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Momma Kiss: Tough Love is Tough

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Tough Love is Tough

I got home to smiling faces and hugs. After a long day at work, it was just what the doctor ordered.

Until my husband gave me the stink eye for 'distracting' the kids during dinner.



frustration level: 4

So I went to sit at the table with them.

Mr. Kiss left for the gym, haircut and grocery store. Boys and I are reading, then we play checkers and they ask me to turn on The Fresh Beat Band.

frustration level: 7 [but they love that show]

Big Kiss, who is 5, starts whining for more to eat. Like we starve him. We don't. He eats plenty. I said no, he whines more that he "used his manners." I said [in my still croaky voice] "thank you, but the answer is still no."

Everyone calms down - upstairs for bed.

frustration level: back to maybe a 3

While I'm getting Lil Kiss' medication, screaming ensues upstairs. Big jumped and scared Lil, they smacked heads - Crying. Fits. "I'm Sorry's"

frustration level: 8

"Ok, jammies on, no books. In bed."

5 year old? Chucks a stage 6 tantrum. Kicking his legs, cries for daddy (nice try), says he's not my friend, whatthefuckever, can you see where I'm going here?

frustration level: 92384729138173

I lose my shit, which Mommas are never supposed to do [I lie].

Lights out. Momma feels like a total asshole. Babies are crying in their beds.

Follow through, Tough love. Better in the morning.

Little squeaky voice "I need a tissue, please, momma. "

I give each kid a big hug. Whisper to them to please go back to bed. "Let's all have a better night tomorrow."

Think they'll forgive me? Think they'll hear me when I go and lay next to their sleepy bodies and tell their sleepy heads that I'm sorry? Think I'm the worst mom ever? Think my husband will be getting the stink eye upon his return?

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Blogger Kathryn said...

OhmyfuckingGOD I just posted a comment and it didn't post.

You're a good mama. My kid, 5, acts like he's brain-damaged almost every night at bedtime, same routine you posted, and sometimes I lose it.

They won't remember, and they've probably already forgiven you. I have one grown and a 5 year old...believe me, they'll be fine.

11/16/10, 8:49 PM  
Blogger Shell said...

I lose it a lot of nights. End of the day, a long day, and I can't take the whining and fits.

11/16/10, 8:55 PM  
Blogger ☾ Ash ♡ said...

I lost it a lot of nights when my kid was little.. it happens.. and it sucks a million times worse when you're sick.. they feed off of it.

They won't remember it though.. they remember the good stuff.. and all the times you layed next to them at night and the kisses and love and hugs.

You're a good momma. It's a learning process.. we're all learning as we go.

11/16/10, 9:31 PM  
Blogger Gigi said...

My mantra? Every time I make a mistake (100 times a day) I remember that kids are the most forgiving (and forgetful) souls. Thank God.

11/16/10, 9:34 PM  
Anonymous Making It Work Mom said...

They won't remember any of the yelling in the morning all they will remember is the cuddles right before they went to sleep.

11/16/10, 10:26 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

You're a good mama. I understand that level of frustration and how quickly you can reach that level.

But they'll get over it and be back to pissing you off again tomorrow.

11/16/10, 10:44 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

that's the beauty of having kids: you can be a total asshole and never need to seek forgiveness. Kids are handy like that.
(And no, you are far from being an asshole!)

11/16/10, 10:56 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

they always remember the cuddles-- even the ones you come back for when they're sleeping. I do. :)

11/16/10, 10:57 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

I have so been there. WAY too much, unfortunately. I read somewhere that kids WANT to love their parents, so they will forgive a lot. THANKFULLY. Not that I want to test that but yegads they can drive me insane!

11/16/10, 11:01 PM  
Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

I'm just grateful that a Momma I admire also has a break from wonderful. What you described is my life more than than it isn't.
And I am so glad to read the Mommies comments sharing that they get over and don't remember. Oh, THANK YOU!

11/16/10, 11:30 PM  
Blogger Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

No one is a perfect momma all the time. And I can say that with 100% confidence. From personal experience. Ahem.

Anyway, if we didn't lose our shit occasionally, however would they appreciate us when we are being the AWESOME mommmies we are the rest of the time? Right?

SEriously, today I had to put my Nino in his room in time-out for a long time even though he was sick, because he was being a butthead. I hated doing it cuz I know he wasn't feeling good. But that doesn't give you the gold card for butthead behavior. At least not in my book.

Tough love sucks. But honest, if our kids liked us all the time, we really wouldn't be good parents.

You rock, girl!! Hang tough. Things'll be better in the morning. Promise.

11/17/10, 3:49 AM  
Blogger Moooooog35 said...

Your husband is SO lucky he gets to have your stink-eye.

Maybe I'm thinking of something different.

11/17/10, 6:55 AM  
Blogger Booyah's Momma said...

They always forgive you. That's what's so awesome and amazing about kiddos... they know that tomorrow will be better, even if we have a hard time seeing that sometimes.

Repeat after me, Stuart Smalley style: "I'm good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, I'm a good mom."

11/17/10, 7:08 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I hate nights like that. Everything starts out all awesome and fun then something happens and I loose it and then my kids are telling that they don't like it when I am mean and yell. Then comes the guilt, the I am sorry. I will try better tomorrow. More guilt. Wine.

Yup, that is me.

11/17/10, 8:27 AM  
Blogger Susan said...

I hate nights like that. It helps to know we all go through it and can't all be bad mommas for doing so. Right?
; )

11/17/10, 9:07 AM  
Blogger Truthful Mommy said...

Girl, this happens almost daily at my house...minus the Big Guy giving me the stink eye and that is only lacking because hes not here during the week.I used to crack and crumble under tantrums and tears but then Im the sucker and I am sending them the message that I dont follow through. I did it alot and now my 5 yo is having to learn ( the hard way) that Mommy is actually the boss and in charge....even when its the monster time of the month and she is a bit cuckoo. Dont feel too guilty they forgive. I used to think I was scarring them but when the shit hits the fan, or they are sick, lonely, sad, happy....they always call for me first because they know no matter what I LOVE THEM. Yours do too. Feel better!NO guilt! Mommy guilt can kiss my ass!LOL

11/17/10, 9:27 AM  
Blogger Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

I think hubby definitely got the stink eye...I would have ended up giving him the stink glass mug thrown at his head, but what do I know! LOL

11/17/10, 10:18 AM  
Blogger Kelley said...

I felt just like this yesterday! I KNOW I was being mean and cranky. When they went to sleep, I felt horrible about it. You are an awesome mother who loves her boys more than anything! They know that. The fact that you wrote a post about it proves it. Hugs!

11/17/10, 12:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes. Yes. No, the asshats I see at the Mall are. A resounding YES.

11/17/10, 1:25 PM  
Blogger Annabelle said...

So been there. So done all of that. So blogged about and got So many of these same type comments.

You know, they are all correct. To a degree that made me feel better. I still can't help but see my bad behavior as a red flag for my stress level in general.

Just know, that much like crazy people never wonder if they are in fact crazy. Bad moms never wonder if they are in fact bad moms.

11/17/10, 1:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

-sigh- I know, I know (with italics)

11/17/10, 7:02 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

I hate getting angry and irritated with the kiddo's as I am tucking them into bed (why does it always appear like such a nice serene time on tv and in books?!)

11/17/10, 9:13 PM  
Blogger Diane said...

I yell at my two at least 5 times a day and they always forgive me just like I forgive them for gratin' on my very last nerve. I've been on that last nerve for years now...amazing it's still holdin' up!

11/17/10, 9:27 PM  
Blogger Tarja said...

This is fantastic. I love it when you say "whatthefuckever." Cracks me up. And kids don't remember a goddamn thing. I grew up in a completely dysfunctional household and remember it as nothing but sweetness and light. But maybe that's just the wine I'm drinking.

11/17/10, 11:29 PM  
Blogger Poppy said...

As I'm listening to my 3 year old screaming his fool head off, I wish you were here to open up a can of woop ass on him because I just don't have the energy. I'm sure her would forgive you too.

11/17/10, 11:49 PM  
Blogger Bag Lady said...

When my child was SCREAMING bloody murder at me in the car (because I gave him kix in a baggie instead of kix in a snacktrap) I let it go on for a while. Before I literally screamed back at him.

MOTY, right here.

11/18/10, 12:20 AM  
Blogger Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

They do forgive that stuff. The must because there's no parent that doesn't have moments of great frustration.

It's sad, but I was almost glad to read that the -year-old threw a massive tantrum. I was afraid my 5-year-old was the oldest kid still doing it.

11/18/10, 9:38 AM  
Blogger tulpen said...

I pretty much beat the shit out of myself this week for losing it with my kids. I've never yelled at my husband, who I love less than my kids. What the fuck?

We have a new rule. If Mommy yells, she gets a time out.

11/18/10, 9:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bedtime and morning time are a struggle with my 5 year old. He doesn't want to go to bed. (He is a night owl.) When it's time to wake up in the morning, he throws a fit. I've been frustrated every night this week. I am so glad I don't have to wake him up tomorrow.

11/19/10, 9:47 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

I lose it on my kids a minimum of 3 times a week.. hell, make that a day. They always forgive me & seem to still love me. My oldest is almost 14 & doesn't need therapy yet so I figure I have to be doing SOMETHING right.

11/20/10, 4:08 PM  

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