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Momma Kiss: Let it Shine

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Let it Shine

Yesterday, January 17th, I woke up with a knee in my back. That of a 4 year old. We slept together in the spare room so Mr. Kiss could get some good sleep. He's been a bit stressed. 

I made coffee, made omelets and toast, got the kids fed and dressed and grabbed my phone for a weather report. That's when I realized the date. And for the first time in 16 years, I did NOT wake up thinking about "the date." You see, January 17th, 1994 was a Monday. The last day of my little brother's life. On that day, on his school lunch break, he was driving on an icy bridge and was hit by an out of control mini-van.  And although there are many many days that I DO wake up and think of him, today was not one of them.

I don't know if that's good or bad.

I'm at peace. I miss him like mad, but I'm at peace. 

I did some typical Sunday things. Went to the gym, hauled some firewood, supported my husband in his job worries and then I just wanted to sit. To sit and have a drink "with" my brother.  When  I really feel like being close to him, I light "his" candle.  We had a white pillar candle lit at our wedding to represent my little brother's spot as a grooms man and I still have it. I tend not to light it for very long, guess I never want it to burn all the way or something.

Anyway, last night before dinner, I kicked the kids to Manland and asked for a little bit of quiet time. I knitted and talked to him. I raised my glass in a toast to him. I told him I miss him and that I'll see him again someday. And I sang this song (in my head) like we used to sing in church together - mocking the old ladies...

This little light of mine,
I'm going to let it shine!
(you know - rinse and repeat).

And then Big Kiss came upstairs, hugged me and said he had to pee.  Cest la vie, right?


Blogger BusyDad said...

Very sorry to hear about what happened to your brother. But very nice to hear that you are keeping him in your heart in your own way. every anniversary of my dad's passing (as well as on his birthday), I break out the good Scotch and have a drink with him. He introduced me to Scotch at the tender age of 5, so I've always had that as our special thing. Keep shining, and cheers you you both.

1/18/10, 2:44 PM  
Blogger JenJen said...

Hi dammit!
Thinking of you, sweetie and sending you some hugs....

1/18/10, 4:10 PM  
Blogger Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

So sorry! Sending hugs! ♥

1/18/10, 4:15 PM  
Anonymous casey said...

my heart hurts for you. i know when my brother was sick, the mere thought of something happening to him would send me into a tailspin. i'm sorry for your loss.

1/18/10, 4:32 PM  
Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

I love the way you keep his memory alive. It's quite beautiful.
I'm raising my glass to both of you.

1/18/10, 6:30 PM  
Anonymous Kiki said...

making me cry over here. I love that you took some time to be with him in your own way. hugs to you.

1/19/10, 2:04 AM  
Blogger Leigh said...

The perfect way to remember him. I know you miss him like you.

1/19/10, 8:33 AM  
Blogger Sassy Britches said...

So glad to hear your are at peace. Being happy doesn't mean that you are disrespecting his memory. What a wonderful way to spend the time with him!

1/19/10, 11:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Saving the dates, of the passings of our loved ones. The older I get the more dates for me, the memories keep returning. It's good, it's sad, and I hurt if I forget even for a little while. But as you say, that's life, it helps us to move on.


1/19/10, 4:47 PM  
Blogger Her Majesty Lisa (LadyWanderlust) said...

what a beautifully bittersweet post.

Peace and Love!

1/19/10, 8:34 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

What a wonderful way to celebrate Peter's life. Hugs.

1/19/10, 11:35 PM  
Blogger Baby Momma said...

I love you.

1/22/10, 2:23 AM  

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Say hi, dammit! For the love o Gah, I hope you have an e-mail that I can reply to. Plleeeease say you do!

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