I have a Uniform Problem

Oh, you know the uniform, right?

The one you’ll find me in whenever I’m NOT in work clothes or jammies?

The Velour Tracksuit.

a.k.a. The Hip Mom Uniform.




[that's not me, obvs, but isn’t she pretty?]

'Tis true, I’ve become one with my Uniform. Weekends, I’ll choose it over a pair of jeans.

Unless I’m going out, natch. Gotta bust a move in heels and my bootay huggin’ hipster jeans, right? Otherwise? The Uniform.

I have Uniforms in black, dark gray, brown, deep purple and green.

I know. Green. I have a lil story about the green…

Last year, I mean, the 2009 Christmas “last year,” I absolutely needed a new Uniform for a visit with my co-Uniform enjoyer BoBo. I chose Kelly green. You know, like for Christmas! I never ever intended to wear the pants and hoodie together, I swear. But I liked the color and the hoodie would be perfect w/ the black bottoms – the green bottoms perfect with a long sleeve top for lounging by the fire.

And for a year, this separation worked.

But.

This past Christmas, I was extra festive. Feeling the spirit! On Vacation! Having mimosas at 10am!

In the green Uniform. Both pieces. Together.

I looked like a friggin elf, and not in the pixie-cute-tiny way. Nope. In the “damn, she’s awfully GREEN and what the fuck GREEN” way.

Now now, don't worry about lil ole me. I don’t need an intervention. I’ve already retired the Green Uniform. Some lovely Goodwill shopper will be able to lounge in Kelly Green Comfort any day now…

I’ll pray for them.