Reality F'n Bites

I left on Thursday evening to have a weekend away from the kids. The husband. Work. Reality.

I barely slept.

I laughed so hard my ab stitches were about bustin' off.

I laughed so hard I peed my undies. Literally.

I sat on the beach, swam in the ocean and peed in the ocean.

I got pruned in the pool. And sauced in the pool.

I hugged, motorboated and groped a plethora of women. I have pictures to prove it.

I am completely in love with soul mates of the female version and it hurt to say goodbye.

I have to go to work tomorrow. Wearing real clothes (not to mention a fucking jacket!), hiding the suntan and tattoo, is going to suck.

Oh, I got a tattoo. Party on, dude.




Totally teasing, that's just sharpies.

I got 2 stars on my foot - one for each kid. In their "colors."