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Momma Kiss: How DO you hold a glass with boobs

Momma Kiss

If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Monday, April 5, 2010

How DO you hold a glass with boobs

The past 2 months have been extremely busy. Work. Family. No work/family balance whatsofuckingever.  We all survived.

How?

I'm not quite sure.

Because also? The past month and a half (40 days to be exact) I was off the sauce. Well, just of the WINE flavor. I gave up Wine for lent. Yes, I did. The Jesus Juice. I gave it up and I held up my end of the bargain. Full disclosure: I negotiated with Jesus and we agreed that prosecco is *not* in fact wine, so I had that once or twice.  And beer. Thing is, though, I don't drink beer or prosecco as much as wine so it was a true sacrifice. *cue sad violins

Almost eveyone was aware of this wine-giving-up situation. Found it hilarious, actually - but hey - I was dedicated! (all for Jesus, yo!) One friend - a girl I work with - bought me a present.  She said "to aid in the celebration that is TheEndofLent. A.k.a. Easter." 

Yay me!

I present you with The Glam Glass!

But Wait, there's MORE (say it like the infomercials. sounds better)
BOOBS!

Boobs. Protruding off the glass. And to be honest, this bitch looks a LOT like me. Be jealous. It's OK.

The problem presented itself as I tried to carry the glass. I mean. How do you hold it and not look all inappropriate?

Like this, cupping the back?


Or like this? just gently nuzzling the knockers?

And then I decided - this is ME People! So I went all out and gave the boobs some love.

A little smooch...


A little lick..

And a little tweak for good measure.


Aren't you so happy I shared?

*afterthoughts. Apparently I'm super mature and every time my kids said "Happy Easter!" my mind shifted to "Happy Keester" and then I was tempted to moon them.

Additionally adding to my maturity - the purple finger nails. Yes, people, I really am a 12 year old hiding in this 35 year old body.

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16 Comments:

Blogger The mad woman behind the blog said...

Love the glass, LOVE the nails and THRILLED you're back! Holla!

And welcome back to the world of wine drinkers. We missed you.
(yes, I sip half a glass or 2 when I feel the need and usually before the hubs gets home.)

4/5/10, 1:30 PM  
Blogger Red Shoes said...

Ohhhhhhhhhh... I SO misunderstood... I thought you meant you were going to hold the wine glass with your boobs... my bad... ;o)

~shoes~

4/5/10, 4:47 PM  
Blogger natalee said...

love your blog!!! found u through sits/blog frog im following now... come visit me!!!!! LOVE LOVE THE BOOBS!!!!!!

4/5/10, 7:32 PM  
Blogger Mrsblogalot said...

Here's to Jesus Juice...boob glasses and an awesomely superior inner child!!!

4/5/10, 7:47 PM  
Blogger Corinne said...

LOVE the glass!! :)

4/5/10, 8:46 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...

This was awesome! I love that you finally embraced the boobs (quite literally) and then smooched, licked and tweaked them...all in that order. Awesome.

4/5/10, 9:58 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

ummmm, WOW, hahahaha thats all I can say!

4/6/10, 10:01 AM  
Anonymous Tired Mom T├ęsa said...

That glass is hilarious! I wouldn't know how to hold it either. You're too funny modeling it for us.

My husband showed me an email he got that said, "Happy Keister" he also thinks like a 12 year-old.

4/6/10, 9:06 PM  
Anonymous Val said...

First of all, love the glass.

But even more I want to talk about mooning your kids... I mean, you moon your friends, why stop there? ;)

4/7/10, 2:42 AM  
Blogger Maxie said...

If I stopped drinking for 40 days my tolerance would drop down so low... I can only imagine it'd cause more harm than good.

That's how I justify never giving up the sauce.

4/7/10, 7:17 AM  
Blogger JennyMac said...

sassy glass Momma...love it. And your sassy nail polish color. Purple is the rage right now..not 12 year old-ish at all. :)

4/7/10, 9:30 AM  
Blogger Hannah said...

so I definitely thought you were going to hold the glass with your boobs, too... i'm a little disappointed, not gonna lie. follow-up post? <3 H

4/8/10, 9:14 AM  
Blogger JenJen said...

I too was hoping for a cleavage shot of you holding a cup.
How fucking rude. Tease.

yib

4/9/10, 10:35 AM  
Blogger Cristin said...

that glass is ridiculous. love it. think they make a penis one??

4/9/10, 12:37 PM  
Anonymous Mo said...

Well this just gets me all excited for October.

4/9/10, 11:42 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

Where the hell can I get a glass like that? It's hilarious. I want a set of them.

4/10/10, 1:56 AM  

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