Dating, take 2

While I was thinking about that Freak of Nature 4 year old G who liked to crawl and whine like a dog *shudder* I realized that if I had actually Dated him & his mom before inviting the kid over, we could have avoided the entire situation.

It could go like this. Mom leaves a note in your son’s cubby, gets my e-mail from a teacher, e-mails or e-mails again (repeat 6 times) – stating her son G would really love to schedule a playdate w/ your son Big Kiss. Instead of just giving in right away (I’m a rookie!), we could have actually, you know, gone on a DATE. Like out in the open, where others were visible, my husband could have been the pre-planned “911 call” if things aren’t going well…all that jazz. Because CLEARLY if we had gone on said date I’d have witnessed this crack head behavior first hand and wouldn’t have let the nutter into my home. Boys can play just as nicely in a park or the McDonalds’s Germ Pit.

Another type of dating that really needs to be addressed: The co-worker. The one who you meet and on her first day wants to be your friend and have lunch with you and go to the gym with you and make copies for you and OHMYGOD GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE kind of co-worker. Before this atrocity, you could have dated. You invite this co-worker to lunch. With a group. Maybe you’d talk about likes and dislikes. Again, though, you’d have the public setting and the perfectly timed “blackberry alert” that you could ignore if you enjoyed the person’s company or answer it and exit hastily saying “emergency error in the balance sheet, gotta go!” The flip side is, if this person actually is cool and you have things in common, you can totally take the dating to the next level: Happy Hour!

Speaking of the next level, don’t you really wish you could have dated your OBGYN before your first appointment? Not necessarily with the whole “likes and interests” conversation, but at least you’d get to see if he or she has nice hygiene…do they have that nice soothing voice or is it all nasally and irritating (which would totally make me cringe – not good when a speculum is involved)…do they have hang-nails [because, um, No]…do they have really hairy arms…if male, is he hot and therefore you’ll be shaving *everywhere* before the appointment and may have to hide the excitement in your girly bits (whew, got carried away there for a sec *fanning my face*)…these are all things I’d have loved to know before meeting my very first Yuck Doctor. I mean, it was technically my first lesbian experience, letting her get to 3rd base without so much as buying me a drink.

Now tell me, Who would you date?