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Momma Kiss: Hearty Wishes

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Hearty Wishes

I've been married for over 8 years. Hell, if we lived in Hollywood instead of AshVegas, that would be like a century.

During my short tenure as a Mrs. I've learned a few things about boys. If you want something, be specific. That husband of yours? He can't read minds. So I give him lists. For birthdays, Christmases, anniversaries, Mother's Days. One year the Christmas list was a powerpoint presentation and I put on my little schoolgirl out fit, used a pointer, everything. I had a lot of lovely gifts under the tree that year. (It had nothing to do with the outfit.) (Let me believe that.)

Moving on. I'm not typically big on Valentine's Day. I mean. I'm a "sure thing." I don't "need" a date that night. I'd prefer a random Thursday happy hour with him so that we could have an uninterrupted conversation. And I surely don't need flowers, at least not the kind that are triple the price because it's February. Big fan of a few gerber daisies that he picked up at the grocery store on his way home.

I do have a few wishes for gifts this year, though. Instead of trying to find that schoolgirl outfit, I'll just tell the world here and hope...

1. Stop drinking my pomegranate seltzer. Specifically the LAST pomegranate seltzer without replacing or informing me you did such a thing.

2. Wipe your pee from the front of the toilet. Wipe the pee from your son's misses, too. I'm SO OVER that job.

3. Work on rolling your r's. Rrrrrrrrrrrr. RRRRRRRR. Get that tongue in shape.

4. Fold the laundry. Or just the socks. Or just throw the socks in a drawer without folding them because I'm drowning in fucking socks.

5. A Snicker's bar.

That's not too much to ask, now is it? Crossing fingers, legs and toes my wishes come true! Well, maybe not the legs ;)


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31 Comments:

Blogger Poppy said...

You're seriously out of Snickers?

2/11/11, 1:26 PM  
Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

I LOVE you! And I'm w/ Poppy: I would LOVE to see that presentation.
And I'm right there with you about the drinking the last seltzer. What is it w/ them?
Crossing fingers and toes you get your Valentine's wishes!

2/11/11, 1:30 PM  
Blogger MommaKiss said...

Erm
Um
Ah

Snickers. They satisfy.

2/11/11, 1:32 PM  
Blogger Kristin @ Peace, Love and Muesli said...

8 years here too. I think.
I keep hoping for mind reading to kick, until then I list up too.

2/11/11, 1:40 PM  
Blogger Moooooog35 said...

Sorry. I lost all my concentration at 'schoolgirl outfit.'

2/11/11, 1:44 PM  
Blogger Boobies said...

Keep your legs open....or else you won't get anything from your wish list. (It's a proven scientific fact.)

Congrats on 8 years of wedded bliss...If your hubby wipes off the little guy's pee from your toilet--please tell me how you got him to accomplish that.

2/11/11, 1:55 PM  
Blogger Ms.Wasteland said...

If I gave my husband a list like this I *might* actually get something for Valentine's Day this year. Maybe.

2/11/11, 1:58 PM  
Anonymous annabelle said...

It's like this Mrs. Kiss...you hand the man, (boys? - same thing) a container of those Lysol Wipes and you say the following:
"when I pee on the seat, back of the seat, front of the bowl, wall beside the toilet, etc. I will be happy to wipe it down. In the mean time, here you go."

If you give a man a fish, he eats for just a day. If you teach a man to fish he'll likely stop pissing all over the place. The fact remains, we as women should not be the piss cleaners.

2/11/11, 2:30 PM  
Blogger tulpen said...

yeah. no alien sex with those legs crossed.

2/11/11, 3:11 PM  
Blogger Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

You can actually make him fold laundry? I need a school girl outfit.

2/11/11, 3:15 PM  
Blogger Shell said...

I refuse to fold socks. And I've decided that I need to have a girls-only bathroom in my house. The males can take care of their own bathroom and I'll never set foot in theirs.

Think that will work?

2/11/11, 4:10 PM  
Anonymous Bruna said...

Your list made me laugh out loud. I HATE the socks part of laundry and YES, wipe the friggin toilet seat of the pee! So with ya on those two!

I'm not a Snickers fan though. Kit Kat and Aero is how I roll.

Funny post!

2/11/11, 4:10 PM  
Blogger Gigi said...

I hope you get all that you are asking for, doll!!!

2/11/11, 4:25 PM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

Rolling his R's? What?

2/11/11, 5:05 PM  
Blogger KLZ said...

David would pay for the laundry to be done. Which would piss me off more.

2/11/11, 5:13 PM  
Blogger diane rene said...

sounds pretty darn specific to me - and should be a sure thing ;0)

2/11/11, 6:48 PM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

Oh God...the boy pee on the toilet. Sigh. It's a losing battle.

But I'm hoping for a Snickers :)

2/11/11, 10:41 PM  
Blogger The Blue Zoo said...

Oh I freaking HATE socks. stupid flippin socks.

2/12/11, 1:18 AM  
Blogger Symdaddy said...

Go slow with the Snickers ... slow gentle strokes ... otherwise they melt!

I've seen it happen!

Peon the toilet seat is a clear sign of a little wing-wang! I don't have that problem!

2/12/11, 1:18 AM  
Blogger Sandra said...

You're too demanding. Your list should have had one thing: Snicker's bar. Anything that involves anything remotely housework related will not get done. Guaranteed.

2/12/11, 3:53 PM  
Blogger Lisa..... said...

3. Work on rolling your r's. Rrrrrrrrrrrr. RRRRRRRR. Get that tongue in shape.

ha ha.

2/12/11, 4:27 PM  
Anonymous chickensconsigliere@gmail.com said...

First of all, I know...I have some 'splainin to do. Or at least some catching up. Second: I hope you score all of these for VD, but I'm especially with you on the peepee toilet. And the snickers. Even if I had a snickers, I'd still ask for another one. And maybe a glass or five of wine, too. And maybe someone else could handle the whole bedtime routine because if I have to read Berenstain Bears one more time I may just off myself, but probably I won't, it probably would be someone else who doesn't feel responsible for bedtime that gets offed. But I didn't say that. I'd also like some thick, warm socks. Oh. But this is about you. So yeah, good luck.

2/12/11, 5:57 PM  
Anonymous Mommy's Paradise said...

A real funny post, and very true though, I mean the peepee thing and the socks. My Hubs is just the same, any ettempt from my side to make him clean the pee or put the socks in the hamper in a stretched out version (not in the ball version) worked for max half a day. And I know I really have to work with our little one to become a good partner for his future wife/girlfriend or whatever.
Great post of yours.

2/13/11, 1:56 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

God, the PEE on the TOILET.

I've only been married for two years and I'm so over that bullshit.

2/13/11, 10:07 AM  
Blogger hotpants™ said...

Wipe the pee off the seat AND put the lid down. Stop putting your dirty socks into balls. I'd be happy with both of these.

2/13/11, 12:38 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Tuna said...

Or how about walking the three additional feet to put that soda can in the recylcle bin. And no dryer lint doesn't go in that bin, they wil not be weaving a new sweater from it. It goes in the other bin RIGHT NEXT to it.

2/13/11, 5:54 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Great last sentence! ;-)

I don't live with boys, so I can't fully appreciate this.

Cuz, you know, Craig's only half-boy.

2/14/11, 9:45 AM  
Anonymous Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him said...

Are you moving to Spain? Is he going to work for Ruffles potato chips? What's with the R? Or is this a sexual joke I'm missing - tongue in shape. I'm not as hip as I appear. ;)

I'll give you turn down service with a Snickers at BBC. (And that was NOT a sexual joke, in case your dirty mind thought it was)

2/14/11, 11:12 AM  
Anonymous Megan (Best of Fates) said...

I can't roll my 'r's' - in fact, I can't even pronounce them well. Does this mean you'll never leave your hubby for me?

Sadness.

2/15/11, 12:24 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

Amen to the snickers.

2/16/11, 1:22 AM  
Anonymous Yuliya said...

Fantastic, and I can roll my R's just fyi! (not propositioning just saying)

2/16/11, 2:08 PM  

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