Can we make a puzzle?

I haven’t talked about my kids lately – other than them being sick or pissing me off. So here’s some updates.

Lil Kiss is in that TOTAL frustration stage. Almost 18 months. He wants to do things on his own, and do things like big brother, but can’t always figure it out or even tell us what he’s trying to do so he hollers.

A lot.

But he has lots of words and some sign language (more, milk, please) and recently learned to nod his head for yes. He used to yell YEEESSS while shaking his head. “So you do want this cheese?” “NO” with head shake (meaning yes). Take the cheese away. “WAHHHHH!” “Ok – you do want it.” Now? Head nods. Sweet.

He had strep and for a while was sleeping like a 2 month old (read: NOT GOOD). But that’s passed a little bit. Still goes down really early – like 6.15 or 6.30, but doesn’t typically wake at night anymore. If he’s up at 5am, and hollerin, we can usually give him some milk and he’s back asleep till 7ish.

He still gets a bottle. Kid is like Suri Cruise, I guess, w/out the Paps following him. But he knows how to do a sippy cup and hell – he’s my last kid and I’m not forcing that away from him yet (even tho the Pedi and my MIL and his daycare teachers said I should). He also uses a pacifier – and I don’t care about that, either. I sucked my thumb till I was 12. At least he won’t be using the paci at 12. I can take it away, unlike a thumb, that’s sort of attached.

He’s still got red hair and gap teeth. He loooooves tub time and loves being nekkid. If, by chance, anyone shows any sort of skin (like stretching and the shirt lifts to show belly) – he must.have.his.shirt.off.NOW. That sucks, especially if it’s a snap crotch kind. Insert Hollering.

So Big Kiss. My big boy is growing up. 3 ½ - he has so many sentences and expressions and emotions. He’s a super big brother, most of the time. Loves to do the “thumbs up and wink” gig – and fart for laughs (which we totally give into). He’s a good singer and dancer (total white boy, with the overbite and all). He knows our address and is workin on the phone number. The holey diapers did their trick, the kid now hangs out on the potty.

He loves to help – like making the oatmeal in the morning or baking with me or sweeping (oh, I’ve set them both up doing that, they can be occupied for hours!). He loves to share snacks w/ Lil Kiss in the back seat when we’re on a trip. He loves chewing gum. He loves having secrets w/ me (our way to get him to hide food from Lil Kiss – esp that may have peanuts or whatever and toys Lil Kiss can’t have).

And he loves to be near me. Well, 99% of the time. Actually, like on top of me. Watching t.v.? By my side. Most nights? Sleeps next to me (after a few hours in his own bed). Meal times? Must have Momma on the bench w/ him. My favorite is when he holds my hand, and our fingers intertwine and he says “we make a puzzle!” And when he says he has a secret and comes to my ear and he says “I love your hair!” or “I love you all the time” or “I like your coat.” And he loves nose kisses and lip smackin smooches.

I will be sad when those things go away, as I know they will w/ boys.

So that’s the haps. I can not WAIT for Spring. My children love being outside and when we have to bundle up all “Christmas Story-like” it’s just a pain in the ass. So when we can be out & aboot [that was on purpose, channeling my Upper Michigan heritage there] frolicking in the yard – everyone will be happy campers.

Jason SKEEZnick and Morally Corrupt Molly

The Bachelor.

Always been a "fun reality show" to see someone "fall in love" then break up after their publicity is over because, really? Really?

Anyway - it's way beyond that now - scripted beyond belief, DRAMA and FAMEWHORES!!!

I've read lots of stuff on the "digging" and sleuthing, from realitysteve.com, FORT and some altheia person (Yes, I'm that retarded, I need to know!).

Here's the public display the rumors - and Jason's kid should never ever read the internet. His dad is "piss po morally" (and Molly, if she follows thru w/ the marriage. Access Hollywood's Scoop

Rut RO!

I am totally hung-over today. Only the tired kind. Not sick or headache or anything. I'm just exhausted.

And so I Costanza Napped under my desk.

Too long, apparently, check the sleep wrinkles!

I think I'll be hiding in my office for a few hours till they go away...

Help a momma out.

I love the The Meanest Mom blog - she's one of the funniest, most real moms I've ever read. And she's up for an award on Scholastic.

Check her out here: The Meanest Mom

And if you like her, vote here: Contest

(Mean Mom, I don't always comment, but read every single post. You Rock.)

Desperate Measures

Haven't done laundry in a week. All of my thongs are in the hamper.

Desperate times call for desperate measures...




The VPL are horrific!

Edit to add...Since I have no idea when the laundry may get done unless we hire CindaFuckinRella, I bought some undies at lunch. So I'm set. Can't say the same for the rest of the family.

Oh Look, a Bird!

Ahhhhh, lookie here.

A picture of my diamond ring that fits again :)





It's been a hell of a week.

Oh - and this - yeah...I keep shoes under my desk. Like 4 pair, and yesterday I was taking them on & off while sitting, then I get up to go to the printer and notice this:




I'm pretty sure I wore 2 different shoes for a few hours.

Grand.

Everywhere I go.

I frikkin LOVE this song.

It takes me to my happy place.

Mostly because we make up our own lyrics, like "Mommy is the prettiest, Daddee is the stinkiest, Big Kiss is the funniest..."



Days are the sunniest
Jokes are the funniest
Rabbits are the bunny-est
Hives are the honey-est
Elephants the ton-iest
Troubles - they're the none-iest

Everywhere I go!

Straws are the bend-iest
Time is the spend-iest
Cards are the send-iest
Books are the lend-iest
Fun's the pretend-iest
Friends are the friend-iest

Everywhere I go!

Berries are the fruit-iest
Shoes are the boot-iest
Puppies are the cute-iest
Treasure is the loot-iest
Teams are the root-iest
Horns are the toot-iest

Everywhere I go!

Birds are the tweet-iest
Candy is the sweet-iest
Socks are the feet-iest
Tricks are the treat-iest
Drums are the beat-iest
Lunch is the eat-iest

Everywhere I go!

Flowers are the smelliest
Jams are jelly-est
Rain's the umbrell-iest
Tales are the tell-iest
Wishing is the well-iest
Buttons are the belly-est

Everywhere I go!

Skies are the blue-iest
Cows are the moo-iest
Gum is the chewiest
Ghosts are the boo-iest
Goo is the gooey-est
You can be your you-iest

Everywhere I go!

Trepidation

trepidation
PRON: \ˌtre-pə-ˈdā-shən\
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin trepidation-, trepidatio, from trepidare to tremble, from trepidus agitated; probably akin to Old English thrafian to urge, push, Greek trapein to press grapes

Date: 1605

1 archaic : a tremulous motion : tremor

2: timorous uncertain agitation : apprehension

synonyms see fear

P.S. Recessions suck.

MOTY

Mother of the YEAR award here!!

Dropped off the kids at daycare this morning - unloading lunches and jackets and mittens.

Leave 'gurt for Lil Kiss. Make oatmeal for Big Kiss. Fist bumps and "blow it up" all around, Momma leaves for work.

Just got the call that Big Kiss "has no lunch." Yeah. Why? Because it's sitting in his lunch box, in my car.

Fan-freakin-tastic.

I had to speak to him and apologize to his sad little 3 year old self that "Momma was sorry and I forgot to leave his Mammich and is it ok if he eats oatmeal for lunch?" reply: "yeaaaah, Ok."

Christonacracker, I could bawl.

This work/life "balance" shit is HARD!!!!

More Flucking Snow.

I was at work for like 13 hours yesterday. It was glorious. I'd work on something for hours, get an "updated report" and have to re-do some shit for a few more hours.

Hey, I still have a job, that's the important part.

As I trekked out in the wee hours, I found this. Look at my poor lonely car in the snow all by it's lonesome...

Awww....



I got home and shoveled for an hour. Felt grand, as I'd sat on my ass All. Day. Long. But then I sat on my ass for another hour to watch the losers get the boot on A.I.

Hey, tis the season.

A Waiting Game...

That's all.

Rocks rock

I'm so pumped that I've been able to wear my engagement ring again.

Seriously.

It's a gorgeous ring (nothing huge, 1c, but it's mine). My man picked it out just for me. And I haven't been able to wear it comfortably for a long time. Like over 3 years. I've finally lost enough of my "baby weight" to reduce the vienna sausage fingers and it fits again. And spins. For more than 2 weeks now ;)

So it's been sparkling in the sun when I drive, catches the light and amazes me.

Sappy bitch, I know, but it's like NEW!

Yay me.

I'm NOT A CAN OF FAKE MEAT!

This blog is marked as Spam.

WTF??

I'm asking blogger to review, but have no idea why it even happened.

Hopefully I'm not really 'violating' any rules, because I'd be sad if this gets deleted :(

Sunday Blues

Here's the thing.

I've been on drugs and out of work since Wednesday, finally feeling a bit better.

I have to go back to work tomorrow. And it's going to BLOW! Big Time. We are so slammed, and now I'll be behind and I just don't wanna go.

Did I ever say? Lil Kiss has Strep, too! JOY of JOYS! And boy, does he LOVE getting his meds. Loves it. Like a dog loves his own balls. Loves it. (insert major sarcasm, yeah?)

We went to the 'rents on Friday night so the Mr. could go to a basketball game. While he was away, I bailed on my kids (yes, the sick one, too) and got a mani/pedi and my hair did. Hey - when my Mr. makes reservations? That calls for a major effort to look good. Penicillin Pee and all. Put the kids to bed and we had the best dinner. And drinks after. A real date. It was heavenly, we needed to reconnect.

Oh, and the drive thru Fourbucks? Best thing ever. OMG. We don't have that shit in these parts, just Dunkin, and it was fantastical. Thinking about that almost makes me forget about work tomorrow.

Almost

Is it over yet?

Another day in paradise. Yay me.

I was feverish and chilly all night long. In and out of sleep.

I'm currently on a "high" - thank God because I need to bring Little Kiss in to the Dr. to get his ears and glands checked.

It never fucking ends.

This has been the longest winter of sickies. November and January I had the shukes. Lil Kiss has had ear infections and mudd butt. Big Kiss has had the shukes and pneumonia.

I NEED A GOD DAMN BREAK!

Hurt

I have strep throat.

And a fever. And a pounding head.

I feel like I've been run over by a Mack Truck.

Then he backed up over me,

Then ran me over again.

I look worse than I feel.

Fresh and Clean!

I just went to the gym. Second day in a row. My 24 hours of debauchery w/ my BFF A this past weekend was NAHT GHUD on the gubba.

We drank A LOT (beer, wine and a whole bottle of Absolut).

We ate A LOT (crackers & cheese, chips & dip, and a kick ass homemade pasta dish AND cake. Like HALF OF A CAKE!)

So - Motivation Mary got my ass up & moving to the gym 2x this week.

The point?

I showered and didn't even bother "doing" my hair. I mean, the day's half over, I just sit in my damn office writing reports and shit and who really gives a flyin fuck?

Not me apparently ;)

But I'm still a Loser (already lost the weight from this weekend) and I promised myself I'll make an effort w/ the hair when I'm a Yummy Mummy again.

No self control

I am so weak.

Had to get some essentials at Target this morning before work and lo and behold - these are staring at me.

The cutest most adorable lil outfits, matchy matchy for my boyz.

I couldn't decide which to get! I chose thee green. I can not wait to dress up those little monsters.

Hell, I may even head to the mall and get some pics of them all dudded up.



For the record, I love the one on the right, but they didn't have Big Kiss' size :( I'll be stalking other Targets for it - and then I'll have to choose all over again!

25 Things

The 25(ish) things I would love to post on Facebook. And TAG like everyone.

1. My husband is recently more active on FB and I censor myself. I don't likey dat. At all.

2. I bought 2 nursing bras when Lil Kiss was born. They're sleeper bras. I still wear them to sleep in. Dead Sexy. But the ta-tas are too large to be going all FreeBird at night.

3. I just removed like 9 friends from FB - they became friends when I was all "new and be my friend" but I honestly had no clue who they were. Found out they were kids in my brother's class (younger) and probably idolized me (who wouldn't) - but still - I just axed them.

4. My child, the little one, was crying out in his sleep last night. No fever, but I gave him Tylenol. I do that often.

5. I purposely did not send my sister a birthday card last month because even tho she's recently made somewhat of an effort to be in touch, she didn't send me (or my kids) anything for years and I'm holding a grudge.

6. She's my only sister and we used to be very very close. She fucked over my mother and won't fess up to it and I can't forgive her.

7. I love the Showtime show Secret Diary of a Call Girl.

8. My husband does not know that I write here. I like it that way.

9. My "hours" at work are 9 to 5. I typically get there a little after 9 and leave at 4.50. Some days, I show up at like 8.30 to make it look good. And then there's 'reporting' times, when I work my ass off and I hate it.

10. I got a 'friend' request on FB from this chick who HATED me in high school. Well, the feeling was very mutual. But What the Fuck? Just nosey? I ignored that shit.

11. Why is this so FB Centered? Apparently it's been on my mind.

12. I read the news stories about kids like Caylee Anthony and "baby Grace" in Texas and the woman who drowned her kids in the tub. I get sucked into the stories. Even though it makes me sick. I can't believe the monstrosity of some people.

13. Sometimes I wish for my life 'before kids.' I love those boys madly, but miss my sleep, my late nights and my hot body.

14. I have really stinky farts. My whole family teases me about it. Say I "inherited Gramma Martha's ass."

15. Farting makes me laugh. A Lot. Esp when it wakes my husband up from a deep sleep - gagging.

16. I have friends all over the world and wish I could make the effort to save up and take time to see them. Australia, Scotland, Norway, California, DC. We do keep in touch - but it's not the same as face to face.

17. My nephew in the air force is currently stationed in Germany and I'm jealous that he's doing so much at such a young age. I admire him. And I'm proud of him.

18. My husband has PMS sometimes. It drives me insane.

19. I'm recently in touch w/ some friends from high school - they've just been e-mail/text/calls, no visits (yet) but it's really REALLY refreshing to 'know' the person now vs. the retards we were at 16.

20. I am a discount shopper, but buy $25 body lotion. 3 jars at a time.

21. I also buy $30 shampoo. But $2 conditioner.

22. This is just pissing me off - so I'm done.

FML

This is by far one of my new favorite sites.


Fuck My Life

I JUST got it and can't believe the hilarity.

Can't. Stop. READING!

Sample entries:

"Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML"

"Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML"

"Today, I bought a jacket with real fur on it. Turns out, i'm allergic and now my ears look like they have herpes on them. FML"

Follow it, you know you want to!

Fitty Cent

I just fished 2 quarters out of the trash.

Said quarters were inadvereantly left on my lunch tray, with the rest of my un-eaten peas & carrots, dirty napkins and some water.

That was chucked into the bin, joining the coffee cup, Lipton Energizer to Go wrapper and Fiber One Yogurt container.

So yes - in these tough economic times - I figured I had to rescue the coins!

Come on Obama, stimulate me already!

Happy Birthday Momma

Today is my momma's birthday. 65 years ago, she graced the earth with her presence.

My momma is my hero.

She married my father at 17, birthed 6 babies, survived a not so good relationship w/ my dad, divorced my dad, went to college after that - with 4 of us 6 kids still at home, provided for us (even using welfare when necessary) and took my shit as a teenager.

That in itself deserves a medal.

Me - being the POS that I have been recently, didn't get her card out, or the kids' cards out, or the Happy Birfday Video posted from the boys - but I did send flowers today (from her favorite daughter ;) - and have vowed to mail the cards this weekend.

Love you Momma! From the bottom of my toesies!

And then....

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....

So, I took her to a gas station.....

And then the fight started....

****


My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

********

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' And she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

****

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

****

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And then the fight started.....

****

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

Finally.

So glad it's Wednesday.

That's all.

Is Tuesday over yet?

I'm so over Tuesdays. Worst day of the week, EVER.

It's supposed to snow today - so our parking garage is packed.

Needless to say, me being 5 minutes late to work resulted in this spot.

Top level.

Not protected from the snow.




And I totally didn't realize the snow was coming (or just blanked it?), so I'm not wearing proper attire. My high heels look kick ass at work, my commute to the car in them is prolly going to bite.

(and a lil secret? I take pics of where I park so I don't forget. I'm not kidding).


Update - the snow wasn't too bad:


Still not excited about going out in the heels to deal.

My 'day' is almost over!

baby crack

So I can lead by example...




Blackberry for Tots.


Pretty sure this will make it's way into our home in the near future.

Monday Schmonday

I didn't stay up for the game. I did, however, win $40 on the squares! My husband? He won $3,000!!!! No shit. Well, he has to split it w/ 3 others. So his take is $750 (paid $50 to get in). SCHOWEET!

Today is the beginning of the end, in my book. I'm busy as all get out at work, need to do some shiznit to keep my job and just don't wanna. But I needa.

OH - and for the record, I'm a loser. I've reached a loss "goal" that I was so excited about - even POST drunk fest Saturday and Chili Sunday. I must be doing something right...


*****
This is a picture of my forearm. With a huge (painful) bruise. No clue how I got this bad boy! Damn vodka!