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Momma Kiss: I'm mute

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Monday, November 15, 2010

I'm mute

I have lost my voice.

No, I don't mean figuratively, as in "GAH, I don't know what to blog about! Poor ME!" 

I mean as in I have no sound coming out of my mouth when I try to speak.

Unless you count the dragon-like husky, hack-ridden sounds...well, let's not go there. So I'm whispering. Or making that universal "point to throat and shake head" sign that everyone should know means "I'm mute."

I think that this "whisper" thing brings great joy to my husband (can't nag); my children (can't yell); and my co-workers (can't complain).

As for all y'all? Well, most of y'all? Have never heard my voice anyway, so just pretend it's like angels singing. Angels singing after eating cotton candy and riding a unicorn. So beautiful. So poetic. So lovely.

And today the world does not get to experience it.

Poor world. Poor poor world. 

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Blogger tulpen said...

There's a dirty joke about you gargling with something salty in there somewhere.

11/15/10, 9:52 AM  
Anonymous Kerrie said...

My kid would LOVE if I was mute. Until she wanted me to answer a question. She's in the "why? why? why?" stage....

11/15/10, 9:53 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

I have a feeling we're going to be hearing even more from you on Twitter during this period of Kiss No Talk. Or should I say...#KissNoTalk

11/15/10, 9:59 AM  
Blogger Shell said...

Oh no, that was me last weekend! It was horrible. Hope you feel better soon.

11/15/10, 10:00 AM  
Anonymous Val said...

Like angels. If angels had a hybrid Midwest/Boston kinda sound. :p

11/15/10, 10:00 AM  
Blogger Moooooog35 said...

This may be a weird coincidence, but my penis is named, "Chloraseptic."

11/15/10, 10:14 AM  
Blogger Dazee Dreamer said...

oh my god. Moooooog35, you freaking crack me up. And I was hearing a very beautiful sound in my office while reading this post.

11/15/10, 10:38 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

From now on your voice in my head will forever sound like Beatrice Arthur from the Golden Girls. I even added a nice little video for your viewing pleasure.

11/15/10, 10:46 AM  
Blogger Diane said...

Poor world. But at least we didn't have to suffer here in blogland. I still got the feeling I'd just eaten cotton candy and ridden a unicorn. Your little description cracked me up. Feel better soon!

11/15/10, 11:44 AM  
Blogger McKenzie said...

I had to laugh pretty hard at this post, =].

11/15/10, 12:00 PM  
Blogger Momma0f3~1662~ said...

That STINKS! I lost my voice a few months back and it drove me insane not being able to speak (ok maybe I mean nag, yell, complain). But, the plus side was that I didn't have to answer the phones at work and listen to people complain all day!

11/15/10, 12:02 PM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

Sweet sweet kimberly. You're so very far from the truth. (Not really) (love me anyway?)

11/15/10, 12:03 PM  
Blogger Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

I am in the same boat...I have been sick since Friday w/ a sore throat and no voice. I realized I can still manage to annoy and nag people w/out it though, text message and mean faces work wonders

11/15/10, 12:06 PM  
Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

Gotta love the Moooooog.
Its from singing to your new CD, ain't it? Or wait, did the poprocks steal your voice?
I think I still have some...must try!

11/15/10, 12:21 PM  
Blogger Booyah's Momma said...

I'm pretty sure my family hopes this will happen to me some day. Until then, they have to endure my voice, nagging and yelling. And I do not sound like angels in the slightest.

I do hope you get better soon!

11/15/10, 1:18 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I love Tulpen. Seriously. And I've been hearing you yap all over the place this morning! By email, Twitter...

11/15/10, 2:03 PM  
Anonymous Jennie @ Modern Mamaz said...

I wince just thinking about all the poor souls suffering today. My heart is with them.

11/15/10, 4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My mom used to get laryngitis every year. (She was a teacher.) My Dad and I enjoyed that yearly reprise from her screaming more than Christmas.

11/15/10, 4:52 PM  
Blogger Tarja said...

You crack me up. As does Tulpen. Yeah, I've got a sore-throat going on. It's my perpetual cold that I'll sport from now until Spring. Yay toddler germs!

11/15/10, 6:22 PM  
Blogger Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

For the past couple of years I've lost my stupid voice with every stupid cold. It annoys me. My daughter thinks it's cute for 1/2 of a day. My husband grows weary of my Janis Joplin impersonation.

Hope your angelic voice is back soon!

11/15/10, 8:01 PM  
Blogger Kelley said...

I'm glad it doesn't translate to your typin' fingers! I bet you feel sexy talking with barely an audible whisper, huh? :)

11/16/10, 12:21 AM  
Blogger Bag Lady said...

I've heard your voice. It is indeed angelic. Along with your boobs.

11/16/10, 12:30 AM  
Blogger The Empress said...

I love losing my voice. I am so sick of hearing it go, "pick this up. how many times did I tell you. you have to clean that up now. We eat when we eat."

Yay to losing my frackin' voice.

11/16/10, 1:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, my family would be too too happy if I lost my voice...

And now I want cotton candy. Thanks.

Hope you get your yelling voice back soon!

11/16/10, 2:42 AM  
Blogger Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

That's so funny. That's EXACTLY the way I would describe my own voice.

Except I'm not sure if my husband would agree.

11/16/10, 3:08 AM  
Blogger KLZ said...

I think, when mute, you should invest in hilarious shirts to illustrate your mood.

Like "Clean your room or I'll cut you."

Or "Not tonight honey, I'm too tired from coughing up mucus."

11/16/10, 10:43 AM  
Blogger MamaOnDaGo said...

I hope your voice returns soon. I remember when I lost my voice. I used my daughter's magnetic doodler to write notes to my husband. Let's just say I capitalized everything and there were a lot of exclamation points.

11/16/10, 2:10 PM  
Anonymous Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him said...

I'm one of those weird anomalies who never gets sick. Well, not never, but just about once a year for 24 hours. Before you want to stone me with swine flu pellets, I have been PREGNANT for three years straight, which is infinitely suckier. Anyway, I've only lost my voice 3 times in my life and it was so awesome to sound like Demi Moore in my head. Everyone else said I sounded like I had a stoma, but I know they meant Demi.

11/16/10, 3:36 PM  
Anonymous Yankee Wife said...

hey there!! stopped by to get a laugh... you're always so damn funny!

11/17/10, 3:53 PM  

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