The tale of the Ape

This morning I got the boyz up, set them up with their "cereal & milk" and went back upstairs to shower. When I was getting dressed, I realized they were being extra extra good.

Let me preface this by saying my kids? Do not typically get all Dr. Destructo when unsupervised. They may punch each other or chuck puzzle pieces about, but they've never used sharpie on the couch or cut anyone's hair. As a mom, though? When it's too quiet? You know something's up.

So I went to investigate.

All I found was the boys in the bathroom laughing - but nothing clearly amiss. Fine. Move along with the morning.

I dropped them off, Hi Ho, Hi Ho, off to work I go.

So I get to work and when I pulled my phone out of my purse, I bumped the camera button and found a picture.

I almost fell over, literally. I was crossing my legs so as not to piss my pants.

I tweeted this - Knowing I'd have to blog this shit later. You know. When I had access to blogger. Fucking firewalls.


Alas, here's the pictures I found on my phone.

George Costanza anyone?



Head gear. For the ape.



oooh, look at those pink polka dots. how pretty are they?



lemme just check this out, just a bit closer, oooof, i fell over.




People? The polka dots? It's my freakin' undies!

My children decided that taking pictures of a stuffed ape in my polka dot unmentionables was fun for them.

I don't even know what to say.

I'm mute

I have lost my voice.

No, I don't mean figuratively, as in "GAH, I don't know what to blog about! Poor ME!" 

I mean as in I have no sound coming out of my mouth when I try to speak.

Unless you count the dragon-like husky, hack-ridden sounds...well, let's not go there. So I'm whispering. Or making that universal "point to throat and shake head" sign that everyone should know means "I'm mute."

I think that this "whisper" thing brings great joy to my husband (can't nag); my children (can't yell); and my co-workers (can't complain).

As for all y'all? Well, most of y'all? Have never heard my voice anyway, so just pretend it's like angels singing. Angels singing after eating cotton candy and riding a unicorn. So beautiful. So poetic. So lovely.

And today the world does not get to experience it.

Poor world. Poor poor world. 

The Versatile Post

Thanks for showing Jennie the love yesterday. She's hella-funny and Obviously I like that sorta thing. 

I'm a bit under the weather today. Apparently yesterday, being a Major Holiday and all, kicked my ass. The kid's school and daycare were closed so I took the day off of work to be a mom. DAYUM, that's hard work all day long. Especially considering I was JUST with them for 2 full days on Saturday and Sunday. Kids killed me.

Stay-home-moms? You ROCK. Hard.

Not to mention, after they went to bed, I decided to celebrate the Holiday with wine. On a Monday night. Partay animal - leaving drunk comments all over the web. That's gonna be fun to re-live today.

Not to mention-mention [yes, i meant that double word. segue?] Mr. Kiss is traveling. Like all of October. So after being pulling a double on the weekend, I get to be a Single Working Mom for like a month.

Anyway, All of the above? That was all filler.

I'm really here to accept an award. I wish I was dressed better.

I typically suck at the rules of awards - but this one was bestowed upon me by a brilliant ladycakes. I'm not kidding, Chalupa, you got me. Right in the funny bone.

http://www.theflyingchalupa.com/2010/10/09/bat-meat-succulents/
[listen, i'm on my crackberry - links may be wonky. p.s. wonky is so a word.]

For Real people - look who else she named here! All of them - genius. Some are new to me and I can't wait to stalk them. Erm, I mean, visit.

Also note, evidence of my "CWT" [commenting while tipsy].  That's Just Lovely.

Miscellany

It's the weekend - literally posting from the crackberry so as to share some thoughts and events. You KNOW you've been missing me. Just admit it. It's OK.

It's 8am, my Lil Kiss is still sleeping. If you only knew how mega-unusual this is, you'd be excited right along with me.

Me? I'm sitting here enjoying the morning news with my coffee. Listening to my Big Kiss scream BOO YAH from Manland. Why, you ask? Mr. Kiss found a way to keep him occupado with the playstation football game. I think he thinks he's actually playing, and if there's a tackle or something, he's "won." So yes, BOO YAH and TAKE THAT are flyin' out of his mouth. Better than "suck it" or "you're goin down" or somesuch, I guess.

Last night? Left a certain, um, piece of bedroom apparatus out on the bathroom counter. Big Kiss totally saw it and turned it on and OHMYGOD I'm mortified. He asked if it was some sort of thing for my hair. "Yes, now please turn it off (while I mentally calculate your therapy costs)."

Today we're going to a football game. The weather *may* even be nice.

Tomorrow, Big Kiss goes back to Kindy. Good Lord in Heaven Above, if ever I need a happy day, tomorrow is it. Say a lil prayer for us, will ya? Thanks. Gift is in the mail :)