How DO you hold a glass with boobs

The past 2 months have been extremely busy. Work. Family. No work/family balance whatsofuckingever.  We all survived.

How?

I'm not quite sure.

Because also? The past month and a half (40 days to be exact) I was off the sauce. Well, just of the WINE flavor. I gave up Wine for lent. Yes, I did. The Jesus Juice. I gave it up and I held up my end of the bargain. Full disclosure: I negotiated with Jesus and we agreed that prosecco is *not* in fact wine, so I had that once or twice.  And beer. Thing is, though, I don't drink beer or prosecco as much as wine so it was a true sacrifice. *cue sad violins

Almost eveyone was aware of this wine-giving-up situation. Found it hilarious, actually - but hey - I was dedicated! (all for Jesus, yo!) One friend - a girl I work with - bought me a present.  She said "to aid in the celebration that is TheEndofLent. A.k.a. Easter." 

Yay me!

I present you with The Glam Glass!

But Wait, there's MORE (say it like the infomercials. sounds better)
BOOBS!

Boobs. Protruding off the glass. And to be honest, this bitch looks a LOT like me. Be jealous. It's OK.

The problem presented itself as I tried to carry the glass. I mean. How do you hold it and not look all inappropriate?

Like this, cupping the back?

Or like this? just gently nuzzling the knockers?

And then I decided - this is ME People! So I went all out and gave the boobs some love.

A little smooch...

A little lick..

And a little tweak for good measure.

Aren't you so happy I shared?

*afterthoughts. Apparently I'm super mature and every time my kids said "Happy Easter!" my mind shifted to "Happy Keester" and then I was tempted to moon them.

Additionally adding to my maturity - the purple finger nails. Yes, people, I really am a 12 year old hiding in this 35 year old body.