Mean Kids - bullying

I’ve seen a lot of articles and news stories about bullying lately. I bought the People Magazine with the feature on bullying, and suicidal results from being bullied. I just read this on the site Ooph, which was written by The Empress.

Talk about heart-breaking. Her son was bullied daily. Daily. He was physically and emotionally impacted. The hard-hitting point for me, though, is that she didn’t fully clue into the problem until seeing her son’s doctor for his physical issues. Vomiting, losing weight, not sleeping. Those kinds of things…who would assume they were because the lil man was afraid to go to school? Who would assume it was because he was being tormented DAILY?

It’s awful. It’s unbelievable that it happens. But it does. It happened to me. I was bullied. We moved around a lot as kids, we were poor and never had new clothes. I ate on the “free lunch” program. I was an easy target. I fought back, sometimes. Others, I just ran away and hid. Words can never be unspoken. A kicked shin or pulled hair will heal or grow back, but the action may never be forgotten.

So yes, I went through it. Now that I’m a parent, it’s one of my biggest fears for my kids. I’ve wondered how to make them “good.” How do I raise them to be empathetic and NOT be the bully? At the same time, how do I raise them to be strong enough so that they aren’t the target of a bully?

My son who is 5 started kindergarten this year. He’s my ‘soft one.’ Don’t get me wrong, he’s ALL boy, but he has such empathy and emotion, that I do fear he’ll be seen as vulnerable to some prick who needs someone to validate his assholery. You’re aware that kids can be total assholes, right? Even at 5? Hell, I’ve met some 3 year old assholes. Anyway, since I can’t (nor have I ever had the chance to) watch him all day long – I have to rely on what he tells me. The stories of his day.

In the second week of kindy, he told me that his friend Christopher* punched him. In the stomach. I asked why, he said “Don’t know, because he wanted to.” Then he showed me his school folder and a note that Christopher had to write to Big Kiss saying he was sorry that he was “unkind.” Sorry that he had hurt him, on the inside and on the outside [he literally had to circle those options, he circled both]. And he signed it. We talked to Big Kiss about it, asked who he told when he was hurt [the teacher’s aid]. If he cried [yes]. If he felt scared of Christopher [no]. He seemed OK about it, but how can I be sure?

One day, his bus was late, so the 5 and 6 year olds were asked to take a bus with some older kids. That night at dinner, he told us that some “big” kid was unzipping his back pack and then took it and was about to throw it out the window until the bus driver “blew her mouth whistle” and told the kid to stop it.

So this week (wait, I need a little back story): Since kindy started last month, our routine is to drop both kids at daycare in the mornings before work. I leave Big Kiss’ backpack by the window and he plays in the gym until the bus comes to take him to school. I then bring Lil Kiss to his room, unpack his lunch, give sloppy kisses and all that mothering jazz. As I walk back through the front, I typically peek into the gym ‘til Big Kiss sees me and we give each other a thumbs up. Well on this day, before he saw me for the thumbs up, I noticed he was in the middle of 2 kids. One – our neighbor, who is a total spaz and some bigger kid I didn’t know. The bigger kid was pulling my kid around by his hood. All standing, but physically moving him. While The Spaz cheered him on.

My child had a half-laugh; half-I’m going to break down look on his face and I just stood there. I was cemented in the door way. I almost yelled out, but the sound didn’t come. I don’t even know what I would have yelled and before I could think it through, one of the teachers was there to break it up. She took the bigger kid’s hands off my kid’s hood and said something to him that I couldn’t hear and my guy just sorta straightened his hood and moved away a little bit.

I didn’t go in. I didn’t move for a second. Then the daycare director saw me and asked if I was OK and I said yes and then? I left. I sat in the parking lot and cried and wondered what the fuck was wrong with me. Why did I just leave? But more, what was happening to my baby boy? Is this going on more often than I’m aware? At the daycare in the mornings or afternoons? On the playground? In the lunch room? How would I know? How do I talk to him? He’s only FIVE. I don’t want to scare the shit out of him, but want him to know he’s got a right to be treated properly. And to also make it known that he should never treat another kid that way.

I’m sorta lost on this one. Any opinions welcome.

*Name totally NOT changed, little turd.




hell yes, i'm pouring my heart out. You mess with my kid, you mess with my heart. God help you if you break either one.