The Corporate Dress Code Policy

I work for a pretty big company.

Fortune 500. Publicly traded. All that jazz. I'm in corporate (yawn) and the majority of the home office employees are in super cool trendy jobs.  Boring or Trendy - we're all here WORKING (most of the time - heh).

So when we get a memo such as the following, I'm a little bit surprised.

Email from CEO. The Chief Frikkin Executive Officer had to send this out:

"It has come to my attention through several emails that some employees in the Home Offices are coming to work dressed in non business appropriate attire." 

"My Company" is a fashion driven company and fashion forward in much of our apparel but some of these styles are truly inappropriate in a business environment.  For this reason we have updated the Home Office Dress Code Policy - attached below.

Here's the updates:

• Updated! Revealing outfits (e.g. exposed midsection, low cut tops that are extremely revealing, crop tops, strapless tops, spaghetti straps, halter or tank tops, halter dresses, see-through clothing, short skirts, clingy clothing and excessively tight pants, skirts or dresses)
• Updated! Shirts that do not come down to a reasonable length when wearing leggings/tights/bare legs
• Updated! Short shorts for women (not including capri pants or “city shorts”)

Have I mentioned that this is New England? And that this came out the first week of April? And that people have worn this inappropriate shit ALL WINTER LONG? Yeah. For Serious.

"Extremely revealing," "See-through clothing," "city shorts."

It's not like we work for Hooters or The Bada Bing!

The non-updated policy notes are sort of just as bad.

Like no shorts for men. (don't need a ball shot, thanks).

No "soiled" or ripped clothing. Um, who's coming to work in pants they just shit in?

Don't answer that...

No rubber flip-flops (because who doesn't love that flap flap flap sound going through the halls when you're discussing corporate policy??)

I would like to add a few rules, which may just work for me and HR probably wouldn't approve, but please - don't need the eye raping:

• camel toe or moose knuckle

• white leggings.

• skinny jeans when you're not remotely skinny

• whale tail.

• layered polo shirts, 3 to be precise, with popped collars.

• banana clips.

Perchance I shall write my own note to the CEO...