June 19th

42 years ago, my brother K was born. He was the 3rd of my mother's eventual 6 children.

On his 9th birthday, while he tried to enjoy a day at the lake, he instead got the gift of a little brother. Yep, my bro P, the 6th kid, ruined K's birthday. Or made it the best b-day ever, I'm not sure, I was little.


I'm the 5th of 6 kids. P and I were thick as thieves when we were little. Our 4 older siblings were each two years apart, wait six years, I'm pretty sure I was 'whoops' then Mom had P to keep me company. We were the 'little' kids. The babies. Our siblings took care of us, teased us, threw us around, taught us, parented us.

When I was a senior in high school, Mom had an amazing opportunity for a new job. It was midway through the school year - my senior year - and there was NO way I wanted to move. So, in a decision I know must have been so hard for her - she let me and P stay - alone - in our house and moved 3 hours away because this job just wouldn't wait.

I worked part time, drove P around to his sports and such. I had my first experience with being a 'mom' even tho I'm not sure I was very happy about it. But it was the best choice for us. It was a family decision. And P and I made it through.

The next year he was Junior in HS and moved to live w/ Mom, while I moved to Montana to live w/ my sister. I worked 3 jobs, enjoyed being free, and 'sewed some oats' before deciding I didn't want to work like that for the rest of my life so I moved back close to home and started college.

One Monday morning, a cold cold January morning, P went for a ride with his girlfriend. Turns out, it was the last ride of his life. He was 17. He was a senior in high school. He was too young.

I was in college, on winter break, actually, staying w/ a friend. Mom had to track me down. Actually the sheriff tracked me down because my mother was understandably not well.

The past 16 years have been - well - they've been.

Sadly, life moves on. I got married, without my little brother present. My husband didn't get to meet P - my best friend on earth. I had kids, without my little brother present. My kids don't know their Uncle P - in person. My first son is named for my brother, yet he'll never know, really know, what kind of guy he was. He'll hear more and more stories, but because of some icy roads and a mini-van driver not paying attention, he only has pictures of his Uncle.

Thankfully, I'm not sad today. Today I remember my brother and remember his birthdays growing up. I also think of my older brother, and wonder if his birthdays have ever been the same. He had to share from the time he was 9. And since 1994, is he reminded that his kid brother should be celebrating w/ him? I don't know.

I called my mom today. I plan to call K later. And I will sing Happy Birthday to my brothers, both of them.

Love you P! Hope God gives you lots of free time today!