Happy Smucking Halloween

I typically Love Halloween. It's one of my fave holidays Ever. But on this day, I am not in love.

Let me share our costumes...

Little Kiss will be a jacked up baby on steroids and amoxicillian - carrying around his nebulizer. Yes. Last night he couldn't breathe and Mr. took him to the emergency room. At 2.30 am. He was x-rayed and nebbed there, diagnosed with "cold induced asthma" and - oh - an ear infection to boot! So he will be high on drugs, and we hope he crashes and gets some sleep.

Mr. Kiss will be Super Dad. He is home today with my little baby...He is running on barely any sleep and is administering meds, taking Lil to the pedi for a follow up appt and - no lie - keeping a smile on. He is deserves a cape.

Big Kiss will be Mr. Incredible later - his actual costume, mask and all. Underneath the fake puffy muscles, he will be a whining little bitch...that child has been at his worst the past 2 days. And I say he will get to wear it "later" because they would not allow costumes in school (fucking joke - every kid is under 4...let them play dress up for a god damn day) And of course, that is assuming either of his parents has the energy to walk his ass around the block later.

And me? Well, I will be sporting the lovely costume consisting of baggy eyes and a red nose (from no sleep and crying), glasses (contacts are the devil right now), and toss on my own Cape...of Guilt. I made the decision to stay w/ Big Kiss this morning and not accompany my baby to the ER. Why? Because I needed to be somewhat functional today - I have a shitton of work that must be done today. A shitton. And I hate that I need to work at times like these. Not that it helped any, I was awake with worry most of the night anyway.

So here I sit, Guilty Working Mom - waiting on news from Super Dad that my child is sleeping...

They Picked ME!

I entered a giveaway at Leelou's Blog and I won one of the prizes!

It's Word Art from Emmie Cakes





YAY!

I am a total sucker for paper products and this is GAWjeous!

Blow me, candle style! *see new pic!

Happy birthday today to Winona Ryder, Randy Jackson (DAWG!), Richard Dreyfuss and ME!

Yes, you heard me right.

On this very day, 34 amazing years ago, I graced the world with my presence. Stop - yes, I know I don't look a day over 25. I’m the 5th of 6 children to me madre, the smartest and prettiest of us all. And the most modest (natch!).

Today I slept in, plan to stay in my jammies and soft plush slippers until I go to the spa, where I’ll be pampered with a massage, facial, mani and pedi – and served bon bons and champagne. When I return home, I will nap. And when the boyz all return home, I will be showered with gifts that sparkle and have lots of $$$ attached and they will bake me cupcakes and serve me.

C’mon, are you fucking kidding me?

I was up at 4.30am, did laundry and made lunches, was puked on and handed a booger.

All before 8am.

But my Big Kiss did say “I need to give you a birfday kiss. No. On the cheek.” And Mr. Kiss even remembered to wish me a happy. I’ve had lots and lots of e-mail wishes (Facebook and Cirque du Soleil - they remembered!) and got a few cards. The above pic is by far the funniest so far. It says “Wackadoo.” And I SOL when I opened it.

So it’s just another day in the life of Momma Kiss.

But inside I’m happy. I’m have made it through another year with an amazing, healthy family; I have a good job and am respected and I have fantastic friends.

I'm off to try to guess how old frikkin Richard Dreyfuss is.

And in the words of Fitty Cent:

Go shawty, it's ur birfday; Gonna parhty like it's your birfday...

Here's a little update! I got flowers. At WORK! YAY ME!!!! I'm loved. For Reals.

Good Karma

There I stood.

Staring at the Vending Machine.

Snickers bar? Whoppers? Whatchamacallit? Gorp? Twizzlers?

I hemmed and hawed and swayed back and forth.

The Snickers sure would satisfy me.

The other candy sure would be delish.

No - I decided on the most "healthy" of the bunch.

I pressed B6 - for the Twizzlers.

And I was rewarded! Not one, but TWO bags came out of their little circular wire constraints!

Hella Uh Huh!

And NO, assholes, I did not eat both bags already. I'm saving the extra one.

Pick me, Pick me!

I want to win some of Leelou's stuff (she made this here bloggy background)!

So I have to post this and cross my fingers, eyes and toes.

Monday Schmonday

This monday is not my fave.

But yesterday was quite entertaining.

MaiTaiMcGee was so hungover.

I did give him the pleasure of helping out with the snotty one during the night. And our power went out - from like 1a to 5a - and in our house...no "white noise" = non-sleeping kids. And flat out quiet just creeps me out.

Anyway, I let him sleep in a bit and then I made sure the boys had all their noisy toys out - that's the kind of loving wife I am.

We visited friends yesterday afternoon, and the wife and I shared some champagne. Ahhh, blissful when the hungover husband is the DD!

On a serious note, my mother asked me for financial help (who doesn't need it these days?). She changed jobs and had to pay her own insurance for a while and can't cover this month's payment. I'm 100% certain it took a hit to her pride to ask me, even though I offered many times. I'm not wealthy - by any means - but I have more than she does. AND, she made me confident and strong and a go-getter to begin with - so she just paid it forward.

Anyway, just wanted to note how humbled I am. My mommy. My hero. In need. Makes my heart break.

Apples

Mr. Kiss is drunk.

This is how I know.

He asked me at way-too-early-o'clock today if I wanted sushi for dinner. "sure, that's great."

This is his clue that he gets to go and pick it up and have a drink at the bar while they make it.

So - fine - Big Kiss was a wicked mess today after hours outside (yesh!) and no nap. Sawing logs by 7pm (yesh). I come back downstairs to a text saying "they f'd up our order."

Translation: I'm having another drink.

Whatevs, I don't mind.

But he gets home w/ the goods and is totally glossy eyed and ...that means booze. Caught! He's so transparent. He confessed to 2 mai-tais. (this is in - oh - 15 minutes?) And he tells me the story of them f'ing up the order and I'm like "they should have given you a free drink for that." "They did!"

So he had 3. Booze hound. He's so goofy and dorktarded on booze, tho - it's entertaining.

His true give away is currently going on - he ALWAYS passes out to Goodwill Hunting when he's got his drink on. Always. And it's blaring from Manland. I should go take a picture of his drooling ass and show him in the morning.

And I'll say: "Did you fahck up some smaht kids? How 'bout them apples?!"

FTR, I lived in Southie for a few years. And I was hit on by Affleck once - at Fenway. Easter Sunday 2002. *sigh* AND - the guy in orange? At the last scene? Mr. Kiss went to college w/ him - same frat.

Mark this day

I broke down.

I finally did it.

I'm wearing...

*GASP*

SOCKS!

It's officially ice-ass-cold out.

Unreal

Home from work yesterday - no mail in the mailbox.

Why?

Because the sheer amount of CRAP the mail lady had to deliver would not fit in the mailbox. No. A huge plastic bag on my doorstop held our normal stuff...bills, an early wish for me and someone wanting a donation.

AND all of these...



Seriously? 4 of them had 90% of the exact same toys.

Unreal.

I went to cancel them on catalogchoice.org - and realized some of them were already on my "do not mail" list...I canceled them like 2 weeks ago.

My recycle bin is going to be overflowing this fall, I can just tell.

Bring it on

I just got a flu shot.

I hate needles. But I did it. I swear - my lovely children bring home GodKnowsWhat from daycare - and then sneeze in my face and Whala - I'm sick, too. SO, here's to me being somewhat healthy this upcoming boogie/cough/fever season.

Took Big Kiss to have his eyes checked yesterday. His right eye 'sticks' a little bit, and before he has to go thru the torment of grade school being called cross-eyed, I wanted to get it checked out...and also to sort of put aside my fears that the few *ahem* glasses of wine during pregnancy didn't cause any damage.

The pedi: "yep, it sticks a little bit - here's a referral" No shit, Captain Obvious...but we needed the referral, I know the process.

It's raining here today. I pretty much hate rain. Esp in the Fall when it's a cold chilly rain. But my kids were frikkin STYLIN on the way to school today - fleece jackets and kick ass winter hats. I'm going to be sad when they don't let me dress them any more.

My sunshiny disposition should brighten the day, though. Toodles.

Freak

I went to see Kooza on Friday night. Cirque du Soleil. Circus Freaks! Big Top - not the Vegas scene at all - but I've seen both and prefer the Big Top! It was A-may-zing!

Highlights:

Wine. In a large plastic "wine" "glass."

Slickster. Man sitting in front of me. Greasy hair!

Stinky. The Indian (dot, not feather) man sitting next to me. B.O. that could clear a room.

Laughter. My cheeks still hurt from all the laughter. I went w /a momma friend who NEEDED a night out and I provided much entertainment.

Entertainment. I spilled my last drink of wine. On my sweater. Damn. Made my friend laugh louder ;)

Awe. The show was totally amazing. Especially the costumes. I'll have to look for pics online - the skeletor pics were the best.

I know - it's a quickie, but gots to go!

Snackilicious

Does it count as a "snack" wrap if I eat 2 of them?

With a small fries?

Doubt that shit.

Burp.

Itsy Bitsy my ASS!

I just had the treat of a lifetime.

I give you - the latest view on my wall.

A White Killer Super Icky Not Itsy Bitsy In The Least Scorpion Recluse Spider!



I deeply inhaled a gasp, grabbed the Crack, got as close as possible without letting him know I was near. He tried to escape...



Little did he realize that going under there would make it oh so easy for me to smash the fucker...

For the record...

I had a dentist appointment this morning. At 8am. My dentist is hot Hot HOT and always calls me Dark - an old joke.

Anyway, he was very very complimentary...first about my outfit (did I mention he's Gay as Christmas?) - had the purple peep toe pumps on with a killer blouse. He's like "you look great, how do you do it? Getting 2 kids out the door, off to school, teeth cleaning and then off to work?" You KNOW how much this makes me happy - acuz there are times when I'm a complete basket case - but as long as others think I'm OK? Score one for Momma.

Then he complimented my teeth. I fully admitted I don't floss - no sense lying. I try to use that little floss tool, even, I'm just lazy. And he asked if I whiten (I don't). Again Score for Momma!

Well he's poking around and notices I need to replace an old filling - there's more decay under it. This is one of those old ass metal fuckers, from when I was a teenager (like 5 years ago ;) - and it'll need to come off and because it's so bad, I'll need a crown. AND, he won't know till he's in there - but I may even need a root canal. This will be RC #2 - I hate them. With a passion. But I'm lucky to have my (strong white) teeth - we grew up in the sticks, no flouride in the water...and both of my parents have full dentures...so hey, I'll take the RC if needed and move on.

I have a point! damn...

While he's in there, he said "Gosh, you have a tiny mouth! It's so small!"

I took his hand out of my mouth and said "Will you put that in writing please? You've said it before, but my husband never believes me when I share the news."

And he did - it's there, on my appointment card. This was e-mailed to the Mr. 2.2 seconds after I left Dr. McHottie!!!!



The receptionist (writing in purple, really?) was dyin. I said this is going to be whipped out on many an occasion. I may even laminate it.

See, how can you NOT love Halloween??

I fuckin love Halloween!

And since Little Kiss is off the sauce (formula, man that shit is expensive) - and on the whole milk - I snuck some....it was THE BESTEST treat tonight!!!

Little black suit?

I have this new suit on today. It's black, and has this wicked sharp design on it, really subtle. I've gotten a couple of compliments, which always makes my day.

But it's not a petite size. And I feel like, well, like it's wearing me instead of the other way around. Damn. It's a bit boxy - and the jacket does not have a button or closure. I just hate when I'm all decked out (kick ass black pumps to go with it) and then feel all out of my element ALL DAY LONG.

So I guess my next project will be to cinch in the jacket and hem the skirt a bit.

I hate when I have to get all Martha on my ass...

*****************
In other news, the Mr. has been away since Monday. I've been remarkably calm in the whole single parent situation. The boyz and I have actually had a lot of fun. We went to Salem, MA on Monday - in costume - and they were so damn cute. Big Kiss has been helping w/ Lil Kiss - wants to share with him and help give him a bath. Lil returns the favor by throwing food and splashing him - but hell, comes w/ the territory...And nights have not been horrible. Not fantastic, but not horrible. I'm pretty proud of myself, actually - for seeing the positive and enjoying time w/ the boys rather than bitching about having to "do it all by myself *whiny voice*"

Of course, it helped that I took yesterday off an shipped them to daycare so I could get a massage...Thanks Mr. Kiss!

Heart

I wasn't even going to share this.

But I am so overcome with love, I can't keep it to myself.

Yesterday, I came outside after a potty break and Big Kiss said "Look Momma, I give a heart for you!"

And look.

All by his little 3 year old self...

words of wisdom...

Don't lie, cheat, steal or drink...

but if you must lie, lie in the arms of someone who loves you.

If you must cheat, cheat death.

If you must steal, steal away from bad company

and if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.

just thought this was a nice way to end my Sunday

Nothing major...

Just some random shit from today.

Well, really - last night. We had a date night. Babysitter arrived after 6 and we went to a movie, The Express. It's about Ernie Davis, a black football player in the 1950's - went to Syracuse University and was the first black Heisman Trophy winner in history. I loved it. Mr. Kiss cried. Shhhh, don't tell I shared that.

On the way home we had a discussion about the way the world was back then - racially. And how we grew up lily white. I honestly wasn't taught to hate others because of the color of their skin or their religion, etc. - but wasn't exposed to anyone who looked different from me. I can't frikkin imagine the hell people went thru back then - not that long ago, really - just because they were born a certain way. AND - I'm thankful that my kids are exposed to many different cultures and ethnicities (sp?) every single day.

Anyway - good date night, and good sleeping night for the kids, schwew.

Today was jampacked w/ cleaning and baking and playing outside and movies... Get this, our library played Casper for free! Bonus - Big Kiss was entertained and it was nice and quiet so I read my book for an hour.

Double Bonus - because everyone was outside so much - it's just after 8 - I've had both kids bathed and in bed, ate a nice meal w/ my man AND have watched Oprah on dvr.

That, my friends, is a GOOD evening I don't intend to waste!

Apparently I've had a sex change.

Stopped at Fourbucks today for my Venti No Foam Skinny Vanilla Latte (shot of valium on the side?)

They asked my name, I told them Dawn.

Here's what I got...



The Barrista (snigger - she's a coffee slugger) said "Venti No Foam Skinny Vanilla Latte for - um - DON?"

"Yep, that's mine! I'm one pretty dude, I know it."

White Whatnot?

Is it too late to wear white? Ahem - I don't mean because of my virginal status, but because it's October?

I think I look cute today!



love these shoes!


AND - my fabric finally arrived for the bathroom. GAH! It's perfect. I'm going to do a fabric wall hanging thing and a small valance over the small window.



****************

P.S. I'm dead ass tired right now. I may be pulling a Costanza in a minute...Been up since before 4. I did laundry, made lunches and had some coffee - all while everyone else snored away in their cozy little beds. F'Rs. I'm mostly pissed because it's MY T.V. NIGHT!!! GAH! Looks like DVR will be working overtime...

I rock

So the Kiss Hizza slept in today! Shit. Let me revise, we were up at 11.30 with the Little one screaming his head off. That 4th molar NEEDS to push thru. Like now. And then at 5 again - BUT - we fell back asleep till 7. 7 people. This is soooooo not like us and altho it feels great, the mornings are much more rushed.

Anywaddle, it was my day to drop off. I basically tossed Lil Kiss into his room (little MoFo doesn't even say good bye to me anymore) and then got Big Kiss all nestled in. He sat at his lil chair w/ his lil name on the placemant and ate his bagel while I put his lunch in the fridge. His BFF JoeBunny (Giovanny) always says Hi to me and then we fist bump and BLOW IT UP! And then his other BFF, HacoBeeno the puerto rican jew likes to blow it up, too.

So me and the 3 boys are doing blow up bumps and one of Big Kiss' room aides goes "You are the funnest mom ever."

I heard her, but pretended I didn't and said "excuse me?"

And she said it again ;)

I could have kissed her!

Instead I said - "Awww, thanks. you know, it's either have some fun or fit me for a straight jacket!"

BOO!

Another idea to share.

SCARY FEET!

We're always looking for shit to do after dinner, after Lil Kiss is in bed...there's typically 30 min to an hour to kill, and sometimes we color, sometimes we do playdough, sometimes it's just cahtoons.

Saw this somewhere and so we did it last night!

If he didn't inherit the big ass arch in his feet from me, these would be better, but you get the drift...(the eyes are fingerprints).

go on, do it w/ your kids. You know you want to...



P.S. - he made the punkin all by himself. Not bad for a little dude, eh?

Would you like fries Wit Dat?

I was running ervands (manicure - it's important!) at lunch time today and drove past McDonalds and just needed a quickie. No, not an Afternoon Delight - but lunch, dammit.

I caved. And ordered my fave meal. A hamburglar happy meal. It's the perfect solution, small portions to feed my craving.

Now if only I could figure out how to keep that Monster Truck away from Big Kiss....

AWK-waaarrrrddddd.

I'm between sizes. It's the most uncomfortabe stage to be in. My pre kid clothes fit, but snugly. My next size up is a bit big and gives me gaps in the belted waistline and drag-ass in the crotch area.

Thing is, my body is 100% different because of birthing those damn babies of mine. Barrell Belly and Saggy Fun Bags. Even if I lost 10 more lbs, I'd still be all awkward.

Good thing I convinced the Mr. to set us on the savings path toward me going under the knife. Hells yeah, I'm getting work done. In a year, or two at most.

I ain't too proud to admit that.

Toupee?

So.

I'm watching this new show - The Ex List - and this chick has an issue with a Merkin. Hysterical.

Anyway - this little nugget was too good to keep to myself. Alas, some info sharing.

per Urban Dictionary...


Merkin

A pubic hair piece. A toupee for the pubic area/genitals. In the 1700’s when mercury was used to treat sexually transmitted diseases (Gonorrhea or Syphilis) one of the side effects was the loss of pubic hair. To disguise this condition, that was not cured by mercury, a Merkin was employed.
17th Century setting: Due to his treatment of the "French Pox" (syphilis) with mercury a merkin Gwendolyn used a Merkin to used to hide the side effects of hair loss and not alarm her husband.

merkin
imitation pubic hair. A pubic wig.
Geoffrey wore his merkin unashamedly


And my fave...

merkin
something george bush is constantly saying he is proud to be
"ah am proud, to be a merkin citezin"

Thankfully there were no pictures...

Wrong

I drank a bottle of wine last night.

That's just wrong.

Happy Day

My anniversary is this month. On Sunday.

And I made the most retarded mistake telling Mr. Kiss not to "waste his money" on flower deliveries - as the price is ridiculous and I'd rather have simple gerbera daisies from the local shop.

Which is all TRUE...however, it would really be nice if he just did it once in a while, you know?

Well.

He did.

Simple daisies and fall flowers (my all time fave). Delivered. To me. At work.

I luff my man.