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Friday Flip Offs 11.5

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Momma Kiss: Friday Flip Offs 11.5

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Friday Flip Offs 11.5

It's FRIDAY!!!

Yabba Dabba DOOOOO!

Don't you think of Fred Flinstone flying down that dino tail? I do. I'm *that* old, I guess.

Let's clear our minds and blogs of the angst that got to us this week and sail on into the glorious weekend Free From Angst! It's Friday Flip Off Time!

Where should we start. Let's see. How about the ass-scope? The Katie Couric Special. Remember when she did that on air? Yes, I think I shall flip that off. I'm 36 years old. A FRESH 36. Way too young for a colonoscopy, right? Without letting you in on the FABULOUS details, things happened and my doc said I should get one. I did the prep, which entailed a liquid diet all day and then FOUR dulcolax and THEN a 14 dose bottle of Miralax. FOURTEEN people.

Let's just say nothing about that was "gentle."

Also? I have NO idea how anorexics do it. The not eating thing. I was exhausted, delirious, weak. I just couldn't do that like every day. Whatever. So on Wednesday, I showed up and got mah drugs...ahhhh, yeah....

Results are fine, but still? Fuck You ass scope. You violated my exit only philosophy.

Next up? Flip the Eff Off "Invite the whole class to your party rule." This shit happened in daycare, and we just got our first invite to a kindy party. An e-vite. Go Green! YAY! But I'm not at all looking forward to more parties coming up. Because Big Kiss is gonna talk about it, and gonna want to go and the presents and snot-nosed kids and parents who want to be friends and I HAVE ENOUGH FRIENDS!


Anyway, flip off to the invite the whole class birthday party thing.

Last? Flip OFF to The Old Navy Commercials with the stupid mannequins.


Just stop.

Please link up! I'll be by when I can, work's a lil busy so give me the weekend, would ya? And stop writing so damn well, all y'all. I can't keep up. Smooch!



Anonymous Sara @ Tedious Life said...

Don't worry, I thought about Fred Flintstone flying down the dinosaur tail too and I'm younger.

I don't shop at Old Navy anymore. The group of mannequins that greet you at the door scares the crap out of me.

11/4/10, 11:53 PM  
Blogger Sherri said...

I totally get the Flinstones reference. I think I actually went to high school with Wilma. And you are cracking me up (pun intended) with your ass-scope story. Perfect thing to flip, in my opinion. And the stupid invite-all-their-sorry-asses-to-the-party peeps.

And mannequins shouldn't talk. Except in a strange dream involving Starbucks, a moose, and a cardigan sweater. Not that I HAD that dream...

11/5/10, 12:16 AM  
Blogger Booyah's Momma said...

Sorry to laugh, but your colonoscopy references totally made me giggle. I have a strict exit-only stance as well, so I can't imagine...

And I clearly remember Fred Flintstone sliding down the tail. Guess that makes me old, too.

11/5/10, 12:26 AM  
Blogger The Zany Housewife said...

Egads. Well aside from saying I'm glad the results were good, fuck the ass-scope! I think you've just inspired me to finally get a tattoo in that general region. One that loudly shouts "exit only. This means you" I'll place it next to the future tat of Mel Brooks face.

And can we also flip off the Progressive Insurance lady? Drives me out of my flippin gourd.

11/5/10, 12:56 AM  
Blogger The Zany Housewife said...

And does anyone remember Super Chicken? I love that cartoon. I mean, come on, a chicken super hero that has a martini as his 'super sauce' Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

11/5/10, 12:57 AM  
Blogger Tarja said...

Aw, come on, the Old Navy commercial with the hot leaf-blower guy was pretty stellar, admit it.

Glad the ass-scope result was good. I hope I don't need one of those for a loooong time.

School. Birthdays. Blow.

And if I may? My husband just got diagnosed with a staph infection, so EFF OFF staph infection!

11/5/10, 1:26 AM  
Blogger The Empress said...

OMG, you are so funny. "I don't know how anorexics do it.."

And, be nice to the people at the party, cuz you know what? people aren't nice to me in this town, cuz they already have enough "friends." There could be a lonely me trying to talk you up at this party...

SO, yeah, I had to turn to the internet b/c everyone already knew somebody here.

11/5/10, 2:23 AM  
Blogger Moooooog35 said...

I'm totally renaming my penis, "Ass Scope."

Drugs are probably going to be necessary for that one.

I'm also less annoyed with the Old Navy commercials and more bugged about the giant mutant Kia Hamster rap ones.

Makes me want to commit hamster-cide.*

*trademark pending

11/5/10, 6:22 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

There is nothing pretty about the colonoscopy prep, going in or coming out.

11/5/10, 8:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The only good things about a colonoscopy are the drugs and the blissful nap I took afterwards.

When I had my last one the Dr. turned out to be:
1. hawt
2. the father of my son's friend
I'm still traumatized.

11/5/10, 8:09 AM  
Blogger Diane said...

I always cringe when I see a party invitation in the book bag...ugh!
And I haven't had an ass scope yet but I'll second that flip off since I share your "exit only" philosophy. At least you got some good drugs, right? right?!

11/5/10, 8:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been having colonoscopies and the ones where they go down your throat for years. So fun.
Instead of the liquid prep, ask for pills that you take with water. I refuse to do the drinking of all that grossness.

11/5/10, 9:03 AM  
Anonymous Jean said...

A colonoscopy at 36? I hope you're ok.

11/5/10, 9:03 AM  
Blogger Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

I'm no fan of that invite the whole class thing, but I must say I had a different experience with my colonoscopy. I had one when I was 23 and man, I felt awesome afterwards. Everything empty and pain free. Loved it.

11/5/10, 9:05 AM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

You could totally be the poster child for ass health. Im sure there is money in it somewhere...think about it
Also, old navy mannequins are creepy and lame

11/5/10, 9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your tramp stamp stating Exit Only didn't deter the docs I guess.

But didn't you just say a week ago that you were 25?

11/5/10, 9:22 AM  
Blogger tulpen said...

I'm sorry I laughed at you and made crude jokes about your ass invasion.

Ok. No I'm not.

11/5/10, 9:49 AM  
Blogger Lisa..... said...

I thought I was the only one who didn't like the Old Navy dolls.

11/5/10, 11:16 AM  
Blogger Poppy said...

My daughter loves those Old Navy mannequins. She talks to them when we go in there. She is an odd child.

Sorry about the butt a scope. I still wish you would have posted pictures! If you won't show us your face, you could at least show us your ass!

11/5/10, 12:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG. Yes, Old Navy must be stopped!

11/5/10, 12:27 PM  
Blogger Shell said...

My husband would totally use the butt scope as an excuse, well, telling me that if my exit only policy had already been broken...


Glad everything is okay, though.

11/5/10, 12:28 PM  
Blogger FallDown Girl said...

Ew, needles! No fun!

Okay....I did the whole linky thing. I have no idea whether I did it right. Please don't smite me for any wrongfootedness *grin*

11/5/10, 12:44 PM  
Blogger LindsayDianne said...

Hahaha, I love this idea.
I also hate having to hang out with class moms.
Seriously, if one more stranger speaks to me about boot camp and their core..... I'll puke.

11/5/10, 12:57 PM  
Blogger Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

Since my mom has had colon cancer, I've taken my mom to plenty of her colonoscopies. One time the doctor actually showed me the picture of the inside of my moms butt...since then I feel closer to my mother than ever! LOL

11/5/10, 1:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An ass scope? oh, HELL NO!

Sorry you had to do it! I'd flip it off too, and the Dr who made you do it!

11/5/10, 1:18 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I'm dreading those damn school invites, too. Last year we got invited to 2 of Kate's preschool classmates parties, and we didn't go to either. There's going to be enough of that crap when she's older, and I don't want to start now. Plus? With a whole class full of kids...if we go to all the parties, that's what our entire weekends will be full of!

11/5/10, 1:47 PM  
Blogger n8rlvr said...

Drugs = happy, no food = very cranky. No one should have to endure not eating. Ever.

11/5/10, 5:03 PM  
Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

First let me say a big fat thank you for NOT giving us more details!
And yes, big parties BOOH! And please, stop w/ the f'in mannequins ON! You suck!

I'll get a post up there sometime before the end of the day, promise to your momma!

PS I love Moooooog! "Ass Scope"

11/5/10, 6:43 PM  
Anonymous annie said...

Oh, so sorry about your scope! I've had to do the prep twice - one scope, one surgery - and it's the absolute worst. I'd rather give birth. Did you combine your miralax with a gallon of gatorade because I can't even smell lemon lime without wanting to hurl! And now that I've gone way over the TMI line, glad your results were good!!!

11/6/10, 12:49 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

I'm dreading my first colonoscopy but at least they give you drugs, right???

p.s. um, my kids are seriously in love w/ the mannequins at Old Navy. Every time we go, they knock one over or start having pretend conversations and people laugh and stare. omg.

11/6/10, 11:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad everything turned out ok.

I seriously love the Old Navy commercials though. They make me snort.

11/6/10, 12:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude thats shitty! (no pun intended)

11/6/10, 7:18 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

I think I would totally get into a colonoscopy. To know there isn't anything growing out of one's ass would be very reassuring, and from what i hear, with all the "cleansing" you feel 10 lbs lighter!

11/6/10, 11:42 PM  
Blogger Opto-Mom said...

I like that one Old Navy commercial where the mannequins are playing soccer, and the kid mannequin gets its head knocked off with a soccer ball. The dad mannequin tell the kid to "Shake it off." LMAO! Sounds just like something my husband would say!

11/7/10, 6:12 PM  
Anonymous Wendi said...

I saw a huge guy on the beach in Hawaii a couple of years ago with an "Exit Only" tattoo on his lower back. Now I'm having flashbacks, so thanks for that.

11/8/10, 7:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your colon cleansing regimen might be perfect for the little pinworm situation I have going over here. This idea is either genius, terrible, and most definitely desperate. It also makes for excellent blog material. Lordy, I have no shame.

Glad your scope went as well as a scope inspecting your rectum can go.

11/9/10, 12:12 AM  
Anonymous Erin I'm Gonna Kill him said...

OUCH! I apologize to my children every time I use the rectal thermometer for violating their exit only rule, too. What we suffer for good health.

11/10/10, 3:27 PM  

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