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Momma Kiss: Back to life, back to reality…

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Back to life, back to reality…

I call bullshit.

I don’t want to be back to reality. Alas, it happens. I’m doing highlights of my past week, how’s that for fun?

Friday night we had The Mother of all Birthday Parties for my 6 year old. We ended up with 21 kids. Most parents dropped off. It was I.N.S.A.N.E. With a capital Holy Fuck. In the end, we escaped without injury, my child received gifts galore and everyone had a blast. The kids, that is. Jury’s still out for Mr. Kiss and I.

Saturday – off to Savannah with my girl A. In bullet form –

  • She knew someone on the flight crew, which warranted free everything. Including a bottle of wine to go.
  • The Westin spa and resort in Savannah is mofo Huge. And luxurious. With the ‘heavenly’ beds.
  • Sunday morning, on our way across the river, the temp gauge near the water ferry read 100.2. I took a picture just before that at 100.0 I don’t ‘deal’ with that kind of wet heat very well.
  • Which lead us to Wet Willies. And Naked Willies. That’s all.
  • Paula Deen’s restaurant Lady & Sons? Highly overrated. I felt like my forehead was sweating butter by the time we left. Alligator Soul, on the other hand, divine. I even ate alligator.
  • If you don’t reapply sunblock every 2.2 seconds, you may get a sunburn. On only half of your ass. There are pictures. They will not be shown.
  • Cab drivers in Savannah are, um, sketchy. Mine was missing teeth and was barefoot. And he belched. And didn’t say ‘skuze me. HeebieJeebies.
  • I do not like Irish Car Bombs. But I can drink one to prove a point.
  • I gained a gay husband and he’s divine. I also learned of an iphone app called Grindr [no E]. Look it up.
  • 60-ish year old, slightly overweight women should not wear gauzy-see-thru white tops. Especially without a bra. There were nipples a flyin’!
  • A is a machine. That girl can dance and party like nobody’s business. Tuesday night I had to leave her in the bar so I could get a few hours of sleep before my flight on Wednesday. She’s still there, conferencing it up. In Georgia, that is. I’m not sure if she’s still in the bar or not. It could happen.
  • Coming home to temps hotter than Africa was pretty painful. Our AC is still broken. It’s going to be a breezy 100-ish today. And the kid’s kindy school? No AC. Or fans even. I’m tempted to go break him out and bring him to work, where I have a heater on at my desk.

Probably won’t happen, though – I have to meet a friend for lunch.

Selfish bitch, ain’t I?

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Blogger Lady Jennie said...

Okay let me try my comment again.

I can't believe how ambitious (crazy) you are with 21 kids. I thought I was ambitious with 12!

6/9/11, 12:53 PM  
Anonymous Mo'Betta said...

I want to party with you! Sounds like fun (minus the 60 year old nipples). 21 kids at a birthday party - does NOT sound like fun. Unless there were a lot of adult beverages available.

Blogger is being a PITA again, I've had trouble commenting today too.

6/9/11, 1:05 PM  
Blogger KLZ said...

I wish I'd known you were going to Savannah - I would have told you to avoid Lady & Sons and go to Mrs. Wilkes instead. Tell A to go! It's so amazing and only $12!

That said, I really should get my head out of my ass and start paying attention to what's going on with other people.

6/9/11, 1:12 PM  
Blogger Annabelle said...

THAT is an ass ton of kiddos. You're a nut job.

Good to hear that review of PD's place. I've wanted to try it.

Reality is a MoFo. Boo hiss reality. I am not a fan.

6/9/11, 1:29 PM  
Blogger Joshua said...

Sorry the A/C is out. We had ours go down (That's What She Said) last year here in Atlanta. Ended up at my in-laws for four days with the kids until it was fixed. I wanted to stay at the house by myself, but my request was vetoed.

Stay cool.

6/9/11, 1:32 PM  
Blogger K Pugliano said...

So glad to hear you had a good time- a, minus the nipples and half-sunburned ass!

21 kids? YOU are the machine! :)

6/9/11, 1:33 PM  
Blogger Mad Woman behind the Blog said...

I'm so glad you're back! Seriously missed you!
BTW, I am the QUEEN of drinking horrid drinks to prove a point. I have a feeling its in our best interest to live a continent apart.

Hoping to see some pics in my inbox. AHEM!

6/9/11, 1:58 PM  
Blogger Di said...

OMG - you keep a heater at your desk too? I thought I was the only one!

6/9/11, 2:12 PM  
Blogger Julie said...


Now I'd better go put a bra on under my gauzy-see-thru top.

I'm not in my 60's, but you got me thinkin...

Flying nipples probably don't look good on 42, either.

6/9/11, 3:28 PM  
Blogger Kristin @ Peace, Love and Muesli said...

Down with reality! Boo. Hiss.
What I wouldn't do for a heavenly bed.

6/9/11, 3:48 PM  
Blogger Diane said...

BwaHaHaa! at the "nipples a flyin'"! That is all kinda a wrong!

It's hotter than blue blazes here too. Been in the 90's every day for at least two weeks!

6/9/11, 3:49 PM  
Blogger Shell said...

Wow, girl, you have been busy!
Glad you had fun with A!

That AC needs fixed!!!

6/9/11, 9:05 PM  
Anonymous Making It Work Mom said...

Your vacation sounds heavenly even with 60 year old nipples, sunburn, and sketchy cab drivers.

I had the heat on at my desk on Monday, sad really,

I think it is going to cool down this weekend, hopefully giving you some relief.

6/9/11, 9:49 PM  
Blogger The Zany Housewife said...

I'm so jealous.

I'm so ready for a break from reality too. Geriatric ta tas, alligator and butter sweat included.

Glad you had such a good time. :)

6/10/11, 1:27 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

After 21 kids you did need a vacation.

I can't believe it's that hot and you have no AC and worse your kid's school has no AC.

6/10/11, 1:38 AM  
Blogger The Blue Zoo said...

Wow, youve been busy! Glad you guys had fun. =)

6/10/11, 2:35 AM  
Anonymous SaucyB said...

21 kids, agh! glad you live to tell. and glad your little guy had a blast.
Sounds like you had a great time with A. that's awesome.
As for your broken AC, omg of all the times for that to happen. Our kids school was actually closed yesterday because of the heat.
It's too early in the summer for this shit!

6/10/11, 7:03 AM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

Irish road bombs make my stomach turn. Bleah.
Welcome back ya hooker.

6/10/11, 2:06 PM  
Blogger beeka-beeka said...

A few points:
+ The Westin is Nicccccccce.
+ I live in Savannah 3yrs ago, moved there around was yes it's hot all the time.
+ Wet Willies...interesting...that’s all.
+ Paula Deen’s restaurant very overrated, Her house is crazy awesome - had to review her house plans a few years ago.
+ Cab drivers in Savannah? sketchy, I hear - thankfully, I never had the opportunity to find out.
+ Irish Car Bombs - delish. Had a hangover once from them that proves it.
+ Your gay husband - I'm very familiar with him.

Glad you had a great time in Savannah and with your kids birthday party...I think!

p.s. I think a road trip to Savannah for St. Patty's Day is in order. You'd have stories for days.

6/10/11, 3:25 PM  
Blogger Eat. Live. Laugh. and sometimes shop! said...

I want to meet you for a girls' trip one day - what a balst!!!

Kids are fine sweatin' it out in school. They're resilient like that.

I'm off to put on a bra. Didn't know people don't like seeing the nipples a flyin'. Oops.

6/10/11, 3:59 PM  
Anonymous Laura {A(n) (un)Common Family} said...

21 kids? Are you high?

I wanna go on a girl's trip with you. That sounds like an awesome good time. Also, I promise not to wear gauzy see through tops.

Now I'm just dreaming of a Westin Heavenly Bed. Love those things Love.

6/10/11, 10:04 PM  
Anonymous Sandra said...

I wouldn't call ya a selfish bitch...maybe a sexy one, but that doesn't really have anything to do with this post. Oh fuck it.

6/12/11, 1:04 AM  
Anonymous tracy@sellabitmum said...

I've always wanted a gay husband. I am so jealous.

6/12/11, 2:31 PM  
Blogger Kelley said...

Your list is cracking me up! That is too bad about Paula Deen's restaurant AND those gauzy, nipple-y shirts. Ew.

6/12/11, 3:07 PM  
Blogger Elena said...

What a great trip! I'd imagine you would feel covered in butter after eating at a Paula Dean restaurant just from watching her show. I love Westin resorts...I always want to bring a heavenly bed home.

6/12/11, 11:04 PM  
Blogger Crystal Pistol said...

A sunburn on half of your ass? Now that I gotta see!

6/13/11, 4:06 AM  
Blogger John said...

The whole trip sounds magically delicious . . . except for the Irish Car Bombs (I don't like them either).

21 kids at a party? Momma, I knew you were crazy, but that's a special kind of crazy. I'd need the Savannah trip just to get over that.

And A is my motherfucking hero.

6/13/11, 7:54 AM  
Anonymous Erin I'm Gonna Kill him said...

I'm sort of astonished you took a gay husband without consulting with your gay wife first.

I was really over penises.

6/14/11, 11:58 PM  

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