Friday Flip Off: Mom Guilt can Suck It.

Yay, it’s time to do another Flip Off Friday again! I get to show you my pretty little finger! YAY!!!

BUT WAIT! [say it like the sham wow guy] – it’s not FRIDAY, you say? I know that, silly! I’m blong, but not really *that* dumb. I’m jumping the gun here because I’ll be offline all weekend. [crackberry not included in ‘offline’ – I have needs, you know!]

Yes. I’m getting some kid-free time in the big city. Go. Me.

What’s my problem, you may ask. "You get a weekend off, asshole!" My problem is this here planned vacation? Will be overshadowed by my Mom Guilt.

You ever have that? No? Well then you’re probably too good for me and can move right along. Buh-bye, now.

As I intend to laze around in Central Park and enjoy long luxurious dinners and even possibly a baseball game, my child will be suffering through his asthma treatments. With Grandma. Who’s not the most forward thinking lady around. My in-laws are old school. I’m talking white bread, mayonnaise (neeehhhhvvveeeer miracle whip) and cold cuts plain jane people here. They’re very anti-medication, and barely take their aspirin when told. So the fact that my kid is doing this nebulizing thing, with 2 medications pumped into him, when he’s NOT having an asthma attack [i.e. preventive]…just doesn’t sit right with them.

Our choices are to 1) cancel the trip [um, no] or 2) explain to them how to do it, video included. No other discussion like “maybe he can skip a few doses” or “can we only do the one med?” No. Just slap that mask on him, tell him he’s brave and please give him a cookie when he’s done.

Since I’m choosing option 2, well, then I say FUCK YOU Mom Guilt because why do moms do this do ourselves??? My kid will be fine. Even if Gramma sally’s out and doesn’t give it to him, she’ll lie and say she did. He’ll survive. They’ll have fun with the ‘rents. Be spoiled rotten and pumped full of sugar. Come home with more toys and clothes than we arrived with. Yes. They will be fine. And I’ll be properly pickled. Win Win, right?

*note to you stalker types. I'm aware that I’ve clearly stated that we will be out of town. Know that I have very nosey neighbors who watch our house constantly. When we’re home or not. So just don’t even waste your time trying to steal my Ikea furniture and keurig coffee maker. We’re covered better than ADT.

Friday Flip Offs are the genius idea of KludgyMom. I love playing along. It feels soooooo good.