I'm Gonna KIll Him said...

Ohhh, that story breaks my heart too. The Rutgers case really tore me up. I told my husband one night that the biggest crime is that it could have been avoided had the parents of the 'abuser' taught him empathy. Understanding how others feel is such an important skill we have to teach as parents. I actually was quoted the other day as saying 'I'd rather see my kids be total potheads who are nice to everyone than be bullies.' And that's true...I knew some fucking awesome stoners:) I don't tolerate meanness. And I've seen it in kids as young as 2 and their moms are just zoned out.

10/13/10, 12:35 PM  
Blogger Booyah's Momma said...

Oh my gosh... I can't believe how early it starts. I've been reading a lot about bullying this month, and each of these posts are just heart wrenching. I have no advice, because we're kind of in the same boat. And sadly, I don't know if this is one of those things that you can just call a phase: I think little bullies, if not kept in check, can easily turn into big bullies later in life.

10/13/10, 12:43 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

This makes me want to cry. I fear with so much with Hayden. He is such a sweet, sensitive, want to make people happy kid that I fear people are going to use that against him. I have no idea what to do and no idea what to tell you to do either.


10/13/10, 12:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I normally try to leave a snarky attempt at humor on this here blog but not today. There's nothing funny about this. And I'm scared to death about this. Not just that my child would be bullied but that she may in fact be a bully - she bullies me & bosses me around after all.

More than the physical bullying though, the psychological bullying scares me. The bruises I received have healed and while I have moved on, most of the bullies are still living at home w/ mommy. The psychological instances of bullying, especially being excluded from a group, feeling like an outsider, weird, useless, unwanted...that has stuck w/ me all these years. Worst part is, I don't think I ever told anyone or let on that anything was happening. Ever. And that's what scares me as a parent: that my children could be going through hell and I'd be completely unaware.

10/13/10, 12:47 PM  
Blogger Gigi said...

Here is my advice.

First, what happens to your boy sucks. And yes, it happens all over the place at a young age. My son is just like yours personality wise. He's been picked on by a few kids.

I feel we have to be careful, though, about what we call "bullying." (I'm not saying your kid wasn't, BTW, just making a point).

Last year, my 6 year old was punched in the neck when he wouldn't move out of the way of another kid. (my kid was standing in line, doing as he was told).

Do I consider that bullying? No. Why? Because it was an isolated incident. It happened once. The kid never touched my kid again. That kid made a bad choice one time.

There are lots of dynamics that go on at playgrounds that are shameful. Bullying. Aggressive. Rude. Detrimental to our kids. But there are others that we as adults, can think are really severe when they're really just kids working out playground stuff.

My son tells me stuff that happens on the playground and I get all mama bear on him and worried. Then I realize that there are a lot of things he needs to learn on his own without me stepping in. (you'll see a post from me about this in a few weeks). I believe my restraint has been OK so far, but I won't hesitate to jump in when I believe it gets serious or a regular problem.

We told our kid that another child gets 3 chances before he is allowed to fight back. Tell them twice to stop it. If they don't stop it, the third time you punch him in the face as hard as you can or do a martial arts move on the kid.

I highly recommend putting your kid in martial arts. It will build his confidence and teach him self defense should he ever need it. Poor little guy.

I've rambled on long enough and this doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I don't want anyone to think I'm pro-bullying. I'm not. :)

10/13/10, 12:54 PM  
Blogger Poppy said...

If only we could put them in bubble wrap. It helps that you are on top of it and have had the experience to know how being bullied feels. I love that you didn't change his name.

10/13/10, 1:10 PM  
Blogger ☾ Ash ♡ said...

Kids are total assholes.. My kid has always been the biggest kid in his class, but he's a total softie and he always takes the little ones under his wing. To this day he's friends with a bunch of short kids and he doesn't like anyone to mess with his friends, but he's not a fighter.

I was bullied when I was little too... I was bullied because I couldn't do gym sometimes (heart condition & they wouldn't let me run) and then later on in middle school these bitches bullied me because my dad was sick (fucking bitches) and I was sad a lot.

There once was a kid who made fun of my kid because he didn't have a dad... then one day my kid didn't feel well and that kid was standing in front him online to get back to class and he puked on him.. right on his head.. little fucker. after that the kid never talked to my kid again, no love lost.

10/13/10, 1:18 PM  
Blogger L. Eleana Johnson said...

I teach my kid not to put her hands on others, and I expect for people to teach their children to keep their hands off of her. I've dealt with this at the delicate age of 2 and it pissed me off. Parents standing right there not paying attention to their children knocking the crap out of my kid. I'm sorry I have no advice to offer, but to continue raising your son to respect others. This really saddens me.

10/13/10, 1:23 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

Honey, I can only sympathize and tell you I haven't found the answers yet either. I'm convinced that's just how boys "play". Sometimes they are the rough ones and sometimes they are the target. Most of it isn't malicious though. But I taught J to use his elbow to defend himself when words don't work anymore. I feel you though, 5 is too young to have to learn those tough lessons and yes, it still breaks my heart. :(

10/13/10, 1:28 PM  
Blogger My Bottle's Up! said...

popped in here from @mommynanibooboo's blog. i'm so scared of this and my son is only 2.5 years old. i feel like i shouldn't be scared of this yet, but i am and this post had me in tears over it.

i don't know what the answer is or how to make things better... but i'm grateful to you for writing this.

10/13/10, 2:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes I think talking to boys happens best when it is organic, like in the car, when he doesn't have to look at you, or you him, and you can just say what you said here. Just say that some of these things you have seen lately upset you, because when they happened to you as a child, they made you feel angry and scared. Give him an out for this behavior. Because he might think this is the way social dynamics happen. You can tell him that having friends isn't about letting others tease or annoy him or have fun at his expense. See, that is the thing about kids, he doesn't know that yet. He wants to be liked by the alpha kids. Sometimes I have noticed that kids are attracted to bullies, trying to get them on their good side, and five year olds, in particular, are just learning the social dynamics of being with older kids. Anyway, tell him he can tell the teachers/aides/principal/you. Or he can just repeatedly tell these kids that he doesn't like the way they are treating him. I also think martial arts, far from giving him violent recourse, just builds confidence. It is powerful to feel capable. Martial arts does teach you not to use fighting until it is the last recourse, and teaches the discipline to back that up. Good luck.

10/13/10, 2:45 PM  
Blogger Alyson -- Common Sense, Dancing said...

I am soooo disheartened that this stuff is starting so young! And I am equally disheartened that we have not provided/insisted/demanded caregivers and teachers who are trained to recognize and intervene and mediate....

But in the short term: with my children at young ages, we discussed how no one is permitted to lay hands on them without first asking permission to do so (even our pediatrician dialogs). No One. And that if this happens, they are to tell me, or their father and we will handle it together.

It's not a solution, but it is one tool in claiming their autonomy, their rights, and their personhood.

And it sure isn't easy....

10/13/10, 2:54 PM  
Blogger Minivan Mommy said...

Your words = my thoughts. How do I teach my kids to not be bullies and also not pushovers?

Is it considered bad parenting to tell your kid "Don't hit anybody. Unless they hit you first. Then hit the little fucker back!"

10/13/10, 2:58 PM  
Blogger Renee said...

I hope this was an isolated incident for your son.
The saddest part is when there is a bully, the parents ofthat kid won't believe there "baby" would do such a thing. And quite often one of the parents was a bully themselves.

All you can do is be aware of what's going on in your boy's life and teach him to be the best person he can be.

10/13/10, 3:03 PM  
Anonymous Jennie @ Modern Mamaz said...

My son sounds like he is exactly like yours, he will be 5 in January. All boy... but VERY sensitive and also passive. I'm not sure how to answer this one. I caught an older boy hitting my son on the head with his trophy last year (we were at a pizza parlor along with a football team celebrating the end of season). I reacted just the opposite... too harshly. I'm a little ashamed to say it, but before I realized what I was doing, I had the boy (who was probably about 10) against the wall, my hand firmly on his chest holding him there, giving him some very strong words about ever touching my child again.

I have a post about bullying going up on this week as well, in it I talk about how someone had a talk with me when I was a child about bullying, and how bullies are mean because they have such low self esteem themselves. It takes the attention off of them if they turn it on to someone else. It's their way of coping with pain. True or not, it helped me when I was the victim. While this way of thinking really helped me deal through my middle school days, I think that 5 is too young to really understand that. At least, I'm not sure my son really would. Then again, he surprises me constantly with what he understands and I didn't think he would!

Anyway, I guess I would maybe talk to the other adults in his life that are around him in social situations and ask if this is something that occurs often. If it does, ask who is doing it and if you can have their parent's phone number or have the adult set up a meeting with the other parents. At that age, sometimes just knowing that you can't get away with it and your parents will find out is enough to stop them. Good luck!

10/13/10, 3:22 PM  
Blogger Krista said...

Aw, this breaks my heart. I was bullied as a child too.

I don't have kids - the way some things went down in my childhood is one of the biggest reasons for that - so don't have first hand, tried and true advice.

What I can tell you is what I hope never to hear again in my life, from any perspective. "They only pick on you because they get such a good reaction. Stop reacting." Yeah... way to place the blame on the victim.

I think you've got the right idea - and within limits, why don't you tell him what you told us? It is never ok for kids to bully you, push you around, treat you like dirt. You deserve to be treated with respect. Of course, you don't want him to be a whiner who tells teacher every time he doesn't get his way. I think that fine tuning his bully-meter might be the hardest part, for you and him!

As far as him being a bully goes... I think The Golden Rule works really well here!!!

Good luck and MANY hugs!

10/13/10, 3:47 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Truly, I have no worthwhile advice. I just know that I would have felt so lost if I were in that same situation.

My friend had a problem like this with her little boy. He had a bully at his daycare. The kid was constantly sent to the director's office and parents called in, and the parents oF COURSE say it must be the teachers or something else. I think too often that's the case - the parents refuse to see it in their kid.

Anyway, all the kids in Jessie's class were scared of Jessie, but my friend's little boy ended up fighting back after a whole year of it.

10/13/10, 7:02 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

I worry about this with my oldest - he sounds a lot like your son. I've always called him easy going, but think he could be pushed around easily.

((hugs)) You probably did the right thing.

10/13/10, 7:13 PM  
Blogger WhisperingWriter said...

My son definately gets bullied sometimes because of his Aspergers. He doesn't always see things like other people and kids don't always get this.

10/13/10, 8:02 PM  
Blogger Frugal Vicki said...

This is my biggest fear! I was bullied too, so I know how painful it is! I don't know what I would have done. I am told, though, that what you did would be correct-because kids need to learn what to do as well.
My son came home yesterday and said someone threw a toy at him and the teacher had to give him ice. My question is why the hell aren't parents being told when this stuff happens???

10/14/10, 10:32 AM  
Anonymous Mo said...

First 34Fers for you!

I think bullying is a hard thing to really attach one solution to. For instance if someone is saying something mean you can just walk away. If they've got you pinned to the ground you can't just roll away. KWIM.

Generally our rule of the thumb is the 3 strikes you're out idea.

First offense-could be an isolated case. Kids are kids . . . .we tell the girls to remove themselves from the kid. Tell them they don't like what they're doing and move away if possible.

Second offense-Remove yourself and tell the teacher. We've taught them the language to use too (mind you they're older so it's easier). "Jim Bob just pushed me down. I don't want to be a tattle tail but it's happened twice now. Can you please talk to him."

Third offense-Basically same as above except when telling the teacher/adult "Jim Bob pushed me down again. It's happened 3 times. Please do something or next time I will."

3 strikes you're out! If it happens again my children have permission to wail away. HARD. Without being in trouble. It should not take 4 times of ignoring a kid's behavior. BUT it's important that they've already told the teacher because otherwise they don't have the ground to stand on KWIM?

On the other hand we've also tried to stress with them to find good friends. REALLY good friends to surround themselves with. Not a crowd that they think is cool, but probably acts all tough. Bullies will usually not bother big crowds of kids playing nicely together. But if they do then there's strength in numbers.

I should say the girls have never gotten past step #2. Hopefully they never will.

We do talk about it every day though. EVERY day. Before they go to school and when they come home. Hopefully someday all the hot air I blow at them will pay off :p

Ending my book now. With another 34Fer of course.

10/14/10, 12:15 PM  
Blogger Lisa..... said...

Ugh. It's horrible and paralyzing, right? My daughter, in the fifth grade had two girls make a we hate Katie web page. Heart. Breaking.We did the whole meet with the school (which felt like bullshit) and even the police got involved. I keep telling myself I am not afraid to pull my kid out of school. I will be someone who fights for her. But she never gives me the full story or tells me what people really say. She says "those girls apologized and want to be friends now" WTF? I don't trust them. Am I a cynic, I don't think so.

I spend hours trying to think of things to help. Things to build her self esteem. Ugh.

10/14/10, 1:47 PM  
Blogger Just Another Mom of 2 said...

This terrifies me. To the point where I become short of breath. My oldest is 4 1/2, and in prekindergarten this year. We have been lucky so far to not have had any issues, but I do worry about him since he is so laid-back and shy. I truly hope this is something that doesn't happen again and improves- what a hard situation for you both. Yuck.

10/14/10, 4:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im always worried about my twins, age 6, getting picked on. They are "the nice" kids, the ones who are only naughty at home. I ask them everyday if anyone was mean to them or if they are having any problems. I just hope they would tell me!

I just tell my kids that no one has the right to hurt them, and if the teacher doesnt do something about it then I will!

10/14/10, 8:18 PM  
Blogger Helene said...

OMG, I'm such a complete dork..sitting here in tears after reading this. Cuz I know I'd react the same way...frozen in my tracks, unsure of what to do and then feeling guilty about the way I did finally react.

It's amazing how such young kids can be such just know their parents must encourage such crappy behavior or otherwise why would the kid take such pleasure in tormenting another child.

My daughter came home from school the other day and said her friends had hurt her feelings because she saw them sitting on the playgound talking and when she asked them what they were talking about they said, "nothing". I shrugged it off until she said, "I know they were talking about me because they were looking at me and laughing". Then when she told me who the girls were it pissed me off...made me want to slap those little bitches for hurting my daughter's feelings. And you know what, there mothers are complete snotty bitches so it makes sense...big bitches raise little bitches.

Anyway, I digress...I know what you're going makes my heart ache to think of my children (or any child, for that matter) being bullied and not knowing what to do about it. All we can do is encourage them to talk to us about it...but then what do we do? I'm not sure...I guess just letting them know we're here to help them and that we'll do everything within our power to make them feel happy, safe and loved.

10/14/10, 11:32 PM  
Blogger Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points said...

My son never had to deal with anything beyond the once-or-twice incident. And once, I got a call that he had shoved a kid hard, because the kid had cut in front of him in line. Apparently a few times. THAT was a hard one - the kid had cut in front of him repeatedly, denied it when my son told a teacher, and left my son (who was smaller) with nothing but a lot of anger that he didn't know what to do with. (Should I mentioned that that was right when his dad and i were getting divorced and I was terrified that I had somehow broken him?)

I think Gigi's words were right - almost every child will find themselves on the bad end of a physical altercation a couple times in his/her life. And I think making sure you get him in the habit of talking to you is one of the most important things, so that it's never a big deal when there's something serious to share. cause talking to you will be second nature. And that way, you'll know when you need to intervene. When you hear the same names over and over again, when the conversation stops or shifts when talking about day-care of recess.

And then you go all mama bear on the school's ass.

10/17/10, 7:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I would have done the same if I knew that someone there was being proactive. If the professionals are doing their job, I mostly trust them to take care of things when I'm not there. Bullying, no matter how hard we try to stop it, will always be there. We just need more parents and teachers to be proactive. No one needs to stand around and watch it happening. People need to speak up and stop what they can. My husband and I worry about our son. He's 5 and the sensitive one. Yes, he's all boy, but he gets his feelings hurt easily. I guess we'll deal with it in our own way when it happens.

10/23/10, 1:12 PM  

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Say hi, dammit! For the love o Gah, I hope you have an e-mail that I can reply to. Plleeeease say you do!

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