Bite Me ~ and a slap in the proverbial face

I'm having a shitty day. It's only 10 am.

It sort of started last night, Mr. Kiss just does his thing - whatever he's doing, and then when it 's time - goes to bed. Nevermind the fact that bottles need to be made, milk cups poured, dishes in the dish washer, none of it. G'Night.

Asshole.

And then this morning was rough with Big Kiss. I pray to God above that he is watching us and grants me patience, to the Nth degree. It's partially our fault. We let the behavior go on. But the boys share a room. If one wakes, the other is usually up. So Lil Kiss was up at 3.30 - crying (had shots yesterday) - and when Big Kiss wakes at nite, he comes to sleep with us. Bad Behavior #1.

I get Lil settled and I'm back to bed - only I have to move the kid over just to get a sliver of bed. A King size bed, mind you. Then he's up whining at 5am for a drink. Like whine upon whine upon whine. Bad Behaviour #2 - we get him a drink.

Back to sleep, back to me having no room. Then around 6.15 it starts. I don't know if he just doesn't want to be getting up for the day, if he's hungry, if he's overtired, if he needs to pee...but every single morning. I mean EVERY morning, he whines a little bit - for who knows what - and when we don't give in - he starts crying. Then screaming. Then throws a tantrum.

Who the fuck wants to start their day like that?

This morning it got worse because he was just being a sissy. Yes, I called my 3 yr old a sissy. He had to pee, but wouldn't move the bench himself and was whining so bad the dogs must have been howling. Well I didn't move the bench for him and he started peeing on the floor. And hated it - but couldn't stop, so I put him in the tub and he hated that, too - but finished peeing while he screamed.

Does this sound fun to anyone??

The super shitty part is that he snaps out of it and is back to his sweet cherub antics. Like that. Flips a switch.

I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do. I do know that whatever course of action is taken - Mr. Kiss and I need to do it together - and that's been hard lately.

Which brings me to my next thought. I just realized my counselling appointment is next week. The one I made a few months ago. The one I said I'd keep, no matter what. Becuase I've made appts in the past, but never kept them. Not one. For 14 years. So I'm stressed about that. I don't want to go. I don't want to tell my life story to some stranger "by appointment." But I will go. And maybe some of this shit can be resolved. With my man (communication, consistency in dicipline). With my kids (patience). With myself (always feeling sub-par).

Whatever.

Bite me. That's my 'tude today - and I'm sticking to it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well Christ. I guess God is looking out for me today. Talk about a reminder of the little things...

just received this poem.

♥ Mother's Heart ♥

I loved you from the very start,
You stole my breath, embraced my heart.
Our life together has just begun
You're part of me my little one.
As mother with child, each day I grew,
My mind was filled with thoughts of you.

I'd daydream of the things we'd share,
Like late-night bottles and Teddy bears.
Like first steps and skinned knees,
Like bedtime stories and ABC's.
I thought of things you'd want to know,
Like how birds fly and flowers grow.

I thought of lessons I'd need to share,
Like standing tall and playing fair.
When I first saw your precious face,
I prayed your life be touched with grace.
I thanked the angels from above,
And promised you unending love.

Each night I lay you down to sleep,
I gently kiss your head and cheek.
I count your little fingers and toes;
I memorize your eyes and nose.
I linger at your nursery door,
Awed each day I love you more.

Through misty eyes, I dim the light,
I whisper, "I love you" every night.
I loved you from the very start,
You stole my breath, embraced my heart.
As mother and child our journeys began,
My heart's yours forever my little man.


-Author Unknown