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Momma Kiss: Menage a what? Yes. Trois.

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Menage a what? Yes. Trois.

I was an escort for a short time. College is expensive, yo.

I mostly worked for men traveling who wanted a hot date for a function without the attachment of a relationship.


That's totally fiction, but the following from the Mad Woman is not. She brings the sexy. She's a fab writer. And in light of my recent "cheating" on her with other bloggers, she decided it this story was appropriate. I agree. And I'm slightly jealous. Except for the crying, not jealous of that.

Enjoy - a tale of trois...


Thank you Momma, for having me at your warm and funky abode.

I’m here today to offer an education, some pointers and hope you all can learn from my experiences. I’m a giver like that. One caveat: these notes are best used by the single ladies.

Ah yes, Ménage à trois. No, this is not an article on how to get sponsored by a wine maker...though, ahem, maybe if I fill this post with links I might find myself in a friendly arrangement. HEE.

Where to start? Oh, well, lets make some assumptions, you are a single woman, in an open relationship or your partner wants to swing...this post is for you. You married ladies, you may find yourself happy to have yourself excused from the activities.

Let me tell you a story. A very good friend of mine wanted to give a gift to her on and off boyfriend. Their relationship was interesting to say the least, you’ll see why in a moment. That gift was a three way. And yup, she asked me to join them. Her boyfriend, Adam*, was attractive, in a big bear kinda way. I dug him, enjoyed his company enough, NOT completely repelled by him. Anyway, this was going to be a first for both she and me and she wanted to be sure we were both ready. How do you do that? A practice run, of course.

Yeah, I said interesting right? So my friend, Phoebe, had another friend, a friend with benefits, that was willing to be a guinea pig. Surprising, right? I know.

This friend, Kyle, was also an attractive guy. Think a cross between Tom Cruise and Mark Harmon and then throw in more muscle and testosterone, and a barrel chest. Yeah, Kyle was a looker. Obviously he fit the requirements.

Night of the test run, we have dinner and drinks and more drinks. We came back to my place (with the biggest bed and room, ALSO KEY! Do NOT attempt this particular game in a full size bed squeezed into a tiny room) and got down to business. Necking and groping and stripping happened at a leisurely pace. This may have been the evening’s downfall.

I had drank more than my friends, so when they started humping like rabbits, I sort of passed out. OOPS.

Footnote to this event: Phoebe left after she had her fun. Left Kyle in my bed and went home. The next morning, feeling a little randy, I decided I better make things up to Kyle and he was more than willing. Sadly, before we got past 3rd base, Phoebe called to check to see if I was okay with the near stranger she left in my bed. I was Phoebe, I was, UNTIL YOU CALLED.

That was the first round. And what did we learn? Don’t drink so much that you miss out on the real fun. Oh, and be sure to get in there and get yours! Had I been more aggressive (interested) I’m pretty sure all of us would have gotten quite the ride.

Next up, the REAL thing! Phoebe and Adam came over for a couple drinks and appetizers (no food coma, no over indulgence). After some initial awkwardness (Adam wasn’t so sure about my interest, HMPH!) things moved along well enough, necking, stroking, licking, all the good stuff. Phoebe wasn’t an idiot, she knew if this was going to happen she was going to let her buddy (ME) go first.

Sounds pretty good, right?

Yeah, about me. Hm. Let’s just say, if you want to have a successful ménage à trois, you should be emotionally available to the moment. You probably shouldn’t be hung up on a previous fiance. Tears running down your face while riding your new partner is a no no.

There is a third scenario, one where YOU’RE the star attraction, one where these boys (yeah yeah) are here to service you. From the previous two examples we know that you shouldn’t be TOO drunk and that you should have any hang ups about getting yours.

Well, there is one other factor that you might find useful: be sure you’re attracted to your two willing lovers. Nothing is worse than getting excited about be fully serviced only to find that one of the two servers doesn’t float your boat. TRUST ME!

Any questions?

*Names were changed to protect the guilty.


Protecting the guilty. So smart.

Thanks Mad Woman. Sorry it took me so long to share, blogger was being a fucking douche.

Amy can be found here and here. Follow along. You know you want to.

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Blogger John said...

There are few scenarios that I can envision where sleeping with the Mad Woman would rank anywhere but "must do right now." But yeah, tears streaming down her face would do it.

And the Mad Woman can be in the room and NOT be the star attraction? That is news to me.

But who knew our mad woman was such a little kinkster? Well, we all did, but it sure is exciting to read all about it. Now, how do I go about getting her to give me a birthday present?

5/14/11, 7:49 AM  
Blogger Annabelle said...

Wow. This may be my best first introduction to an unknown blogger to date. That's my kind of wake up read.

Takes me back to younger, freer days.

Good stuff. Nice to meetcha.

5/14/11, 9:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very informative! I like her already!!

And for two seconds I thought you failed to tell me of your escorting past!!

5/14/11, 1:42 PM  
Anonymous Jean Has Been Shopping said...

I love titillating stories even if they don't end happily.
Here's another handy tip for you. Make sure your gf doesn't have a yeast infection. (true story)

5/14/11, 2:09 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress said...

Man, I was so excited to read about you being an escort. It had me on the edge of my seat. For the sake of making my Saturday more interesting, I will choose to go on believing that was not fiction.

Holy smokes, I am totally intrigued my Mad Woman. Sounds like someone I need to know. I mean, not KNOW, but forget it...I'm still working on communication skills.

5/14/11, 4:50 PM  
Blogger Tarja said...

Mad Woman always has the mad stories! I love it! And Tom Cruise + Mark Harmon = yeehaw!

5/14/11, 5:32 PM  
Blogger Eat. Live. Laugh. and sometimes shop! said...

Wowsers! I'm such a married prude! Though I didn't stop reading . . .

5/14/11, 10:02 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Tuna said...

I'm feeling the blogger bullshit too.....

5/14/11, 10:27 PM  
Blogger kkrige said...

I am with Annabelle as an eye-popping first visit! Woohoo, hot and heavy :)

5/14/11, 11:09 PM  
Blogger Suniverse said...

And now someone new to follow!

5/15/11, 7:08 PM  
Blogger tulpen said...

I'm so disappointed that you weren't a call girl.

And not surprised that Mad Woman was such a dirty freak.

5/15/11, 8:49 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Dude, I totally LOLed at Annabelle's comment. Um, yes...this is quite an intro to MadWoman if you've never met her before!

5/16/11, 5:09 PM  
Blogger Natalie said...

Like Tulpen, I am also disappointed we won't be hearing about call girl stories next.

I LOVE Mad Woman (she knows it already) and LOVE her stories...she shared a crazy one on my blog too ;)

5/16/11, 6:20 PM  
Anonymous Leighann said...

I was invited into a 1,2,3 once. And I couldn't do it. It was like a wall went up.
I know... I'm lame.
Sexually lame.
Shame on me.

5/16/11, 7:23 PM  
Blogger Mad said...

John: I don't know how to mail you a birthday paddling. Will have to wait until we can meet up at a race. I'll beat your ass one way or another.

Annabelle: Right back atya and yeah, YOUNGER days!

Boobies: I like you too, or at least your name!

Jean: good to know and ACK!

Elizabeth: I don't bite

Tarja: Yeehaw indeed.

Eat.Love.Laugh: My DH calls me a prude at times too. Marriage can really cramp a girl's style.

Mrs Tuna: me too sister, me too.

5/16/11, 11:14 PM  
Blogger Mad said...

Kkrige: come take a looky. This isn't the only trick up my sleeve!

Suniverse: yeah! Hope I can keep your entertained!

Tulpen: It is probably a good thing we've only met in cyberspace. I think you, MK and me could find ourselves in some seriously dirty trouble.

Liz: So you're saying you weren't surprised by my little story. I'm an open book, huh?

Natalie: and there is more where this came from! Hee! Crazy about you too, Gorgeous!

Leighann: as you can see, you didn't miss much. No shame, girl, no shame!

5/16/11, 11:18 PM  
Anonymous Laura {A(n) (un)Common Family} said...


That is all.

As you were, ladies. I'm refilling my wine.

5/17/11, 3:48 AM  
Blogger Dumb Mom said...

Um, whoa. And WHOA! I actually thought you were an escort. Totally fell for that one. I mean it's not like I considered it or anything because, as you said, college was EXPENSIVE. And then whoa again. No one ever ask me for a threesome before. I'm feeling quite unpretty now.

5/17/11, 6:31 AM  
Blogger By Word of Mouth Musings said...

ACK, nasty girls, yes, I'm a prude and yes, I read it all ;)
We were newly in the States when Rupert Everett announced on Leno that he had been a rentboy, of course, we thought it hilarious he'd mentioned it there ... then we realised no one else knew what he meant!

5/17/11, 7:05 PM  
Blogger Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

Oh Mad Woman, you are one crazy broad! And that is why I love you. xoxoxo

5/19/11, 12:29 PM  

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