Brrrrr

I went to the Patriot's game today.

I'm a fucking idiot. It was raining. And cold. And raining. And COLD!

But hey, my friend A and & had a freakin blast and so it's all worth it.

We've had the BEST weekend w/ the boys. Lots of wrestling, coloring, snuggling, "I love you more's" and nose kisses. Big Kiss is having issues w/ crapping in his underoos, that's not fun at all. But we're dealing. Chink the Elf is watching. And Lil Kiss is into every. damn. thing. around.

It's fun. I know you're jealous.

Happy Fluckin December. 2008 is about to bite the dust....

Give Thanks

Tis the season to give thanks.

I'm thankful that my mother raised me to be confident and happy. For the most part, I am both. I have my moments, who doesn't - but in general I'm a "glass half full" kind of girl.

I'm thankful for Noggin.

I'm thankful that my 3 older brothers stepped in to be the "father" figure I needed growing up. I'm close to them, I believe I'm a good "boy mama" because of it, and I appreciate the guy's point of view.

I'm thankful for Photoshop.

I'm thankful for my health. And my children's (in general). A cold or even bout of pukes here and there is nothing compared to what some mother's go through.

I'm thankful for Target.

I'm thankful for friends. I have many - local, long distance, "on-line." I think that women's bonds with each other is special - and when Mr. Kiss gets down and out, he doesn't really feel he has anyone to vent to. I have a big pool of kindred spirits to vent to when I need to - and also to share the good times with. That's priceless.

I'm thankful for pacifiers.

I'm thankful for my in-laws, who would do anything under the sun for their children and grandchildren. They are beyond generous.

I'm thankful for DVR.

I'm thankful that my husband loves me, unconditionally, even if he sometimes would rather muzzle me with a pillow.

I'm thankful for Soy Milk Lotion.

I'm thankful for Mommy Juice.

I'm thankful for an Early Release from work today!

Happy Thanksgiving!

New traditions.

Ever heard of Elf on the Shelf?



It’s this lil Christmas Tradition that has made its way into our home this year. Big Kiss is 3.5 and really getting into “Santa” and presents and such. We also tell him about Baby Jesus, but the guy doesn’t come with wrapping paper and toys, so he’s more into the whole Mr. Clause idea.

Anyway – each year around Thanksgiving, Santa sends one of his elves to your home to be Santa’s look out. He sits on a shelf and watches the kids and then when they are sleeping each night, he goes back to report to Santa. In the morning, the game is to find him again – and see where he decided to sit for that day. He can’t talk to you, but he listens really well and takes notes. And you can’t touch him, or he’ll lose his magic.

Well our Elf arrived in a “patritch” (“package”) last Thursday and I didn’t know what was inside, so I just let him help me open it. I had to work quick with shock and surprise and say “Look – a present from Santa!” So we opened it, read the book and Big Kiss was ALL ABOUT this Elf for the rest of the night. During teeth brushing and after book #1. And book #2. And the kiss good night: “Did the Elf go see Santa yet?” Then, the next morning as we had to wake him at 4.30am to get ready for his trip – his eyes were not even fully open and he said “Is the Elf back?” I think it’s going to be a fun month!

Oh, and per request of the book, you’re supposed to name your Elf the first time he visits. Big Kiss decided on Chink.

Yes, I said Chink.

Um, we’re going to work on this one – I can just see Big going to school and reporting “Chink is going to tell Santa I want tools for Christmas!” or “Chink watched me today and I wasn’t naughty!”

Perhaps we’ll rename him tomorrow night…And if not, hell – it’s a story for the kid’s baby book!

Shivvvvvvver!

It was 18 degrees this morning. At 8.30am. EIGHTEEN PEOPLE! And that's the "real" temp - not the "feels like" temp - with windchill - that was 2 degrees. According to my friendly weather man.

Needless to say, I'm ice ice baby cold.

The Mr. and my big boy are on their way to visit my brother - football game for the Mr. - Favorite Uncle time for Big Kiss. We packed, hyped up the plane ride, etc. But as I walked them out to the car (at way-to-fucking-early-o'clock) this morning, it sort of hit me that my baby, my 3 year old, is about to spend 4 full days with all men. Single Dad Uncle K they're staying with. "Totally-cool-but-immature-dad" Uncle P who's going to accompany my man to the game. And the Mr. Now both of my brothers have raised children. But it's been a long time. And Uncle K lives alone now (his son is in the Air Force). And Uncle P is enjoying a fam free weekend.

Should I be worried? That there's no "Momma" figure around? No one to remind Big to brush his teeth? Or to go potty? Or to EAT?! The nerves only slightly set in yesterday when Uncle K called and said "what does Big eat? I need to go grocery shopping?"

Me: "Oh, nothing complicated - PB&J, pancakes, grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, cereal, cheese sticks, bananas, apples, grapes."

K: "Slow down, I'm making a list. I don't have any of that. Can't he just have McDonald's happy meals?"

Errr, not even bread or cereal? Dayum.

Well. It's out of my hands. Mr. Kiss is a fantastic daddy. He'll be fine. And hey - it's Big's first "guy weekend" I guess.

If he comes home cranky, tired and 5lbs heaver, so be it.

And while the big boys are gone, Lil and I have a fun weekend planned. We're going to "auntie" A's tomorrow and our 'hood friend's on Sunday. He'll love it.

I fully intend to take advantage of the early nights and play with pictures, blog stalk and drink. Toodles!

I Stand Corrected

I was "working" from home this morning while Lil Kiss recoops from his fever filled week. He's fine now - and didn't "have" anything - just a super hot fever and he got kicked out of school till it's been gone for 24 hours. I should reprint the "health care rules" that I was given. Mentions "sniffles" and "excessive nasal discharge." Are you fucking kidding me? Sniffles? It's a god damn DAYCARE - those monsters harvest and breed germaines!

Anyway - "working" is used loosely because every time I'd go near my computer, the kid would yell at me. Literally yell "AHHHHHHH" and come bang on the keyboard.

Until I turned on Yo Gabba Gabba. It entertained him for like 15 minutes at a time...enough for me to respond to an e-mail...whatev.

I'm a fan of YGG. But haven't really ever paid attn to the names of the guys. That is until today - I heard DJ Lance intro the characters. (FTR? These writers have got to be on 17 kids of illegal narcotics - crazy shit). So I see the pink one - semi normal looking - and hear her name called as FUPA.

Er...anyone ever heard the term FUPA? As in "Fat Upper Pussy Area"? (kinda like Gunt). I have 4 brothers - and they've enlightened me with a vivid vocab, started at a young age!

So here's me chuckling at the meth-addict writers creating their cute pink thing and calling her FUPA.

Much to my disappointment, tho - I googled it to find a pic to post here and I stand corrected. Her name is in fact Foofa. FOOFA? FUPA? I think I'll never watch again w/out calling her FUPA.




Also? Whilst I'm at it...does this guy - mainly his arms - remind you of John McCain? I mean - dude was strung up by his thumbs or something equally horrible during his time as a POW - but this guy's arms remind me of J McC!




Hrmph. You really need to see him in action. The arms bend so low.

Anyway. Peace.

(ok here's a video. And a kid dancing on the stairs. Of COURSE that's the most appropriate place to "break it down!")

News Alert: Lunch & Learn causes MK to reflect!

I just had a lunch & learn at work. It’s an executive panel type thing – where 2 of our ‘higher ups’ talk about their career, their start, their mentors, their goals, etc. The 2 today were so god damn inspiring. And it’s not even “rah rah siss boom bah” Corporate shit. It’s their story and their struggles. One woman is the current diversity director – her life tale started w/ her being born in NYC and her father was blacklisted during the McCarthy era and was fired from his job so they had to move to Philly. I’m totally going to be googling “the McCarthy era” and what the fuck went down in those days. To be fired just for “potential government beliefs”? jeez. And she is the daughter of a Jew who married a Christian – so she couldn’t hang w/ lots of families who didn’t want a Jew in their house and others who didn’t want a Christian in their house.

And she had a heart defect when she was born, that should have killed her, but there was this surgery invented to fix it, but she had to wait till she was like 4 to have the operation. She was the “dying child” and in a wheelchair during that last year before surgery. She remembered all the kids who’s mom said “don’t stare” or “don’t ask” – and all she wanted was to talk to someone or play w/ someone, so she’d have loved to have a kid ask her what was wrong.

This TOTALLY hit home with me…in that I’ve already let Big Kiss be curious when we see others w/ disabilities…I let him ask me and tell him it’s OK if he wants to ask the person. He’s 3 and a half – he has no ill will at all, he’s just curious and how’s he going to learn?

And she was a teacher, preschool, first and second grade. And when she explained how much she loved that age, the magic of teaching a child to read – when they go from a word not making sense at all to having meaning – CHRIST, I almost started bawling! How amazing is that? And again – how amazing are teachers??

And she decided to go to law school to make some changes, 1970’s – while pregnant and then took her baby son with her to classes…and had 2 men physically push her up against a wall and tell her to quit and leave room for “men who need good jobs.” Pushed her against the wall while her BABY WAS IN A SNUGGLY ON HER CHEST! Christ?! Turns out? She graduated #1 in her class of 300+. Shows them.

She was also the first member of the US Attorney’s office to work part time. She was a single mom (twatwaffle husband left her during law school) and wanted to balance her work load. They told her no. Said “it’s never happened.” So she said Why? And they asked the US Attorney General and it was approved.

And the guy, it was amazing to hear a man discuss work-life balance. He was in a job working 70+ hour weeks. He recalled the day he realized he wanted more, needed more – he broke down telling how he remembered the day his wife called and said she was’t feeling well. He got home at like 8pm that night – only to realize she had miscarried. And soon after, he found a job w/ our Corporation. A Man. Promoting “work life balance” GAH! Why would a lunch & learn make me want to cry so much!

Anyway – I’m typing so fast I know it, but I just don’t ever want to forget the “take home” from today:

• Never give up.
  
• Ask for help.
  
• See the magic in every day things.
  
• Your attitude is 100% in your control.
  
• Seek mentors.
  
• Find a schedule that works for you – to get it DONE – within your means.
  
• Realize this shit isn’t rocket science. We’re not curing cancer. Relax and take a step back. There’s more to life.
  
• And finally, “The only measure of your words and your deeds
  Will be the love you leave behind when you're done"

Fred Small: "Everything Possible"

Another gift idea - but it's for the frugal minded...

My dear friends,

Somewhat embarrassing to admit, I'm not getting an annual bonus and Christmas is tight this year. I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.


How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.

Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most
aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the
nifty slippers for yourself....

Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you.

Some gift ideas

In light of the holiday season coming up, some gift ideas.

I'm sure these are must haves! No?

A bottle of wine in a glass. "Just one glass" takes on a whole new meaning!
(and from the website...Dear Wine Snobs, get off your high horses and buy yourself one of these large wine glasses and have a grand ol' time drinking some wine. Or fill it with espresso and see if your heart explodes. Just have some fun with this giant glass...and buy, buy, buy!)*



I'd love to Pat The Husband!




Ice Cream, it IS what's for dinner!



And who DOESN'T need a yodeling pickle???




*That wine glass website is to fluckin funny!
http://www.vat19.com/dvds/bottle-of-wine-glass.cfm
Here's their questions and answers...


Q: Is it really possible for your heart to explode if you fill this with espresso?
A: From what we remember from medical school (which isn't a lot because we didn't go), is that it would take about 10 grams of caffeine to kill a healthy adult. That's about 100 cups of coffee. That means you would need to drink about 32 full glasses of coffee from our Giant Wine Glass. We don't suggest doing this. Your coffee breath would be simply unbearable.

Q: Is that really wine in the glass or last nights wine after a trip to the bathroom?
A: That's actually the wine from the bottle in the picture. Let's face it, our aim wouldn't be that good the night after drinking that much.

Q: Do you plan to carry any other comically oversized beverage containment devices?
A: At this time, there are no plans for additional "comically oversized beverage containment devices".

Q: Who would need this?
A: If you have to ask this question, you may not yet be ready for the responsibility of owning such a giant wine glass.

Q: What are the dimensions of the full bottle wine glass? We are looking for 25 glasses for an event and they need to match the current ones we have. Thanks for the info!
A: The Bottle of Wine Glass is 9" tall and the mouth has a diameter of 3.5". The stem is about 3.75" tall.

Q: I would like to know if the "Bottle of Wine Glass" is dishwasher safe.
A: Yes, the Bottle of Wine Glass is dishwasher safe. We recommend putting it on the top rack, if possible. If you wash it by hand, you can always dry your glass with Vat19's Grab & Dry Dish Gloves.

Q: Do you offer engraving on this full bottle wine glass?
A: Vat19 does not engrave or personalize any of our items.

Q: Your Bottle of Wine Glass video makes your " Vat19 " website look cheap. You have lost a costumer.
A: In an odd way, we kind of take that as a compliment. And here's why: A glass that holds an entire bottle of wine probably isn't going to be found in the Queen of England's crystal collection. Simply put, this giant wine glass isn't the classiest product on the block, and that's the way we like it. And while we're sorry to lose a customer, we love that video. I guess humor isn't for everyone.

Q: What if I spill the wine? Do I take that pearl?
A: What the...?

Q: Do you carry the 'Six-Pack of Beer Can'?
A: Nope. We aren't even sure exactly what that product is! We'd rather drink out of a big glass than a big can though.

Q: I had to check out the video after you "lost a customer." All I can say is that you guys at Vat19 are having waaaaay too much fun AND getting paid for it. Are you hiring any time soon?
A: We appreciate the kind words. Keep buying large wine glasses and soon we'll need to hire more people!

Q: Has anyone ever drowned in the Bottle of Wine Glass and are you covered for this possible liability? You know how sue-happy consumers are these days...
A: We figure we're pretty safe on this since most people have a head with a diameter greater than 3.5 inches and don't go around sticking their face in giant wine glasses for prolonged periods of time.

Q: Is the glass likely to break if you fall down while drinking from it?
A: With the great power afforded by our giant wine glass comes great responsibility. Like a gymnast with a sixth sense of their body's position in the air, you too should possess an uncanny ability to always keep your drink level and safe despite external factors such as dancing, falling, and hurricanes. If you are careless, however, and drop your huge wine glass onto a concrete floor, it'll probably break.

SNL Again!

I had the root canal today. My face hurts like a mutha fucka – like I was blowing a big one for 2 hours. But I got some better drugs than I had. Just big ass horse pills of Ibuprofen – but better than before.

So while I was gone the Mr. took the boyz to his ‘rents – it’s rainy and the concept of the day indoors w/the kids was daunting for him, so YAY for me – 24ish hours of no responsibility.

I shopped (cmas list, ½ way done!); got my brows waxed, visited my friend w/ 1 month old twins (oh to hold a tiny baby – mine were never 5lbs…so sweet)…and then made a nice dinner and I’m having some drinks. Ahhh Yeah BOUY!

So here’s some random thoughts. It’s been a while.

I was so busy at work and was ‘offline’ a lot (w/ my online group) and even though I miss them like major, the concept of coming home, reading or watching t.v. for a bit and going to bed (no internet) was heaven. I can’t lie. I need to get back in the swing, tho – I’m having withdrawals.

I’m watching Wedding Crashers. On ABC. Vince Vaughn is funny, Owen Wilson is funny to look at – but it’s so not the same when edited for t.v. Oh – and Rachel Adams. She’s unfuckingbelievably gorgeous! Oh Oh and Vince Vaughn is on my “list.” Mmmm.

I realized why I’m so out of shape and fat. Now now now I know – there are ppl out there who have seen me and may (or may not?) say “you’re crazy” but hey – it’s how I feel. I’m a lump of laziness these days and it’s getting to me. But I realized that I just love food. And drinking. I do. It’s part of my verve. So, the solution is to move my ass. Like in Madagascar, I need to moave moave it…I don’t eat that bad – I’m not eating sticks of butter and fried biscuits or anything, I just suck at cutting back. I just gotta work in the activity. Big time.

So my love of drinking? I’m having a delishiouso concoction tonight. You know those Fourbucks Frappuccinos in the bottle? That you can buy in the store? I do the vanilla frap, mixed w/ vodka, poured into a ‘tini glass that’s been drizzled w/ caramel sauce. It’s so damn good.

here - a visual!


I hate laundry. More the folding and putting away. And I went on strike from putting away Mr. Kiss’ laundry. I fold it and put it on his side of the bed. On the bed. If he moves it to the floor instead of putting it away – not my problem.

I made punkin bars tonite. With ½ sugar, no butter and ½ whole wheat flour. Oh and only ½ the rec. choc chips. But they’re still divine just out of the oven and I may just have another.

Movies I can’t wait to see – but prolly won’t see in the near future: Four Christmases. Marley & Me. The new Bond film. Australia. Changeling. The Secret Life of Bees. Role Models. That’s a long list! I need a life.

I think I’m typing to hear myself type right now.

I’m going to let the dog sleep on the bed tonight.

I’m getting another punkin bar and a refill. Cheers!

Love,
Fat Ass MommaKiss. :p

New Do.

I came in late today.

I booked a haircut for 8am, fully intending to be in by 9 (my girl luffs me and does early a.m. cuts for me).

But then I decided to get 'lites, too. She had time, I sat and read my book whilst my head was primped.

So altho I was late because I got my wig busted, I told my boz it was my tooth pain delaying me. I mean, yeah - it's hurting like a mofo, but not where I'd be missing work.

SHHHHHHH!

As for that tooth pain - I'm going in tomorrow to start the root canal. Yes. I said tomorrow. A Saturday.

Shit.

It's official

I need a root canal.

I swear the "analysis" was like a torture chamber. Poking, taping, cold air, etc.

I TOLD you the fucker hurt - damn. He's lucky I didn't bite his finger off.

And another $1k spent on my mouth this month (crown is not cheap).

Don't these people know I have more important things to spend my money on?

Like manicures and Fourbucks?!

Karma tastes good

I'm having twizzlers.

Just opening the 2nd bag that I got during my Good Girl trip to the vending machine.

For some reason they taste so much better than I expected.

While I'm on the topic of putting sugar in my mouth - seems that I do indeed need a root canal. The temp tooth and my jaw in general are killing me. I've been chewing everything on one side. Any slight hint of pressure near the evil tooth causes severe agony. So I'm going in tomorrow to have him "assess" my "abscess."

I can't wait!

Nov 11th.

That's all.

Oh Shit

Last night we're sitting at the kitchen table, 3 happy meal boxes littering the top (chix nuggets and apple dippers for all of us!)...and Big Kiss drops an apple on the floor.

He says "Oh SHIT!"

I didn't overly react, just turned and said "Huh?"

He gets a huge ass grin and says "OH SHIT! oh shit, Oh Shit, OH SHIT!" all singsongy.

I didn't even ask where he heard that, please - easily could have been me, the Mr. or the frikkin neighbor.

But I had to hide my own grin and calmly tell him "We don't say that. There are things moms and dads can say - but you shouldn't say that. Especially in school, you'll get in trouble. You can say Oh Shoot if you need to."

Big Kiss: "Okayyyy Mommeeeeeee!"

And now I await the call from school...

Oh, and speaking of school (FTR - it's daycare, we just call it school) - today is picture day. And of course yesterday Lil Kiss, aka Rocky, managed to bust his lid on an end table. The end table that is boxed in behind an ottoman and 2 couches. He was up on one couch, plopped down on a pillow and springboarded right into the hard ass wooden corner of the end table. And then he was stuck, upside down because I couldn't get to him fast enough. No blood - thank God - but he cracked himself smack between the eyes. I thought for sure we'd see 'coon eyes this morning, but nope - just a swollen nose.

And a bruise that will def. show up in our "holiday portraits."

Damn kid ruined my portrait coordination - I almost smacked Big Kiss so he'd match, but we don't want CPS calling now do we?

SNL. Momma Kiss style.

I'm watching a dvr'd Oprah. Talking about sex, sex therapy, gettin your groove on...and the guest, the sex therapist, needed a Clitoral Pointer.

I SNORTED out loud.

I'm a mature woman. But please. A graphic demonstration of the woman's holes and needing a Pointer made me SOL.

And another lil fact? Apparently your G Spot feels like the tip of your nose. Who knew.

I am learning so much. For Reals.

FYI. I went to a dual birthday party today. 5 yr old and her 2 yr old sister. I kicked ASS on the birthday gifts, getting things that were PERFECT if I say so myself. The 3 yr old brother in the middle is SO the middle child. But he played w/ both of my kids so Mommy and Daddy could drink, so I luff him. I did take it "easier" than the Mr. because I drove home.

But now that I am in fact home and baybees are sleeping - Mr. is in Manland - I have ME TIME with a pomegranate mojito. Yum.

Guess you know what that means...the HELL GUT HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!

Can I get a HELL YEAH?

Jellyfish Bad Day???

I haven't even bothered to Snopes this - it's making me laugh and that's all that matters!

"I LOVE MY JOB"

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.

In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it however, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad
day?


May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day.

Another Day, Another Dollar.

I'm still icky. Whatever. I'm losing weight in the process. Maybe it's my new diet.

I curled up in bed around 6.15 last night, my 3 yr old snuggled in around 7. And I have no idea when he fell asleep - next to me. Cutie pie.

I watched Grey's Anatomy after the kids left today and bawled like a GD Baby! That show is so good I always want more and more and never want it to end. And thankfully now Dr. Hahn (a.k.a. the girl in the well from Silence of the Lambs) is going buh-bye so it'll be even better. Nothing against the girl on girl stuff, but she's icky.

Before the kids left, I had a power struggle w/ Big Kiss. He spit at me - like the raspberry tongue spit - and we don't stand for that. I was thisclose to putting a pillow over his head. Instead, I made him scream in his room for 15 minutes. Resetting after 5 days w/ Gramma, I know, I know...

Got this e-mail from Mr. Kiss this morning.

"Xmas music on 101.5
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T"

Shamefully - I already knew this and have been tuned in for a few days...

TGIF M'r F'rs.

What's that smell?

Something stinks in my office.

Like dead eggs.

Wait, it's me!

I can not shake this stomach bug. I thought I was ok last night and had dinner w/ the 'rents (brought my Big Kiss home). Nope. Still have ass piss.

I hate being at work with it, so not comfortable, and honestly, I'm probably spreading it.

Top it off? My tooth, the one that was prepped for a crown - I have a temporary on it right now. I swear to god something is stuck in it because my mouth also stinks. It's nasty. And as much as fart humor makes me seriously laugh out loud, I am NOT a stinky person, very sensitive to it actually (recall my body odor gross out w/ the Dot Not Feather?)

So I've been gargling w/ mouthwash, munching plain crackers and sipping ginger ale. Oh, and spraying my office w/ my Aveda Personal Scent every free moment.

Yes We Can.

I'm moved to tears when I think of Election Day, November 4, 2008.

I'm proud I voted. I felt compelled to vote in this election, unlike 4 years ago.

I'm a proud American.

I'm happy my children will grow up free to speak their minds and make their own choices.

I am excited.

And hopeful.

And now we wait....

Classy

I work for a retail company. I get it that people should dress trendy, to a point. However - I also come from a Finance / Corporate career background and believe that you can dress trendy and hip while looking professional.

I give you my view walking into work:



Seriously? Tights, an ass hugging sweater and stripper heels.

Now don't go saying "you're just jealous" - I'm not - I'd wear that if a) I thought it was cute or even b) on a night out.

But to work? Nuh uh.

And instead of going all HR on her ass (I have better things to do) - I decided to post her pic on the 'net!

Break me off a piece...

Last night I had gas that could clear a room. Fire balls out my ass. Damn. I thought it was just all the fiber I’m eating in this health quest. Then all of a sudden my guts were rumbling – loudly – and the di-di started. I was pissed. All I wanted to do was veg on the couch and watch DVRs. Nope. I had the chills. And Shukes. And during the night I sharted myself. Like a frikkin baby.

So I was up most of the night…but took some Immodium and Dayquil and had to get my ass to work. Quarterly reporting can cuck a donkey sock.

I voted. Luckily the line wasn’t long – and I feel really proud to be part of today, even though my “popular vote” doesn’t matter for shit.

There was some crabbiness w/ the Mr. this morning that doesn’t even deserve a story. But let’s just top it all off with a trip to the dentist – my Hot Dr. Joe. I had to get prepped for a crown. I have horrifically bad (if not gleaming white) teeth – due to my welfare / no fluoride upbringing…and one tooth had just had enough. So I’m there, he’s drilling away and a piece of the shrapnel hit my gag reflex and I puked. In my mouth, then on my Hot Dr. Joe. :(

I’m now sipping chicken broth and trying to munch a cracker on the right side of my mouth. About to take another Dayquil and prolly some super strength Tylenol. My small mouth can’t take 2 hours of being propped open and violated.

I need a kit-kat break like you read about.

Please.

One child is gone, the other is healthy – and Momma's in the shitter (literally). Calgon, take me away!!!!!!

I KNEW IT!

For the record, I soooooooo called this. Amember this?? NO!!!!

DeAHHHHnna Pappas has dumped Jesse. Another Bachelor/ette ending in the crapper. And Jason's up as the next Bachelor. Damn him. It's gonna end before it even begins, and his cute little baby boy will be in the middle of it all.

Just needed to point out that I totally called it. Me and like 6 million other people.

Headlines

Sent in an e-mail. Good for a chuckle.

It's a new day!

It's a new day. Thank the God's above.
Friday - the day of the dead, I swear - ended pretty peacefully. All those drugs Lil Kiss had helped him immensely, he's breathing better...and we even walked around to the immediate neighbors begging for some candy before he went to bed. Big Kiss was the cutest little f'r trick or treating. He was Mr. Incredible - not at all shy about ringing door bells ("I'm gonna Ding Dong!") and saying "Special Treat" and then even a big ol' "Thank You!"

I had a road soda, it was delish. All in bed pretty early, tho.

Yesterday Mr. Kiss took the Big dude to Grannie's - Mr. came back - my 3 yr old stayed. Can I get a "Hell Yeah!" I mean - for reals, I miss that kid like crazy, but we needed a break and it's damn quiet around here.

So yesterday my friend A came over w/ apps AND dinner for the Mr. and I. She's Lil K's godmama, too - so it was fun for her to see him...then as he snored away, we had the best meal and lots of wine and laughter.

Lil Kiss slept - get this - 12+ hours. Straight. Sweetbabyjezus, this was sooooo needed in this house. I actually woke up at 5.30 and poked the Mr. - said "Did you get up w/ Lil during the night?" "Nope" Sweet. I went back to bed for an hour feeling so refreshed.

Now today we struggled to find things to do w/ just one child...and the whole daylight savings thing threw us off a bit.

All in all a fantastic weekend so far. Oh, I'm just a tad pissed A brought us her leftover H-ween candy. That bitch. BUT - I go to the dentist on Tuesday and their office is buying leftover candy for a buck a pound...and they're sending to troops in Iraq. So sweet, I'll get the devilish pieces of temptation out of my house and hopefully make someone smile.

gotta go - maybe catch a nap!