I have hope

God, how life throws you for loops, doesn't it?

Last week was spent thinking about my girl, A...my best friend. She went on Friday, to learn that her cancer is very aggressive. I guess that's common when a young woman gets cancer...it can spread quickly. She has a small tumor in her breast and a large-ish tumor in her lymph nodes. That's actually what prompted the doc visit - the lump under her arm. A mammogram a month ago? Didn't detect the boob lump.

When I got to see her Saturday, we spent some time alone before the other girls arrived and it was Good. Just good. She's a scientific, numbers type and laid it all out for me. We talked it through. She's ready for the lumpectomy - coming soon - on her 37th birthday. She's ready to start chemo the week after. Every 2 weeks for 4 months. She's ready for that. During this time, she'll get the genetic testing - if she's a carrier, she'll most likely have a double mastectomy. Possibly radiation. They've already scheduled her for 30 radiation treatments. For Fuck's Sake.

She most likely won't be able to have children. Did I mention she's not married? Not even in a serious relationship? Yah. So she's facing all of this alone. Family will travel to help her. Her team is here and ready. We got through the facts. That she's got Stage 2 Breast Cancer, that has spread and "more than one lymph node" is infected. She's "triple negative" which isn't great.

After that. We tried to have a decent time. We ate and drank. We laughed. Some cried. Me? I sat back and took it in. I watched A take it in. Interact. Fight the facts already. She's not one to ask for help. I told her I know that...but we're going to show up. We'll clean her floors and do her laundry and shovel snow and bring movies send funny cards.

We will NOT wear pink [her request].

Even though she and I are very close, we've never been the schmoopy huggy type. When I left her today, I hugged her hard. She relented and hugged me back just as hard. She knows I'm scared. I know she's scared. This is going to SUCK. But we're fighting. Together.

FYI - she has no idea I have this site. Or who "MommaKiss" is. This is for me. It's helping me process and I know that it isn't the 'tone' of my typical posts. Once in a while, I'll probably ask for a prayer or good vibes. I've been amazed and kinda humbled by the words and offers of well wishes by so many. Most who have never met me, much less my girl A.

I'm so thankful. And so ready to kick some cancer ass.