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Momma Kiss: Meet the Modern Mamaz

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Meet the Modern Mamaz

Morning kids.

A few days ago, Jennie and I had some cawfee talk {fine, an e-mail exchange} and we decided to trade sites for a day.

Why does this appeal to me? A) you get to meet a new blogger {unless you already know her and if so, props.} 2) she's cute and 3) I don't have to write! WIN WIN for the fuckin' WIN!

So meet Jennie of the Modern Mamaz:

Grannie Panties and Wedgies Too
Somewhere around the fifth or sixth month of my pregnancy those sexy little string bikinis that used to be part of my every day attire seemed to have migrated to the back of the dresser drawer, only to be replaced by ones that took more fabric during production than our living room drapes. There’s something that happens during this time that triggers your brain to say to the rest of your body; “Ah, screw it. Who gives a shit, really.”

I don’t have anything against underwear that are so “full figured” they could easily serve two purposes; panties and bra. Hell, I’m a modern woman. I like to conserve. I do, however, take issue with the fact that I cannot keep them out of my ass. I am familiar with the feeling of having fabric up my rear, but there is a distinct difference between the feeling of a string and a Venetian blind. One creates a sensation of having been prison bitch the night before. Not cool.

Along with the change in underwear, I have reached a point where I am no longer able to wear my normal clothes. Well, comfortably. The dilemma here is that maternity pants have that cute little stretchy part on the top that also goes up to your boobs. This creates somewhat of a war between pants and panties. Both are fighting to be at the top.

“NO! I am going to be under her tits!” – Pants

“The hell you are! I’m closer!” – Panties

“I’m bigger!” – Pants

“That’s debatable!” – Panties

I’ve mastered the art of the “hop and pull”, “the shimmy-pick”, and the “hip roll – panty pull” as a result of this. Given some music, I’d closely resemble Elaine Benes at her Christmas party. Which, somehow makes me feel okay about it.

See? Cute AND funny! Here's her bio:

My name is Jennie Funkhouser, I am a 28 year old self proclaimed super mom. Yes, I went there. I am short tempered, over emotional, strong willed and way too opinionated for my own good. Or yours, you pick. 

I bit my toenails until I was in high school, I can never shut up, and I love my life. I am married to Scott, my perfect match and man that can literally fix or build anything. We have a 4 year old boy, Hunter, who is seriously the best behaved child I have ever encountered… no idea where in the hell he got that. Not me, I assure you. Our Daughter, Sophie, is 1 year old. She keeps us on our toes and our
hearts beating in a panic every minute that she is awake. Payback’s a bitch, I guess.

I spend my days as an internet marketer and one fantasticalicious mother. When the sun goes down, though… I like to get down and dirty, with you. On my blog. Get your mind out of the gutter. You can come and play with me on Facebook @ or Twitter @ModernMamaz. Or stop by my blog at I don’t even ask that you call first.

Don't forget to enter the Shining Stones Giveaway! Ellie, hope you're gettin' some biz-ness from the ladies!



Blogger blueviolet said...

If it weren't for the low rise jeans, I'd be ALL about the granny panties!

10/11/10, 7:27 AM  
Blogger Shell said...

She's hilarious! Off to check out her blog!

10/11/10, 9:28 AM  
Blogger Mo 'Betta said...

hahaha, she's great!

10/11/10, 9:31 AM  
Blogger Diane said...

Well, I'm sold. On my way over!

10/11/10, 9:31 AM  
Blogger Daffy said...

I just wanna know HOW she knows what prision bitch feels like to compare....just curious and all....fantastic comparison. When I was pregnant I had to start buying underroos in circus-tent size. At one point I seriously considered slapping a GoodYear sitcker on my ass and pimping myself out to the BLIMP company for ballgames. Figured an extra buck or two would help go towards delivery expenses.

10/11/10, 9:55 AM  
Blogger One Crafty Mother said...

This made me laugh out loud! LOVE "hip roll-panty pull". I've had to do that one for panty hose, too - THAT's a sexy feeling.

Off to check out her blog!

And thanks again for doing the giveaway!


10/11/10, 9:56 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

I'm digging the "shimmy-pick!"

10/11/10, 10:26 AM  
Blogger Finding My Weigh said...

I came to check out your blog and discovered two awesome ladies to add to my reading! Can't wait to read more. :)

10/11/10, 11:20 AM  
Anonymous Jennie @ Modern Mamaz said...

Holy crap, MommaKiss! You were brushing your teeth and combing your hair about the same time I was putting on my night cap and rolling over so Scott knew it was a "you'll lose your hand if you even try it" night. All I've gotta say is... props to you!


10/11/10, 11:47 AM  
Blogger Sheena Simpson said...

Am I the only one that decided commando was more comfortable?! Jk.

Great blog, going over to check her out now.

10/11/10, 12:54 PM  
Blogger Truthful Mommy said...

Love it! I Am headed over there now!Thanks for sharing! You both rock!

10/11/10, 1:54 PM  
Blogger The Drama Mama said...

She IS cute and funny! THank you for the introduction. :) One of my favorite quotes is "put your big girl panties on and deal with it". LOL.

10/11/10, 4:19 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Hysterical! Altho I've never owned a pair of maternity underwear and, after the first baby, never wore those kangaroo pouch pants again. Yoga pants, baby! They grow with you and you just keep shoving them down and if your belly is hanging out when preggo it's CUTE, not fodder for the People of Walmart site..

10/11/10, 4:55 PM  
Blogger Tarja said...

Too funny! A perfect fit for MammaKiss and vice versa. Or something. I admit to wearing granny panties to bed (is this why my marriage is so romantic?) - but the preggers panties I do not miss. Love this post!

ps - yo, mammakiss, head on over to my place. You won something, you versatile minx, you.

pps - yes, it's the chalupa. I freakin hate logging in under google but apparently it's the only way I can comment now.

10/11/10, 5:22 PM  
Anonymous Making It Work Mom said...

I remembering sending my hubby out to buy my Granny panties for me becuase I couldn't bear it. Kind of funny when I think back now.

10/11/10, 11:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh I love it! lmao!!

I remember those maternity clothes days. So glad they are OVER.

10/12/10, 1:07 AM  
Blogger KLZ said...

There really is a difference between a string and a venetian blind. Too true.

10/12/10, 9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I've learned from this blogswap:

MK doesn't want anything up her ass while Jennie's got her grannies up her ass.

You learn something new every day.

10/12/10, 9:29 AM  
Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

Thanks MK, you're going to be the death of me if you keep making me fall in love with these fabulous writers.

Heading over to follow her now.

10/12/10, 8:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is hilarious and my maternity pants and granny panties had that same fight every day... Now my jeggings and granny panties (I can't quit them) are in a race to my ankles. They are constantly pulling each other down.

10/13/10, 12:20 AM  

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