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Momma Kiss: Stop THIEF!

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Mr. Kiss and I had a much needed date nite on Friday. We planned to go out on Saturday to celebrate his birthday (which is tomorrow), but then made a game time decision to go home (to his ‘rents) for Easter instead. So we switched the babysitter to Friday and WOO, Parents out on the town, LOOK OUT!

Mr. Kiss chose the venue, a steak place that we’d been dying to try. It’s actually only like 15 minutes away, but it is in the midst of this absolute eyesore of a stretch. I swear, in 2 miles you can find any chain you’ve got in mind. Need a tattoo? It’s there. Need a honey baked ham? Yep. Need your leather boots (or chaps?) fixed? You got it! It’s disgusting, to be honest, but we found our place and didn’t feel too old eating at 6.30 p.m. Mr. Kiss called me to confirm the reservation and said “I had to pick between 8 and 6.30 – I chose the earlier one so that I wouldn’t have to put up w/ you yawning through the meal.” He knows me well, that Mr. Kiss!

We had the nicest time. And real conversation. It’s been a long time since we’ve been able to chat. Too long, we realized! We finally talked about his trip to Napa and how much he learned about wine (we love wine – and there’s this amazing set up from that ships it to us! Booze by mail, who knew?) And we talked about our jobs – the ones that have turned us so bitchy these days – but also talked about how we know it’s slowing down and about the trips we’re taking soon. We laughed about my people watching and how it’s a science to me. We drank wine and ate way too much food and just enjoyed being grown ups.

After dinner (at only 8pm. What are we, blue hairs?) we headed for a drink at the local hole, a place we fully intend to become regulars at. We’ve always liked it – just don’t make the effort to go. But we intend for that to change – they will know our names!

So we belly up, order some beers, watch some NCAA basketball (my upset won!) and felt like we were on a real live date. Then the mommy juice started kicking in and we were outright buzzed. Cheeks hurting we were smiling so much.

And then I noticed this couple at the end of the bar looking like they were in hell. (I’m serious, it’s a science!) They were talking, sort of. But not looking at each other. And they were prolly in their mid 30’s, maybe 40’s – she w/ the mousy blah hair and turtleneck on and he w/ his button up and side sweep partial comb over. Drinking beers, but slurping water (with lemon) out of straws between sips. Just looking miserable.

As I’m thinking “they either don’t have children so can’t appreciate being out of the house” or “he shit himself but she’s just gonna sit there and pretend she didn’t notice” Mr. Kiss says “I bet they’re the type who go home and bust out the whips and chains!” OMFG, so true! I could totally picture it. But then I stopped – ew.

We had a couple of Guinnesses (again, Guinni?) and I got this grand master plan that I needed to steal the Guinness glass. We had a set of 4 at home. But I broke one. Not sure how, maybe I had one too many, maybe it was the dishwasher – I ain’t sayin. Anyway, here I am, a 33 year old woman, plotting drunkenly how I’m to steal this thing. I tell Mr. Kiss my plan – and – My Heart – he’s as giddy as I am! So I do that drunk whisper “I’ll take it in the bathroom, wash it out (b/c my jacket is nice, dammit!) and put it in my inside pocket! You get ready to leave so that when I give you the signal, we’re OUT! OK? OK!? OK.”

Wouldn’t you know it, we run into a couple we know on the way out. I want to chat. Really. She’s newly pregnant and he’s so happy (they tried for a while)…but I don’t want to get caught w/ my stolen property! I’m all “oh, that’s great, how are you feeling? So exciting, great, catch ya later!” and we bolt. I just about skip to the car, I’m so proud of myself and my sneakiness. Mr. Kiss gave me big smooches. So in luuuurrrrve.

We got home to parole the babysitter around 11 (party animals) and she was telling me how the boyzz were (perfect, of course) and I look around and my house is spotless – dishes done, floors cleaned, living room picked up. She’s amazing. She is one of the infant room teachers (watches Little Kiss) – and we love having her babysit. If we’re going to pay someone, it’s her. She’s so deserving. She’s from Senegal (Africa) and came to the US like 5 yrs ago to pursue a better life. Well she just about broke my heart when she told me that her papers were about to expire. She’s a very religious person, but mentioned she’d marry someone right now just to stay here. I wanted to cry, I felt so bad for her. She’s done all the right things, is here legally and if the daycare doesn’t sponsor her she may have to go back and I’m just sick about it. I’ve been racking my brain to try to figure out if we can afford her and sponsor her. She only makes like 2 grand more than we currently pay the center. We can’t do live-in, but I’m trying to think of a way to help out. I just can’t imagine her having to go back to such poor conditions and a family who she’s not close with after experiencing what she has here.

Irony of all ironies, her name is Angele – isn’t that fitting? She’s been our angel on so many occasions. Watching the boyz when I had to go to the ER for the MO FO gall bladder attacks. And not accepting payment when I returned (I slipped the bills in her jacket pocket - I'm crafty). Arranging a 1st birthday party for Big Kiss, and bringing said party to our house with balloons, a cake and gifts, all because she didn’t want to spoil him in school. And then attending his big 1st birthday party and bringing more gifts. My kids love her (and Big Kiss tells her so every day at school) and I’m so happy she’s part of our lives. I’m praying for a solution to her situation.

Good lawd, how time flies! It’s the next day already. Mr. Kiss’ birthday. Maybe I’ll go give him is present, a lil early…


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