Freeballin

I just can't stop laughing, it's story time, y'all!

Yesterday I bolted to pick up the boyzz at daycare. Big Kiss is out on the playground, sweating his ass off because he HAD to wear a sweat shirt and no t-shirt underneath. Anyway - I could see he was outside when I drove by, so I picked up Lil Kiss first.

As soon as I opened his door, I'm all "Kxxx Finny Fo Shizzle mah Dizzle!" He giggled like mad. Kid loves that nick name. And first things first - he had to take my hand and pull me over to the craft table and show me what he was doing. Something with cotton balls, yarn and paper. But he was shouting out colors and pointing and all up on his tippy toes.

I had to praise the teacher and let her know that my friend was mucho impressed that Lil Kiss knows his colors so well. Like all of them. I didn't realize he was so advance, but *ahem* maybe he's gifted just like his Momma? Anyway - we look at his crap, I mean, craft project and then get his stuff and head out to get Big Kiss.

The whole 'picking up' routine usually lasts 10 to 20 minutes, all the chatting and shit. Finally corral them into the car and I'm lifting Lil Kiss in (his seat is in the middle) and I realize his bum feels like way skinny. Like it's just tushie, no diaper smushyness. So I peek in the waist band and yep - just all nekked in there.

No undies.

No dipe.

Freeballin!!!

I end up talking to the teacher, she was all "NO WAY, I can't believe I forgot to diaper him!"

Jesus. I swear, sometimes I wonder about that place. Honestly, they're amazing teachers - but Oy. And come to find out from another mom today, who was there last night, the teacher was dealing w/ a new kid's parent and answering a million questions and just didn't diaper Lil Kiss before pulling up his pants. And this mom just thought I was potty training my 22 month old already.

Um. Not sure that's happening. Considering he looooooooove stewing in his warm poo. True story.

Anywho - kid made it home and lasted about 45 minutes diaperless, then pissed down his leg and said "Ew."

Is he NOT my child? :p Ew. Ha.

P.S. - after sharing this story w/ some friends, his "no diaper" status has received many comments. I'll name a few:

Unfinished Basement
Commando
Loose Caboose
Freedom!
Freeballin
Bare pickle

^^What's your fave?

I'm back in bidness

MuthaFucka, I'm beat. BEAT!

I went to see my Bestest Friend Forever this past weekend. Thursday - the boys and I (no Mr.!) took a nice short Southwest Air flight and BoBo picked us up and we drove to her house near DC. Her boys were still awake (just after 9) and the kids stayed up till like 10.30. This is HUGE for my 4 year old and almost 2 year old. But they loved it.

We had an amazing weekend of playing, sleeping, cackling, drinking (us, not the kids), laughing till you pee (including the kids) and just general LOVE.

Boys kicked ASS on the plane. Both times. I was nervous and planed to medicate myself - heavily - but they surprised me, those little turds, and listened well. This one old dude said I "deserved a medal" for handling it so well.

I'll wait for that, in the mail.

When I got home, I napped and Mr. Kiss was 'in charge' for all of 2 hours before he came to wake me up and say "we need to get these boys out somewhere, they're driving me nuts."

Seriously? TWO HOURS???

Pussy.

So in New England? It rained for like 23 days straight in June. The forecast for the next 10 days? Scattered showers. Which means HUMID as fuck. Ew.

Travellin'

I'm going to see BoBo today! Can not WAIT! I'm taking the boys w/ me. No Mr. Kiss. He'll drive us to the airport - where I'll be, during dinner time, most likely heavily medicated.

Did I mention Big Kiss will have his own seat, but not Lil Kiss? Lil Kiss, who is 21mos old? And who is perpetual motion kid? And who will be "on my lap?"

Good thing is the flight is short. If it's a flight from hell due to my Lil Kiss, it won't last long - fellow travelers, it won't last long...

I'm sort of prepared. I'm debating whether to check a bag or not. Take a stroller or not? Get a leash for Lil Kiss or not? I'm joking. Sort of.

And for any of you skitzo stalkers reading (a girl can dream, can't she?) - my house will not be empty whilst I travel w/ the boys. Mr. Kiss has planned lots of debauchery that include walking around naked, drinking a lot, sleeping a lot and some golf. Not sure if he'll do that naked or not? Anyway - point is - he and the Dog will be guarding the Kiss Hizza, so don't be thinkin you can come rob me of all my Target Purchases.

Plans while away w/ BoBo? Her 2 boys are just a tad older than each of my boys and we're fully counting on them to entertain each other so that we can cackle, drink, enjoy some coffee and cackle some more. I can't WAIT!

Speak Up

Just a little public service announcement.

It helps to talk about shit, even if it's 'anonymously' and you have no idea who may be listening.

SOMEONE may be helped by a story, a situation, a cry for WINE!

Just so you know.

And you're welcome (you know who you are).

Who are You??

Purely selfish blog...

I am really super nosey curious to know who keeps visiting me on this post HERE.

Can ya maybe comment? Like even anon, or e-mail me at momma_kiss@hotmail.com?

Pretty Please? The curiosity is NOT good for my anxiety!

blah blah blah.

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I've been waiting to hear from a doc's office regarding a potential upcoming procedure. They fucked up. AGAIN. I'm LIVID. And could scream at the top of my lungs. Instead - I type here and try move on with my day. Fuck. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah*

*For the record? Big Kiss likes to say "Blah Blah Blah" to me when he thinks I'm talking too much. Smartass.

Father's Day...And then some.

It's Father's Day.

In order to not make this morning too painful as I let the Mr. sleep in, last night? I went to bed w/ Big Kiss. TO BED. At like 7.30 pm. So, anyway, 6.15 didn't hurt so much this morning. As soon as Mr. kiss woke up, me and the boyz left to get him his fave bagel and coffee. He's a lucky sonofabitch, that Mr. kiss.

around 11, I started in on the champagne punch. Mmmm. Pom juice, seltzer and cham. We ran out of that - enjoying the company of the in-laws - and i've moved on to Vodka.

So I wanted to publicly give a shout out to my Man - you're a great involved, crazy, loving father. And my mom - who's had to be mom and DAD to me since I can remember.

Also, got word my nephew, the Recruit? He's been in Germany for a while, in the Air Force. He was just home w/ my brother (K). And we just got word he's going to Iraq. Motherfucking insane. He signed up for it. He's in the military fighting for MY freedom. I just hoped he never had to do it from the front lines.

Also, you - YOU who are reading - I got your message and would respond, but I' ma lil bit drunk and that's just not right. So know I wanna move forward too. And you can comment anon if you want.

Peace.

June 19th

42 years ago, my brother K was born. He was the 3rd of my mother's eventual 6 children.

On his 9th birthday, while he tried to enjoy a day at the lake, he instead got the gift of a little brother. Yep, my bro P, the 6th kid, ruined K's birthday. Or made it the best b-day ever, I'm not sure, I was little.


I'm the 5th of 6 kids. P and I were thick as thieves when we were little. Our 4 older siblings were each two years apart, wait six years, I'm pretty sure I was 'whoops' then Mom had P to keep me company. We were the 'little' kids. The babies. Our siblings took care of us, teased us, threw us around, taught us, parented us.

When I was a senior in high school, Mom had an amazing opportunity for a new job. It was midway through the school year - my senior year - and there was NO way I wanted to move. So, in a decision I know must have been so hard for her - she let me and P stay - alone - in our house and moved 3 hours away because this job just wouldn't wait.

I worked part time, drove P around to his sports and such. I had my first experience with being a 'mom' even tho I'm not sure I was very happy about it. But it was the best choice for us. It was a family decision. And P and I made it through.

The next year he was Junior in HS and moved to live w/ Mom, while I moved to Montana to live w/ my sister. I worked 3 jobs, enjoyed being free, and 'sewed some oats' before deciding I didn't want to work like that for the rest of my life so I moved back close to home and started college.

One Monday morning, a cold cold January morning, P went for a ride with his girlfriend. Turns out, it was the last ride of his life. He was 17. He was a senior in high school. He was too young.

I was in college, on winter break, actually, staying w/ a friend. Mom had to track me down. Actually the sheriff tracked me down because my mother was understandably not well.

The past 16 years have been - well - they've been.

Sadly, life moves on. I got married, without my little brother present. My husband didn't get to meet P - my best friend on earth. I had kids, without my little brother present. My kids don't know their Uncle P - in person. My first son is named for my brother, yet he'll never know, really know, what kind of guy he was. He'll hear more and more stories, but because of some icy roads and a mini-van driver not paying attention, he only has pictures of his Uncle.

Thankfully, I'm not sad today. Today I remember my brother and remember his birthdays growing up. I also think of my older brother, and wonder if his birthdays have ever been the same. He had to share from the time he was 9. And since 1994, is he reminded that his kid brother should be celebrating w/ him? I don't know.

I called my mom today. I plan to call K later. And I will sing Happy Birthday to my brothers, both of them.

Love you P! Hope God gives you lots of free time today!

I like #13

Wow. this was an e-mail forward from a random friend of a friend. Boy, was it nice to read today!

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:


1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Shit Stinks

So. The Mr. is working in the City for 3 days, 2 nights. It's super fun being 'single mom.' Esp when I'm working full time, having crazy anxiety attacks and missing my momma.

:(

Yesterday it took all my strength just to get through my day, and I was so excited to pick up the boys. We get home, and I realized the instant I walked in that the pooch had shit in the house. Walked down to Manland, and realized he dumped in 3 spots. On the carpeting. I just walked right back upstairs, shut the door and had a lovely evening w/ the boys. Deal w/ it later.

Funny thing is? Just on Monday, I was looking to buy a SpotBot. Mr. Kiss put the kybosh to that idea. I was thisclose to leaving the shit on the rug for him to clean when he gets home - on Thursday - but I'm not that feral.

Carry on, dinner is pretty fun (for once?) and Big Kiss decided he'd play w/ his 'baby blackberry' while I gave Lil Kiss a bath. We're playing, enjoying the splashes, he is giggling like CRAZY and just lovin it. Then? He stands up, pees, and then craps. Right in the water. At least it was a solid poop, for real. What did this mom do? Picked it up, bare handed, and tossed it in the toilet.

Grooooooooss.

We disinfected and got his jammies on - and then he decided he needed to cry it out for bedtime. Awesome. I just let him, as I had other shit to deal with (literally) and take the trash out and - oh - drink a beer. It was a beer kind of night!

I finished some laundry, had popcorn w/ Big Kiss, and called it a night.

I'm pretty sure I need a break. Like tomorrow not go home right after work or something.

We shall see.

Shiny Happy Places.

I found, thru a click here and a click there - a free template site.

YummyLolly.com She apparently used to be SuckMyLolly.com - which is way better of a name, if you ask me.

Anyway.

Her template fixed my comment issue. I have a button. It works.

Now all two of you, make use of it!

(for the record, I totally want to use this template: PIGGY!...maybe some day)

Hi-five.

I took Big Kiss to the dentist this morning. Given our past experiences w/ him in any sort of "chair" (hair cuts, eye dr. etc.) I fully expected screaming, tears, and maybe shitting his pants.

Kid surprised me!

I was a little skiddish, but did just fine. He has a small mouth (just like his Momma!) - and they mentioned he may need braces in the future. Greaaaaat.

I have pictures, of course, and JuJu and the K's are excited to be able to share the experience w/ him.

I really needed a little bit of happy and last night, this kid did not disappoint. I put him to bed, gave him the schpeel - "no more messing around, k? Kisses, hugs, nose rubs, i love you's, they're all done! Nigh nigh."

10 minutes later, I hear him walking to the top of the steps: "Momma, I just want a hi-five."

Swear to God, he sure did find one thing I didn't mention, didn't he? I didn't give in to that one, said go to bed "or else." (not sure what my "else" would have been, but it worked).

For 10 minutes, then he's back at the top of the steps. "Momma, my kiss went away." Jesus. Kid knows how to get to me, smart little turd. I gave into that one and after that he was sound asleep.

God sure knows when I need a pick me up, sometimes he just takes his sweet time...

Who knew?

FYI

Common signs and symptoms of depression

* Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.

* Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in or ability to enjoy former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex.

* Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.

* Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).

* Psychomotor agitation or retardation. Either feeling “keyed up” and restless or sluggish and physically slowed down.

* Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued and physically drained. Even small tasks are exhausting or take longer.

* Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. Harsh criticism of perceived faults and mistakes.

* Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.

Who knew? Apparently this may sneak up and bite you in the ass.

Moms Rock

Last night I went to this "mommies who shop" thing. I basically paid to walk around and be jealous of super moms who work out of their home making kick ass things. And have wine. Yeah, that, I did that too.

I bought some totally rad skully t-shirts for the boys, to be delivered in 2-4 weeks because the mom making them has an 8 week old baby. Her 5th kid. And she was frikkin hot and skinny. Whore. (I'm just jealous).

I also got myself some earrings - just for me - in my new favorite color, turquoise. Not the 'stone' but the blue green color. Love them!

Anyway - the above 'manifesto' is from this local company Mom's Rock. And their shit is amazing.

Can't wait to get a t-shirt, once I'm no longer feeling like a harpooned whale.

Dreams freakin me out

I have been having the weirdest, craziest dreams lately. I remember dreams, which I’ve heard isn’t good – as in – it means you’re not sleeping soundly. Hello? I’ve been sleeping like shit since pregnant w/ my first child – that’s about 5 years now. But typically I remember dreams from the mornings…i.e. after one or both kids wake up for something and I’m able to get myself back to sleep…into that semi-conscious slumber.

Altho it’s happened a lot, I don’t always remember the details until something triggers it. For instance, this morning. I went in to get my hair-cut re-cut (my girl rocks, she helped me out) and we were talking about her upcoming trip to Greece and I remembered that I dreamed I was crashing in a plane.

Yes. The plane was going down, into the water, I tucked to my knees like I was told to and just kept saying “I love you God, I love you God, I love you God.” Really. I think I was trying to recite the lord’s prayer, but it wouldn’t come to me. And I could see water and such but then the dream switched.

Crazy.

I also dreamed that I was in a bar, trying to hook up w/ a sailor, and had to go to the bathroom, but first I had to get my hair fixed. So random. So the hair fixing – she gave me the ugliest mullet/big bangs/wings/layers that you can imagine. And I was too embarrassed to tell her I hated it. But I was still trying to hook up w/ that sailor. After I peed (using a lid protector, mind you).

See? WEIRD!

This other dream I remember is losing my boobs. Yep. Literally losing them, like one second they’re there, I’m hating their size, hating my posture, adjusting my bra, trying to keep the buttons closed on my shirt – and the next second, I just lose them! I’m groping myself and my 12 yr old boy-flat chest and just stand there perplexed.

I have many MANY more dreams, but seriously – this is creeping me out.

Oh, let me leave you w/ this. I’m going out tonight w/ some momma’s. As luck would have it I am NOT going home first, which means I am wearing jeans and a cardigan set instead of the hot pants I planned to put on. AND? I spilled some sweet & sour on my boob shelf at lunch. Clumsy dork.

Ok, enough verbal diarrhea. I promise…

Don't Break It

Man, I am loving the weekends now-a-days. We used to seriously search for things to do to keep the boys "busy." And that gets EXHAUSTING! But now, they play together as much as they fight together. I don't HAVE to carry one or both of them everywhere - unless they've run down the driveway too fast and scrape the shit out of their knees. They "help" with stuff, like watering flowers and picking up sticks. They don't even mind when I need to just sit and have a mommy time out. Well, that flies for like 5 minutes, but sometimes that's all I need.

I really REALLY miss that baby stage of the fat chubby fists and thighs - but this whole walking / talking / playing thing is a fun stage.

Top it off? The other night Big Kiss went to bed and had to come to the stairs for "just one more hug." Jeez - how do you turn that down? And then? He got to the top and went to blow me a kiss. Or so I thought. But he said "I blow you a heart!" I "caught" it, and he said so softly, "Don't Break it!"

You just broke mine, kid - God help the first broad who breaks your little heart!

Rub the budda!

WOW.

I'm cleaning up some pics - getting them off the work computer, backing up, etc.

Well. Since I started this long after the pregnancy phase, be DAMN thankful - because I took a LOT of belly pics!

And since I'm 100000% sure I won't ever be pregnant again - lemme just share some of my faves...

34 weeks w/ #1


36 weeks w/ #1



33 weeks w/ #2:



36 weeks w/ #2:

drivel

Today is the day I write.

Yes. I’m writing. I still don’t have it in me to blather on and on about my baby’s birthday. But he’s heard it from me in person – so that’s all that matters.

So some random shiz floating about.

I heard from a co-worker thru another source that this woman I work w/ has an issue w/ something that went down. In MARCH. That’s, lemme count, 3 months ago?? And she’s a super senior exec or whatever – and she shared her “issue” w/ my boss’s boss, who then shared w/ the source. I’m beyond pissed. C’Mon 50 yr old hag, just be professional and tell me yourself – I can take criticism, even tho this “issue” is complete bunk and just YOUR issue (OCD much?). Anyway, I just asked my boss about it and he was cool and knows she’s a work-a-holic w/ nothing better to do than try to bring other’s down.

I’ve been fretting about taking a day off. And that is MY issue – my boss is the best – so understanding and flexible. So since I just finished a reporting period, working long hours - Friday I just want a “me” day. You know, for a pedicure and to get my wig busted. So I’m agonizing over telling him I have a doc appt or the kids do or whatever. In the end? I just e-mailed him and said “I’d like to take Friday off.” And he just said of course. Jeez, like he really cares why – it’s probably better I don’t ever tell him why I need a day off!

Miley Cyrus is on the radio right now and I may just toss it across the room. Or – hey – why don’t I just turn the channel.

I’m catching up on DVR and just watched the CSI New York where Danny and Montana get married…and the song played was by Scars on 45, Beauty runs wild across your face. It made me BAWL like a baby.

I’m waiting to hear from my insurance company on something I requested a month ago. 29 days ago to be exact. The waiting is agony.

This past weekend we had 2 yards of mulch and 1 yard of stone delivered. In past seasons, spreading that shit about would have taken a few days – at least. Typically one of us would work on it while the other tended to a baby or 2. But finally the boys are of the age where they can help, play together, etc. and we busted that job out in 3 hours. It felt wonderful! Mr. Kiss was truly amazed and admitted the weekends are getting easier. They are. That baby phase is damn cute, but it’s nice to have a bit more freedom right now.

After yard work, I decided to do cartwheels in the yard. Big Kiss was in hysterical fits of laughter, especially when my shirt went over my head. I have to admit, I wasn’t sure I could still do it! The aftermath, tho? Sore muscles! AYE! Hurts so good.

My child, the sissy whiny one, he has been getting better in the respect / listening department. At least we think so. Baby steps.

My other child, the 21 month old, well, he is just changing more and more and it sort of scares me. Learning words we’re not sure he should learn, sign language, running and jumping and laughing.

It’s fun being a momma these days – even when they’re on my last god damn nerve, I have to remember I’m lucky to have healthy children, a husband who loves me, good friends and a good job.

There – that was a lot of drivel – but I don’t know when I’ll get to write again. Have a happy hump day!

Big Kiss is 4. Wow.

So last week I said this about my Momma: "She has to leave on Saturday and I feel the impending depression coming. I do. I can't ignore it, but want to just enjoy the next few days."

I've been sort of keeping super busy or drinking since she left.

And know what? Today. This very day. My first baby boy is 4. He turned FOUR when I wasn't looking. I want to write a super long lovey (and somewhat *the things you do to torture me*) blog about him but it's just not in me.

Instead, I'll just sigh - and say Happy Birthday, Big boy. God sure did have faith in me when he let me become a mom, OY! I think I did OK - you're a great kid, even when you whine like a girl.