Menage a what? Yes. Trois.

I was an escort for a short time. College is expensive, yo.

I mostly worked for men traveling who wanted a hot date for a function without the attachment of a relationship.

Gotcha.

That's totally fiction, but the following from the Mad Woman is not. She brings the sexy. She's a fab writer. And in light of my recent "cheating" on her with other bloggers, she decided it this story was appropriate. I agree. And I'm slightly jealous. Except for the crying, not jealous of that.

Enjoy - a tale of trois...

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Thank you Momma, for having me at your warm and funky abode.

I’m here today to offer an education, some pointers and hope you all can learn from my experiences. I’m a giver like that. One caveat: these notes are best used by the single ladies.

Ah yes, Ménage à trois. No, this is not an article on how to get sponsored by a wine maker...though, ahem, maybe if I fill this post with links I might find myself in a friendly arrangement. HEE.

Where to start? Oh, well, lets make some assumptions, you are a single woman, in an open relationship or your partner wants to swing...this post is for you. You married ladies, you may find yourself happy to have yourself excused from the activities.

Let me tell you a story. A very good friend of mine wanted to give a gift to her on and off boyfriend. Their relationship was interesting to say the least, you’ll see why in a moment. That gift was a three way. And yup, she asked me to join them. Her boyfriend, Adam*, was attractive, in a big bear kinda way. I dug him, enjoyed his company enough, NOT completely repelled by him. Anyway, this was going to be a first for both she and me and she wanted to be sure we were both ready. How do you do that? A practice run, of course.

Yeah, I said interesting right? So my friend, Phoebe, had another friend, a friend with benefits, that was willing to be a guinea pig. Surprising, right? I know.

This friend, Kyle, was also an attractive guy. Think a cross between Tom Cruise and Mark Harmon and then throw in more muscle and testosterone, and a barrel chest. Yeah, Kyle was a looker. Obviously he fit the requirements.

Night of the test run, we have dinner and drinks and more drinks. We came back to my place (with the biggest bed and room, ALSO KEY! Do NOT attempt this particular game in a full size bed squeezed into a tiny room) and got down to business. Necking and groping and stripping happened at a leisurely pace. This may have been the evening’s downfall.

I had drank more than my friends, so when they started humping like rabbits, I sort of passed out. OOPS.

Footnote to this event: Phoebe left after she had her fun. Left Kyle in my bed and went home. The next morning, feeling a little randy, I decided I better make things up to Kyle and he was more than willing. Sadly, before we got past 3rd base, Phoebe called to check to see if I was okay with the near stranger she left in my bed. I was Phoebe, I was, UNTIL YOU CALLED.

That was the first round. And what did we learn? Don’t drink so much that you miss out on the real fun. Oh, and be sure to get in there and get yours! Had I been more aggressive (interested) I’m pretty sure all of us would have gotten quite the ride.

Next up, the REAL thing! Phoebe and Adam came over for a couple drinks and appetizers (no food coma, no over indulgence). After some initial awkwardness (Adam wasn’t so sure about my interest, HMPH!) things moved along well enough, necking, stroking, licking, all the good stuff. Phoebe wasn’t an idiot, she knew if this was going to happen she was going to let her buddy (ME) go first.

Sounds pretty good, right?

Yeah, about me. Hm. Let’s just say, if you want to have a successful ménage à trois, you should be emotionally available to the moment. You probably shouldn’t be hung up on a previous fiance. Tears running down your face while riding your new partner is a no no.

There is a third scenario, one where YOU’RE the star attraction, one where these boys (yeah yeah) are here to service you. From the previous two examples we know that you shouldn’t be TOO drunk and that you should have any hang ups about getting yours.

Well, there is one other factor that you might find useful: be sure you’re attracted to your two willing lovers. Nothing is worse than getting excited about be fully serviced only to find that one of the two servers doesn’t float your boat. TRUST ME!

Any questions?

*Names were changed to protect the guilty.

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Protecting the guilty. So smart.

Thanks Mad Woman. Sorry it took me so long to share, blogger was being a fucking douche.

Amy can be found here and here. Follow along. You know you want to.