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Momma Kiss: June 2008

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Monday, June 30, 2008

2 thumbs up!

So we had a fantabulous BBQ on Saturday. It was amazing. We were literally out numbered, more kids than adults. WHEEE! Seriously – I counted 22 kids – leaving out 2 that showed up for just a sec. And the oldest was 5. KIDDIE KRAZY.

The weather was supposed to be nasty – humid & stormy. But – at 2.01 pm – it’s like the bbq God’s wanted to say Hi and the clouds moved away and it was sunny. Perfect afternoon. We had lots of stuff to do for kids of all ages, a kiddie pool (my sand box that will never ever see sand – I hate sand. With a passion. Esp in kids mouths and diapers – i.e. traipsed into my house!) for the babies, water table, tent w/ the loud toys under it. And Big Kiss had a BLAST showing off all of his outdoor gear.

The most ironic thing – we planned for the adults to drink. Understanding people had to drive, etc. but you know, bought beer & wine. Well, some others brought booze, too – and we ended up w/ more than we started with! What a change from parties of just a few years ago. But – we love it – our fridge is stocked ;) Not to mention, I wasn’t havin any of it – the night before I had a beet tooo mush Mommy Juice.

This new toy was loved by all. It was installed last week – the Mr. bought it for “big kiss’ 3rd birthday.” Uh huh. Really. A 10 foot regulation like basketball hoop? Suuuurreee. He’s like “it lowers to 7 feet!” Silly men. Honestly, I love shooting around, playing Horse and the boys will get much much MUCH use out of it in years to come.

Everyone left around 6, with “that family” sticking around till after 8. Supah fun day was had by all.

Sunday turned out to be gorgeous, too – which was a nice surprise. Both of the monsters slept in (6.30 – and hey, I’ll take it where I can get it!). And we took the dog to the park for an hour. Big Kiss loves “hiking around” and seeing all the doggies swimming. It’s good family time – but Lil Kiss is way too big for the Bjorn and we’ll have to figure out another way to get him around. Maybe a backpack thingamijig. Then they both napped at the same time so Hells Yeah – Momma & the Mr. sat by the pool w/ some wobbly pops and a good book.

Had some party stragglers over that afternoon – called up, the Mom had plans so Dad and his daughter came over to swim & play. Great for all involved, I swear – Big Kiss is so bored with us by Sunday afternoon. And it’s a good thing they’re only 3 – b/c Big Kiss prefers to swim nekked (um, was he peeking out his window on Friday nite?!) – the lil girl was quite intrigued by this.

And at one point, he was laying on his back on a floatie – Pener a flaggin – and gave me a cheesy grin and 2 thumbs up. Yep, that’s my baby!

THEN, last night our contractor called, he’s finally starting to rip apart our bathroom. We got our first quote in January. JANUARY people. Our upstairs has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms – the bathroom was 1 originally – was busted into 2 (currently) and we’re busting it back into 1. The fixtures are currently puke yellow, drains don’t drain, toilets scream, tiles come up if you walk on them w/ wet toes. I Can. Not. Wait. for this to be complete. However, I’m nervous for the demolition and rebuild phase. They’re moving the door from our bedroom – so that wall will be ripped up. There will be no place to clean the boys (we have a ½ bath downstairs and both the Mr. and I can shower at our work gyms). I’m excited for the end result, tho – it’ll be worth it. Right?

Happy Times in the Kiss Hizza. Smooches!

Friday, June 27, 2008

Sick day!

I banged in sick today. So did the Mr. We needed some time together like you read about. And, the annual Kiss BBQ is tomorrow and we hadn’t done shit to get ready so it was actually imperative!

Sadly, I went to bed last night w/ a pounding head ache and woke up and it was still there. Like the point where I couldn’t see straight and my left eye was twitching. It’s probably stress related. Not probably. I’m sure of it. I’ve been burning my candle at all ends lately and now I can see it’s getting to me physically, too.

Thank the lord above, Mr. Kiss knew I needed some sleep and he got the kids dressed and fed and off to school while I was buried under covers and wearing this:
Uh huh!

When he got back, I dragged my ass out of bed, downed some advil with coffee (full caf) and we were out the door. Finally dropped off 5 boxes of crap, I mean, used items at Goodwill. Home Depot for a new mail box and BJ’s to drop a nice easy $200.

Then I sat by the pool to read.

Yeah, read. For 2 hours. HEH-ven!

Altho, I also had the Crack near me and was able to check e-mail by the pool, too. I’m addicted.

Hello, my name is Momma Kiss and I am addicted to the Crack.

Remember when I asked if I’d need rehab? I’m not sure it’s to that point yet, because I’m soooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good about not using it when the kids are around (unlike the Mr. – grrr) but otherwise? It’s a fantastic lil toy.

A storm decided to roll thru and so I meandered my tan ass inside to enjoy some chex mix (chocolate peanutbutter – GAH – will they stop making these products so GUD?!) and my newest shameful show.

Wait for it.

Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood.

HOW pathetic have I become? But she is one hot mess and it’s unfarkingbelievably good. Uh huh. I mean - she talks about leaving her husband, how her NOW husband left his then wife for her. Her boobs that look like rocks, puffy lips & cheeks, bug eyes - what's not to love?! Like right now, she's crying over her mom reading her book and I feel like I'm going to witness her melt. All that fakeness is gonna melt under the tears. I’m sad I missed the first season of her & hope I can find it online.

We picked up the kids around 4. Big Kiss swam w/ Big Poppa for a while, shat outside (better than in his Mater Swim suit, but still, ew) and then jumped right back in the pool. I had to find a spot for Lil Kiss - who is crawling like a banshee lately - so that I could clean up the Kid Dump.

Meh – it’s just like scooping dog poop.

Welcome to my life.

Grab a ticket and enjoy the ride, this train ain’t stopping for a little crap in the yard.

Lil Kiss was tossed in his crib by 6.30 and Big Kiss was a partay animal and JUST went to bed. At 9pm. Please, if there is a god in heaven, let that dude sleep past 5am! PLEASE.

I’m now enjoying a nice glass of Mommy Juice, chilled Pinot Gris, and am about to go jump in the pool. Sans clothes. Yeah, that’s how we roll in the Kiss Hizza. After dark, who needs a swimsuit?

Not us!

Pray for sunshine tomorrow, I do not want 18 kids (+ parents) IN my house!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Love, Me

Guess what I got today?!

Guess who they're from?


Yep - when we were dating, I made the mistake of telling the Mr. that "floral delivery is expensive and a waste of money - esp on big holidays like Valentine's Day!" Boy - he took that to heart. I haven't received any from him since.

Well - I should say that I also told him that simple daisies from the grocery store are just as pretty - and he gets these for me randomly, which I love.

Anyhoodle, brought a lil sunshine to my office.

Carry on.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

tick away clock

I'm a total clock watcher right now.

I went to bed around 1.30.

Lil Kiss was up at 5...

I can not WAIT till his morning nap.

And for the record, my dog was pissed last night when he couldn't hang w/ the girls so whein I let him out to pee he jumped in the pool. He had to sit on the deck awhile for that. Well this morning, I let him out again and he does the same damn thing. He's mad at me, that's why he's doin it. But he's currently on the deck whining like my 3 yr old and I say Eff Off, buddy - you are sitting out there till you're dry!

Saturday, June 21, 2008


So i had a girls nite in tonite.

Mr. and The Pooper are away at his 'rents and i'm here w/ Lil Kiss so I called a Girls Nite. I made dinner. And drank. And made 2 ingredient bread (1 can beer, 2 and 2/3 c self r ising flour, 1c cheddar cheese - mix and bake at 375 for 55 min). And drank. And had 4 cupcakes. And I had lots of wine. And i luff my girls. And I miss my long distance girsl, too bad they're not closer.

This is waht I had to choose from tonite - PUH-lease! Mr. Kiss shoulda locked it up!

PS - I'm shocked I remembered that recipe.

PPS - I somehow lost 4lbs in the past week. What the fluck. This past week inclued 2 bbq, the BAG of turtle chex mix and cereal for late nite snacks. Who cares how - i'm lovin it!

Friday, June 20, 2008

Where's the poop?

I'll tell you where it is.


I'm a mom and can talk about this shit (pun intended), so no apologies.

So Big Kiss is doing fantastic w/ the whole potty training thing. We went for a "well kid" check up a week ago and Dr. O gave him the speech on how he's a big boy and should not wear diapers anymore. THANK YOU Dr. O! Big Kiss looked at him in amazement and nodded slowly. That night we put him in big boy undies (which is very odd, that lil bum is not all puffed out by a diaper anymore!) and haven't really looked back.

He's a lil afraid of crapping, tho. For the past 6months, while in diapers, he preferred to go into the bathroom, close the door and say (grunting) "I'm not pooping!" - then he'd open the door and say "I need to change my bum." And now, with no diaper - we've had some issues.

Pee, no problem. He stands to pee, which I'm told is the best way to teach boys - and currently loves to wiggle around to make the stream move. And he loves to pee on the rocks outside "like Daddy" [any visitors, sorry you have to know this fact- I promise said rocks are not anywhere you'd be walking].

But poop? Well he's done it maybe 3x on the pot, a few others he's so stressed we give him a diaper - job done - and back in the Diego undies.

Last night we're having dinner on the deck and he's naked except for his shoes (don't want slivers, now, do we?) and is going up & down the stairs to pee on the rocks. I'm actually cheering him on b/c the more he feels that "need" to go - the better we all are in the end.

Anyway, he hadn't crapped all day and I knew the evening was going to be either a fight to sit on the pot or a (weak) diaper situation.

Lo and Behold, he's on his way back up the stairs from peeing, crys out a little and then we see it.

He shit on the deck.


I calmly told him "it's OK, not to be scared, but we do not poop ouside, right?" "Right." "You're going to go on the potty next time, right?" "Right."

And I then turn to see my 6'4" 220lb husband about to faint, he's like "that is about the most vile thing I've ever seen."

Seriously? I mean Seriously? You've been changing asses for 3 years and every other flucking minute you're scooping up dog shit in the yard - and this is vile? (we had this conversation out of Big Kiss' ear shot).

Anyway - what a way to end a lovely summer evening, huh?

We're building memories, people. Memories.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

June 19th.

So missing BloJo or not, I need to write today.

June 19th. A day that is very special in our family. It’s my older brother’s birthday. He’s 41 today. On his 9th birthday, he also got a little brother! That’s right, my little brother Peter was born on June 19th, too.

He’d be 32 today. 14 of those years he’s spent in Heaven. Watching over me, I believe. He’s helping me make decisions and is the angel on my shoulder when I drive like a bat out of hell to get to my kids at the end of the day.

I miss him.

A lot.

I wish he could be here to be an Uncle to my sons.

To teach them that it’s cool to be an athlete AND get good grades.

To tell them stories of when we were little and people thought we were twins because we had matching perms (thanks mom!).

And of the times we hated each other so bad we pulled hair and slapped each other silly – but we always loved each other.

And to share his secrets on fantasy baseball and winning the NCAA college hoops pool.

And to let my boys know that they should always appreciate the blessings they have and never look down on anyone.

Remind them that their Mom and Uncle grew up on welfare while their Gramma went to college – but that money didn’t matter, we had each other through thick and thin.

And to tell them to do the same. They can beat each other senseless, but don’t let anyone else do it!

Today driving to work, for whatever reason (prolly my Bro laughing at me!) I was remembering when we were like 11 and 10 and we were in church. We LOVED to listen to and mock the blue hairs singing, A) because it was so off key and B) because it was so damn loud (guessing b/c they couldn’t hear themselves?) We’d try to sing louder than them and his impression was spot on. The best hymn for this was Earth and All Stars, Loud rushing planets, Sing to the Lord a new song! So that song’s been in my head all day and I have a secret smile.

Happy Birthday, little brother. I will see you again someday, keep the family in good graces till I get there, God’s gonna be busy with me!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

New toys and losing my BloJo...

I got a new cell phone. I’ve been using a Motorola Razr like forevah and the thing is a POS. Texting – don’t even get me started. I go over on usage. The numeric keypad sucked. Flip open talking – hated it.

So I got a Crackberry. That’s what we call Blackberry PDA’s in our house, b/c anybody I know who has one is addicted to the GD thing like it’s a drug. And I fully intend to be ridiculed by my husband because I'm constantly nagging him (I adimt it, I nag) about his. And I will prolly not be allowed to call it a Crackberry any more.

But it’s niiiiiice. Fantastic actually. And in these days of trying to slim down costs, here’s my logic to justify the purchase:

The new phone was $200 with a $100 mail in rebate if you sign up for a data plan (to get online and feed the addiction). I also get a discount off the monthly plan b/c of where I work (shu-wheet!). In the end, my bill will go from $45/month to $77/month. IF I find I’m not using the data plan, I’ll just get rid of it – after I receive that mail in rebate check of course. If I end up using it (really – is it a question?) – my bill increase of $32/month is only HALF of what we used to spend on diapers for Big Kiss.

So in the end, we’re STILL SAVING. Good logic, no?? Methinks it is.

And I used yard sale money to pay for the damn thing – so it’s all good.


In other news, some things have been on my mind that I’d really love to get down “on paper” but I’ve totally lost my BloJo (blog mojo) and can’t focus on it. I’ve been pretty wiped in the evenings and, well, this is a phase in life where we’re just busy.

But once I do find some “me time,” I can’t wait to tell the stories of my little boy helping me put lotion on my arm – and how sweet and tender he is and how he said a loud “YES” when I asked him if he’d still hold my hand when he was a big tall teenager. And how proud I am of his potty training – how it just clicked for him.

And how much I love the Kiss Mascot, Otto! My gosh, he is a 4 yr old yellow lab and just the most loveable intuitive thing and he’s been brushed aside for a while because of, well, that Life thing I was talking about. I can’t wait to write about how I was supposed to be folding laundry and he just looked at me with his big brown eyes and so I laid on the floor and petted his head and ears, those parts of him that are still puppy soft and let him hug me (totally does this, puts one paw over you).

And how much I truly love my husband. Things are not easy these days – we barely speak I swear, not because we don’t want to – but because of, well, Life. We haven’t taken time for each other in ages. We need to.

And of Little Kiss. Ahhh, my sweet baby boy is 9months and I can’t believe how much we have been through in such a short time. About how he loves to feed himself, has a snagglepuss grin (one front tooth is longer than the other), and the best lil belly laugh you can imagine.

And of me, the Momma. Where’s the time for me?? I often miss the life I had before kids, before even being married. But still wouldn’t trade my life for the world.

See – there’s lots in me that I want to tell stories about. I’ll have to get on that ;)

Instead, how about a pic of my outfit today? Why not. These are my favorite summer shoes – the bow is green satin. And the pants have green turtles on them. Who’d ever guess my age or career choice? Not me!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Appetite is BACK!

I am eating everything in sight today – after 3 days of plain pasta* – I’m so flucking hungry! And so today whilst I was at Targhay, shopping hungry, I purchased beef jerkey and this lovely new product:

Chocolate Chex Mix Turtle.

OK – whoever invented this should be shot. It’s DAYUM good. And not even that horrible for you.

I think I just ate half the bag.

It reminds me of that puppy chow (aka muddy buddies) made w/ chex, peanut butter, choc chips and powdered shugah. But less messy.

*didn't even mention i was sick, did I? Our house was like a freakin MASH unit this weekend. I had no energy - not even to blog. The horror.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Just the facts, ma'am.

I was brushing my teeth to avoid eating a snickers bar and whilst doing so, some random shiznit popped into my head. So I'm sharing - Lil Known Facts about Momma Kiss.

I brush my teeth in the shower. And I brush when I pee, too. But I don’t pee in the shower.

I hate being called Ma'am. "Miss", "Mrs." "Hey dipshit" - all better than Ma'am.

I love French fries (preferably McDonald’s) dipped in ice cream.

My middle name used to be Arlene. Named after my mom’s sister, who’s also my Godmother. I hated it because she is miserable and had no spiritual influence on me. I changed it when I got married (now my maiden name graces the middle).

I have short, fat thumbs that look like big toes.

I am fiercely stubborn.

My absolute favorite part of my body is my feet.

I’m scared shitless of raising my kids wrong.

I’m positive my mother felt the same and hey, she didn’t totally screw me up.

My favorite piece of unsolicited advice when pregnant: “Pray for a boy. With a boy, you worry about one dick. With a girl, you worry about thousands of dicks.”

I love baking.

I obviously also love eating the things I bake.

I sort of regret cutting my hair short. I like the ease of it. I get lots of compliments on it. But my long hair was “me” for so long. And I feel like Mr. Kiss thinks I got a “mom cut.” It’ll grow back, but I’m a lil insecure these days.

I have not had a real conversation with my sister in 2 years.

In the past 2 years, I have added a zillion real conversations with my 3 older brothers.

I love the smell of my freshly bathed baby.

I also love the sunscreen and sweat smell of my 3 year old – means he played hard that day!

I was a “flag girl” in a marching band when I was 9. My mom was the bass drummer. We toured the Midwest for 2 summers and even got to march at Six Flags!

I love being blond, but dayum, I’m going to have to start paying for this color soon.

I skipped a year between high school and college, lived in Montana and worked for a travel agency, Dairy Queen and Jiffy Lube. All at the same time.

When my little brother died in a car accident, I was on winter break and did not tell my mother where I was staying. It took her 12 hours to track me down. I was the last to contact but the first one home.

I’m starting to love Go Diego Go (shhhh).

My ebay identity was stolen once and I became a “seller” of motorcycles and cars, asking the purchaser to send money, via Western Union, to South Africa. That was fun.

I would get a massage every single day if I could afford it.

I’m obsessed with paper products. Planning my wedding (making all invites, etc.) was like a paper orgy for me. There’s a store that enables me – The Paper Source. HEH-ven!

I love doing laundry. I hate folding said laundry.

Since work shut down my IM, I hit the “check mail” button about 239487987 times an hour.

I don’t always wash my hands after changing a diaper.

I always wanted to be a social studies teacher. I’ve even checked into going back to school to get certified.

The first time I touched the ocean I was 24 years old.

I hate salt water.

I have been married for 2,076 days.

I have been a mother for 1,106 of those days.

I love camping. Did a 10 day east coast trip w/ a girlie friend once – drove from Boston to the Outer Banks. And a family reunion at a campground when 34 weeks (and insanely huge) pregnant.

I would eat cereal for every meal if I could.

It amazes me that I make over 50 bucks an hour and don’t ever feel guilty about taking a long lunch.

Speaking of earning that paycheck, back at it.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Sad little office

This is where I "work" every day. I shouldn't complain, because I'm not in cubicle land - at least I have a door that closes (and locks) so I can nap under my desk costanza-style if I need to - but it's an absolute shitstainpigsty right now.

All those papers? From year end AND Q1 hell.

And that stack of reports on the table? Need to simply be distributed. But I haven't done it.
Like the phone? I think it was made in 1967.

Anyway - point - I have no window. So days like today when it's Hot as Hattes outside I'm sitting here with a space heater blowing and wearing a wrap because of the superchill AC. If only my office had even a small window...(like this - this is outside my door).

Maybe I just move my desk into the hall?? I'll work on that.


So I got sushi for lunch (got to love Mondays at the Caf!) and ate at my desk. I decided I needed to get out of this sub-zero AC and see the sun for a few minutes!

So I thought I'd find a car wash because there's like 3 feet of pollen on every inch of the car, even inside! Off I go, only to be mega-sidetracked.
Like a beacon in the night, the big DQ sign was just calling my name!

I am so weak.

Meet Minty, the Mint Oreo Cookie Blizzard - my very first blizzard of the summer. Delish.

Problem? It's HELLA HOT here (93 today, 96 tomorrow! GAH - and there's lots of lovely humidity that comes along with it) - anyway - it's hot and my tasty treat was all a mess when I got back to my desk.

Didn't stop me from eating it. Wonder how many more I'll have this summer? Hmmm.

Oh, did someone mention a car wash? Yeah, me - didn't happen. Maybe tomorrow.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

no sleep...

I have been up for 20 hours.

Movie was fan FREAKIN tastic. And I'm beyond exhausted. But can't just crawl into bed after such a "high."

SATC gets 5 stars from me!

Friday, June 6, 2008

Apparently I'm on a Mexican Kick??

Yeah, chelada's last night and today! Gah.

That damn Chihuahua!

You know the little guy, the little mascot for Taco Bell? I hate him.

That said, I did just INHALE a meal from his nasty little restaurant. I had some combo that looked way better than it actually was: a chicken quesadilla, hard shell taco, cinnamon twists and FULL caf FULL sugar Dr. Pepper.

I don’t even want to consider the fat & calorie intake. If anyone knows, keep it to yourself, eh?

What a glutton. Not to mention, my fingers are like little vienna sausages from all the sodium.

AND – I’m sure this evening will not be low cal in the least, I’m doing a late movie w/ the girls. SATC is playing at this premium theater that serves food & drinks – starts at 10:30.

Yes, I said STARTS.

Who the F do I think I am? I’m usually in bed an hour before that?!

Ohhh, the sacrifices we make for our girlie friends!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Chelada anyone?

OK. Surprise! I’m drinking!

Mmmm hmmm.

It’s Thursday – I just drank my face off all weekend w/ my brothers and SIL and was feeling withdrawals, I mean, a lil too sober so I’m having a loverly frosty beverage.

Lemme just share with you my drink of choice. I’ve always known it as Red Beer. Miller Lite (my fave, but insert any lite beer) + Clamato Juice. Sounds Wicked Jack Nasty, I know it does – but it’s so fucking good.

Clamato juice is made by Motts and defined as: a blend of tomato juice and liquefied clams. Doesn’t that make you want to gag? Been there. But don’t knock it till you try it.

Prove my point?? Budweiser is now marketing the shit!

We found out this weekend, my SIL and I were in awe as my bro (her Hubs) brought these home:
It's called Chelada. Holy Shnikes!! Yum.

Only problem…I’ve had 3 in the past hour! Mr. Kiss & I were catching up on DVR’s (Hell’s Kitchen – love YES CHEF!) and I had 2 then decided he didn’t need to witness my drunk ass so I said I was comin upstairs and threw one in my robe pocket. Hmmmm. AND, it’s sorta salty so I’ve raided Big Kiss’ potty candy jar – damn M&M’s are delish!

Oh - also, I've been informed by the Mr. that he needed to play w/ the SFB's* sometime really soon. If not, he'll have to seek it elsewhere. LMAO!

*saggy fun bags - my word, not his - he likes boobs in any shape or form.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

tumbleweeds up in here?

I'm baaaaaack. Got back Monday nite. Late.

I had the most supercalifragilistic trip to see family. My mommy. God. My mommy. And my brothers. My three older brothers are my lifelines, I swear. And their families. I'm so blessed.

I took about 200 pictures and some videos - the printed memories are never enough, but they'll get me through until our next visit.

Still unpacking (which is purely because I'm the laziest ass on the planet right now) and getting back into the job thing after working only one day last week. Maybe will write about the trip, maybe won't - but it was really just 4 days of talking late and laughing and crying and just soaking up the familial love.