Test post from the blackberry. Hmm. Wonder if I'm going to like it. BlaablibbetyblahWishIHadmoreproseccobla

Toottles!

Seriously - Etsy rocks

Mean Bags. By maybeyoushoulddie on esty.

Best thing I've seen in AGES.

No lie.

Home made, elegant looking little bag to toss at your resident shitbeard or ballsface.

Really wanting to get some of these, but not sure just who would tolerate my sense of humor.

Sharing a fact

FYI.

Attempting to or actually achieving the Big O two weeks out of abdominal surgery is not a great idea.

Also - my new nipples pretty much work.

That is all.

I'm up. So I'm babbling.

Lookie Here. Fall has arrived!







Except wait - I don't think it has? It was almost 80 degrees today. And humid. WTF. Don't get me wrong, we had a rainy excuse for a June and I'm stoked that September is making up for it, but shit - last week we had the heater on. Today? The air conditioner.

Which is broken, by the way. Again. I think we need a new furnace. The unit has been fixed twice this summer. New pump thingy. More coolant. Today - busted.

I'm a little out of sorts. My days and nights are totally whacked...last night? Up till like 1am. I slept till 10am. Tonight? Up. Again. I can't sleep in tomorrow because I have a follow up w/ my doc. Check on all my bruising and sutures and frankenstein-esque stuff, including my "belly button."

Did I mention the belly button? It's still a bit swollen, and looks like labia.

Or a butt crack.

You'll have to believe me because I will not be posting a picture of that insanity. (and I have a picture, of course, for posterity's sake).

Anyway, I think I'm a lil out of sorts because we're going to discuss my return to work - and am I ready to go on Monday? I've been doing things - more than I sort of expected...like grocery shopping and drop off at daycare. But I'm still taking pain meds, still have tenderness and if I'm not sitting at an angle (like on the couch or reclining chair)...I get sore quicker.

So. We'll see.

HTM-What?

I'm clearly going out of my gourd because I just spent way too long to admit a few minutes trying to figure out the right pixel size for a blog header.

And then I played w/ html font codes.

And background placement.

Seriously I need a life.

A Lil Update.

Movies. I've watched Made of Honor (meh), Changeling (sad), The Last Castle (holy robert redford!), Bride wars (kate hudson should NOT do bangs), Australia (HUGH JACKMAN), Just Not That Into You (meh), What Happens in Vegas (ashton is super cute), Pretty Woman (always #1 on my list), and Wizards of Waverly Place The Movie (shut up).

On the agenda? Seven Pounds, The Wedding Planner, Georgia O'Keefe, Swing Vote, The Secret Life of Bees and it's Premier Week everyone!

So recovery is going well. It helps that I've had a friend in town to chauffeur me around, and laugh with (even tho laughing still hurts). My Aussie friend is "across" from "Oz" - she got in on Friday, on Saturday Mr. Kiss took Big to the Syracuse football game - so Oz and I ran some errands at the mall and chilled w/ Lil Kiss. I need more sports bras in my new size and of course we had to go to Target.

Target.

Damn Skippy, I spent almost $200 there. And I blame Oz ;) I tried on that white plaid trench and she ooohed and aaaahed and said it looked 'lovely' (love the aussie accent) and so I had to have it. Please, it was only $40! I also got the worlds most comfy cowl neck fleece - I swear to god, I may have to get it in every color. Lots and lots of other fun things - but can you blame me? I didn't leave my house for almost a full week! Shopping felt niiiiice.

All said, tho? I think I did a bit too much and so today I am sitting. All day. Oz took the train into the city and kids are in daycare, so I'm able to park myself and just chill. Whew!

How's that for random? I'm not even going to proof before I hit publish.

oh - p.s. - I want to have babies with Justin Timberlake.

wouldn't they be cute?

Good and Bad

Things I've loved during recovery.

Movies. Lots and lots of movies. I never get to watch movies because it costs about a hundy to go out to a movie or if we rent, I usually fall asleep.

Sleep. I fall asleep whenever I want. On the couch. In my cozy chair of recovery. It's bliss.

Drugs. Need I say more?

Gifts. Shit yeah - I've had some great deliveries (edible arrangements, fruit basket from work, flowers, meals made by friends, cupcakes!).

Playing the "I need to rest card."

Not working.

Things that haven't been so grand:

No less than 4 drainage tubes left in me post-op. And the stuff that drained from them. And the removal of them.

Hiccups.

Laughing. (great for the soul, not so great for healing abdominal muskles).

Colace and ExLax.

Empty DVR (but that'll soon be fixed, it's season premier time)

Getting used to not working.

Post Op insanity

What's up What's UP?

I'm still heavily medicated. So you know.

I had surgery on Thursday. I went from big saggy fun bags to small high & tight titties. A reduction of monumental proportions people. I've been waiting to have this done since I was - oh - 13 and grew boobies? It's been on the agenda - just needed to be done using the tits to lure men, make other women jealous and feed babies.

Since that required heavy sedation - I decided to also have some abs created. Hey - anesthesia and op room fees were reduced, I couldn't pass it up. Yep. My gunt? Be GONE! Let me tell you, after 2 c-sections, that FUPA was not attractive. At. All.

The operation was about 5 hours, I woke up 3 hours after that and had some delightful conversations w/ my husband in recovery. He promises me he didn't video tape me. I stayed in the hospital over night and as soon as they ripped the cath out, I was up and walking - I just wanted to get out.

We had the privilege of being home w/out kids until Monday evening, which was the very best thing under the sun. I sat and slept and popped pills and e-mailed and texted. A lot of those apparently - totally high as a kite.

So a lil graphic, but I need to share (because no one shared w/ me!). This double procedure left me w/ drains. One under each arm and two under the ab incision. The were a little bit annoying, and I had to empty them (ew) - but I understand their need. What I did NOT understand? Was that it would hurt like no other pain when they were pulled out.

I went yesterday to have the top 2 removed. The right side, hurt a little - manageable. The left side? It was like razors being ripped through my tissue. While on fire. I cried. From pain - It's rare that I cry from pain. I cry a lot, but that's because I'm a sap and emotional, but this was pain induced and I wanted to DIE.

That pain subsided in the afternoon - and now I'm trying to figure out how to work up the nuts to go in on Thursday to have other 2 removed. They better sedate me. Or gas me. Or at least punch me while pulling them out because I'm skerd now.

Other than those drainy bastards, I'm recovering really well. Percocet is my friend. So is my big ass blankie. And gatorade.

Peace, y'all.

a lil side note - I'm also doing some counseling regarding this stuff, and other stuff. If anyone is ANTI-elective-surgery? I welcome your opinions, but for me? I've been through a lot of ups & downs and made this decision w/ the help of many and it's what's right for me. that is all.

Home sweet home.

I'm home recovering.

I'm highly drugged.

so I don't plan to even attempt to write much. I'd probably regret it - posting under the influence!

But it's nice to be home and w/ my own big soft blankie!

It's here. I'm freaked. But I look smokin'

Well, in - um - 13 hours I'll be on my way to the hospital.

Surgery is at WAY TOO EARLY O'CLOCK - which is probably good as I won't be able to eat after midnite OR have coffee. They better give me caffeine AND xanax before they dope me up.

I freaked the fuck out yesterday at work. So I told my boss it would be best for all around if I had today off.

I've finally finished laundry, took the trash out, vacuumed, did the dishes, grocery shopped, got a new blankie at Target, got the Ho Nails off, had lunch with a friend and have prepared my nether regions.

Yes, I have.

Purple really is my color - and matches the toes.



G-B-G, baby!


Not sure when I'll be back on - but say a Prayer that Dr. McScalpel has a restful sleep tonight!

Smooches!

In the Trench

Target is surely trying to kill me.

These Coats??



The white is awesome, but there's a black plaid behind it, too. And the blue? The marine blue? GAH!

And this one?? In TEAL???



(AND it comes in eggplant!)

They are meant for me.

Forget the fact that I have a similar one from just last fall. Or this springy one.

Forget it. I want these!

Surgery Shenanigans. Yay or Nay?

I need your help. Please? I’m not above begging, but hope it won’t come to that.

So, last night I went out w/ the girls. We had a sort of ‘farewell’ toast – it was much needed. We were at this smoky rib joint and it was the absolute perfect setting for laughs and snorts and good times.

OK – so here’s where I need some advice: I told ya that I’m having surgery next week. I’m trying to think of a way to perk myself up for it. Some ideas:

Dying the pubes. Pink. Or green. Or purple? Teal, maybe? But yah – dying them – all Fun Betty like.

Or not just dying them, but also shaping up? Like dying green and trimming the hedges into the shape of a clover? Like – “good luck today!”

Ok – also – how about writing a message on my torso – to the surgeon…such as “Good Morning, Dr. McScalpel! I hope you had a restful sleep! Please feel free to take an additional 4 inches off of my waist. Smooches! MK!”

Or “Hi Y’all – I totally don’t mind if you drug me Michael Jackson style, I don’t want to remember anything. Just make sure I wake up with lots of prescriptions in my goodie bag. Freebies are welcome.”

Then we got onto discussing the potential use of temporary tats. Say, maybe, arrows pointing, or the universal “no” sign (that circle w/ the bar thru it). Or just some sunshine & rainbows?

What do you think? Opinions? Other ideas?

Or would it be totally crossing the line to do any of them?

I guess I was thinking it would put the team in a good mood or give them a laugh, but then, I’ve never been an OR nurse or Surgeon, so I clearly don’t know the protocol.

Oh God, what if it would majorly piss them off and they'd "accidentally" leave some shit inside me, like gauze or a clamp or something?

Tales of a pre-op appointment

So I'm having some surgery. Next week, on Thursday.

I'm OK - it's not life or death, but it's surgery.

I'm getting a little bit nervous about it, not sure why. I've had 2 c-sections and was fully under for my gall bladder / appendix removal. Anesthesia doesn't negatively affect me (I've heard some people get really sick - ew). I'm relatively healthy (never smoked, etc.)

But I've been having visions of waking up during surgery, or feeling them cutting me and not being able to scream. That was a movie, wasn't it?

Ugh.

Well today, I had some testing done to get ready for next week. My surgeon took some pictures and messed around. I had blood drawn. Was weighed (i closed my eyes for that one) and measured.

Then I talked to the anesthesiologist and told her - flat out - "I need you to drug me. Drug me hard."

She's all "Honey, don't you worry. We'll chat for a bit, give you an IV and then we send you to Hawaii! You won't feel a thing."

I feel better. A little bit.

Highlight of the day? No less than 5 people saw me naked. 2 were there for pictures. Good times, people. Good times.