Boys. They don't get it.

Today I wore a dress.

It's a pretty snazzy dress, one that I have only recently been able to wear again. Finally losing my gunt has been fabulous for the wardrobe. It's a deep red and fits the season. Since it's chilly up in these parts, I also had to wear nylons.

Fine, I haven't shaved my legs. Details.

For whatever reason, I was up early enough to be fully dressed and ready to go before the boys even stumbled out of bed. I know! Shut Up! My 5 year old saunters in to pee and when he's done, looks up at me with his head cocked and says "Why you look like that today? This uniform?"

It's not a fucking uni, kid.

Of course, I didn't say that (out loud). I said "It's just a dress dude, I wanted to wear it to wear to work today." He doesn't need to know that all of my work pants are in the laundry.

His reply: "You look gorgeous."

And he still had those warm-from-sleep cheeks.

Sigh.

We go downstairs for breakfast and it's time for Little Kiss to whine his way to the table. That kid wakes like his Momma-there ain't nothing easy about it.

They eat, I finish my coffee. Little Kiss finally takes a gander and says "You look pretty, Momma - what's deese?" And he comes over to feel my legs. The ones covered in the pantyhose.

I say "They're called nylons. They're like socks, that Mommas wear with dresses."

Then each kid comes over to touch my leg, one puts his head on my shin and says "They soft."

And then? Lil Kiss says "How far they go? How tall them socks?" as he's trying to get to 3rd base with his hands.

Mentally calc'ing the therapy bill, I lift one side of my dress and show them "They go all the way up to my belly, see?" Not quick enough - I remember that Momma goes commando in nylons and quickly put the hem of the dress back in place.

Didn't phase them.

They got their sneakers on, smooch me good bye, Mr. Kiss gave me a wink and off they all go. Down the sidewalk, leaving me to ponder my long socks and if I'm going to get a note from Big Kiss' teacher this evening.

All because I forgot to shave my damn legs.