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Momma Kiss: Mommy Farted!

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Mommy Farted!

Now that Monday’s almost over, here's my weekend in a nut shell. Big Kiss NEEDED to get his hair cut, so we decided to take on that task on Saturday morning. I left Little Kiss snoozing while Mr. Kiss “babysat” (whole separate issue) and headed out. On the way, I had to explain our “ervands” to Big Kiss. Get mommy a coffee, get Big Kiss a hair cut and then go to the toy store. Repeat. He was all tough, “I’m a big boy, I don’t cry.” From your lips to God’s ears, little man.

I’m quite sure they run and hide when they see us coming at Snip Its because this kid hates getting his hair cut. He even hates getting his hair washed. It’s a scream fest. We started out OK, but had to wait for 45 minutes (that’s like 3 hours in kid time) and I have to say Big Kiss did great. We were playing w/ the toys, the computers, the mirrors. And he kept watching the other kids get their hair cut. All good. Until they said “hop up.” Ensue screaming. Consistent with every other trip to Snip Its, I had to hold him (wrestle him) so that the process could begin. She asked if I wanted a cape on me. Nah, just bring it on, lady. I’m a pro now. I know how to hold him, esp those kicking feet! She’s actually really good at it, just keeps cutting and buzzing. The last time we went was New Year’s Eve, so the kid needed more than a trim…but we got thru it and now he’s handsome as ever ;) The best part? As soon as he was done and we were cleaning up, he gave the lady a hug and said thank you.

Afterward, we did go to the toy store to get a gift for a b-day party we’re headed to soon…and because he toughed it out, I got him a Diego toy. Go Diego Go is kiddie crack for Big Kiss. So we got him Click the Camera and he was in heh-VEN.

That afternoon, the rain was pouring down and we had to get ready for a visit to a friend’s house. Hadn’t seen them in months and it was a pretty big gathering. The host and Mr. Kiss used to be room mates and it was great to catch up w/ everyone. I swear, there were 20 kids there! Many babies, many being introduced for the first time. Big Kiss had a blast, he’s so well behaved around others, it makes my heart swell w/ pride. I was sorta in charge, tho, as Mr. Kiss was enjoying his Bud Lites.

Most memorable moment…Little Kiss was trying to nap in his infant car seat (love that thing!) and just couldn’t get comfy. So I pull him out and realize we have a Code Brown. Shit everywhere. And it’s the one fucking time I don’t have an extra outfit. Just a spare onsie. So I’m over in a corner going thru wipes like there’s no tomorrow and Big Kiss comes over to survey the sitch. I told him “Go get Daddy, tell him I need help.” I couldn’t leave Little Kiss laying there b/c there were a zillion balls and dolls being tossed around God’s creation. I’m waiting. And waiting. And waaaaaiiiitttting. I finally asked another mom to watch him so I could clean up a little. Got some more wipes, borrowed some pants from another mom (said pants were pink and size 6mos) and went to find Mr. Kiss. He’s like, “What’s w/ the pink pants?” I said, “dude, didn’t Big Kiss tell you that I needed help?” He said “No, he came over, yelled Mommy Farted and then left.” MO FO 3 yr old throwing me under the bus, and I din’t even fart. (that time). I said, “Um, no, we had a Code Brown, but the situation is under control, no thanks to you.” And I had to walk around knowing everyone thought I ripped one in the corner and blamed my infant son. Good times.

What else? Oh, Little Kiss loves to smooch me. Like grab my cheeks and mush my face w/ his. This weekend I we were playing and he actually bit my lip. Little monster! He doesn’t have teeth yet, but it still hurt like a bitch! But I didn’t think much of it, I mean – I’m the one letting him do it. Then this morning I’m getting ready and realize my lip is bruised! I'm walking around work today and wondering if some are thinking I’m into some crazy shit w/ Mr. Kiss, but – sadly – it’s just my 6 month old biting me…

Sunday we survived the DST and just vegged all day. Big Kiss and I went exploring in our ‘hood. Marching up the street. Tromping thru the woods. Finding stray golf balls and baseballs near the stream. It was fantastic!

OOH, and I dropped him off this morning, completely nervous that we’d have another tantrum throw down…but kid did great. I hope last week was just a phase.

DVR update: I'm watching The Bachelor "where are they now" - total train wreck of show and I can not wait for the new season to start. I'm a sucker for reality t.v.


Blogger JenJen said...

I know this is old...but This was GD funny. Tears....

7/8/09, 11:50 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

That was fun to re-read! The little bastard still accuses me of farting at random times.

7/8/09, 11:59 AM  
Blogger Val said...

I just told this story tonight at dinner time, bc MINE just learned how to throw me under the bus - and she's lyin!


4/16/10, 1:09 AM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

"and she's lyin"

yah. Uh huh.

4/16/10, 9:12 AM  
Blogger Jill Marie said...

I needed this so badly being that it's Monday and I am tired and sore and wishing it was Friday instead!
I laughed so hard!
Thank you for sharing!!

8/9/10, 2:37 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Oh man... "MoFo 3 year old threw me under the bus" lol!

8/14/10, 1:30 PM  
Anonymous Megan (Best of Fates) said...

I'd missed this post the first time but am SO glad I found it now, 'cause that's hilarious.

1/21/11, 9:15 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

This is fricking HILARIOUS!! Seriously, I laughed out loud when I read the farting part...thanks for sharing it with me girl!

4/24/11, 6:37 PM  

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