Momma Kiss

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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

What Would You Do?

Last night I left work around 8.30. Which was totally awesome. Not. Anyway, at that time of the night, there aren't as many security people around, but the building has decent lighting. So does the parking lot. I typically park in the garage, yesterday I was on the ground floor – off to the right near the back. As I left the building, I heard screaming – off to the left, near the back. Yes. Screaming.

"Do you believe me when I say I love you!" " DO YOU?"

Screaming. Over and over.

I stopped in my tracks, trying to figure out what to do.

Do I walk back in? My badge wouldn't work on that door, I'd have to go all the way around to the front. Do I call the police? My gut told me to get to my car – which I did. As I walked toward the right, the screaming continued toward the left and I looked over, a man had a car door open and was leaning in – screaming at a woman, who was pleading "just get out and let me go home."

What do I do, what do I do?

If I go over there, I may put myself in danger. But what if she's in serious danger? What if I don't do anything and something happens to her? What would I even say?

I got in my car and decided to drive toward the exit, past them, slowly. The man looked up when he saw my headlights and stopped banging on the window of the car. I stopped. Rolled down my window. He had just a t-shirt on. No visible weapons (Christ, why am I looking for weapons?) I asked if everything was OK. He said "yeah, It's all good, she's letting me in."

Do you need me to call security, they're driving around the lots, I can get them here in just a second.

I see the girl moving over from the driver's seat to the passenger seat, and he opened the door. Again, "Nah, we're good, thanks though."

And I slowly drove off.

I don't know if I did the right thing. Should I have called the police and stayed until they arrived? Should I have gotten out and asked the girl myself? Should I have done nothing?

What would you do?

37 Comments:

Kmama said...: I can only say this because I've encountered a similar incident, but call the police.

We encountered a couple arguing in the parking lot at a restaurant. She was begging him to do something (we couldn't understand because she was hysterical and he was screaming at her). The cops showed up and it turned out he was extremely drunk and trying to drive and she was trying to get out of the vehicle, but he wouldn't let her.

I always think of this...if it were me or my child in that situation, what would I want someone else to do?

It's hard to decide what to do in those situations. And it's so scary!; 3/29/11, 10:13 AM
Moooooog35 said...: You already did more than I think most people would do..which would be nothing.

That took balls, woman.; 3/29/11, 10:16 AM
John said...: Geez - I honestly don't know what I would have done in your shoes there, but I think I might have called the cops.

I remember a situation - it was the middle of the summer and I was at my college campus with my girlfriend. We parked in an empty lot & were talking. It was hot out, we didn't have to be at our event (there was something that we had to head to) for another hour (why the parking lot was empty), so we just enjoyed the A/C. Well, after about 5 minutes, campus police show up - I roll down my windows and, to her, "is everything ok?"

I start to answer that everything was fine, but I got cut off, "I was speaking to her" from the campus PD. There was absolutely nothing for campus security to deal with, but, looking back, if I were keeping her in the car with me, that might have been the only way that she could have gotten help.

Scary stuff, momma. Eek.; 3/29/11, 10:20 AM
Ashley said...: YIKES!

I would have stayed in my car & called the cops. I've been in her situation before.; 3/29/11, 10:21 AM
annabelle said...: That's tough. Scary too.

I think you did what I would have done. Engaged the situation safely (hopefully) from my car.

As far as calling for more help...I just don't know either. She DID scoot over and let him in, and in that moment that probably felt like permission to go on about your business.

I think it's only in retrospect that you can worry you should have done more. I know I would.; 3/29/11, 11:46 AM
Anonymous said...: CALL THE COPS. He may just be yelling at her but it is wrong. She only moved over and let him in because of embarrasment and the fact that it would only be worse if she didn't and caused a scene in front of a stranger. I'm so sorry you had to go thru that. It's hard to make the a decision when you don't know what is the correct decision. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just next time please call the cops.
I love your blog and go CPA's just 3 more weeks.
Pam; 3/29/11, 11:53 AM
Unknown said...: Scary situation and I think you did the write thing by at least asking if she was ok. I probably would have stopped security on the way out and told them what was going on so they could have checked out the situation but don't beat yourself up about your decision. You did what your gut told you to do in the situation you were put into.

One a side note, I gave you the Stylish blogger award last Friday. Stop by and check it out http://onegirlideas.blogspot.com/2011/03/drum-roll-pleasethe-stylish-blogger.html; 3/29/11, 12:16 PM
Jen said...: I don't know what I would do but I think that its amazing that you acted. So many people wouldn't have done anything. They would have just ignored it. I would like to think that I would have sat in my car and called the police but then again, I have no idea.

Good job. Maybe you helped save her that night.; 3/29/11, 12:31 PM
Unknown said...: I was holding my breath reading that! Ahhh!!! I think you did a lot just by stopping and checking on them. Most would have driven by. I think you probably diffused the situation by what you did. I probably wouldn't have called security after talking to them. If the man kept yelling or the girl looked genuinely scared, I would have called Security. I think. Such a hard situation! :(; 3/29/11, 12:56 PM
MommyLisa said...: Yes, I think I would have called 911 from where I was then slowly driven past and not opened the window.; 3/29/11, 1:06 PM
Alexandra said...: I don't want to make you feel bad, b/c I wasn't there and didn't come up with this in my face like that.

I think I would've called 911.

But, then hindsight is always 20/20 --and no one thinks on their feet.

Please don't feel bad.; 3/29/11, 1:12 PM
KLZ said...: My dad would have called the cops. As a kid I was always embarrassed by that. As an adult I always have to steel myself to do it but I do. Because I can't live with that on my conscience; 3/29/11, 1:18 PM
Sweaty said...: I'd be just as scared as you! Quiet parking lots at nighttime can be so creepy. I think first and foremost, I'd get inside my car and make sure all the doors are locked. Then I would call the police and reported what I've heard and where the location was. I'd probably be too chicken to drive over and see the scene myself...; 3/29/11, 1:23 PM
diane rene said...: I would have done the same as you and then I'd have driven off to find security and tell them where to go. I also might have laid on my horn til someone came for help as well (I might possibly have even done this in the past - lol); 3/29/11, 1:31 PM
Anonymous said...: I HATE situations like that...You did the right thing..you offered help...she didn't instruct you otherwise...what can ya do?

People are so effing crazy, I swear!; 3/29/11, 1:43 PM
Jessica said...: I have no idea what I would do. My gut would be to get out of there as fast as possible and call the cops from my cellphone.; 3/29/11, 2:08 PM
Anonymous said...: That's a rock and a hard place, what the Empress said about hindsight, she's bang on.
Very hard to know what to do at the time.; 3/29/11, 3:42 PM
Kimberly said...: It's always tough to know what the right call is...I think I'd have gotten in my car, locked the doors and called 911 and waited for them to arrive. But I've never been in a situation like that...I hope I never do.; 3/29/11, 5:46 PM
Cheryl said...: I think you did the best you could at the time. There's that fine line of worrying about your own safety and trying to help someone else.

Next time? And I hope there's not, but.. Call the police. I've done that before. I can only imagine what happened when they got home.; 3/29/11, 11:17 PM
alicia said...: Wow. How scary! I never think clearly in crisis mode. I would have freaked! But I think you handled it great. Maybe you could have called 911 to be safe, but at least you did what you did.; 3/29/11, 11:59 PM
Megan said...: I would have called the cops, mostly because I would have been too scared to drive by them. I'm kind of a scaredy cat. You seriously ROCK for checking out the scene. I hope everything turned out okay - I don't think there's anything else you could have done by that point, you know?; 3/30/11, 12:15 AM
Anonymous said...: Those situations are so tricky. I would have called the cops. I used to be a domestic violence advocate, so I would have just called the cops. Better to be safe than sorry.

But I think what you did is fine too. At least you gave her an out if she needed it.; 3/30/11, 3:43 AM
Liz said...: I think you did the exact right thing. You driving by slowly like that was enough to interrupt the fight and make them realize other people are around and they are acting crazy. It probably spooked them into calming down.; 3/30/11, 9:14 AM
Mom Went Crazy said...: You know, I think you did the right thing. You never want to put yourself in danger because of some weird situation. My dad worked in the detective office of our local police department for years and he said almost all of the woman he worked with would go back to their abusers.

No sense in putting yourself in danger for that.; 3/30/11, 10:04 AM
tulpen said...: I don't know what the fuck I would have done.

Said something, like you, for sure. I hope.; 3/30/11, 1:19 PM
Poppy said...: Always trust your gut and you have know idea what you could be walking in to. Chances are, it was just an argument that didn't need police intervention, but it doesn't hurt to call. I wouldn't have even asked so you're one up on me. I would have just called and given the dispatcher a description. Civic duty done.; 3/30/11, 1:49 PM
The Sweetest said...: I think you handled it very well. You were assertive, but didn't put yourself in danger. often, simply letting the offender know that he has been seen and heard will be enough to make him stop, at least temporarily. And perhaps you brought her an awareness that the way he was treating her is not okay.; 3/30/11, 2:08 PM
Shell said...: I probably would have done the same thing as you- gone over- in my car and asked if she was okay. I don't think I would have called the police...but then again, I would also have no clue if that was the right thing.

I'm so much help.; 3/30/11, 2:55 PM
Unknown said...: I don't know what I would have done!! Probably called security- that way not as severe as the police, but then I would still feel better. Such a tough situation!! It's easy to think about what to do when you're not in it at the moment.. so scary. People are crazy, so not sure if I would have been brave enough to talk to them!; 3/30/11, 4:42 PM
Anonymous said...: i definitely would have been way too afraid to approach the people or possibly even to get to my car. I think if it were me, i would have driven around to the other entrance and told a security guard to get down there. or called 911. very scary situation.; 3/31/11, 7:04 AM
Jenni Chiu @MommyNaniBooboo said...: Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap.
You listened to your gut- which is always the right thing to do.
I probably would've done the same. The woman voluntarily moving over for him seemed like maybe she didn't feel as if her safety was threatened.
I maybe would've called security on my way out, just in case...
Glad you're okay, though.; 3/31/11, 1:47 PM
Anonymous said...: yah, you're ok. number one thing don't guilt yourself. it's kind of funny. the most i would have done beyond that is just gone over to security myself and alerted them that the situation existed. you did good.; 4/1/11, 5:55 PM
Suniverse said...: Yipes.

I would not have engaged, mostly because I would be afraid of getting pulled into the argument, but I would call the cops.

My rule for that is as follows: People call 911 because McDonald's has run out of McNuggets. Is this more important than that? Then I can call.; 4/3/11, 9:54 AM
Unknown said...: Situations like that are always so scary. I'm so glad you stopped to ask (from your car) if everything was okay. I probably would've done the same thing. And then later worried if she was okay or not. You are a wonderful person.
xoxo; 4/3/11, 10:33 AM
Unknown said...: I hope I would have done what you did. But I am a chicken shit and hate confrontations. This sounds wrong, but I hate bothering people. I know it is something I need to work on.; 4/4/11, 12:44 AM
Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him said...: I think you did more than most would have, maybe even than I would have myself. I think the woman would have given you the 'eyes' if she needed more help. But maybe that just happens in soap operas. Soap opera eyes.; 4/6/11, 7:33 AM
Lisa..... said...: Ima tattle tale. I probably would have called security or some one.; 4/6/11, 11:34 AM