Mega Monday Update. Oof.

Holy Balls, I feel like November just flew by. All of 2010 actually.

Just here to share some thingies.

The Friday after Thanksgiving, we decided to start a new tradition with the boys. Indoor Water Park. Yes, this is a tad insane - considering I had consumed approximately 23948729 calories the day before. I'll just say I had Nothing to worry about - I was lookin' good. And sportin' the pigs, obvs.



The boys totally loved it and slept really well after - Win!


Lookie here! I got a few gifts:

I was lucky enough to be asked to take part in a Mug Swap for the holidays. The lovely and charming KLZ at Taming Insanity drew my name - stoked! My hot mug has her blog button and says "Battling Beavers since 2010," Beavers are funny.


While we're at it, she's in this contest to go to the Blissdom conference. Help a sista out and vote. Please?? Just do that shit. Send KLZ to Blissdom!

I also got a Mug O' Boobs from that Mad Woman. Not for the swap, just cuz she loves me and knows I like boobs. Boobs. Say it. It feels good.




I sent a mug to The Truth about Motherhood. Poor thing, I wasn't as creative as these ladies. She has a white mug with the back of my head on it. Because who wouldn't want to have coffee out of that?

Moving right along, Liz at a belle a bean and a chicago dog honored me with the Chicago Dog award. She wrote the funniest post about how she thinks of certain bloggers as buddies. My buddy? Kimberly who blogs here. She's hilare, and really does 'talk' like me.

Little does Kimberly know, I already ate the best part of the dog...



Ok. Tired yet? Sorry, and fyi? I'm actually awake right now. Yes. At almost 2am on Monday morning.

But don't go yet! There's MORE!

I was able to take part in Gigi's "Thanksgiving Table" and I'm pretty sure my day is today. Or tomorrow. Monday. I think. Anyway, go read, please? It's a MK memory of a childhood Thanksgiving.

Last, but definitely not least, my girl A? She had her first dose of chemo on November 18th. She waited and waited to feel sick. Never came. She's taken to calling her cancer her "mess," and the next part of this mess is losing her hair. That hot shit is taking charge and she wants NO part of the hair 'clumping' out. So on Wednesday, she's going to shave her head. Just a few of us will be there, and if she needs me to, I'll be sitting next to her in the chair. A? Has a wig picked out and paid for. Me? Not so much. But I hear the halloween stores are having a wicked sale, so, you know, I'll figure something out. Thursday she'll have her next dose of chemo and continue fighting this mess.

Let's sum this up.

The only "shower" I had in a matter of 3+ days was at a water park, I have new coffee mugs, I'm so cool I don't need ketchup, I have a thanksgiving post up after thanksgiving and A is a fucking inspiration.

Any questions?

The Versatile Post

Thanks for showing Jennie the love yesterday. She's hella-funny and Obviously I like that sorta thing. 

I'm a bit under the weather today. Apparently yesterday, being a Major Holiday and all, kicked my ass. The kid's school and daycare were closed so I took the day off of work to be a mom. DAYUM, that's hard work all day long. Especially considering I was JUST with them for 2 full days on Saturday and Sunday. Kids killed me.

Stay-home-moms? You ROCK. Hard.

Not to mention, after they went to bed, I decided to celebrate the Holiday with wine. On a Monday night. Partay animal - leaving drunk comments all over the web. That's gonna be fun to re-live today.

Not to mention-mention [yes, i meant that double word. segue?] Mr. Kiss is traveling. Like all of October. So after being pulling a double on the weekend, I get to be a Single Working Mom for like a month.

Anyway, All of the above? That was all filler.

I'm really here to accept an award. I wish I was dressed better.

I typically suck at the rules of awards - but this one was bestowed upon me by a brilliant ladycakes. I'm not kidding, Chalupa, you got me. Right in the funny bone.

http://www.theflyingchalupa.com/2010/10/09/bat-meat-succulents/
[listen, i'm on my crackberry - links may be wonky. p.s. wonky is so a word.]

For Real people - look who else she named here! All of them - genius. Some are new to me and I can't wait to stalk them. Erm, I mean, visit.

Also note, evidence of my "CWT" [commenting while tipsy].  That's Just Lovely.

Bumpin' Uglies - The List

OK, I usually totally suck ass at responding to the bloggy award things. I do. But this one - well - it cracked my shit up and I have nothing else to write about, so when Jess shared this with me I figured what the fuck. Here goes!

Do you have a "list" - that list of celebs you'd totally bump uglies with, no regrets? And if you're in a committed relationship, your 'other' is aware of this list, right? I mean, he/she has to be in the know. If for nothing else, to get you out of jail incase you're accused of stalking the celeb.

#1. Now this goes way back, the first Star I ever remember thinking “I want to marry him and live happily ever after.” I was approximately 7. And this was pre-Frodo days:
Sean Astin, aka Mikey in The Goonies.

Oh how I wanted him. I distinctly remember stealing change from my older brothers and my mom’s coin purse to go to the movie. Alone. At night. On the way home I was crying because I realized Mikey was just a movie star and he’d probably never know I existed and then I got picked up by the cops and when I got home my mom beat my ass. After telling me she was glad I was safe, of course. And then I was grounded for stealing money and not telling anyone where I was going.

#2.

Ben. Oh, sweet Ben. We met once, actually. At Fenway Park, Easter Sunday 2002. I was hungover as hell and racing to the bathroom under the stands and there he was. Walking toward me. Totally checking me out. Like eyeing me up and down and smiling. I stood there all gobsmacked, forgetting about my need to hurl and just stared at him. Then I said “Hi” and he said “Hi” and kept walking. I raced back to tell my [then] fiancé and everyone within shouting distance that “Ben Affleck just TOTALLY hit on me!” and no one believed me and then he came up to the section, waved at me and went to his Front row seat. I then remembered my need to vomit and had to race back to the bathroom.

#3. Vincent Vaughn. Jen was a total MAROON to give up this guy. Swear. TO. GOD, he could make me laugh during sex and that’s a superior quality, right there.

#4. Gerard Butler. The goofy grins. His swagger. Swooooon. Not to mention the accent. That alone makes my girlie bits tingle.

#5.  Enough Said.

I'd like to thank the Academy

Tonight the Oscars are on.  I have an acceptance speech of my own to make.

 

See that? That award? If any of you boys or girls were considering taking a shot at MommaKiss, well, you may have a little competition. It seems that http://www.janeyouignorantslut.com/ thinks I'm a Dream Girl Blogger.

Yah - you read that right. I'm surprised, too. The best part? He didn't give me any rules - like most 'awards' - which, you know, totally works for me. No, Dan, no ceremonies or animal sacrifices needed.

I do, however, think it's reasonable to share why I may (or may not) be a Dream Girl.

Here's some potential reasons for the accolade:

First the obvious;  I'm hot.  Or cute. Whatever.

I have been naked with 3 other women. Apparently Dan liked that concept.

I'm a sports fan. Like I actually like watching sports. Currently, college basketball is the craze in The Kiss Hizza.  Also - refer to this declaration that I'm a catch.*

I got my husband a humidor for Christmas. And a kick ass cigar.  Maybe men associate smoking cigars to blow jobs or something, but Dan found this admirable. The humidor purchasing part. I think.

I've been told that my voice is quite nice. You know how weird that is? Like how different your voice sounds in your head than it does to other people? However, and I quote, my voice has made someone "melt."  Hmm, maybe I should look into a different career.

I think eyes tell a lot about someone. And mine? I actually like my eyes. One of the few features I never bitch about. Not to mention, laugh lines are ALL the rage, right?

I'm a fan of afternoon delights and I'm just plain beautiful and badass.

Well, I'm sure I could go on and On and ON, but I'm afraid I must leave some of my dreamy qualities to the imagination. Of course if anyone would like to expand on this list, feel free. You know. I'm not at all against you going on and on about me.

Thanks Dan. Keep waiting for those pictures, maybe someday I'll send them.

*Snort. That was fun to re-read.

Beautifully Random

So ms. hotness at Diary of a Mad Woman named me as a Beautiful Blogger.

Because,
DUH!

Anyway - I suck at those rules for blog awards and stuff (right, Jen? Sass?) so just thought I'd share.

It's not every day someone is called beautiful, even though most of you have never seen me.

Random shit today:  I'm working.  Taking a break right now (obvs!) but yesterday? My boss? Who is a 55+ year old man? Was eating chili for lunch and I popped in for a question and he said "just a sec, this chili is so hot - my bald spot is sweating."

Um.

OooohKaaaaay?

Really? And then he patted it w/ a napkin and expected me to just carry on with my financial analysis question.

It haunted me all afternoon...that sweaty bald spot...

Also random. My husband has strep throat. I've had strep. And the flu. It blows. Like blows big dangly donkey balls.  But? Why are men such fucking pussies when they're sick?  Not to mention he's w/ the kids all day because I'm at the office. I swear to god if they get sick because he's too lazy to wash his hands I'll throat punch him.

Twice.

Last random thing. I'm wearing comfy clothes today. It's saturday. No dress code, other than, you know, have clothes on. So I'm wearing my pink skully shirt. 

Bad Ass Accountant.  Look out.