Surgery Shenanigans. Yay or Nay?

I need your help. Please? I’m not above begging, but hope it won’t come to that.

So, last night I went out w/ the girls. We had a sort of ‘farewell’ toast – it was much needed. We were at this smoky rib joint and it was the absolute perfect setting for laughs and snorts and good times.

OK – so here’s where I need some advice: I told ya that I’m having surgery next week. I’m trying to think of a way to perk myself up for it. Some ideas:

Dying the pubes. Pink. Or green. Or purple? Teal, maybe? But yah – dying them – all Fun Betty like.

Or not just dying them, but also shaping up? Like dying green and trimming the hedges into the shape of a clover? Like – “good luck today!”

Ok – also – how about writing a message on my torso – to the surgeon…such as “Good Morning, Dr. McScalpel! I hope you had a restful sleep! Please feel free to take an additional 4 inches off of my waist. Smooches! MK!”

Or “Hi Y’all – I totally don’t mind if you drug me Michael Jackson style, I don’t want to remember anything. Just make sure I wake up with lots of prescriptions in my goodie bag. Freebies are welcome.”

Then we got onto discussing the potential use of temporary tats. Say, maybe, arrows pointing, or the universal “no” sign (that circle w/ the bar thru it). Or just some sunshine & rainbows?

What do you think? Opinions? Other ideas?

Or would it be totally crossing the line to do any of them?

I guess I was thinking it would put the team in a good mood or give them a laugh, but then, I’ve never been an OR nurse or Surgeon, so I clearly don’t know the protocol.

Oh God, what if it would majorly piss them off and they'd "accidentally" leave some shit inside me, like gauze or a clamp or something?