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Sometimes I really wonder about me

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Momma Kiss: Sometimes I really wonder about me

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Sometimes I really wonder about me

I’ve been busy working. I know, I know - you don’t believe I ever work, do ya?

Well I do.

So since I’m working and have lost my blojo - I now present you with:

Things that have actually come out of my piehole in the past few days.
I’ve been taking notes. Just for YOU!

“I NEVER joke about wine.”

“Who took my paper assholes!” *

“Will my kid ever shit on the toilet without announcing it to everyone within a 5 mile radius?”

“I’m getting a salad. With cheese, taco meat, guacamole and sour cream. It’s like a 5,000 calorie salad but it’s a SALAD!”

In response to a friend saying she ate stove top stuffing because it helps her migraines**: “I just ate a graham cracker. Topped with peanut butter. Topped with m&m’s. For no reason at all.”

A friend recently had abdominoplasty and asked me: “Um, why does my belly button look, all, um…”
Me: Like a cat’s ass? It totally looks like a cat’s ass doesn’t it?”

“I have to pee. And no that’s not code for “I am bored with your phone conversation.” If I don’t go now, it’s going to look like my food baby’s water broke.”





*those reinforcement circle things. For after you hole punch something. And need it in a binder. And need it not to get ripped. 'Tis from my auditing days. Ima total nerd.

**yes, stove top stuffing is the one and only thing that helps her migraines. and she'll eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner some days. Not gonna lie, I'm sorta skeeved out by this.

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9 Comments:

Blogger Jessica said...

I dont joke about wine either!

5/13/10, 3:44 PM  
Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

okay dammit, I just rewrote my comment 4 frickin times:

The world needs more women like you!

I love that you call them assholes. So right, so right.

5/13/10, 5:22 PM  
Blogger Val said...

This totally counts as a list in my mind. Love your random comments.

Ok - my total "I think i'm smarter than I really am" take on the stove top stuffing? It's LOADED in salt. Salt retains water. Most headaches are from dehydration... You picking up what i'm putting down?

That's all I got.

5/14/10, 2:47 AM  
Blogger Moooooog35 said...

"Who took my paper assholes?"

What kind of origami is THAT?

5/14/10, 10:30 AM  
Blogger minivan soapbox said...

I would like to live in a world where Stove Top would help my migraines...Or wine. That would be better. Wine for Migraines!

5/14/10, 11:15 AM  
Blogger tulpen said...

all of these cracked me up.

Stove Top for Migraines? I may have to try that when my next one hits.

Ummm joking about wine? That's a cardinal sin right?

5/14/10, 11:21 AM  
Blogger JenJen said...

Hi dammit
I love your random.
YIB

5/14/10, 4:21 PM  
Blogger Shell said...

Okay, well, thank God for my SITS day, so that I could find you. Cause you totally crack me up. :) Someone as random as me.

5/15/10, 1:49 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I was scrolling down and I just have to tell you that I have a total love for reinforcements. From my Auditor days too. Well actually my workpaper Auditor days. I'm still an Auditor, but everything is electronic now. Sometimes I think that sucks a little bit.

5/20/10, 9:30 AM  

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