I'm a paper chaser.

I've been evaluating my career. I work for a huge company - fortune 500, amazing for families, a woman CEO. I work 9(ish) to 4.45(ish) most of the year. The busy times - they're busy - and I thrive on that, deadlines, etc.

But the off times - the non-busy times...that's projects related - I hate that. I'm not keen on my department - at all. I don't have direct reports - so no staff development (miss that). I don't associate w/ work people at all - I punch in and punch out. I'm not challenged. I'm not motivated.

But I make a shit load of money. And I have options (even tho they're worthless right now). I get a bonus (when they pay out). My boss is so flexible it's crazy. I have great hours. But I'm not happy. I'm a paper-chaser [sing it, Rhianna!]. I work because we're accustomed to our way of life which includes my paycheck. I find no joy in it, no development at all.

It's a dilemma. I'm not happy, yet this recession makes me thankful beyond reality for my job. My really really good job. AND - to make that money, Big City Money, 10 miles from home in the burbs - well fuck, people would die to be in my position.

And so I struggle with the daily grind and try to right my mind - accept my situation and just deal. Just carry on and maybe look for something that makes me happy when the boyz are in school.