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Momma Kiss: I have hope

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I have hope

God, how life throws you for loops, doesn't it?

Last week was spent thinking about my girl, best friend. She went on Friday, to learn that her cancer is very aggressive. I guess that's common when a young woman gets can spread quickly. She has a small tumor in her breast and a large-ish tumor in her lymph nodes. That's actually what prompted the doc visit - the lump under her arm. A mammogram a month ago? Didn't detect the boob lump.

When I got to see her Saturday, we spent some time alone before the other girls arrived and it was Good. Just good. She's a scientific, numbers type and laid it all out for me. We talked it through. She's ready for the lumpectomy - coming soon - on her 37th birthday. She's ready to start chemo the week after. Every 2 weeks for 4 months. She's ready for that. During this time, she'll get the genetic testing - if she's a carrier, she'll most likely have a double mastectomy. Possibly radiation. They've already scheduled her for 30 radiation treatments. For Fuck's Sake.

She most likely won't be able to have children. Did I mention she's not married? Not even in a serious relationship? Yah. So she's facing all of this alone. Family will travel to help her. Her team is here and ready. We got through the facts. That she's got Stage 2 Breast Cancer, that has spread and "more than one lymph node" is infected. She's "triple negative" which isn't great.

After that. We tried to have a decent time. We ate and drank. We laughed. Some cried. Me? I sat back and took it in. I watched A take it in. Interact. Fight the facts already. She's not one to ask for help. I told her I know that...but we're going to show up. We'll clean her floors and do her laundry and shovel snow and bring movies send funny cards.

We will NOT wear pink [her request].

Even though she and I are very close, we've never been the schmoopy huggy type. When I left her today, I hugged her hard. She relented and hugged me back just as hard. She knows I'm scared. I know she's scared. This is going to SUCK. But we're fighting. Together.

FYI - she has no idea I have this site. Or who "MommaKiss" is. This is for me. It's helping me process and I know that it isn't the 'tone' of my typical posts. Once in a while, I'll probably ask for a prayer or good vibes. I've been amazed and kinda humbled by the words and offers of well wishes by so many. Most who have never met me, much less my girl A.

I'm so thankful. And so ready to kick some cancer ass.

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Blogger Sheena Simpson said...

At least she has some support. And she could always freeze her eggs. Thinking of you and her.

ps. I know several survivors (mostly family) remember it is beatable, so always try and stay positive.

9/26/10, 9:37 PM  
Blogger Chana said...

I am going to pray every single day until I see the post that says "She's Cured!" and you two head off to a vacation in Mexico.

I promise.

9/26/10, 9:46 PM  
Blogger Catch the Kids said...

I am so sorry for your friend. A hard road lies ahead of her. Let her know that my Mum had the same diagnosis 20 years ago and she's still here, nagging the crap out of us. We let her know constantly how much we love it! Prayers and wishes for some good news soon.

9/26/10, 10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sisters mom had cancer, she kicked cancers ass. I know your girl will be doing the same! and I will be praying and sending out my own kick cancers ass vibes. :)

9/26/10, 10:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post gave me chills. I can't believe how young your friend is. I can't believe she may never have children. How lucky she is to have great friends like you surrounding her. Keep us posted.

9/26/10, 10:11 PM  
Blogger Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

It breaks the heart, doesn't it? I hope we find a new technology because mamograms can only be so effective, especially depending where the cancer is located. I'm praying for her

9/26/10, 10:13 PM  
Blogger tulpen said...

My work friend who beat the shit out of her breast cancer two years ago spreads the pink all over the fucking place.

I LOVE your girl for refusing the pink!!!!

9/26/10, 11:23 PM  
Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

My coworker, the annoying Jewish grandmother? Yup beat breast cancer over 10 years ago. She's 81 and yup, driving me nuts.
Any yes, I too will be praying for the post "She's cured."

9/27/10, 12:25 AM  
Blogger Moooooog35 said...

She's not going this alone. Not at all. Not from what we're reading.

Also..I'm getting pissed that you're taking away my ability to post funny comments. Cut the shit.

Thanks in advance.

9/27/10, 5:51 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

You have all my love and support. I know what you are going through. I know how this feels, trust me.

9/27/10, 9:39 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

kick its ass.

9/27/10, 11:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The one good thing in all of this is the wonderful advancements they've made with chemo, radiation and drugs. There's no cure for cancer, but the rate at which people are beating it is so much higher. I pray your friend is one of the lucky ones. Stay strong!

9/27/10, 12:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hell yes! Cancer deserves a big can of whoop ass.

9/27/10, 12:45 PM  
Blogger MamaOnDaGo said...

I'm glad she isn't going through this alone. Support and love. Two important elements in her fight. Sending out prayers and support.

9/27/10, 3:08 PM  
Blogger adrienzgirl said...

So you're not a huggy person, but I'm sending you a virtual hug. That's totally ok right? Oh well, too bad if it isn't, I sent it anyway!

9/27/10, 3:49 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Oh, Momma Kiss. It makes me sad that it's her by herself. Not that she's alone because she has you. But I'm sure you would feel good if you knew when you were home with your family, that she had someone at home with her, too.

9/27/10, 3:53 PM  
Anonymous Kristin @ Peace, Love and Muesli said...

That really sucks. My sister in law is halfway through her chemo treatments. Then her mastectomy, she's doing it backwards. The statistics of recovering and carrying on with a healthy life are so good.
Sad that she's not had kids though. That is hard to deal with I am sure. Courage to you and to her.

9/27/10, 6:38 PM  
Anonymous kris said...

Oh, babe.

She is so lucky to have you.

Friends who will hug you over your protests when a hug is necessary?


She is lucky to have you.

9/27/10, 6:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is good that you're getting it out. Talk about it as much as you want. We're here for you just as you're there for her.

So, so sad. Really makes me appreciate the "little" crap that I have to put up with.

9/27/10, 6:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe not being married or having kids yet is a good thing. This is one more reason to FIGHT hard! She still has all this to look forward to.

Big Hugs to you both. ((((((HUGS)))))))

9/27/10, 10:56 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I'm here if you need me. Because you'll need people to lean on too :)

Love ya!

9/27/10, 11:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't mean to be the one who makes your problem all about me in any way ... BUT check it out: My best friend in the whole world - her son got leukemia at the age of 3. The rest of her/ our friends quickly stopped associating with her. No one knew what to say or what not to say. It's a difficult situation. She understood. I did not.
In any case, she and I are not he huggy/ mushy type either. Not ever, and we've been friends for several years. It's just not how we roll.
When Adrian died 3 years later, we stood together for an extremely long time without saying a word. We cried. We smiled at his memory. But before we left that day, we hugged each other so very tightly;it seemed like we were the only thing holding each other together.
I'm not posting this to say your friend won't make it through this cancer and over this hump - so please don't' let that be the message you hear tonight. I'm saying this so that you know that even though you feel helpless, and know that she feels even more helpless, the only thing you can do is stand there with her. Listen, respond, never assume, weather, and stand there. And of course, hug when the moment is right.

9/28/10, 1:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is gonna be hard on you too. So make sure you remember to take a few minutes and take care of yourself too.

9/28/10, 2:20 AM  
Anonymous Maureen @TatterScoops said...

I will keep your friend, her family and you in my prayers and I hope she will get to kick cancer in the ass. Hugs!

9/28/10, 4:48 AM  
Blogger KLZ said...

You are just fantastic.

And have you noticed that somehow breast cancer has also bought the color pink? It's everywhere.

9/28/10, 9:10 AM  
Blogger An Imperfect Momma said...

This is my first time here and I feel your pain. A friend of mine in church has breast cancer. They removed both of her breasts and she is on chemo right now. It breaks my heart but she is such a trooper. Since she knew she was gonna lose all her hair - she got a mohawk and allowed her girls to get one too. Will be praying for your friend as well.

9/28/10, 1:19 PM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

i like your friend. she sounds like good people. family comes in all shapes, sizes, zip codes and levels of hugging comfortably. i'm glad she has you, her family. i'm not a hugger (like, at all) but i'd hug her--and you--right now. sending nothing but prayers and comfort her way...

9/28/10, 3:08 PM  
Blogger Mo 'Betta said...

ugh - cancer sucks so hard. My dad has been battling leukemia for the past year, and recently had a bone marrow transplant after 6 hard core chemo treatments. It's harsh. But he's here, he's fighting, and right now is cancer free. It will happen for your friend too. There will be really bad days, but with support/prayer/determination and really good meds - she will get through them! and like you said LET'S KICK CANCER'S ASS!!!!

9/28/10, 9:04 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

You're love for her is so evident. And your friendship is such a healthy one. You have each other.
Take care.

9/29/10, 1:10 AM  
Anonymous MommyNaniBooboo said...

Hope for the best... and expect it!
Just call us your cyber leaning post.

9/29/10, 1:54 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Again, I'm glad you're such a good friend for her. She so needs that now. Also? I know I mentioned this before, but cancer is a colossal asshole.

9/29/10, 1:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know we don't "know" eachother and I certainly don't know your dear A, but OMG how I hate this for her, for you, for women. I just do. Hang in there and fight the fight as I know you will. Cancer is an asshole.

9/29/10, 7:33 PM  
Blogger Shell said...

Sending lots of prayers!

9/30/10, 2:07 PM  

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