Caffeine Please.

I bought a lottery ticket this morning. I didn’t win. But I want to win. I want to win big. I want more than we need. I want to work when I want to, not because we need my salary. And lately it’s been HARD being a working mom! Ugh.

Little Kiss is sick again, he’s got another ear infection. Both ears, to be precise. He was a little warm on Sunday but slept kinda OK that night. Well on Monday morning, school called to say he had a fever, low grade, but can they give Tylenol. Hell yes, give it to him! Got another call in the afternoon saying “Little Kiss is just not feeling well. He’s not sleeping, really quiet. He’s just not your baby.” G.U.L.P. So I left early to get him and we saw the pedi. At least we know what it is and have meds to treat it, but it’s a bad one. He’s been up 2 or 3x a night, and just crying like crazy – NOT my baby at all. It breaks my heart.

Last night (or, um, this morning), I finally got him back to sleep at 5.30 am and shuffled my ass back to bed, only to find Big Kiss awake and saying he’s “all done sleeping.” Fantastic. But he was yawning when saying it. “Go back to sleep, it’s still night time.” “No, my hungry.”

OK – change his diaper, downstairs we go. Both of us looking like we need an injection of something illegal to bring us to life. Why didn’t he just go back to bed? He should have, for the morning went from bad to worse. I offered him oatmeal or an apple. I’m not a short order cook (or I’m working on not being one) and so he always gets a choice.

“Don’t want those.”

Fine. One last choice. (sucker) “A chocolate muffin?” (actually I win here, the “chocolate” muffin is a vita muffin and is loaded w/ vitamins and fiber and is super good for him). “Yeeesssss” (biggest wine ever). So he eats that while I make some coffee and then starts complaining because there are crumbs everywhere. What boy do you know who doesn’t like being dirty? Meet Big Kiss. I made him that way and am regretting it more and more every single day. So I went to clean it up and he swatted me and said “No MY DO IT.”

Um, swat me? “Penalty box. 3 minutes.”

It just went on and on and on, and he was actually crying this soft cry with real tears at one point, where I was afraid something was really wrong. But at the same time, the kid does not rule the roost.

I am the parent, I am in charge (rinse and repeat).

Mr. Kiss got some calm moments while I got dressed. I barely had my bra on when I heard Little Kiss wake up, but at least that put a smile on my face. He’s seriously the happiest baby. I finished dressing and went in to find him up on his elbows, talking to his paci and shooting me the BIGGEST grin when he saw me. His 2 little bottom teeth are pretty pronounced now and I love seeing them thru his drooly smile.

While I was getting him dressed I noticed that he can actually sit up now! Gah. I almost cried right there. Another milestone to mourn. But it’s fun to see him from a different point of view, you know? I mean, I can actually see his neck! I had to take a picture, in the middle of all the mayhem, I needed a pick me up. Then I held him in one arm while I did my make up with the other (I am super mom). He was mesmerized by the movements I made…the “O” mouth for the mascara, and the lemon pucker for the blush (that’s about all I wear). I hope my boy is mesmerized by me always.

More tantrums ensued from Big Kiss, “don’t wanna go to school” “don’t wanna wear my shoes” lots of “NO!”s and finally I just fireman carried him to his room and said “when you’re done, you let me know when you want to talk to me.” I HATE doing that. I hate it to my soul. But the kid gets so worked up he doesn’t even know what’s up his ass any more. He screamed, lowered to a whimper and at the first sign of silence, I asked if he was ready to talk to me and he was. Poor chap. He came downstairs all sniveling and blotchy faced. I just wanted to hug him all day long.

It’s a phase, right? A toddler phase? Please God, I hope it’s not a long phase.

We actually had an enjoyable ride to school. Little Kiss was fussing a little bit and Big Kiss reached over to touch his cheek and say “It’s OK buddy.” And then he said, “Momma, his teeth are growing!” Sigh. He does listen to me! We got to see the commuter train, which I hate stopping for but Big Kiss is like a kid in a candy store w/ trains. **Note to self, ride the train someday w/ Big Kiss. It’ll be an hour of pure heaven for him.** And drop off was totally better than our morning.

Doesn’t mean I’m over it. But I think we all did well and hopefully tonight will be better.

If I can keep those toothpicks propped in my eyelids long enough.. .