Hearty Wishes

I've been married for over 8 years. Hell, if we lived in Hollywood instead of AshVegas, that would be like a century.

During my short tenure as a Mrs. I've learned a few things about boys. If you want something, be specific. That husband of yours? He can't read minds. So I give him lists. For birthdays, Christmases, anniversaries, Mother's Days. One year the Christmas list was a powerpoint presentation and I put on my little schoolgirl out fit, used a pointer, everything. I had a lot of lovely gifts under the tree that year. (It had nothing to do with the outfit.) (Let me believe that.)

Moving on. I'm not typically big on Valentine's Day. I mean. I'm a "sure thing." I don't "need" a date that night. I'd prefer a random Thursday happy hour with him so that we could have an uninterrupted conversation. And I surely don't need flowers, at least not the kind that are triple the price because it's February. Big fan of a few gerber daisies that he picked up at the grocery store on his way home.

I do have a few wishes for gifts this year, though. Instead of trying to find that schoolgirl outfit, I'll just tell the world here and hope...

1. Stop drinking my pomegranate seltzer. Specifically the LAST pomegranate seltzer without replacing or informing me you did such a thing.

2. Wipe your pee from the front of the toilet. Wipe the pee from your son's misses, too. I'm SO OVER that job.

3. Work on rolling your r's. Rrrrrrrrrrrr. RRRRRRRR. Get that tongue in shape.

4. Fold the laundry. Or just the socks. Or just throw the socks in a drawer without folding them because I'm drowning in fucking socks.

5. A Snicker's bar.

That's not too much to ask, now is it? Crossing fingers, legs and toes my wishes come true! Well, maybe not the legs ;)